Occasionally, I listen to a radio talk show that sometimes makes me hate myself, but that sometimes makes me go hmmm….

Dr. Laura Schlessinger would not like that my kids are in public school. She would not like that my son goes to a (lovely little) morning school while I’m at work. But she’d be somewhat satisfied that I finish work at 2:30pm in time to pick both my kids up from school, and that my husband works from home. She would like that I’m married, but she would not like that I’m on Twitter and Facebook. She would not like that I had a lovely part-time nanny whom I said goodbye to last week while shedding giant crocodile tears.

She would not like that I’m fat.

I listen to Dr. Laura’s show occasionally on my way home from work, bracing myself for points of view that make me shudder, but eagerly anticipating the odd pearl of wisdom. My mom used to listen to the show in the car when I was a kid, so the familiarity of Dr. Laura’s notoriously shrill voice at times renders comfort and reassurance — and at times makes me want to put myself in the corner with a giant dunce cap on my head.

After slapping working mom after divorced mom on the virtual wrist and blaming cheated-on wives for not pleasing their husbands enough in the bedroom, and chastising others for “shacking up” before marriage, she offered one forlorn fat caller some refreshingly eye-opening advice for losing weight.

The woman was calling because her husband was complaining about her weight gain, and she gave a bunch of excuses as to why she couldn’t lose the weight — hormones, no time to exercise, not motivated. Dr. Laura pooh-poohed every one of the excuses, and nearly lost it on the caller when she asked the question I, for one, really wanted an answer to: “But, Dr. Laura, how do I motivate myself to exercise and eat well?”

“MOTIVATION IS BS,” Dr. Laura exclaimed. “Do you think I want to drop and do 20 pushups during the commercial break?” she asked. “Do you think I want to get up in the morning and workout in the gym? No. Nobody does. But it’s the right thing to do, morally, for your health, for your husband. Maybe once you get to the gym, you realize, ‘Hey, this isn’t so bad.’ But it’s much easier to be LAZY.” (I’m not sure if these were her exact words, by the way — except for “motivation is BS.”)

“Motivation is BS.” How true is this, Gorgeouses? I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to lose my excess belly fat — my kids! my husband, myself, yoga, energy, my new Lululemon clothes, him….

And then I see my friends and loved ones who’ve been on the operating table numerous times for near-death heart surgeries diving into chocolate, cookies and other stuff that put them on the operating table in the first place. Motivation is BS.

And in saying “motivation is BS,” Dr. Laura motivated me to stop waiting to get motivated. And then Theresa Albert motivated me, shortly after I listened to Dr. Laura’s show, when I read her great article in The Toronto Star about how our excess of food choices makes us “choose badly,” and then Alice came back from Italy (finally!), and David said after yoga the other day, “No lattes.”

I might be a bit quiet and cranky for the next few days while I attempt to tackle a healing macrobiotics plan. It’s quite a radical shift from what I’ve been eating lately, but if I don’t do something radical, something to “jump start” some weight loss (as Dr. Laura put it before offering the caller a free month of a diet shake program she swears by), it will simply never happen. And though I’ve been averse to macrobiotics lately (only because I’m not the greatest cook…yet), I’ve been mysteriously drawn to it for years — like I am to yoga and other ancient stuff — and I think I have to honour that. As a vegan, there are so many, too many, “diets” to choose from; I’m finally choosing this one as a practice. Done. No more emotion around it, as my friend Ruth has wisely advised me on various subjects. Just do it.

This will definitely be a major challenge as I continue be a darn good, responsible mom (even if I’m not Dr. Laura’s ideal), and work my soon-to-be svelte arse off with our awesome Todaysparent.com team as we prepare for our massive site RELAUNCH later this month (so exciting)! But, apparently, I’ll be thinking more clearly in no time, have that increased energy I’ve been craving, I’ll feel lighter, and I might get some glow in my skin — just in time for the BlissDom Canada conference.

Anyone going to the BlissDom Canada Conference in Toronto, October 13-16?

I’m excited to tell you I’m a Tribe Leader for the “Lifestyle Tribe.” So, if you’re going to the conference, be sure to join my tribe for a roundtable discussion Friday morning on blogging about LIFE. And, like all tribe leaders, I’ll be available if you have any questions, and to “help you make the most of your conference experience”!

