Today began bright and early with my new little nephew’s bris. Welcome to Judaism, little buddy. We wish you a speedy recovery. MAN, that’s not something ANYONE wants to go to first thing in the morning. But, it’s a huge deal for the little guy. And, happily for everyone, it was quick and easy. He hardly cried at all, really.

Well, if he WAS CRYING it was hard for any of us to hear because someone else (*COUGH* Rascal *COUGH*) was doing his usual fair share of shrieking…. Not sure what’s up with that. Terrible Twos? I thought we’d been-there-done-that already when he was 14 months? No? Crap. In the meantime, he loves his trains….

And, check out that kickarse hair cut. Ahem.

SPEAKING of haircuts…. A certain someone went for a certain haircut at a certain chichi hair salon in a certain Yorkville with a certain hairstylist who does Cheryl Hickey’s hair and styles OTHER CRAZY FAMOUS CELEBRITIES. I’d name them, but, I’ve learned, it’s très faux pas to drop celebrity names like that.

ALTHOUGH…. A certain MILES FABER — 2nd runner-up in last year’s SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA, and also MY COUSIN — said I could fashizzle drop his name. And, he took a pic with me FOR YOU, with THANKS for all your VOTES…. He even said he credits YOU for taking him to the end! Squeee!

LOVE! Miles is doing AWESOME, by the way. He’s going to be shooting a MOVIE for MTV CANADA next week in Calgary. He’s the CO-STAR. The movie’s called Turn the Beat Around. Look out for it (I’ll keep you posted).

Last item of business — before I get BACK to business (because ZOMG I am SWAMPED with bTrendie stuff tonight) — MY NEW HAIRCUT! My hair’s been INSANE for months now. (See above.) It NEVER looks brushed. (See above.) It weighs A TON. (See above.) It looks like ARSE. (See above.)

But, now, THANKS TO DALIDA, it looks, as a certain Motherbumper likes to say, AWESOMETASTIC ! Check. It.

Did it not take 20 pounds off my face (and head)? I have a CHIN now. And CHEEK BONES. I still look like I’ve been punched in the eye, but that’s neither here nor there. Here’s another pic I took. Because OMG am SO HAPPY with it. (I got creative.)

The colour even looks lighter, no? I love Dalida even more for REFUSING to highlight my hair because she loves my natural colour; whereas most hairstylists JUMP at the chance. It’s amazing what a haircut can do. I’m a NEW WOMAN.

Of course, I spent this evening’s entire kickboxing class (hotarse instructor, hollaaah) with my HAIR DOWN….

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

I look like hell.

My hair is limp. My skin is pale. My eyes never have bags and HAVE BAGS, are LUSTRELESS. My skin is dry. My tailbone hurts. My eyelids struggle to stay ajar. My head spins. I see auras.

Just yesterday, I took the kids to the giant bookstore. Three separate people, at different times, said I was “brave” — which, as Kerry of Crunchy Carpets fame reminded me, is “better than stupid” (bless her preggers soul). But it’s not really “better than stupid” when you recall how your (also VERY preggers) sister (due yesterday!) agreed with you that very morning that your kids are “difficult.”

Is that a gray streak in my hair? Another fine line?

Yes, my kids are difficult. My husband is often away. My nanny has been away. My workload is overwhelming.

And she was so good for a while there — the Monkey. My sweet little Monkey. But, something clicked in her. I went back to work. The husband has been away more. Nanny Rachel entered our lives. School ended. She’s turning four.

She’s turning four next month.

F*CKING FOURS (as Ms. Greeners friend so PERFECTLY calls them). We have officially entered THE F*CKING FOURS.

And I am going out of my mind.

A few characteristics of the F*cking Fours:

*WHINING
*NOT. SHARING.
*SNEAKING DOWNSTAIRS AT NIGHT
*PICKY EATING
*CHANGING CLOTHES 4X/DAY
*NOT LISTENING
*PERSISTENCE — “Mama? C’I go play with Lauren? C’I go play with Lauren? C’I go play with Lauren? Mammaaahhhh! C’I go play with Lauren? Why not? C’I go play with Lauren?”

Shall I go on? The list is endless.

And me? With all this going on, THIS is EXACTLY how I feel much of the time these days (courtesy of Ms. Sam):

It’s PERFECTION.

Anyway, I have no idea what to do. And YOU KNOW that, when the only line you can think of to say to your children is “STOP IT, OR MAMA’S GOING TO CRY AGAIN,” you need help. And, no, I don’t mean FULL-TIME-nanny kind of help. I mean figuring out how to nip these f*ing fours in the bud. Figuring out how to have some semblance of control. Figuring out how to be some semblance of a role model for my children when I’m fah-REAKING out.

