Thank you SO….

I’m trying to write my blog right now, but my GEEK of a husband is interrupting me with pictures of poker players and their fictional/celebrity lookalikes. I know. BAAAHHHH!

Just got back from an UNBELIEVABLE night out with IT’SGRANDMA. We went to my FAVE vegetarian restaurant (the one with the SWEET POTATO FRIES), where I enjoyed a light meal of vegan chili, their AWESOME cornbread and house salad. Divine…. Restored my enthusiasm about vegan eating. Because lately, I’ve been gagging at the mere thought of soy or legumes or leafy greens. But, anyway.

After dinner, we went to the Ballet and saw an INCREDIBLE, tray artsy performance of The Seagull.

The lead male, Zdenek Konvalina, looked just like Daniel Craig…. I felt like I was watching Daniel Craig dancing in next to NO CLOTHES. Awesome….

Bond…, James Bond….

Gorj….

I absolutely loved it: I laughed, I cried, I thought. Hard. Philosophized with it’sgrandma on desire and the human condition. It was awesome.

Then, I JUST got home and turned on So You Think You Can Dance Canada to watch my ADORABLE cousin Miles perform the BEST SOLO EVER on that stage RIGHT into the TOP SIX!

Gorgeouses! I know a lot of you are voting. THANK YOU! (And, see this post’s comments — Miles’s parents thank you, too!)

Here are the videos of the performances that had MIA MICHAELS saying she’s Miles’s “BIGGEST FAN”! CHECK IT!

Amazing, or what? Wait till you see the solo he did tonight. It was BY FAR the best of all the solos.

Final thing: SOMEONE loves hockey (needs haircut)….

Well…, he loves hockey sticks. He loves FLINGING them. Swiping air. He should NOT be enrolled in Sportball. He is WAY too young. But, he loves it. ‘Cuz it’s just him and me. He’s got me all to his li’l self.

That little guy, Gorgeouses? He drives me insane with his cuteness. He’s such a bizarre little guy, I gotta say. Take his CRAZY smile: he lifts his head back, closes his eyes, grins from ear to ear and goes “ksshhhhhhhh.” He DANCES CRAZY DANCE at the first beat of music he hears…. And, today he’s started trying SO HARD to stand up by himself (getting close!). He’s a silly little guy. SO SILLY. SO CRAZY CUTE. My sidekick. My little love…. OY!

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I am STILL down with the flu, or whatever this bug is. I CANNOT EAT. Which is, of course, not a bad thing. Still. Not enjoying the persistent headache and nausea and knee-joint-thingie (I know, I sound REAL attractive right now). The only thing I’ve been able to eat is popcorn (but only a little), and Rascal’s little CHEEKS! Oy.

On to the list. I had to make my own because I was NOT impressed with People’s. Mostly because — who ARE those men? Am I THAT out of the celebrity-gossip loop that I don’t know who three-quarters of those pretty people are???

Something has to be done about that. A NEW LIST. CHEATY’S SEXIEST MEN ALIVE! Check it!

Note: This list is in no particular order, and CELEBS only. If it weren’t celebs only, Josh-O would definitely be in there! And, the little Rascal. And, papa’shere. Oh, and MINDEN (but, Minden IS a celebrity. hmmm….)

1. But, of course, CLIVE OWEN! RAWR!!!

2. Jeremy Northam — The Tudors HOLLAAAAHHH!

3. Jonathan Rys Meyers — I repeat, The Tudors! ALL HAIL THE KING!

4. Joaquin Phoenix — any man who’s going to use his fame for ANIMALS is HOTT in my books.

5. Brad Pitt — Cheaty loves an environmentalist/activist…. He just keeps getting better with age!

6. James Sturgess — he had me at 21, and then stole my heart at Across the Universe

7. Adrian Grenier — Entourage gorjness aside, dude’s a MAYJAH environmentalist, and you gotta LOVE that.

8. Denzel Washington — how can anyone NOT LOVE Denzel…?

9. Wentworth Miller — the ONLY reason I allow myself to watch Prison Break….

10. Daniel Craig — I’m with People on this one. LOVE him as James Bond…. GORJ!

11. Blair Underwood — I’m also with People on this one. I’ve HEARTED him ever since Sex and the City: s-s-s-sexay!

12. MILES FABER — from So You Think You Can Dance Canada, happens to be my COUSIN! But, CHECK HIM:

13. MINDEN-O!!! — no one looks better in a tux…. Minden also wins for best KISSER….

Who are YOUR picks for sexiest men alive, Gorgeouses?