By the way, my co-Tribe Leader is the awesome Ali Martell, who sums up Lifestyle writing (and our friendship) perfectly in her most recent post: “We’d love to talk with you about how writing about nothing is truly writing about everything.” Now you have to join us because Ali+Haley=CRAZY FUN, and you’ll want to be a part of that!

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS. Lord help me if Dr. Laura’s people find this blog post and she reads it on the air…! It is entirely possible. To make myself a little more likeable, then, I should state for the record here that I also have a dog. She’s a Maltese, and her name’s Betty White.

“Too much film festival.” That’s what my yoga teacher said to me as I carried my mat to my spot in the hot room, alas, still wearing my gaudy rhinestone-encrusted Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on my head. One of the funny teaching assistants quipped, “I think you should leave them on.”

Yes, a little too much Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF): I’ve been sick with a cold/flu — Heather Graham’s cold — and exhausted from interviews with gorj stars on the red carpet, interviews with awesome filmmakers in the heart of downtown Toronto, transcribing all of these interviews, and I’m still recovering from my peek at James Franco and my Clive Owen birthday encounter. *Swoon!*

Now, many of you have known me for years, right? So you know that, of all the celebs in the world, Clive Owen’s my number-one celebrity boyfriend, right? RIGHT? Even if you haven’t known me for long, just look at my Twitter bio. Clive Owen is part of WHO I AM. This is serious business, Gorgeouses. And, although I write about celebrities around the clock, trust me when I say I’m not obsessed with celebrities — not one bit — except for Clive just a little bit….

So when I saw the real Clive Owen standing before me, thanks some sweet VIP tix at the Killer Elite TIFF gala, I was beside myself — waving subtly, arm extended stick straight in the air, mouth uttering I-don’t-know-what, “I love you”?

But, because I love you, Gorgeouses, I’ll share the first photo with you, which no one’s seen yet because I was saving it for you. It’s added proof that (no matter what a certain dinner-party jealous-person-who-shall-not-be-named-you-know-who-you-are might say) Clive was STARING AT ME. Ready? CHECKIT!

Exhibit 1….

Bald guy on the right is Jason Statham, by the way. And pardon the fuzziness. It’s hard to wave and take photos at the same time…. Note that there is not a crowd of people around me. I had ample space on either side of me…!

Exhibit 2….

STARE, right? Doth mine eyes deceiveth me Gorgeouses? No. There it is. Gosh, now I think I may have underplayed the stare a little bit on Celebrity Candy. Now that you see the two exhibits together, you see — RIGHT? — that there was, indeed, a stare.

What the stare was about, I have no idea. Maybe he was thinking there’s that cheaty girl from the Internet, who’s been calling me her boyfriend all these years bwah…!

Anyway. For me it was a surreal experience, like staring at a shark — mysterious, awesome, sublime. Clive.

One more thing before I leave feeling (as my favourite radio host Taylor Strecker likes to say) happy of myself. I may have had a little “too much festival,” but I’ve also been thinking about other more serious stuff lately — like the provincial election here in Ontario, Canada. Gorgeouses, those of you who’ve known me for years know that I stay away from politics because, unlike Clive, it’s so totally not my forte. But I did take to the keyboard the other day to write about an unsettling situation that involved an electoral candidate.

Sighh, I suppose, in the worst case, there’s always Jon Hamm…. But I’ll always have my stare.

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS: I’ll be posting more TIFF pics up on my Cheaty Monkey Facebook page, asap!

Photos: Haley Overland/Cheatymonkey.com

Maybe it’s because Halloween is in the air at work that I’ve noticed a little something I’ve been calling “The Veil of Fear.” I’m not sure exactly where it came from — just that one morning at the cottage, I lay down in savasana (corpse pose) at the end of my yoga practice, and I heard the words loud and clear in my head. Veil of fear, I heard. You have to lift the veil of fear. Hmmm…. So Yoda.

Even though I was supposed to be thinking about nothing (and, for sure, because I was supposed to be thinking about nothing), I relaxed into the yoga pose and started thinking about this veil of fear and how, epiphany, I live under one pretty much all the time. It’s very subtle, so I don’t always notice it; but it’s definitely there. And I suppose with the right dose of psychiatric drugs it would just fall away. But then that would be no fun, would it? And it would be bad news for the lakes, rivers, oceans — to which, bizarre as I sound today, I connect on, like, a visceral, pelvic level. I noticed that, too, the other day, as we drove home from the cottage for the last, *sniff,* time this summer.