So, after that THIRD person in the bookstore told me I was “brave,” I b-lined it to the parenting section and picked up the only book I KNEW I could rely on:

Yeah, it’s kind of like Facebook. Like, I always said I WILL NEVER join Facebook. (And I still won’t.) I used to say I’LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER PARENTING BOOK because my instincts are as good or legit as any expert’s. Or so I thought. But, the time has come. I need ideas. I need guidance. My brain is too RAW and too SQUEEZED dry from all the exhaustion, frustration, confusion, anxiety I contend with every day. I need help. Sure, I could extend the nanny’s hours, but I made the decision years ago that I would “stay home” with the kids if I could. I’m lucky enough to have that option. Now I have to make it work — for ALL of us. And, from what EVERYONE’S told me, Canada’s favourite parenting expert Ann Douglas can help me. LOVE.

Meanwhile, I’ve picked this book up again….

Because I have to. Because, no, I CAN. While, yes, I’m working out regularly (thanks to HOTARSE kickboxing instructor *SWOON*), my diet is TERRIBLE, and it’s not helping my parenting. I’m crashing and burning, subsisting on one Starbucks Chai Tea CRACKAY all day, and dining at the end of the day on a bagel and peanut butter. Vegan? Yes. Healthy? NO.

Time to get healthy. Time to get happy. Time to get control.

You with me!?

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: Gorgeouses, we’ve got GOODIES! A GIVEAWAY! Head on over to CHEATY GOODIES for three chances to win an autographed copy of another book I’m reading to get healthy and GORJ! It COULD BE YOURS! Check it!

Ear infections. He has two of ‘em. One in each ear. My little Fever Boy is now officially Ear Infection Boy. So, now I have to give him antibiotics — 3 times a day for 10 days. In other words, I have to PIN HIM DOWN 3 times a day for ten whole days. I am not happy about it.

He, at least, got a lollipop out of it….

And I’m not happy about antibiotics. I’ve never had to use them on the Monkey. So, this is a first, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. But, it doesn’t matter how I feel, does it? Rascal’s had a fever every night since Sunday, and he’s MISERABLE. He’s so miserable that I’M MISERABLE.

I can’t even tell you how miserable.

Of course, the lack of sleep doesn’t help. The problem is, though, that I’m now at the point where I can’t function. I feel like a terrible mother half the time because I have to drag my arse everywhere I go. I just want to sleep and drink chai lattes….

So, today, I actually took a nap. It was only for about 45 minutes and full of interruptions, but still, it was a nap. While I napped, Monkey watched TV and jumped on the bed, and Rascal dozed on my waist. At the last possible minute, I rolled out of bed and took Rascal to the doctor (it’sgrandma took Monkey grocery shopping…).

Don’t worry, Dr. Ed Harris wasn’t there today. A lovely woman took his place for the day, and I was THANKFUL. I could ask as many stupid questions as I wanted. YESS! And, I had stupid questions. Because I was tired. Tired enough to leave the house in brand new hoodie WITH the tag still on….

And, of course, I discovered the tag only after I got home from the TWO HOUR ORDEAL (the office was BOILING HOT and PACKED full of germy kids. can you say “NIGHTMARE”? how ’bout “COULDN’T BREATHE”?). Actually, Josh-O discovered it….

And, no, I’m not pregnant. I only LOOK pregnant. HEY, I was TWO HUNDRED POUNDS when I gave birth to Rascal (and I’m only 5′1″ – ish – tall), so, I think I look quite a’ight!

In other news, Monkey slept like this last night….

Just thought you should know….

I was going to write a whole blog post on this weekend’s movie rental and the superficial profound effects it had on me….

A lot of Gorgeouses might disagree with me on this one, but I liked this movie, and I really think you’d like it, too….

Anyway, I was going to write this big post on how the movie, and Annette Bening in particular, totally inspired me. Just. LOOK AT HER:

GORJ. Simply GORJ. At 51 years old, gorj. I want to look like that when I’m 51. Natural — I’m looking AT YOU, Sarah Jessica Parker’s silicone additions at the OSCARS…can you believe!? I’m still hoping it was just the dress….

Back to Annette and The Women. I’m not going to get into it now because, frankly, I’m blogged out — between a new LO-HO-HONG post at the Kitch and the video blog over at Goodies, in which I announce the WINNERS of our big contest this month, and Minden makes an appearance…. AND, to be honest, I’m a little preoccupied right now watching The Oscars and tweeting about it with all my tweeps! SO FUN.

Again, anyway, back to Annette and The Women…. The funny (and a little bit annoying) thing about this movie is that EVERY single person in the movie is A WOMAN. Every single extra. EVERYONE. It’s wild.