By the way. MILES? The AWESOME Mia Michaels was judging tonight and she LOVED MILES! She called him “AMAZING” and said she was his “BIGGEST FAN”! I mean, HELLOOOO? Does it get better than that? Congratulations, MILES! He did absolutely awesome tonight! And, if this post is disjointed in anyway, it’s because I’ve been on the phone while writing this: VOTING FOR MILES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER…AND OVER!

xo Haley-O

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SO, this is just a reminder to vote for my cousin MILES on So You Think You Can Dance Canada tomorrow (Wednesday)! Every vote counts, so THANK YOU.

Here’s a vid of last week’s contemporary routine, and of THE CHOREOGRAPHER reaming out annoying judge for dissing Miles’s performance. YEEEAHHH! As a dancer myself, I felt Miles performance was excellent. See for yourself….

Miles has a very unique style. For a B-BOY to dance contemporary…. I mean, COME ON. That was fabulous. But, regardless, he DANCED this. And, he danced it HARD and beautifully and with heart and with MAYJAH style. This was one of my favourites. Blew me away. No one could have danced it better. GO MILES.

What you really need to see are Miles’s last two solos because, OH MY GARSH, they’ve been AMAZING. I just can’t get them on YouTube for some reason! I’ll keep an eye out.

Thanks so much for the support, Gorgeouses!

Good luck, Miles! I’ll be hitting that redial button for TWO STRAIGHT HOURS tomorrow night — count on it. Love, ALL THE CHEATY GORGEOUSES

P.S.: Kids Deserve Art has been featured on Droolicious! We couldn’t be more excited. HUGE thanks to Amanda Hill for recognizing our little gallery and sharing it with the world!

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Actually, I’m still getting over my FLU SHOT, which has rendered me DROWSY, IN PAIN, NAUSEOUS and DID I MENTION DROWSY? How ’bout EXHAUSTED? It was a little unfortunate because I was sick in New York, and we had to go home early from the Museum of Natural History….

Ooops! Sorry, wrong picture — that was Toys R’ Us (LOVE!)…. Here’s the museum….

Yeah, we’d been walking for a while, and then, all of a sudden, my feet felt like they were going to FALL OFF. And, I got f-f-f-reezing and achy everywhere. We had a wedding event that evening, and I totally didn’t think I’d be able to go. And, I was willing to sacrifice the WRATH of Josh-O’s family to FREEZE alone in my hotel bed. But, I ended up popping two advils (which I never do), and I MADE IT!

Speaking of wedding…. I promised I’d share my uggers dress with you! I only managed to get one pinkberry picture — which I took to send to my family back in Toronto. WARNING: it’s frightening. WARNING #2: my breasts are actually THE SAME SIZE; one is NOT impossibly bigger than the other….

I’m really not sure which boob is the actual size…. Anyway, I wish to thank DRESSMAKER FROM HELL for the lovely job on the PLEATS that made me look TRAY fat. I’ve always wanted to be the FAT BRIDESMAID. And, SHE (helped) make it happen. LOVE. Also, if I look like I was punched in the eye? It’s ‘cuz I’m pretty sure I WAS punched in the eye. My left eye was THROBBING with pain all day. Monkey slept in our hotel bed, so it’s very likely I was thwacked in the eye by either a foot, a fist or an elbow. Probably an elbow. Or, a knee. Because, if I remember correctly, Doc didn’t inject the flu shot in my eye….

Fortunately FOR ALL, the kids looked great at the wedding…. Monkey was a beautiful flower girl, and I was TRAY fahklempt walking down the aisle with her while she meticulously and with great seriousness scattered the rose petals….

Awww! I KNOW! And, look at my little ringbearer…. RAAAASCAAAAL! IN A TUXEDO (check the shoes!)!

Josh-O looked really spiffy himself…. Here we are at Rockefeller Center….

(That’s my bad angle. The photographer at the wedding, you should know, made sure I was photo’d at this angle, but with a little less nostril, of course, in all the photos. Which makes me SO happy. Because those are, like, FOREVER.)

We loved being in New York. It’s a fascinating city. We stayed at the Millennium Broadway Hotel in the heart of Times Square….

This picture was taken at FOUR in the afternoon. 4pm!!! It was SO DARK. Eerie almost. Surreal…. Sublime….

