“Oh, I’m sorry! My name’s Nick. I’m a reporter out here in Santa Monica, and I just finished up an interview with Julia [Child] for our paper out here.”

I was really going to have to get my phone number unlisted.

“I’d like to get your thoughts on some things. Because I asked her about you, and frankly, she was kind of a pill about it. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh. No. It’s fine.”

When I hung up the phone five minutes later, I felt numb.

…I sat on the couch beside Eric…. “That was a reporter from California. He just interviewed Julia. He asked her about me. She hates me.” I giggled, like I do in these breathless situations. ”She thinks I’m not respectful or not serious or something.”

…Eric put his arm over my shoulder. “What is she, ninety?”

“Ninety-One,” I sniffled.

“See? She probably doesn’t have the first idea what a blog is.“

…”I don’t know. Maybe she thinks I’m taking advantage or I’m — I’m not –” I was taken surprise by a sudden rush of tears. “I thought I was — I’m sorry if I –”

And then abruptly I was wailing….

–Julie Powell, Julie and Julia, pp. 333-334

So there was a Simon Fraser University Masters thesis written extensively about me and seven other “mommybloggers” (grrr…). I heard about it yesterday, of all places, when I was sitting at Podcamp TO, listening to a panel discussion, of all things, about what happens when social media goes wrong. My heart started pounding when I heard — my face turned beat red, palms sweating, hands shaking.

I’m used to people responding to my individual posts in the comments, on twitter, even on email. I’m definitely not used to someone reading my blog from start to finish, making gross assumptions based on posts here and there, and then publishing these gross assumptions and frustrating misreadings in a thesis — both offline and on — and not telling me about it, even after the fact.

At first I was furious. And I definitely (over)reacted on twitter:

I got really upset that The Thesis wasn’t in fact about the “works” themselves or the genre of blogging, as indicated in The Thesis’ abstract, and that, rather, it was about our lives, our income, whether or not we love that our children are away (for 2.5 hours, hello) at preschool, and so on. When Danigirl sent me the abstract (which was all I could see for hours until I got home to open the pdf file that contained The Thesis), I was a little flattered and excited. To be studied in the context of Bakhtin’s Dialogic, for example, and to be categorized as “Canadian Women’s Literature,” was so cool. Bring it on!

But, when I opened the document and searched my name…, I was floored. All those assumptions about all sorts of irrelevant stuff. It hurt. Bad.

I think the thing that bothered me most was when The Thesis writer suggested that I may have contrived how I started blogging in the first place. I told the world that Ali Martell introduced me to blogging when the Monkey was 8 months old, and that’s the truth — no questions asked. But, according to The Thesis writer, I “contrived” this bit in order to appear flippy and erratic or whatever. In another post, she ingeniously discovers, I mention that Jennifer Lawrence, who happens to be the author of the blog MUBAR (which no longer exists), helped me out when I was clinically depressed while pregnant with the Monkey. (And, by the way, an article was written about my prenatal depression and published in some major psychiatry journal — APA? — and, you betcha, the author asked my permission even though they used an alias and I’d never find it in a million years!). Yes, Jen Lawrence helped me, but it was OVER THE PHONE. I didn’t know she had a blog, or what a blog was.

Why does this bother me? Because it’s an insult to my integrity as a blogger. SURE, I might exaggerate things — for entertainment’s sake — here and there, and less so these days. But I would never flat-out lie. I would never “contrive” something. To me, that’s the ultimate insult to a blogger.

Somewhere, way out yonder in the internet ether, there’s a great old email conversation in which Ali reveals to me, “I HAVE A BLOG,” and to which I reply, “WHAT’S A BLOG???”

Anyway.

Whatever. I’m really okay now. I’m flattered that I’m in an MA thesis, even though the reading of “me” is false and unflattering for the most part. As you can see on twitter, I felt beyond violated and uncomfortable when I first read the thesis. But, I haven’t looked at it since, and I’ll never look at it again — and I feel better. And I can laugh at the broad assumptions, as I’ve also done on twitter:

And, this one….

Oops, how’d that tweet get there? (Disclosure: CONTRIVED.)

Here, see I can make light of The Thesis writer’s totally unfounded statement that I am the most “affluent” of all the bloggers (if she only knew!?):

Should the student have contacted me? It would have been the nice and, I think, scholarly thing to do.

