So, the monkey’s school did a wonderful thing. They had a father’s day party for all the daddies and presented them with this little number:

It says “My Daughter _____ Walks All Over Me,” and has little monkey footprints all over it! They actually painted the monkey’s feet and had her walk across it! How sweet is that?

The back of the shirt looks like this:

OF COURSE, I made him wear the shirt all day today.

I even made him wear it to his……FACIAL! Because, YES, I got MY husband who, by the way, washes his face with Head and Shoulders (”TWO-IN-ONE” does NOT mean FACE and HAIR) a massage and FACIAL at my favourite spa for Father’s Day. Of course, he LOVED it and his face looks fabulous, Dahling!

EVERYWHERE we went, people were laughing at the shirt and making comments, like, “Can I buy that from you and give it to MY dad?” A few of the comments, like that one, got a little old after a while. But, how good is it to put smiles on people’s faces like that? Really feels good…. Really brightens up the day….

I actually really needed the laughs because I was feeling like CARB CARP this weekend. See, I always know when it’s going to rain because I get a brutal headache (and totally LOOPY!). And, with Josh-O on the massage table and two little monkeys sitting in my double stroller expecting FABULOUS things, as usual, brutal headache advanced to SPLITTING. But, we managed. A sweet little headache-relieving yoga practice, torrential rains, and a laugh-promoting T-shirt did the trick. I felt better….

But, now I feel like carp again because I SUCKED ARSE on my diet today. I got CARB HAPPY. Chai tea(s), crackers, pasta, FATHER’S DAY CAAAAAAAAAAAKE! You name it? I ate it! And, now I’m totally down on myself. The only thing unhunching my sorry shoulders right now is the PLAN to stick CLOSELY to my diet for the next 30 days in sort-of DETOX mode: no sugar, no chai, no chai, no chai, NO CHAI, more whole grains, vegetables, lots of water, lots of yoga. Yeah. We’re going HARD CORE, now, Gorgeouses…. Detox mode starting……..NOW: as the monkey says…, “SET READY GO!”

Happy Father’s Day to all the Cheaty dads out there! Thank you for reading…!

In case you didn’t know, there’s a big-o contest-o over at Cheaty Goodies! Makeup and skin care from Pure + Simple up for grabs! And, eek! I just bought some Jurlique sunscreen for $100,000,000,000,000 there today (while Josh-O was having his facial)! Be sure to enter the contest before the June 21st deadline! LOVE! xo Haley-O

I canNOT believe it.

I’m sitting here at Starbucks — escaping the chaos of my house with a — are you SURE you’re ready for this, Gorgeouses? I’m sitting here at Starbucks with a TALL GINGER GREEN TEA. MISS ADDICTED-TO-CHAI-TEA-LATTES is sipping a GREEN TEA.

Ooo! Look over there! See it? A COW IS FLYING!

Here! Lemme take a picture of it on my pinkberry:

That book there? I LOVE it: Hip Tranquil Chick: A Guide to Life on and Off the Yoga Mat. Cheaty will HIGHLY recommend it on the Recommends site when time and level of sanity permits.

CLOSE UP!!!!

Yes, I came THIS close to ordering my chai latte because, as I told it’sgrandma as she was on her way out the door with monkey this morning, I needed the “escape.” “Escape” is NEVER a good sign, never a good reason to CONSUME something so deliciously EVIL. Because, you know, as soon as you gulp down that SWEET escape, you feel WORSE — wired, indigestiony, guilty — especially since it would mean you suffered that diet-friendly breakfast of Ezekiel bread, almond butter and (AWFUL LOW-FAT) cheese for nothing.

Nevertheless…, you go to Starbucks for your favourite chai-tea escape. Then, you see the blueberry muffin. And, you say to yourself,

Self, let’s just screw the diet altogether today. We’re already having our fave chai, spiking the blood sugar levels or whatever, so why not the muffin? Hey, let’s escape the whole day and make today CHEAT DAY (instead of Friday, of course).

Ahem. What a FAB idea, SELF!?@#!%$#!!

No. Not fab at all. Because I’m going to teach yoga later and would HATE to feel like a crazed wired lard-arse….

So, I do it. That STRONG (but oh so week) VOICE IN ME utters THIS to the barista man through reluctant-but-fabulously-glossed lips: “I’ll have…I’ll have a… a… GINGERGREENTEA!” Ahh…. Said it. It’s done. There’s no turning back. “And, yes,” I say, “that will be all for me, thanks.”

I took my sorry little green tea and sat down at a lovely seat beside the window. I opened my journal and penned this post.

One small step for humankind, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR ME!

And, mmmm…. I could so learn to like this tea…! Could totally be my new ritual….