So is it just me, or do you live under a veil of fear too? If you do, what happens when you imagine — even just for a moment — lifting it up? It’s like, ahhh…. Everything becomes clearer, no? Is it me? Or do most of us live with this? It is the age of anxiety, no? And with the kids going back to school, a huge transition, the veil’s thicker than ever….

I guess that’s one of the reasons I still can’t shake my chai latte addiction, why I can’t lose this thick veil of weight I’ve been carrying since the brutally anxious days of my pregnancies…. And it’s why I need to go to yoga every day — to wake up at a crazy hour (given how late I stay up working) and enter a room full of others, their journeys, veils. Because there it’s just breath, and being, and learning and floating, and lifting the veil as I bend my knees and fall backwards into a deep backbend, an upside-down rainbow.

Here’s the inspiring teacher who makes me do it — it’s time you guys officially met. In my 28 years of studying yoga, he’s the only teacher who’s gotten me to really practice daily and begin to transform. He is awesome, so check out his new DVD, okay?

I’ll let you know when the DVD becomes available….

I heart yoga.

I’ll be buzzing around downtown Toronto for the next week or so for the Toronto Film Festival. I’m going to the Hello! Canada Magazine red carpet Saturday night (my birthday!); the Monkey and I will be meeting Heather Graham Sunday; and we have some other interviews and fun stuff going on (like an early morning event with the Rascal that will keep me from yoga tomorrow, alas, but it’ll be fun).

In the meantime, the Monkey’s in Grade One, and the Rascal’s entering Kindergarten tomorrow. I guess that’s for another post — except to say that I shed tears, Gorgeouses, a veil of them.

Love!
xo Haley-O

The Monkey decorated our staircase. A skipping rope, my kukui-nut necklace from our Hawaiian honeymoon, a snake doll, Smurfette, Pablo, Elmo, Micky and his bride Minnie all adorn my banister and are making my house a mess home….

Sorry, Gorgeouses, I’ve been too busy to update lately, filling my evenings with celebrity blogging, writing articles, putting the kids to bed, preparing for TIFF, putting the kids to bed, getting my haircut, cleaning dishes, putting the kids to bed again. In other news, I’ve been grabbing my ankles in Urdhva Dhanurasana (hollaahhh!), and tomorrow I have to collect a pee sample from Betty White first thing in the morning before yoga.

Speaking of whom, this is what’s going on on my lap right now (the black mounds at the bottom of the photo would be my curvaceous bod, FYI)….

Sibling rivalry. I know it’s not the best photo. But it’s better than this other one I got when Minden suddenly went in for a kiss (that mysterious object on the bottom left would be his creepy li’l eye, FYI)….

Sighh, it feels good to blog about my cats again — now all I have to do is knit something. The other day I noticed that Minden mysteriously lost a bottom fang. He only has three fangs now. So gorj.

I have to go to bed now so I can wake up and collect Betty’s pee sample. I don’t think anything’s wrong with her, but there was a bit of a curious pee incident at the cottage last weekend, and our vet is insisting we take a sample to make sure she doesn’t have stones or a UTI. Are you fascinated? Nay, riveted? Are you riveted, Gorgeouses?

Ugh, she’s humping him again….

I was listening to this guy‘s podcast on my way to work today (he was my best friend in kindergarten and I love his work). He said ending an addiction could take a “moment”  — or it could take “thousands of years.” A moment…, to think. I think a lot could change if I could end my Starbucks addiction this moment and begin to really feed myself and maybe vow to become a morning person.

School’s starting next week. One weekend to rest and then it starts. Again.

Love….

xo Haley-O

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A few weeks ago, I hurried out of yoga class to get to work and stopped to say bye and thanks to my super-amazing yoga teacher David.

“My twists are terrible,” I told him as I slipped on my crocs.

“Awful!” He laughed.

“Terribly awful,” I insisted.

“How’s your diet?”

How’s my diet? At first I was excited that he asked because it meant that some good, motivating diet advice from my super-amazing health and spirituality guru was about to come. But, then I realized, gratefully, what an incredibly brave question that was for him to ask me. As my yoga buddy Jeff pointed out, it really shows the depths of a teacher’s compassion and investment in his students — that he’s willing to risk a slap in the face from overweight female straggler. Super amazing.