Check out that orb! Do you see that orb up there? Ghost?!?!?

Central Park, of course, was my favourite….

Also…. ALSO, the American Girl doll store. We went there to get Monkey the PERFECT gift for being such a great flower girl. EVERY girl who is ANY girl in NYC has an American Girl doll. They. Were. EVERYWHERE. Have you BEEN to this place? It’s insanity. LOOK:

No. They are not kidding.

Dolls. EVERYWHERE. Little girls. EVERYWHERE. And, it’s very serious…. There’s even a freaking cafe (”freak” being the operative word here)….

The monkey came out with this doll….

…whom she named SHIELA (don’t ask because I have NO IDEA where she got that name from…), middle name PEELA. Of course, we got monkey and the doll matching pajamas and slippers — because that’s…what you do….

We TRIED SO HARD to get Rascal a gift, but he wouldn’t take anything! Everything we gave him was THROWN out of the stroller…. See how hard we tried? See?!

Nothing. You know how hard it is to NOT be able to give your kid a gift? I bought him a little toy phone today, though, and he loves it. So, s’all good.

Hey, by the way, check it! I met my first bloggers ever! I’ve never met any bloggers that I didn’t know in real life EVER (oh, except for Toronto private-blogger Lisa B, whom I met in the parking lot at Loblaws). And, I survived. I met the lovely Steph, who quit blogging (wah!), and AmyD, who’s as gorj and fabulous as she appears on her blog. It was AWESOME meeting them. Who knows? Maybe I CAN go to one of the Toronto blogger events? Maybe I CAN go to a Blogher conference after all? Maybe I CAN meet other bloggers in real life? Maybe it’s NOT scary! (Granted, these were TWO bloggers…. not TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION….)

Highlight of the trip?: Monkey in the airplane. We’re all waiting to get out of the airplane. It’s late. Everyone’s quiet. All of a sudden, monkey’s little voice blurts out loud and clear:

“MAMA, I MADE A STINKY THART!”

Mmm hmm. That’s ma girl. Of course, everyone on the plane was laughing. And, one day she’ll get her “f”’s right….

…but, I’m in no rush….

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Know why? Because I haven’t been in a year. And, Gorgeouses? I have never felt better….

I walk toward the dreaded building and am STOPPED right outside the door: “you’ve changed!” It’s the receptionist on her butt break. “Thank you!” I say, assuming I HAD to look better than I did this time last year (right after I gave birth to Rascal). “Yes, you look great. Before you were, umm, big!” Yes yes yes! I have lost weight. A LOT OF WEIGHT.

Grinning ear to ear, I walk into the office. “You look familiar,” says another one of the receptionists. “Hmm,” I offer, “maybe my sister was in recently.” “Yes yes,” she agrees, “but, no! That’s not it. It’s — you look exactly like Michelle Trachtenberg! You know, from Gossip Girls, and Buffy’s sister in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And, would you look at that–,” she shows me a file, “I took out the wrong file for you. I took out a file for a ‘MICHELLE’!!”

I love her….

And, I love that I look like Michelle Trachtenberg again….

…Ish…. She IS 11 years younger than me, and wearing a TON more makeup (and possible airbrush) than me in that picture….

Sorry for the grainy pic of me, Gorgeouses — my camera’s packed for NYC, so I had to use my macbook Photo Booth. But, thank you, Photo Booth, for making me look tanned! Alas, I AM, indeed, as white as Michelle…. Anyway, evs, I’m THUPER flattered to be told, once again, that I have a GORJ celebrity twin…. I’ll never tire of it!

I still have 15 pounds to go. But the weight is FALLING off now that I’ve stopped breastfeeding and gone vegan.

Seriously, Gorgeouses, want to lose weight? VEGAN. You CAN’T EAT ANYTHING. It’s no-fail! GO VEGAN!

After the doctor’s appointment, though…, I went to the dressmaker to pick up my bridesmaid dress for this weekend’s big wedding. I’ve lost a ton of weight, but the shape of dress could make MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG look huge. I do NOT have a big butt anymore. But this makes me look like BABY-GOT-BACK! And, not in a good way…. Not to mention the fact that dressmaker FROM HELL (but the only one who would do the job in 10 days) TOTALLY effed up the pleating (yes, I said pleating)…. Oh well, SIGHHHH, I’ll make it work. By the way, it’s not the bride’s fault I’m in this predicament. I chose the dress. Only I was 50 pounds heavier at the time!!! So making it look right has been quite a feat!

