Honestly? I was NOT looking for a pity party in the comment section last post (or, in my Inbox — thank, you CONCERNED GORGEOUSES)! But, there were some really useful pity-party comments that I, definitely, took to heart.

One of them in particular, from one of my bloggy besties RENEE (who, I gotta tell you, is TRAY wise), suggested I do this little exercise. Check it:

You need some positives! I think you need to write down 5 positive thing about yourself every day. I think that focusing on having to come up with 5 positive things each day will help you stop being so obsessed with the negative and eventually those negative things will go away. Good luck. I’m challenging you to do this Haley…can you do it?

YES I CAN! Hmmm…. A challenge. I LOVE a good challenge. That’s one of my better qualities. Voilà a positive! And, I haven’t even begun the exercise! So, here goes….

Here’s a picture of moi as I am now. Taken today. I will refrain from saying ANYTHING negative about it (even if negative thoughts are flying voraciously around in head).

Okay, so, 1. I have really thick and healthy hair. Hairdressers ALWAYS tell me it’s gorj. The colour is also nice enough that I don’t have to get it coloured — people often ask me if I DO colour it! Sweet.

(This feels weird….)

2. My eyes are pretty rad, actually. I LOVE putting makeup on them. And, a guy once told me “eyes like mine never get old.” Hmmmm…. I let him buy me a drink after that, of course. I also like that they’re really round and big and friendly. I am THE most unintimidating person because of them. Also I get away with a lot because they scream “INNOCENCE.” Heh!

3. Uh oh…. This is getting tougher now…. My lips. They’re big. I understand that big lips are a highly coveted feature….

In grad school, one of my colleagues told me (in front of a table full of students and profs) that I probably get a lot of guys because, with my “perfectly full lips,” I must give good. And, then she tried to put lipstick on them….

4. I am freakishly flexible. I can do the splits all three ways (and if there were a fourth way, I’d be able to do that, too), lift my leg over my head, etc., etc.. Check it if you don’t believe me (note that I did NOT warm up AT ALL before taking this pic and am LUCKY I didn’t pull something — the things I do for you…LOVE!)…

…I’m also blessed with some kick-arse balance…. Weeeee! (Sorry for the foggy pics — my camera battery died so we took them with Pinkberry….)

5. Likes long walks on the beach Eager to learn. I’m EAGER TO LEARN. YES! You probably wouldn’t have seen this phrase on my high-school report card. But, if there were a report card of life right now? I’d get an E for EAGER TO LEARN. It DOTH get me in trouble, though. Like, lately? I KEEP reading books with horrific, TRAUMATIZING chapters on the evils of the meat and dairy industries, and it is KILLING ME. I couldn’t SLEEP last night thinking of the animals — I certainly did NOT expect THIS BOOK to go there! Alas, it seems I’m destined to go vegan, OR SOMETHING! A-ny-way, USUALLY my eagerness to learn leads me to enlightening knowledge that makes life TRAY exciting. Eager to learn…eager to LIVE.

Of course, those are five positive things about ME. There’s much more, I see! Like the monkeys. My beautiful, healthy monkeys. What MORE could anyone ask for than that. I should stop asking, shouldn’t I…. Because I have all I need right here right now.

Thank you, Renee! This was a very healing exercise…. Wonderful….

And, now it’s YOUR turn, Gorgeouses. FIVE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF. Right here, in the comments, or on your own blog, if you have one! I wanna see, I wanna see!

We’re not going to talk about how perpetually disappointed I am in myself to a point where it’s SICKENING already. ‘Cuz, you know, the more you practice yoga and self-study, etc., the more you become aware of your thought patterns — particularly the negative ones, ones like “I’m so fat” (one of our most popular items), “I’m so tired” and “why’d I eat that?” Welcome to my internal workings! Now THAT’s not too personal or anything. But, you know I’m battling my serious pregnancy weight. And, the more I battle, the harder the battle gets, and the more self-destructive my thoughts become as I lose the battle lose the battle lose the battle again. (And, we better get off this discussion because we don’t want a pity party in the comment section…. HOLLAAHHHH!)

But, but, BUT, the first step to feeling better and becoming a better person (and, in turn, a better mommy — because it’s so much about that) is BECOMING AWARE of the negative thought patterns. Because once you become aware of said patterns, you can start doing something about them. (AS Rascal sits here chewing on a cord, bless his lil heart he loves those cords, and my pinkberry case…, and Mum-Mums…thank GOD for MUM-MUMS!…and cords).