Do I blame the student? Do I “hate” her SORT OF like Julia Child hated Julia Powell? No. I’ve done a Master’s Thesis, and I know how difficult that can be on several levels. This writer wrote the thesis in 2008. She’s obviously young, likely not a mother. There I go assuming, though….

As with all controversies surrounding “mommyblogging,”  people are now taking the opportunity to troll thoughtful posts on the subject and preach about the ethics of “mommyblogging.” We’re putting ourselves and our kids out there for scrutiny and misinterpretation, so apparently we should just suck it up, not react, and just plain expect this. But, surely we’re allowed to “giggle” or “wail.” On twitter?

Know what happened to me today? I went to Starbucks (shut it — I’m not affluent — I got a card for Valentine’s Day). Rascal and I sat beside a woman who was typing on her mini laptop. When she got up to leave, she said:

You know, I’ve been watching you, and you’re a wonderful mother. I see the way you talk to him and look at him, the way he looks at you. And I don’t see that all the time, unfortunately. It’s amazing to watch you. And I’m a therapist….

That compliment, that observation of ME, was so beautiful and so welcomed given my current frustration. And, so often, my readers and fellow bloggers, whether in comments, twitter, or email, make me feel THAT good with their genuine, caring feedback and friendship.

You can’t read a blog and claim to know the writer. As I stated several days ago on twitter,

You can’t judge a blogger by his or her blog. It’s not a novel. It’s its own genre. One absolutely worth exploring at an academic level.

If you’d like to see a copy of The Thesis, just contact me — which is easy to do for the record….

Love!

xo Haley-O

It doesn’t take much to make me anxious — like a lot of mothers I know, actually! And one of my techniques for easing anxiety is to practice being thankful. This works because being thankful brings you back from the projected future (the anxiety) to the present, the here and now. It totally works. Anyway, checkit!

RASCAL: Evvybody luff me, Mama?

ME: Yes, Rascal! Everybody loves you!

Now, go on over to my latest post at Canada Moms Blog, and see what else I’m thankful for. Hint: it rhymes with “Shmeal Shmousewives.” But, first, DO TELL: what are you thankful for today?

Love!

xo Haley-O

As a Canadian who loves passionate people, I’m SO excited about the 2010 Olympics on Canadian soil! Did I FLY off my couch (while tweeting) when Alex Bilodeau won the first Canadian Olympic Gold Medal on Canadian soil EVER? YES! Did I cry (while tweeting) during opening ceremonies? YES! Did I MELT when Rick Hansen opened the torch lighting ceremony? O to the MG, YES!

In honour of the Olympics and of passionate athletes and artists, and in anticipation of Disney on Ice’s most unique, exciting, and educational show yet — LET’S CELEBRATE! — I bring you the one and only Matthew Buttrey, Performance Director of Disney on Ice. I had a totally fun time interviewing him last Friday. I could have talked to him for hours! But I let him go — he was in Boston and had a show to put on, after all! So, here goes. CHECK IT.

How cute is he!? A cross between Haley Joel Osment (as people like to tell him) and Matthew Morrison!

[Note: these answers are paraphrased -- as close to the original answer as possible! I'm a novice at interviewing. Bygones!]

You began skating when you were 7 yrs old. Was it always figure skating, and what drew you to it?

It was always figure skating for me. I never had an interest in hockey, no. I saw figure skating on TV and thought, “I want to do that!” — even though no one was really figure skating in the small town in southeast Missouri where I grew up.

So, you really went against the grain — courageous in a small town, no?

Yeah, you could say I went against the grain that way. At the same time, I didn’t know any better because I was always doing things that were different than what my three older brothers did. They loved baseball, and I skated.

Were your parents always supportive of your choices, even as your choices were so different from those of your older brothers?

My parents were totally supportive. They really encouraged me. I got involved in theatre and art and creative stuff. They stood in the outdoor stands for my brothers, and the indoor stands for me! And it was great. I loved my skating. I made a lot of friends, traveled all over the US competing, met friends in competition – some of them are skating in Disney on Ice now. It’s a very small skating community.

So, you basically found your niche in skating at a young age. Nice! Was there a lot of pressure? Or were you skating simply for fun?

When my hometown coach moved cities, he referred me to a new coach in St. Louis, an hour and a half away. This new coach encouraged me to compete. I started competing in ’89. Prior to that, my small town was just opening its rink, so my skating was recreational. There are definitely benefits to both recreational and competitive skating.