“It’s bad,” I told him. “Too many soy-chai lattes, sugar, bread, peanut butter. No time to cook for myself, blah blah blah.”

“That’s not good,” he told me. “You need to feed yourself.”

Feed yourself. My gosh. Once again, super-amazing yoga teacher has triggered epiphany. Feed myself. My gosh, I don’t feed myself. I eat, but I don’t feed myself. And I totally 100% eat to numb my emotions. I figured it out on my vacation over the last two weeks in cottage and farm country — i.e., miles away from STARBUCKS. A whole bunch of emotions (even happy ones!) surfaced as a result of not starting my days with a Starbucks sugar rush, and I had no idea what to do with them other than face them head-on or continue to stuff them down unsuccessfully with the sweetest cinnamony syrup I could find.

Practising yoga every day helped. Emotions arose and then vanished after a few poses. And I survived, incredibly.

I kayaked alone almost every day, and I noticed my emotions as I braved some big waves. Emotions ebbed and flowed. Seriously. It was meditation on water. And I survived, incredibly.

I tried to feed myself, as David advised. And I didn’t do that great. I ate chips (which I never eat), the kids’ vegan gummy bears, dark chocolate, peanut butter bagel sandwiches. I wasn’t feeding myself. I was eating.

And now that I’m back from vacation, I’m back on chai lattes.

So today’s the day, Gorgeouses. I’m going to start officially to feed myself. And I know it’s going to be tough, but I’m going to face my emotions head-on without food: anxieties about the kids, the stresses of feeding my family every day, responding to demands, tantrums, needs, wants (never mind my own needs and wants…). I can’t be a perfect parent because there’s just no such thing — I know that — but the stress of doing my best every day takes its toll. And sometimes at the end of the day I just want to veg — lay like broccoli, rather than eat it. I know this now.

Just breathe.

My body is supposed to be my temple. I believe that. And I want to move faster, feel lighter, look better.

I’ve been noticing lately that some women wear scarves around their necks to adorn their bodies. Others ink themselves with awesome tattoos. Others twist shiny strands into intricate ‘dos just to go to work.

I wear makeup — not to adorn my temple, ahem, but to cover up the results of not feeding myself: zits, dehydration, exhaustion, need I go on? As for my hair, I’ll always wash and go….

But I took the kids to the grocery store today. We stocked up on veggies, fruits, all good organic stuff. And when we got home, I took the time to wash and chop everything up instead of letting it all rot untouched in my fridge, as usual.

David suggested that I don’t do anything extreme to feed myself. No raw diets, low-carb diets. Definitely a vegan diet, of course. He likes the macrobiotic way of eating. But he said that if, for example, I can’t find time to make a macrobiotic breakfast (i.e., porridge and blanched greens, blergh…) after yoga practice, that I should have fruit and nuts — “just feed yourself!”

So I’m going back to basics, with the help of this book and this new book…. And then we’ll see about getting macro-fancy. I just need to feed myself, and not eat so much. Know what I mean?

By the way, David did say that I can allow myself my favourite drug drink on moon days — so, I’m looking forward to Sunday….

How about you? Do you feed yourself? How?

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’m on vacation and spending way too much time tonight trying to get posts and pics for Celebrity Candy to load. And it’ll be a WONDER if I can actually post this blog post. The Internet gods have not been with me while I’ve been on vacation. Which is probably a sign that I should actually take a vacation….

We did have a post in mind to write tonight, and we were totally excited — we really wanted to write it. And in case you’re wondering, we’re speaking in the first-person plural because we just read a book in which one of the characters was trying to obliterate his ego by speaking in the first-person plural, and we quite liked the idea of that. What do you think, Gorgeouses?

Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on my vacation. We went to Josh’s parents’ farm for a few days, and we’re doing another week in cottage country — which would be sweet if only my Internet were working properly and I could load photos of sweet Rascal in the now-shallow lake water…. For now I can only tweet them.

So keep up with me by checking my Celebrity Candy blog, Twitter and Facebook (like us?)! I’ll be back up and running as soon as we (Josh and I) figure out this photo issue! Could be as soon as tomorrow, so check back — I got farm pics!

OH! Wait! We — well he — JUST figured it out…!

Sigh, I love this pic. Ooo! And now that we can post pics again, I’ve been meaning to share this pic from earlier this month….

