Wow, you Gorgeouses! It’s amazing what a little bra shopping AT THE RIGHT STORE — i.e., not at the cheapo maternity store at the mall — can do for your state of mind on what was s’pposed to be just another day!

Yes, I woke up this morning with no special plans. Josh-O was taking the Monkey to play with some other daddies and daughters. I was just going to take my little Rascal out for a little OH BLASPHEMOUS Starbucks Grande Soy No-Water Tazo Chai and a little jaunt around the giant book store as he napped…. But, then. I looked in the mirror.

Yes. I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. It was sort of the same feeling I got when I looked at this picture of myself, and then of course posted it for EVERYONE to see….

I was wearing a nice enough shirt. It felt right. But, it didn’t look right…. My ginormous MILK BAGS breasts were just out of control. And, it was time to do something about it. Time to start looking good in shirts because these breasts — whether I like it or not — are going to be this big for another three months (until I wean the Rascal). They are NOT shrinking anytime soon, as I’d hoped….

So, I went (with Rascal in tow, of course) to THIS fancy bra boutique. Because I knew this was the only place in Toronto that would have bras in my size….

I was SO intimidated when I walked in. Everyone, and everything, was so fancy and so, erm, perky…. But, I stood my ground, lifted chin, rolled shoulders back, and asked to see their selection of nursing bras.

“We do things a little differently here,” explained the skinny girl with the blow-dried hair behind the front desk, “You have to make an appointment.

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed, “You don’t understand! It’s taken me NINE MONTHS to get here!”

“It’s okay,” she replied nonchalantly, “We may have a spot available for you….”

And, they did. Thank God. I was soon escorted to a fancy change room, and a woman came in and checked out my boobs. “I’ll be right back,” she told me….

She came back with this….

No, seriously, she came back with this bra…in black, of course — because BIG BRAS are NEVER sexy, so you better at least buy it in black, I say.

I tried it on and immediately breathed a sigh of RELIEF. “You don’t understand how good this feels,” I told the lady, “and, OMIGOSH, I look so SMALL!” I didn’t, of course, but I looked MUCH smaller than I did in the DEPLORABLE bra I came in with….

Since these bras are TOTALLY expensive, I bought two of them. I figure I’ll just have to do a lot of hand washing. So worth it, though.

I’m in love with my new bras — so much so that I tried on a bunch of tight shirts pretty-much as soon as I got home…. Monkey and I had a blast!

Now, on to the good stuff…. Can you guess what size I am?? I’ll give you a hint: it starts with the letter G!!!!! Eeeek!

Anyway! Treat yourself to a good bra, the RIGHT bra. You TOTALLY deserve it!

While friends of mine are home teaching their three-year-olds how to write (WRITE) — you know who you are — I’m busy making my little monkey THE BEST GLOP EVAH…and taking pictures of it for my Gorgeouses!

It doesn’t look like much, no…. And, it could probably use some food colouring, yes…. But, it is (as Kevin Malone would say) AWWWWWESOME! It’s totally gooey and SEEMS like it’s wet…BUTITSNOT! It’s NOT WET.

Here’s what you do:

1. Pour a little mountain of cornstarch in a plate or tray or bowl or whatever;

2. Pour water over top until you get your desired consistency….

Et VOILA! GLOP — Cheaty style!

My mom’s best friend, Marsha, gave me this little recipe. She used to be a nursery-school teacher. And, she’s been giving me tips — like this one — on how to keep my very clingy monkey busy FOR MORE THAN 2 MINUTES. Ahem. She also suggested beading with cheerios. We’ll be doing that one tomorrow.

Marsha has LOTS more suggestions. So stay tuned for more creative crafts, glops and imagination games for kids!

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while now, you KNOW I LOVED Philippa Gregory’s book The Other Boleyn Girl — I mean, I was TOTALLY obsessed with it for a while there…. (That is, until I picked up THIS BOOK, my new obsession….)

Anyway, I don’t need to tell you how CRAZY EXCITED I was when I heard the movie The Other Boleyn Girl was out on DVD, finally! I RRRRAN to the video store almost immediately, picked up THE LAST COPY, and frolicked home with it — hugging it closely, and saying “mmmyyy pressshhhuses” to passers-by, while drooling slime down rotting teeth……….

I love me some Gollum…. Reminds me of my MARGE!

A-ny-way….

Aside from the HOTT….

…HOTT….

…HOTT….

…Shall I go on…???

…HOTT….

…HOTT….

…and…HOTT….

….Aside from all that HOTT, the movie was seriously disappointing. Seriously.

And, you know, it would take a lot for this movie to disappoint me — since I LOVE the subject matter and since all the actors are FAREAKING HOTT…. So, I was pretty shocked to find myself so disappointed.

“Why so disappointed?” you ask. Well. WHY? Why, why WHY would you mess with a good thing? The Other Boleyn girl was a BESTSELLING book. Women across the globe fell IN LOVE with this HOTT, passionate, fascinating, beautiful love story. And, then the movie goes and destroys it!? The movie goes and jumbles up the story and REDUCES THE BEST PART OF THE BOOK TO ONE WORD? That’s right, King Henry’s HOTT, BEAUTIFUL, HOTT courtship of Mary Boleyn, which lasts chapters and chapters in the book (and could have lasted chapter’s more as far as I’m concerned), is reduced to one word: “Tonight.”

So disappointing. It’s like omitting that whole “MAMAMIA MAMAMIA MAMAMIA LET ME GO” bit from Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody…. THE BEST PART! Reduced. To one word. To-freaking-night.

The rest of the movie was filled with disappointments like this….

The book was a beautiful fictionalization of history, as true to its source as possible (according to Philippa Gregory). And, The movie was a ROTTEN fictionalization of the book — hardly true to it at all. (Jane Parker THE SOLE SOURCE of Anne’s arrest? WTF?) Why? When the history itself is so brilliant and blockbuster worthy?

The movie’s one saving grace (aside from the HOTT) is its ending. The last quarter of the movie is really well done. And, the very, very end sent chills up my spine….

I suppose I recommend it. It’s definitely an enjoyable rental — especially if you like period pieces like I do. But, I can’t tell you how AWFUL a rendition it is of this most wonderful book. And, it really is a sorry excuse for what could have been a beautiful tribute to the REMARKABLE story of Anne Boleyn.