Off to NYC! I promise, I’ll take LOADS of pics.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. HUGE SHOUT-OUT to my cousin MILES FABER who danced an AWESOME contemporary routine on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. I could NOT have been prouder. YAY for the choreographer who put THAT JUDGE in her place. Wait ’till you see it, Gorgeouses: choreographer-against-judge DRAMA about MILES. Take it from me — I’ve been a dancer for 30 years — Miles was FANTASTIC. CONGRATULATIONS, Miles! You were AMAZING. LOVE YOU! xoxo

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[WORKING TITLE:] TO BE DECIDED…; AND, STUFF I NEED TO DO BEFORE GOING TO NYC

UPDATE: fixed! finally! GOOD NIGHT! mwah!

***

It’s Tuesday afternoon. I’m trying to write something small today, which will probably end up being BIG because that’s how things are with me. I can be a little unpredictable. Even to myself. I’m just kind of never sure about things. Never totally sure about what I want. As I get to know myself better (with age), I notice this has been a flaw of mine for a long time.

I can’t make decisions.

Can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t.

Cereal or toast for breakfast? Chicken fingers for the monkeys tonight? Or, pizza? Starbucks soy tazo chai latte WITH or WITHOUT water? Apple or banana? The black lululemons or the brown lululemons? The black running shoes or the white ones? Post about THIS? Or, post about THAT?

I never have ANY IDEA. I just can’t DECIDE!

Part of my problem is that I usually DO KINDA know what I want. I just get caught up in the effects of my choices. How will this affect so-and-so, or so-and-so. And, as a parent, I’m CONSTANTLY making choices that affect others.

It would be easy if I had a book with all the answers about motherhood, life, what clothes to wear, or how to satisfy the vegan palate in a houseful of meat eaters and milk guzzlers….

It would be easy if I had a routine to follow — perhaps one from a book — so that the decisions would be made for me and no amount of “MAMA, c’I watch TV” could coerce me out of it.

But, no. I’m an intuitive girl. I RELY on my intuition every single day, every single decision, in parenting my children.

So, I’ve been forced to develop that intuitive muscle. And, I like it. I’m starting — STARTING — to trust myself.

I AM getting more assertive. Yes. I. Can.

So, today, when it’sgrandma asked me, “Hale, I know you’re going to say no, but can I please treat you to a manicure and pedicure tomorrow — you’ll get your feet massaged, sit in a massage chair, get pampered, you’ll be able to read a book, and you don’t HAVE to get nail polish.” I SAID YES. An unwavering, unhesitating YES. And, PLEASE. And, then, ARE YOU SURE?

I love it’sgrandma.

I also love my cousin Miles (and my fancay segues) who KICKED ARSE when he danced for his life last week. CHECK IT (and ignore the captions. Dude doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Miles is a technical KING of the pop. “Snake” MY ARSE!)

Awesome, right? His partner Lara went home, unfortunately. Not sure that was deserved. Her solo was excellent. PLUS, she was probably the most gracious eliminated dancer ever. Too bad she doesn’t get to go on the tour. She and Miles made awesome partners in the end….

Monkey’s sitting with me now. Sucking her thumb and pinching the skin of my throat. Ahh, the self-soothe…. She’s been doing this FOREVER. I’m going to have a premature throat wattle, fashizzle, thanks to this. Mine is the only throat she fondles — which, of course, makes me feel beyond special. Who needs breastfeeding when you can have the throat-fondle to feel close and connected to your three-year-old? SOMETIMES she does fondle Minden’s throat, though, if I’m not available (and THAT is hilarious)….

Okay, so tomorrow I have to run around the city preparing for our trip to New York. I might as well just do this quickly, here…. Need to figure this stuff out.

1. Pick up bridesmaid dress that I had to REMAKE in 10 days (don’t ask me how much the dressmaker made me pay or I might have to kill you);

2. Pick up Monkey’s flower-girl dress…;

3. Pick up more of Pure and Simple’s Ageless foundation (my absolute FAVE — it’s like MAC’s face powder/foundation, BUT BETTER and PURER);

4. MAYBE pick up one of their eye shadows, too…. By the way, if you’ve seen me lately, I AM AWARE that I’ve been wearing a ton of makeup (for me). I’ve been practicing with different colours and shades for the wedding…. I’m doing my own makeup and hair (eek!). You wouldn’t believe the confused looks I got at my very earthy yoga studio when I walked in at 9am with a full face of makeup…. Picture GOLD EYE SHADOW….