That’s awesome Todaysparent.com editor Alex Mlynek, moi and Tori Spelling. Tori was totally lovely this time and felt bad for insinuating that I was short (“I feel so tall! It must be these shoes.” No, not the shoes!). Read all about it here!

Well, life can go on now. Josh put an end to the photo crisis. I can’t tell you how many back flips I want to do right now….

More to come — it’s been a long frustrating night. I plan on updating a little more regularly here. But you know where to find me now when I’m not here, right?

Here’s one more photo for the road woohoo!

Betty White! (And don’t worry about Minden and Maaarge! We have an awesome yogi taking good care of them and our home. But they do say hi…! Meoowww! Miss….)

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’m trying to gather up enough energy and stamina to write a post here. Thoughts have been forming and merging and collapsing lately, but fingers repel keys like magnets with like poles because exhausted and empty.

But just like I now get on the yoga mat each morning (thanks to persistent, available, compassionately whip-cracking teacher), I’m getting on the keyboard and writing this evening.

Yoga for writers: Do your writing, and all is coming….

Lately I’ve found myself thinking a lot about who on earth I am. I’ve had so much going on: my first TV appearance, celebrity interviews, and more and more celebrity interviews and two trips to New York in just over a month and trips to the cottage and work and…and…and…and family.

And my family, though last on that list of “so much going on,” is at the forefront of my thoughts all the time. When I pick up the phone to Jessica Alba’s very sweet voice, it occurs to me how close in age the Rascal is to her daughter. Does she want to know how much my son will love Spy Kids? Or how the Monkey loves the Little Mermaid, too? She has a Little Mermaid “babing suit”….

She turned six last week. SIX.

Gosh, and I’ve been blogging here since she was 8 months old….

We threw her a fairy birthday party. Tinker Bell flew in and blew the Monkey away. She stayed much longer than she was supposed to (thankfully), went up to the Monkey’s room with all the girls, ate cake with us, took pictures. The Monkey hugged Tink for dear life when it was time to say goodbye. She really believed….

With so much going on, when I hang up the phone with Jessica Alba, when I leave work for the day, when the TV camera switches off and I’m wondering how I did, when I’m standing on my head at the yoga studio, when I crawl into a foreign hotel bed, I am all about my kids.

“Ooo, look at the upside down rainbow!” — my brother and his wife taunt me when I practice yoga at the cottage….

From the moment I crawl out from under the Rascal in the morning, to the time I pick them up from camp, they’re in my thoughts — emerging and retreating as my focus on other things waxes and wanes. How are they doing at camp? Is the Monkey wearing her hat? Is the Rascal asking his counselor for “Mama”? Is he eating his snack? What will we do together after camp? Hair cuts? The “fairy store”? The park?

I’m thinking about my family. That’s who I am. And I’m thinking about career and life and what I’ll make for tomorrow’s lunch when I finish writing this post. I’m thinking about my dharma.

Last night I dreamed of a cave and a guru. Another guru dream. There were no answers, nothing full or finite. Just open arms and a smile.

Love….

xo Haley-O

Hi Gorgeouses! This has to be the quickest blog update ever because I’m in the middle of watching Hall Pass with Josh-O at the cottage, and I didn’t want to forget to loop you all in on everything that’s going on.

Last week was basically the most insane week ever. And if you follow me on Twitter and Facebook, or if you’re a regular reader of my Today’s Parent celebrity news blog, Celebrity Candy, then you pretty-much know most of this already. But here’s the basic roundup:

• Last Sunday I went to New York again for another overnight trip to meet and interview a celebrity mom for Today’s Parent. This time it was Alyson Hannigan! Long time Gorgeouses will know how very dear WILLOW is to my heart, so this was incredible….

Check out the great interview HERE! I even got to say “This one time? At band camp?” to her! It was definitely a highlight of my life…. Hee!

• Then, just as I’m finally starting to recuperate from Monday’s trip, yesterday (Friday) was CRAZY! The Canadian entertainment news show ETALK came to interview moi about celebrity secrets for post-baby weight loss….

My amazing and thoughtful General Manager Elana Schachter and my totally awesome NEW MANAGING EDITOR Nadine Silverthorne insisted that I get hair and makeup done so that I’d feel my best (verklempt, right?). So here’s me getting my makeup done in the Rogers offices by the sparkly and fabulous Elise Tremblay (closeup pics of that to come – I forgot my USB chord at home!)….

