If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know how inconsistent I can be. You know how one day I can be all obsessive about my weight, and then the next day I’m all f*ck it. One day I’m all woo-woo with the spirituality and yoga and meditation and the next I’m hard-core working woman. One day I’m watching The Bachelor, and the next I’m blown away (over and over) by Rent….

…remembering that there’s this side of me that’s totally fascinated by La Vie Boheme (and Taye Diggs – OH YEEAAAH!), a side of me that CAN live for the day – what ever happened to that?

…remembering that there’s a side of me that’s wild and eccentric and free spirited. WINE AND BEER! A very hidden side — hidden under baby blankets, responsibility, destructive habits, anxiety and neuroses….

Right now I’m all hard-core working woman — I’ve been eating, breathing, and sleeping bTrendie — partly because I’m feeling more passionate than usual about it, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering some unbloggable stuff right now, some major transitions. Right now I’m all obsessed with what I eat and what the kids eat and what the world eats — partly because I read too much, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering that I’m not in control of every little thing in my world and the world around me….

I should tell you…, I should tell you….

I should tell you. I should tell I threw my books out just to get back in. I’d forgotten how to smile…. I should tell you I should tell you. Here goes. Here goes….

I gave them away. All my diet books. Some of my cook books. When I was pregnant and suffering from debilitating prenatal depression, the doctors came and took all my books away for this same reason.

Information — books, google, GOOGLE. It creates the illusion that you can control things. The more you know, the more empowered you are, right? WRONG. There’s such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Knowledge isn’t power when there’s too much of it. Knowledge is power in moderation. There’s also life.

So, here goes. I’m going to live in the here and now…. Yes, little voice in my head from the other day (WOO-WOO), I’m figuring it out — I’m going to try to LIVE. Which means I MUST get off my arse right now. This life’s on loan, after all. Better make the best of it while I rent it!

Well here we go…. Here goes. Who knows. Who knows where. Who goes there. Who knows. Here goes….

If you haven’t seen the movie or play (I’ve seen both) RENT, you really must RENT IT! And you also really must know that I’ll be singing this soundtrack in the car, in the shower, as I cook, and maybe even on the streets and restaurant tables for the next few weeks, no doubt. And if you think this post is all kinds of cheesy, you gotta know, that’s okay. Because it’s all about me today….

REMEMBER THE LOOOO-O-O-O-O-VE!
xo Haley-O

UPDATE: AND, OMG, I just learned on twitter that this — my favourite show (RENT) — is playing THIS WEEK at Toronto’s Canon Theatre : http://www.mirvish.com/OurShows/. How weird (WOO-WOO) is that?!

You know, I do realize I have a food blog. Sometimes I forget, but at the moment, I realize, I do have a food blog. I just haven’t really been cooking lately. And, when I do cook, I don’t have time to blog about it. But, that’s all going to change as of now. Because, like the glowing grocery clerk at the neighbourhood health food store, I’m going to start making food and my health a priority again.

It’s the anxiety. The anxiety I’ve been plagued with pretty much since birth. It’s not always a bad thing. It kicks me in the butt, a lot, and reminds me, for example, that I better start eating fruit again or I’m doing to DIE. Love!

So, today I took the kids to the health food store and I bought local organic blueberries and raspberries and kale and lettuce and portobello mushrooms and apples and broccoli and red peppers and carrots and kamut flour and rice milk and the organic nacho chips Josh-O is chewing SO LOUDLY right now that I can’t hear myself think. GRRARGH.

Now, it’s one thing to BUY healthy food, and quite another to EAT it. So, from the time we got home from the store (2pm) to around dinner time (6pm) I was washing and chopping and peeling and coring and steaming and slicing and refereeing my children. My legs are still THROBBING from standing on them all day in my small galley kitchen.

All the while my kids snacked on carrots, and steamed broccoli with soy sauce — Rascal’s favourite. Because when I eat healthy, they eat healthy. Or, so I hope.

I’m slowly figuring it all out, Gorgeouses. How to take care of myself in the midst of all my roles as a working mom.

How to make time for friends….

Monkey “cuddling neck” with gorj Bermuda Erna yesterday….

How to make time for the FOOD BLOG, which is an important part of my work — spreading great vegan love and recipes to the peeps….

How to make time for loooove — date night this weekend, hollaaaah!….

Hours need to be carved out. Even though I suck at carving hours. Maybe even minutes. So that I’m not working ALL THE TIME.

And this guy’s going to school three days a week starting in September – can you believe?

I need to MAXIMIZE my time with him and his sister. By the way? *Tangent.* LOOK at this head. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS HEAD….

Oy…!