5. MANI-PEDI. THANK YOU, IT’SGRANDMA!

6. Vegan snacks. I need nuts and stuff to carry around. It’s one thing to be vegetarian when traveling, but a WHOLE other thing to be vegan…. No wonder I’m losing A TON OF WEIGHT lately.

7. Knee highs. I need knee highs to wear with my Spanx….

I think that’s it! Not bad. I can do all that tomorrow, right?

We leave Thursday. It’s my sister in law’s wedding, by the way. TRAY exciting. I’ll take lots of pics, of course.

And, that, my dear Gorgeouses, is what you call a DECISIVE and FOCUSED blog post. Go me. Kelly Clarkson may be Miss Independent, but I. I am MISS INDECISIVE. And, you know? I’m KINDA okay with that. Or, not.

Acceptance, my dear Gorgeouses…. Acceptance.

Love!

xo Haley-O

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…Which was a good thing. Because the ballet we went to actually kind of SUCKED, and I needed someone to commiserate with (and to tell me it wasn’t just me who thought this). It was a 3-part ballet. The first part was aiight — I’d seen this particular piece a dozen times before, though, and this was not up to par. The second part was actually quite lovely…, but some of the men in this piece wouldn’t make it past the So You Think You Can Dance auditions…. Now, the THIRD part, called “In the Upper Room”? DISASTER….

Of all people, I’m not one to criticize ANYTHING the National Ballet of Canada puts on. LOVE. And, I WILL emphasize that, although I LOATHED this performance, it was worth seeing. I mean, even a BAD BALLET can be GOOD ART, you know, Gorgeouses? And, I think that was the case with this piece. It was provocative in a way that made me squirm in my seat with impatience and irritation. Art should do that sometimes….

BUT, the dancing was REALLY off. So much so that a certain dancer I was watching the entire second half of the piece because I couldn’t BELIEVE how sloppy she was SMASHED into a male dancer, fell to the floor and RAN OUT — NEVER TO RETURN (not even for the bows…). Poor thing. You have to feel sorry for her. In my 30 years of going to the ballet, I have NEVER seen such a disaster on stage! EVER!

Anyway. It was GREAT to get out. And, it was even GREATER not to go to ANOTHER movie. No. We were stimulating our minds with mediocre ballet that made us think about what GOOD ART was.

Between that and the Museum, Cheaty has become one CULTURED mama! Cheaty has become one RECHARGED mama….

So, I’ve come to a realization. When motherhood seems thankless — think butt-wiping, shoelace-tying, cleaning-floor-on-all-fours after meals, and “BIG MAMA” — get out and do something with the kids that stimulates YOU. Treat yourself.

On Friday, I picked Monkey up from school and took her and her little brother to the ZOO! I figured it would be a great way to get LOADS of exercise OUTSIDE of the city with beautiful animals to bring me back to SOUL LEVEL…. Another soul journey WITH the kids….

Instead of walking the dull city streets for an hour, I spent four hours getting a mean workout WHILE enjoying THIS….

I mean, what a GIFT to myself AND my little monkeys….

I didn’t need ANY “thanks” at all. Looking at the two of them grinning ear-to-ear was more than any “thank you” could give me.

And, the animals. The good thing about the Metro Toronto Zoo is that the animals seem really well-treated, healthy, in good spirits. And, I’ve heard this is true. They also have quite a lot of space to roam in and are rarely confined alone. I was happy to be there and to support the animals by going, and by teaching my children to respect them, marvel at their different shapes and sizes and sounds….

Can you guess what the monkey’s FAVOURITE animal was??? I’ll give you a hint….

As an extra treat, I bought them each a stuffed animal from the zoo gift shop. Of course, they both chose the same thing….

To cap off the night — because, by the time we were done with the zoo, it was getting dark! — we picked up Josh-O from work and drove downtown to my favourite vegetarian restaurant, FRESH…. If you ever go there, Gorgeouses, ORDER THE SWEET POTATO FRIES WITH THE THAI PEANUT SAUCE OMIGOSHHHH!!!!

Mmmmm….

Monkey held my hand, smiling ear-to-ear, on the way back to the car…. I can easily say it was one of the best days of her life — and mine.

Love….
xo Haley-O

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