Here’s me apparently bending forward unflatteringly (!) while talking to eTalk….

Eeep! I hate to share this photo because, aside from Elise’s fab hairstyling, I look horrid, but it gives you a good idea of the environment I was working in, i.e., pretty scary at Today’s Parent/Flare/Chatelaine/Hello Canada Magazine reception area with camera in face — but the wonderful eTalk producer Heather Lin (above) was wonderful at making me feel relatively at ease (as were Nadine and our PR guru Hazel Picco).

So the episode of eTalk airs TUESDAY (July 26), 7pm, CTV. You can also catch it on channel 63 (in Toronto), at 6pm and 11pm. I’ll keep you posted on any changes on Twitter.

Gosh, I hope I look okay on TV and that I don’t twitch or anything!

• SO THEN! After I finish the interview, I’m in the middle of writing an article due yesterday, and I get a phone call. Apparently I’m interviewing JESSICA ALBA. She’s going to call me on the phone in a few hours.

So I spend the rest of the day scrambling to organize a blurb about it for Today’s Parent Magazine ASAP (huge thanks to the print team and Nadine for making THAT happen!), devising questions for Jessica, catching my breath…. The interview itself was great. She’s very sweet and real and had lots of useful things to say about motherhood and balance, and I can’t wait to share (next week on Celebrity Candy).

So how was your week, Gorgeouses?

Love!

xo Haley-O

eTalk photos c/o Nadine Silverthorne | Photo of Jessica Alba c/o Georges Biard

Watch for old patterns.
Consistent effort is the path to transformation.
See you tomorrow! — David Robson, email, July 10, 2011

I don’t think I’ve said enough about my yoga teacher David Robson lately. *Cough.*

The thing is in the midst of all the crazy stuff I’ve had going on lately, he’s actually managing to help me get grounded (which is really hard to do for me whose feet are perpetually, though extremely wide, hovering floaty above the ground, laaaaa). Well, so far. I DID show up to yoga this morning.

At first he didn’t say too much when I stopped showing up to daily early-morning Mysore practice — except that if I had to let anything go in my life, it shouldn’t be my yoga practice. “You’ve worked so hard,” he said. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that. See? Brillers teacher.

After he said that to me, I went back a few times, and then I stopped showing up again. So I emailed David at the shala . I wanted to let him know that my intention to practice was still there and that I just had a lot going on. I guess he realized that what I was really doing was asking for an extra push from him, and that’s when he emailed me that little GEM quoted above.

“Watch for old patterns.” Hmm…, let’s see….

Old pattern #1: Not only have I not been waking up early to go to yoga, but I’ve also been going to bed late. Really LATE.

Old pattern #2: I’ve been starting my days not with yoga but with Starbucks soy no-water tazo chai. Grrrrr…..

Actually, I start every day with a heavy, blond, very round head on my lower back, and a white, fluffy, furry head on my feet. PINNED. And then my CAT couldn’t be more excited when I finally do wake up. It’s like Dino and Fred Flinstone. Wiiiiiiiiiilmaaaaaaaa!

Old pattern #3: I’ve been eating and drinking NOTHING after my chai — until the evening…. Eeeeeek, I know! And apparently I have hypoglycemia, to make matters even awesomer.

Old pattern #4: I’m a nervous stress case.

Old pattern #5: I stopped cooking for myself. Good thing it’sgrandma makes a mean salad at the cottage….

Old pattern #6: Let’s just say my house has seen tidier days….

So I don’t know what happened. Or, well I have a theory: school ended for the kids; they started camp; I took on a few too many assignments at work; I went to New York, ran around a lot…; and then I slipped — like Cinderella did, but all the way down the stairs, only not as graceful, and like I said, wide feet, phoom phoom phoom. I slipped off the wagon (many wagons) and just stopped taking care of myself. Yoga wasn’t the first to go. But, as David wisely, and possibly psychically, pointed out in that email, my skipping yoga was a signal that I was falling back into old patterns.

Addiction. Comfortable there.

It was a good thing he sent me that email. The timing was impeccable. Because it was that same day that I actually convinced myself I was going to DIE from the chai I chugged that morning. My anxiety was at a record high….

So I’m just about to do my “drop backs” this morning. David takes his usual place in front of me, looks me in the eye so there’s no looking away, even though (for me) it’s obscenely early in the morning to be socializing in any capacity, and reminds me that I “need a practice.” Because it’s the one thing that will keep me grounded and going, that will “push me through” all the changes so I don’t get lost in them and all overwhelmed.