What was your highest level of competition?

In 1994 I went to Nationals and skated in the Pairs Competition. The Nationals are the qualifying competition for the Junior Worlds – like a mini Olympics. I came in third in the novice pairs. Actually, an hour after I competed, the news of the Nancy Kerigan/Tanya Harding scandal went live. It was pretty wild, and unfortunate.

Did you have to practice ballet, yoga, or any other forms of movement as part of your skating training?

I started practicing ballet as part of my competitive training, yeah. I did tap in high school — as part of our high school musicals. In university, I majored in theatre and set design, so I felt well rounded altogether. Yoga has been great for dealing with the stress of traveling. I’ll practice in my hotel room sometimes, or at a gym either in the hotel or nearby.

Tell us about your role as Performance Director of Disney on Ice.

Among the many responsibilities, one of the things I do is take skater and tech notes on things that look good, need work, etc.. I relay my observations to the crew and skaters. I also help with understudies, scheduling rehearsals, coordinating all those people, making sure understudies get implemented in regular shows. I do skater evaluations for all the skaters, as well as overall performance reports. I’m also an “ear” – I listen. It’s a tightly knit unit and challenging to keep everyone happy, so I make sure people are as content and safe as possible, and that things are done the way they’re supposed to be done. I’d say I’m a good listener!

What’s a typical show day for you?

Opening night is the busiest night. The show starts at 7. I get to the building at noon or 1pm, set up office, coordinate schedules for the week’s rehearsals (skaters do their own makeup), set up performance reports so they’re ready for the show. I also check the size of the ice, and look at the grid to make sure the production fits the stage. Sometimes this means making changes to numbers or set pieces.

I see one of your role models is Paul Wylie. I have to say he’s my FAVOURITE male skater, too! What do you like about him?

Paul is just inspirational – energizing. And he’s well-rounded.

On a personal note, what do you like to do for fun? What would an ideal day off be like for you?

One of the best days off I can remember was when we were touring in Paris. I loved the people watching and sampling food at the local cafes, the local flavours, and the amazing architecture. I love going to outdoor cafés (even in winter), with the Paris opera house in front of you. I just love the architecture…, and photography! I have a photo log filled with photographs of the different places I’ve been to — usually of the architecture. This obviously ties into my work, my experience in set design.

[Some of Matthew's beautiful pictures from his Disney travels -- makes me want to join a traveling performance group, too...! See if you recognize any of these places!:]

Traveling must get taxing after a while. Any plans to settle down in one place?

Well, now there is. I just bought a house in November near Tampa, Florida. And I miss it! So, yeah, I want to settle down now. I try to get back there as much as I can. So, I want to go as far as I can with Feld Entertainment because I love working for them. Perhaps a stationary position, designing sets — anything creative, anything involved with production and putting performances together.

Have you ever shown for any celebrities and their kids?

I actually had the opportunity last November to be on Regis and Kelly. I skated with Kelly! She was wonderful, and she let me pull her around the ice. It was a lot of fun. I basically turn Kelly into a princess, and bring her to Prince Mickey! It’s in the video archives somewhere…!

We just went to Disney, and my kids LOVED Mickey and Minnie. My daughter loved Sleeping Beauty, but got dressed as Cinderella at the Bibbidy Bobbidy Boutique…. Is Disney still as magical as ever for you, and who’s your favourite character. Mine’s Goofy.

MICKEY. I go to Disney every year: Tokyo Disney, Paris Disney…. I’ve been to all of them, except Hong Kong. They’re all unique. Orlando is the best because of the four parks – Animal Kingdom, Epcot, etc..

I have to tell you, I’m in the audience at every show, and the kids all dressed up in their costumes never gets old. The performers are totally inspired and motivated by the kids. We all love looking at everyone — including the ADULTS! — in costumes! It totally spurs us on.

What do you think about Toronto?

I LOVE TORONTO! I love walking up and down Bloor, Yonge — there’s a great theatre scene there. I’ve seen Wicked, Sound of Music…. The crowds are great here. Toronto has a really intelligent skating crowd – they like the jumps and spins and lifts. It’s great.

Do you have a favourite restaurant in Toronto?

Fire on the East Side (near Isabella), a really small restaurant. I love the atmosphere. And just generally, I love going out on the road and finding restaurants with great atmosphere.