UPDATE: Taught yoga a mommy-and-baby yoga class with Rascal and he screeched the whole time (teething…must be). By the time it was over I wanted to VOMIT, I was so stressed. I fed him as I taught, and he bawled. I held him. He bawled. I bounced him. He bawled. Happily, the other mothers were sympathetic and understanding. The class was good for them (I made sure of that), and that’s what matters. I, on the other hand, mattered so little that I made Josh “fetch” me a CHAI TEA LATTE when on his way home, which I swallowed whole — tea, cup, and cupholder.

UPDATE THE SECOND: Just got back from a lo-ho-hong evening. Put Rascal to bed. He screeeeamed the second his wee bawd hit the mattress. So, I took him along for my dusk walk. I put on my fave podcast and started walking. WAHHHHHH! He wailed the whole dang time. AN HOUR. So, I got in the car and drove. My BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL friend Lolo INSISTED that we meet up so that I could break down on her shoulder (especially since she’s been going through the same thing with her baby). She got in the car, and we drove. Amazing how healing a talk with a friend can be…. By the time I dropped Lolo off at home, Rascal was asleep. So, I went to Starbucks. And, I got me a SAWEEEET hot chocolate, which I devoured in 5 minutes. Back to green tea ritual tomorrow. Pinky swear.

EVERYONE keeps telling me to take it easy. I pressure myself WAY too much: must be better mommy, must be better yoga instructor, must write perfect blog post(s) every day, must keep house clean, must be better better BETTER, must EAT RIGHT, must LOSE PREGNANCY WEIGHT, must wax eyebrows, must shower, must brush teeth, pee….

Being THAT hard on yourself can be seriously exhausting. I should have known walking into this motherhood thing that it would be haaaaard like this. I mean, anything’s easier than the internal HELL I went through in my pregnancies. That was supposed to prepare me for this! But, really, nothing can prepare you for this.

Nothing can prepare you for the anxiety, the pressure, the guilt, the sleeplessness (which ultimately exacerbates ALL of it), the exhaustion, the constant go…go…go…. But, also, nothing can prepare you for the happiness, the PHYSICAL sensation of loving a child — the way your heart ACTUALLY swells with the love to the point at which you DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOURSELF or HOW TO KEEP YOUR HEART FROM EXPLODING OUT OF CHEST! You know that feeling?

It’s all so overwhelming, so self-consuming….

And, I have to make a change. Must stop consuming self. Because I can honestly, FINALLY, admit to myself and to YOU THE PEOPLE — especially after watching a FAB episode of Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style last night — that, ahem, {pause} {pause} I’ve let myself go.

I HAVE LET MYSELF GO!

You see, I can write all I want about the gym and yoga and my dieting. But, you’re not with me when I gulp down that SECOND chai-tea latte of the day. You’re not with me when I eat that one bite of the Monkey’s lunch, and then another, and another, …and another. You’re not there with me when I leave the house on my dusk walk in, yes (and SHUT IT), crocsandsocksPURPLEsocks. You’re not there when I fall into bed at the end of the night without — eek — putting on my MOISTURIZER! You, erm, haven’t seen the state of my underwear drawer, or my nails…. And, you’re not there when I leave the house in black Lululemons and hoodie COVERED in CAT HAIR!

Oh, but they’re worth it!

I HAVE LET MYSELF GO!

Realizing that I’ve let myself go is the first step toward doing something about it, though, right Gorgeouses?! Yes. And, SOMETHING ABOUT IT, I MUST DO!

But, as Tim’s show revealed (I LOVE YOU, TIM!), putting yourself back together after letting yourself go is SO DANG HARD. And, see, it’s not a laughing matter….

Caaaaaall me, Tim!!! MAKE ME OVAH! And, while we’re at it, have dinner with me!

So! As of tomorrow (Wednesday), I’m picking myself back up. There’s NO reason why I shouldn’t look as good as I did before I got pregnant. I mean, there’s no need for me to be a size 0 (i.e., ZERO), but size 2-4 would be nice…. And, gosh dangit, I NEED a haircut! Did you see how long and unruly it looked in the Goodie VLOG?

But, one thing at a time. I have enough pressure in my life. I just know I’ll feel a lot better if I pick myself up again and start putting myself first now and then. After all, won’t Mama be a better role model if she takes care of herself? Won’t EVERYONE be happier if Mama feels better about herself?

It all starts tomorrow, Gorgeouses. I met with Lori (Cheaty’s resident Nutritionist) today, and the diet’s getting SERIOUS now. So much so, that I went out and bought myself a BINDER….

This is the beginning, Gorgeouses. And, it’s the answer. The better I feel about myself, the better EVERYTHING will be….

GOAL: BY THE TIME I’M 34 (September 10), I WILL BE HAWT, SEXAY, WELL-DRESSED MILF.

Now, Law of Attraction, DO YOUR THANG!

So, how ’bout you, Gorgeouses? Talk to me. Have you ever let yourself go? How did you/will you put yourself back together?

Wish me luck! And, keep an eye on Cheaty Kitchen for more diet deets, shopping lists (oooo, exciting!), and more!