Like an empty water bottle lost at sea, toxic and carried by endless waves of change.

Today I didn’t have a chai latte. This might explain any incoherence, rambling, typos or bizarre, out-of-nowhere metaphors in this blog post. Instead I made a simple green smoothie. And, as my team (nay, family) at Today’s Parent reminded me to do, I brought my lunch to work — some simple miso brown rice and vegetables and hummus. I’m building new patterns.

I’ll never forget what my teacher Monica Voss said years ago when we were discussing a yoga pose: sometimes you have to “collapse the structure so we can gradually rebuild.”  And it looks like that’s what happening here.

So, huge thanks to David Robson for nudging me so perfectly to rebuild. As he himself said, “It won’t be the last time.” Ha! But at least I know I have him and my friends at the shala to catch me when I slip or, better yet, to pick this toxic water bottle out of the ocean and plant some flowers in her. Yikes?

So, Gorgeouses, what are some old patterns you slip into when life gets overwhelming? And do you have some kind of “practice” or hobby to keep you steady and grounded?

Love!
xo Haley-O

How DOES she do it?

I love them. And I fed them for her sake — because I can’t imagine what it’s like to have nine children. And, of course, they kept coming back for more. In the end they were swimming with us, side by side. Quack quack quack. Until Betty White jumped in. She didn’t bother them or anything, but the mere presence of such a SCARY BEAST was evidently enough to send the ducklings and their mama quacking away for a few hours at least….

Ooooooo…. Scary beast. RAWR!

Or maybe it was my Justin Bieber towel that scared them away….

If you can help it, try not to comment about how dirty and disease infested ducks are. I’ve been fighting some serious sun anxiety/OCD lately. I spent an entire paycheck buying every mineral sunscreen I could find in the store, and that doesn’t seem to be enough for my (and my sister’s) fair beauties in the heat of the cottage sun….

Cousins…. They did wear T-shirts most of the day…AND their beloved life jackets.

Brothers….

Obvious: I love the cottage. I feel like a kid again when I’m there, only better. When I was a kid, I was terrified of the lake, hated the outdoors and ran the other way when anyone yelled “WATER SPORTS WOOHOOOHOOHOOO!” Now, here I am jumping in the middle of the lake to rescue a lost hat, kayaking….

WAKEBOARDING…!

I got up on the wakeboard, and I made it around the lake, bouncing off choppy waves and whipping side to side. Totally awesome, dude…. And I went crazy water tubing. Here’s Josh-O hating every minute of our saggy water tube….

I love it. I love the cottage. The nature, the play, the togetherness. and I hate to leave every time….

So thanks for the emails, Gorgeouses. I know I’ve been MIA here lately. It’s okay. I haven’t even been to yoga much lately either. And I’m kind of disappointed in my apparent laziness. But I am long overdue for this thing called “play,” which I’m surprisingly rediscovering at the cottage.

I think my last yoga practice taught me something about this just the other day. I was really struggling through the poses — probably because I’d eaten too much the night before — and just spontaneously decided to stop working so hard. I let my muscles go a little flaccid, rested a little between poses, relaxed inside the poses (all of this a no-no in Ashtanga yoga), breathed a little more freely. And it suddenly occurred to me that I do EVERYTHING TOO HARD. My “flaccid” yoga was for sure someone else’s 100%. I consistently work too hard in every single aspect of my life. I put too much pressure on myself to go all the way and do everything perfectly. Eureka! Maybe things would flow better for me in general if I just let go a little…. Ride the wave….

Parenting, writing, working, parenting, cooking, yoga, dieting, parenting, running, running, running like Lola.

It felt good to let go in yoga, and it feels good to let go a little in life. To play without guilt or holding back or fear. Without fear without fear, for two seconds without fear. I got up and around the lake on a wakeboard for the first time in my life. You missed it all, Fear.

Now I just have to find that healthy balance between work and play, push and pull, order and chaos, freedom and control, yin and yang.

My arms still feel slightly torn out of their sockets from wakeboarding, but I should make it to yoga tomorrow (and I will work hard). It’s pretty crucial. I have the greatest, most inspiring teacher out there, who, like wakeboarding, reminds me that I can do anything.

Ahh, life.

Love!
xo Haley-O