If Josh hadn’t returned the movie, I might have watched it again, you know…. Because it inspired me. It inspired me to be okay with aging, and to maybe even embrace it. Because, you know what? I couldn’t take my eyes off Annette Bening. And, that excited me. I mean, she was a hellova lot more interesting to look at — at least to me — than the perfect Eva Mendes….

Okay, I’ve officially run out of steam. But, here are a few things Annette has inspired me to start doing…

1. Eat better….
2. Dress better.
3. Read a novel.
4. Exercise.
5. I always do my best with this one anyway, but…, AUTHENTICITY. Beauty lies in being AUTHENTIC and, with that, goes SELF-CONFIDENCE (of which I could definitely have more…).
6. Brush my hair.
7. Wear lip gloss…. Pale coral….

That’s all. I give up. I’m just way too distracted to write tonight. But, this is what I got. Now go check the other blogs…!

Love!
xo Haley-O

Yes. You’re looking at me. Drinking my DRUG OF CHOICE. It’s a Starbucks Grande Soy No-Water Chai Tea Latte. 21 days without this STUPID drink, and I had to go and get one.

REWIND.

As many of you know, my 21-day cleanse, in which I gave up caffeine and sugar, ended yesterday (Tuesday, February 9, 2009, to be exact). So, today was my first official day as a FREE WOMAN again. I did GREAT this morning. I put on the kettle. Made myself a lovely tazo chai, since I decided I could handle a little caffeine in the form of TEA BAG, with some rice milk and agave nectar (i.e., not sugar! NOT CHAI LATTE). I even bragged about it on twitter….

Are you aware, by the way, that I still have two baby teeth? I have two baby molars. They’re still here because no adult teeth ever developed. I should SO be on FRINGE…. FREAK!

ANYWAY, as you might be able to tell, I’m a little cracked out from that SMACK of caffeine and sugar I just chugged, after (I repeat) 21-days of NO stimulating food or drink whatsoever, and from that gluten-free vegan chocolate brownie the peeps at the neighbourhood health food store (they know me there, of course) snuck into my shopping bag…. Mmm….

BUT, DON’T BE ALARMED. I’m not back on the wagon. No. I’m BACK ON THE CLEANSE.

FEAST YOUR EYES on that clock ticker thing on my sidebar, under the heading “COUNTDOWN TO CHEAT DAY.” Until I reach my goal post-preggers weight (I still have to figure out what that is — I’m thinking 18 more pounds), I’m staying on this cleanse with ONE CHEAT DAY a month. I’ll reset that ticker on the 10th of every month.

Doing a “cleanse” (i.e., simply EATING CLEAN) is the only way to keep myself on track. To keep myself healthy and strong and feeling good and not stressing about food — especially since I have so much on my plate. (Eeee! Pun. So not intended!)

Because, the truth is, I can see it. I see how MUCH BETTER I felt yesterday than I do right now. After one drink and brownie, I’m back in the haze. And, if I’m not on the cleanse, I simply have no control. I can’t control my eating unless I make a concerted commitment. Right here. You all are my witnesses.

OMG, this is turning into a long ramble. I’m outta control. OUTTA.

Anyone else in on a MONTH of no caffeine no shug??? You can commit RIGHT HERE. I can even put your name in the sidebar, so we can all be your witness. Just say the word.

In other news, Gorgeouses…. GRATUITOUS KITTY PICS TIME!

The cat’s out of the basket. The teeny weeny basket….

Here he sat at 1pm. Found him there before left to teach yoga….

Back from yoga at 4 pm…FOUR PM. Still in basket….

Doesn’t he look comfy!?!?!?

OY! So, who’s joining me on another 21 days?

Some exciting, HISTORIC, news on the animal front…. My fellow animal advocates and I are very excited that PETA’s investigation inside Aviagen Turkeys, Inc., led to 19 indictments for cruelty to animals filed against former employees. This is the first time in U.S. history that factory farm employees have faced felony cruelty-to-animals charges for abusing birds. That’s HUGE. As Monkey would say, “HOORAY”! There’s more to be done, letters to be written — contact me if you want to help.

Thank you for letting me share. I’m passionate about animals, as you know, and it’s gotten to the point where I cry most nights for them. I was born with this cause (my given Hebrew name “Chayah” MEANS “animal” [among other things]). And, you help me serve my purpose — and, thus, cry a little less — by simply listening to me here now and then. Thank you so much for that.

Contest over at Goodies. You could win JURLIQUE and Dr. HAUSCHKA and PURE+SIMPLE skincare. It’s a NO-BRAINER!