Tell us a little about this show. What can we look forward to in Disney on Ice’s Let’s Celebrate?

This show is totally unique — like none of the other shows you’ve seen from Disney on Ice. It celebrates festivals and holidays around the year, features 7 Disney princesses (including the newest princess, Tiana), Woody and Buzz Lightyear, Jack Skellington (who brings on Halloween), Enchanted, and so many more. It’s all told through Minnie’s dream. We go around the world with Mickey’s DGD, which takes us magically anywhere we want to go.

The audience is really involved in this show — starting with the opening number, when Lumiere invites the audience to BE OUR GUEST, and come celebrate “Unbirthday,” which is basically 364 days of the year!

This is definitely one of my favourite shows. The special effects are so much fun, and there’s so much energy, crazy lifts, and, just, a party throughout.

It’s great that your kids love Mickey and Minnie because, in Let’s Celebrate, they have the largest presence ever in a Disney on Ice show. And they have the best costumes. Wait ’til you see Minnie’s 1930s flapper dress for Mardi gras!

Are you excited for the Olympics? Is there still a special jump to look out for? Is it still the elusive quad?

There are so many great skaters this Olympics. It’ll be a real showcase of new talent. I’m so busy with my job that it’s hard for me to keep up with what’s going on. The quad is definitely the big jump still, but technical steps are also really important.

How about in Let’s Celebrate? Will there be a lot of fancy, difficult skating? And do skaters ever get used to falling in front of hundreds of people?

Yeah, there are several back flips, triple jumps and pair elements that you won’t see on TV. In amateur (competitive) skating, you’re really limited in what you can do. This isn’t the case with Disney on Ice. And we have amazing skaters in the show.

As for falling, our main goal is to make sure everyone’s doing their best and feeling good about their performance. I give them all encouragement and make sure they have a healthy attitude. That’s my job. Falling happens — it’s a part of skating.

Are you reading any books in your limited spare time?

The last book I read was The Art of Racing in the Rain. I’m now reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now — just little bits here and there when I have time. It helps me escape and think of things other than the show, while helping me do my job managing others, etc..

Cats or dogs?

In southeast Missouri, we had cats. So, I like cats. Or calm dogs….

One of the things I love about going to Disney on Ice is that it’s ALL for kids. I mean, they go ALL OUT to give the kids a magical experience. I get verklempt when I’m there, and sometimes cry at the effort put in to entertain children. If you were in an Olympic-sized skating rink filled with children, and their parents, what would you like to say to them? What advice would you have? And what would you like them to get most out of the show?

Let’s Celebrate offers a great escape from our issues or woes. It’s a total escape — just like Disney World. And it’s a ton of fun. When I think Disney, I think fun and happiness, and I get a bit of a sad feeling when I leave. I want the audience to leave with the feeling “I want to come back!”

I would tell the children to celebrate something EVERY DAY of their life. There’s nothing too little to celebrate. Be present, enjoy the audience participation – GET INTO IT! Fairy Godmother and Mickey will ask for help. So, get right into it and take advantage of the escape. Be present in the moment, have fun, be all about who you are, be part of the moment here.

Thank you so much, Matthew, for taking the time to share yourself and your photos with me and my readers, and for helping us get even more into the Olympic spirit and good and psyched for Let’s Celebrate!

CHECK CHEATY GOODIES FOR A SPECIAL DISCOUNT ON TICKETS TO THE TORONTO SHOW (MARCH 3rd – 7th) JUST FOR CHEATY READERS.

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’m only writing a post right now so that I can move the last post I wrote down the line. You know — the one DOWN THERE where I say I’m obsessed with Bethenny Frankel? I’m NOT obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. I’ve just had a fever on and off for 2 weeks, and I, clearly, wrote that post during one of my more feverish moments. I’m shivering with fever chills just thinking about it: me, obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. While I like her — and maintain that I still LOVE the whole Real Housewives series and may write about it elsewhere on the internet later today, from my bed, while feverish — I’m not obsessed with her. Although her body really is something else, and she tells it like it is like nobody’s business, and she makes a mean margarita (not that I drink margaritas)…. Not obsessed. Seriously. Did I mention I’m SICK AS A DOG?

I’ve been sick for 2 weeks. And, aside from the smoking part, I remind myself of Rosana Rosanadana in this famous SNL skit (FAVE)…..