Sprinkled among the NEGATIVE THOUGHTS against which I battled, battled, battled this weekend were SUCH moments of peace and of joy and GENUINE GLEE (oooo, good word!)…. So, let’s focus on those, shall we?

Minden on my bed in his RIDICULOUS pose….

…Eeeeeeeeee! Oh, HILARITY, THY NAME IS MINDEN-IN-THIS-POSE!

Rascal enjoying the sling at the giant book store (can you tell I love the giant bookstore?)….

Monkey riding her l’il princess bike….

Monkey SWIMMING….

…and making new friends….

I just sat there, in yoga lotus pose (i.e., cross-legged), watching the monkey splash about and listening to an independent artist someone recommended to me, which added a surreal aspect to this adorable day. It was pretty wild, actually…. Amazing how music can, like, season your day — spice it, sweeten it up, intensify it?

My blissful state of tranquility was, of course, interrupted by “MOMMA, I HAVTA PEE!” and a trip to a disgusting park washroom YECH!

In the space of a minute, my day went from totally tranquil to totally SH*T!

It wasn’t so bad. When we returned to the pool, I kept the earphones off because monkey was playing with some older girls and I wanted to hear EVERYTHING (’cuz it’s so freaking hilarious). For some reason, she kept saying “It’s up to me and you!” OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I have NO idea where that came from. The BEST, though, was when she ran up to me and said:

“I’m playing with my friends, Momma! I belong with them!”

How bizarre and brillers is that?! (As monkey would say,) I LLLLLLLLOVE IT!

So, it was a great weekend. A lot to be thankful for. Like a body. A HEALTHY body. I may not LOVE what it looks like right now (used as I am to a MUCH smaller frame), but it’s what I’ve got. And, GARSH DANGIT, I’m thankful.

Changing the thought patterns, one thought at a time…. LAAAAA!

Also, am SO THANKFUL for NEW BRAS! A WAIST! I have a WAIST!

She wears my (old) sunglasses at night….because she thinks they make her “see better”….

See, here’s the thing. For the monkey and I to coexist in harmony now that school is over, we have some SERIOUS work to do. Because she does it ALL DAY. WITH ME. And, with me only.

Let’s see…. She clings. She whines. She NEEDS. All day long. And, I finally recognized this today. I finally recognized what’s been WEARING ME RIGHT OUT every single day.

Look! Playing independently….

…YOU WOULD THINK. But, noooo. Apparently, playdough is a TEAM-ORIENTED activity. DUDE!?!

So, I set her up with the playdough, roll a few pancakes, make a few butterflies, horses and, of course, kitty cats. I put in my time. But, it’s not enough. I go to sit down at my computer to take a MUCH-NEEDED break with my twitter buds and maybe write a post or two, and I get yelled at: “MAMA, COME!” Excuse me? I’m right here. We are in the same teeny tiny living room. You are practically right beside me. And, why are you YELLING in this teeny tiny living room? I can hear you BREATHING.

Eventually, she releases me. Only to leave the playdough but a few seconds later to climb up on the couch beside me, stick a thumb in her mouth and claw at my clavicle (yes, I’m being serious).

She’s not like this with anyone else. With everyone else — teachers, it’sgrandma, even Josh-O — she’s a great independent player. Yet with me she CLINGS to my thighs, my shirt, my hands, my clavicle. Like a LEACH, like a, ermmm, newborn. How old is too old for baby sling???

Photo, with thanks, c/o Celebrity Baby Blog.

Noah Wyle’s daughter Auden (2.5 yo) is still in the sling…. And, Kate Hudson carried her daughter son Ryder HAIRCUT in a sling when he was this HUGE already….

Photo, with thanks, c/o Celebrity Baby Blog.

Ahhh, the monkey would LOVE it. Soooo close to clavicle….

Anyway, NOT HAPPENING. We’re talking through our issues instead. And, and, AND, I SIGNED US UP TO TAKE A DANCE CLASS…TOGETHER! Just the two of us! “I WILL LLLLLLOVE THAT!” she said when I told her about it. I’m thinking that spending that fun concentrated time together every week (just us) will get ME out of her system a little.

It’s a work in progress. We BOTH need to be happy if we’re going to spend SO MUCH time together this summer.

I know, in a few years I’ll be WISHING for a cuddle. I know. I SO know. I’m NOT forgetting to be grateful, and I am enjoying the little projects we do together….

Hmph. She’s a cheaty little monkey, that one…. I hope she’ll always covet my clavicle…. I just need a liiiiiiitle space now and then on these long hot summer days. Too much to ask?