If you’ve been reading this blog for a while now, you KNOW I LOVED Philippa Gregory’s book The Other Boleyn Girl — I mean, I was TOTALLY obsessed with it for a while there…. (That is, until I picked up THIS BOOK, my new obsession….)

Anyway, I don’t need to tell you how CRAZY EXCITED I was when I heard the movie The Other Boleyn Girl was out on DVD, finally! I RRRRAN to the video store almost immediately, picked up THE LAST COPY, and frolicked home with it — hugging it closely, and saying “mmmyyy pressshhhuses” to passers-by, while drooling slime down rotting teeth……….

I love me some Gollum…. Reminds me of my MARGE!

A-ny-way….

Aside from the HOTT….

…HOTT….

…HOTT….

…Shall I go on…???

…HOTT….

…HOTT….

…and…HOTT….

….Aside from all that HOTT, the movie was seriously disappointing. Seriously.

And, you know, it would take a lot for this movie to disappoint me — since I LOVE the subject matter and since all the actors are FAREAKING HOTT…. So, I was pretty shocked to find myself so disappointed.

“Why so disappointed?” you ask. Well. WHY? Why, why WHY would you mess with a good thing? The Other Boleyn girl was a BESTSELLING book. Women across the globe fell IN LOVE with this HOTT, passionate, fascinating, beautiful love story. And, then the movie goes and destroys it!? The movie goes and jumbles up the story and REDUCES THE BEST PART OF THE BOOK TO ONE WORD? That’s right, King Henry’s HOTT, BEAUTIFUL, HOTT courtship of Mary Boleyn, which lasts chapters and chapters in the book (and could have lasted chapter’s more as far as I’m concerned), is reduced to one word: “Tonight.”

So disappointing. It’s like omitting that whole “MAMAMIA MAMAMIA MAMAMIA LET ME GO” bit from Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody…. THE BEST PART! Reduced. To one word. To-freaking-night.

The rest of the movie was filled with disappointments like this….

The book was a beautiful fictionalization of history, as true to its source as possible (according to Philippa Gregory). And, The movie was a ROTTEN fictionalization of the book — hardly true to it at all. (Jane Parker THE SOLE SOURCE of Anne’s arrest? WTF?) Why? When the history itself is so brilliant and blockbuster worthy?

The movie’s one saving grace (aside from the HOTT) is its ending. The last quarter of the movie is really well done. And, the very, very end sent chills up my spine….

I suppose I recommend it. It’s definitely an enjoyable rental — especially if you like period pieces like I do. But, I can’t tell you how AWFUL a rendition it is of this most wonderful book. And, it really is a sorry excuse for what could have been a beautiful tribute to the REMARKABLE story of Anne Boleyn.