I’m STARVING. Or, AM I. Let me write down how starving I am, and we’ll see if I’m really starving for food…. Or, is it SLEEP I’m starving for?

Mmmmm…. Want an APPLE…. Or, DO I? Let me consult journal again and see. Do I really want apple? Mmmno. No, I don’t want apple. Want SLEEP. Sweet, satisfying, healthy SLEEP.

Wait a second…. An APPLE? WTF? WTF am I doing craving an APPLE? And, why aren’t I STARVING anymore, like I was a second ago.

Actually, I’m seriously parched right now….

I wasn’t going to share this secret so soon. I wanted to keep going with it a while longer. But, I’ve been doing this for a week, and people are ALREADY telling me I look like I’ve lost a lot of weight. And, honneh, I’ve been dieting for FIVE MONTHS already, and nobody’s said NOTHIN’. Nothin’ really, anyway. The weight loss has been slooooowwwww…. Until this week.

Did I go see that healer? No. Truth be told, I think she was offended by THIS post. Oops. Because I haven’t heard from her since she asked me for my website address…. And, yes, Josh-O is DANCING for joy. A-ny-way….

No. I’ve been doing some healing work on myself with one of my truest loves — writing. “WHAT,” you ask? WRITING. I’ve been writing down EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to do with my food issues because of Julia Cameron’s latest FABULOUS BOOK, which Cheaty recommends BE-YOND, The Writing Diet….

This book is all the healing I need to lose weight and feel fulfilled SPIRITUALLY (which has been a big deal for me since I read Eat Pray Love). I’m learning more things about myself, why my emotions, my exhaustion, my stress, and even my writing (I SO BLAME YOU FOR MAKING ME FAT, GORGEOUSES! Hee!) make me RUN FOR THE FRIDGE, THE PANTRY, STAAAARRRRBUUUUUCKS!

Look how spiritual…. I was late to the gym because I had to stop and take THIS PICTURE — with Pinkberry….

You see, Gorgeouses, diets don’t work. Isn’t that an original thought? They don’t work until you commit to changing your thinking at every level. Like, I didn’t realize how much I was RESISTING dieting and RESISTING losing weight even as I kvetch here and train train TRAIN at the gym almost EVERY DAY.

Can you imagine? Me? Resisting losing weight???

Now, the resistance is fading. The weight is dripping off…. Because…. I’ll tell you…. if I’m doing all this work (and the book calls for a LOT of work), you can make dang well sure that I won’t be asking my friendly barista for a dang blueberry muffin that’s over and done with and sitting in my ARSE in 5 scarfing minutes!

Right. This book forces you to do that emotional WORK. You can only diet on the surface for so long. You can only deny the REAL WORK for so long. You need to fix the SOURCE of the problem before you can fix the problem.

What’s great about this book, too, is that it can affect more than your weight. Just tonight, for example, I realized I CANNOT blog at night like this anymore. It’s too stressful and exhausting. I realized I need to fit the blogging into my day somehow. Maybe, instead of taking the rascal to Starbucks for his nap, I’ll stay home and write me bloggies…. Now, that’s solving two problems: avoiding the morning muffin-chai-tea combo AND solving that late-night writing sitch!

I’m only at the beginning of the book. So far, at the book’s bidding, I’ve added “writing pages” to my mornings: 3 straight pages of stream-of-consciousness writing. A LOT comes out. And, I’ve started journaling: I write whatever I eat and whenever I FEEL like eating.

Sounds like a lot of work. And, IT IS. But, it’s the right kind of work. I’m not obsessing about points and numbers and carbs and proteins. Instead, I’m listening to my own voice — which comes out in the writing. Freaking brillers. Freaking worth it. Because, if the monkey taunts me once more with her new chant — BIG MAMA! BIG MAMA! BIG MAMA! BIG MAMA! — which drives her to a point of hysterics, I’m going to have a HISSY FIT!

I forgive that cheaty monkey, though…. Because she also stopped me dead in my tracks today when she looked at me and said out of nowhere, “Mama, you look pretty.”