From the rash in Florida, to the worst sore throat I’ve ever had in my life, to the stomach flu that had me praying to the porcelain god like I HAVE NEVER, and now to this cold? I’m A MESS. So I thought I’d share. And this is better than nothing, right? It’s better than leaving a post up for days stating I’m obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. Actually, I’m a little, more admirably, obsessed with Wallace Stevens today — since I found his book Palm at the End of the Mind in a box in my garage while I was looking for another book (that I for the life of me cannot find):

To say more than human things with human voice,
That cannot be; to say human things with more
Than human voice, that, also, cannot be;
To speak humanly from the height or from the depth
Of human things, that is acutest speech.
(Wallace Stevens, “Chocurua to its Neighbor”)

So there’s that. And just when I was about to go to bed for the entire day and maybe, like, heal and such, I realize Monkey and I have to count one hundred hearts together….

And we have to do our Friday school homework assignment…. And we have to make Valentine’s Day cards — 20 of them, which involve the handwriting of each child’s name in her class GOD HELP US ALL. And the mystery therein lies in this undeniable fact: my child’s “y”s look like vaginas….

Okay, to bed….

Love!

xo Haley-O

There are three potential first lines to this post:

1. Then again the apple never tasted so sweet.

2. “Mama, are you going to put it on your website?”

3. Dogs are such extensions of their owners, I mean, look at Bethenny Frankel….

I mean, while all the other Real Housewives are sporting chihuahuas, she comes up with this hunk of a bruiser. OY, LOVE. And her name is Cookie. I mean, does it get more compatible than that. They’re perfect for each other. And, me? I have him….

…WHOM I, proudly, rescued from a vet who didn’t seem to care much about him. Really, I’ve never said much about Minden’s origins. But, Minden was the sweetest, most affectionate cat I’d ever met, and he was spending his kitten days locked in a cage on top of his litter box. The vet and staff hardly recognized him when I brought him back in for check ups — and that makes me want to cry. THREE MONTHS Minden spent with them, and they didn’t recognize him when I brought him in. I switched vets, needless to say.

Are Minden and I compatible like Bethenny and Cookie? Just say YES.

I have countless pictures of me and Minden. Me in my big red hat and, what is that, an iPad? And my fancy shiny legs and big New York smile. I’m a little obsessed with Bethenny — and I don’t care if that’s sad — I think she’s hilarious, and I love her frankness (her Frankelness…heh).

That whole Housewives series is just a HOOT. Just yesterday, I thought, I’m NOT getting into The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I will NOT! I want to salvage at least SOME of my brain cells. But, then I saw this clip…, and I was hooked, lined and SINKERED:

OUTRAGEOUS! It’s just so outrageous. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, I know. Some of you are probably, like Josh-O, totally disgusted right now. And, I know I should be spending my time finishing this month’s fabulous and VERY intellectual T-DOT Blogger bookclub book…. But, if you’ve spent two nights in a row “praying to the porcelain god” because you have the worst stomach flu you’ve ever had in your entire life, then a TV show like this is a GODSEND. Yes, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Orange County, New York and New Jersey have helped me get through this flu in one piece, sort of.

And 5 pounds smaller — hoorahhh!

OH! And the brand new Project Runway………looooove.

I’m still not out of the woods. I haven’t been able to eat dinner tonight. And I’m freezing, and there are no Housewives on tonight.

But, the sliver of  apple I just sampled never tasted so sweet. AND, the Monkey is actually excited for me to post her favourite dolls “on [my] website”…. She’s starting to have a voice of her own on this blog. And it’s really cool to see that li’l evolution.

But, I’ve run out of steam, officially. Getting cold, and feeling another HURL coming on. You’ll have to wait for the dolls until next time. And, I assure you, whether or not that sounds lame, that you will love it.

You know, sometimes I get really anxious, and the weight of motherhood and the world just gets too heavy to bear. As shameful as it may be, the Housewives are an escape. These women worry about nothing outside of their own self-created dramas. It’s LIBERATING to watch, and hysterical. And the makeup and clothes are OUTRAGEOUS. OUTRAGEOUS, I tell you.

After reading this post, can you guess how high my fever is? I may just be…DELIRIOUS?!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. Many thanks to all who participated in the To Haiti With Love benefit (ends midnight tonight). It was an HONOUR to be a part of it.