I’m getting more assertive with my time. Not letting it get the best of me. Seeking, seeking time for me, for health and cooking, for writing, for writing about cooking, for READING, in every nook and cranny I can find — without staying up ’til the wee hours of the night (tonight notwithstanding……). It’s a work in progress. But it is, I’m finding, THE work. The life’s work.

Life is short — why not do it all? Why not try?

I’m a very busy, focused, intense girl. I have a ton of important stuff on my plate, lots of responsibilities personally, professionally, and spiritually. There is a way to do it all. I know it. Just figuring it out without letting expectations get the better of me.

I’m a work in progress. We all are. Isn’t it awesome?

Love!
xo Haley-O

It started in the lounge at BlogHer. “DID SOMEONE SAY TIM GUNN IS HERE?” “TIM. GUNN.” “WHEN IS HE COMING?” “DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN TIM GUNN IS COMING?” “WHERE WILL HE BE?” “bTrendie, WHO?” “WHERE AM I?”

I finally figured out he was going to be at the Tide Booth on the BlogHer Expo Floor. I cried a bit when I realized I was going to have to miss Jenny the Bloggess‘s panel to meet him — DAMMIT — but, she and I talked about it and agreed that seeing TIM GUNN was a BlogHer priority. (And, FYI, I still get to catch Jenny’s panel liveblogged at blogher.com. Sweet. See, you CAN have your cake and eat it, too. Mmm, cake.)

I started crying as soon as I GOT IN LINE to see Tim Gunn. There were about 30 people in front of me, and I was convinced that I was Tim Gunn’s #1 fan. Until the girl in front of me whipped out her Project Runway DVD ready for Tim to sign…. Then, I wasn’t sure if there was maybe a tie for first.

I was a little embarrassed that I was BAWLING in line, at BlogHer, waiting to see Tim Gunn. Because I’m by no means a fashionista. INDEED, I was wearing Lululemon yoga pants and running shoes with a semi-nice shirt. FAUX. PAS. But, something tells me Tim didn’t notice.

Immediately, when he saw me, teary-eyed and muttering “Animals. Thanx you for the animals,” he grabbed my hands and we got to serious talking.

See, as everyone (EVERYONE) in line that day NOW knows, Tim isn’t JUST a fashion guru, he’s an animal activist. One of the FIERCEST (Tyra Banks FIERCE, that is) kind. Yes, he tirelessly works with PETA to teach the fashion industry and all the world about the cruelty of the fur and skin industry.

He claims that ANIMALS are “Fashion’s Worst victims” and fights hard for them by teaching design schools and the world’s most famous designers how their fur makes it to the design table. (The link to his very graphic video — which will make you quit leather, I warn you — can be found on my sidebar, IN my Tim Gunn index of posts. ahem. LOVE!)

In our moments together, he repeated “we have to stick together!” to win the fight for animals. And he took my business card…. He told me one of the designers on the upcoming season of Project Runway tried to use fur in one of the challenges, and that he REEMED the designer so bad the incident had to be cut and edited so that Tim didn’t look like a total psycho (I paraphrase). There is no fur permitted on Project Runway.

It was a moment to remember. And I showed THIS to everyone — especially to him, and her, and her…, and rambled on and on AND ON to the poor things about TIM….

APPARENTLY, he wrote “Make It Work!!” on everyone’s photo (even on his other #1 fan’s photo — I checked). But, on MINE, he wrote “THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT WORK!!” Even in my lululemons, bad hair and running shoes, Tim Gunn said I make it work. I. MAKE IT WORK. IMAKEITWORK. Awesome.

Awesome.

Seriously, to meet someone who does SO MUCH for a cause I don’t frikken EAT for (vegan)…? Precious! Precious.

Precious.

I LOVE YOU TIM GUNN!

Sigh…. It was as good as the 6-foot PYTHON I held on my shoulders in Spain five years ago. The tingles stick around for days. Weeks.

In other news, I’m a CHAIR PERSON! Yes, I’m chair of this incredible bTrendie Power Mom Advisory Board:

From left to right, top to bottom: Kristen Chase, Tracey Gaughran-Perez, Amanda Hill, Liza Sabater, Jeneane Sessum, Lisa Estall, Halley Suitt, Denise Howell, Leslie Flinger, and ME!

I may be the chair of this awesome board, but that doesn’t mean I’m the boss of them, FYI, because LOOK AT THEM. They are totally the boss of me. TOTALLY. I just lead the phone calls, craft the agendas, and work with each talented member individually to get the most out of her unique expertise.

Why am I telling you this today, you ask? BECAUSE TODAY WAS THE BIG REVEAL! All week, I’ve been working feverishly with the bTrendie PR team to get the word out about this great group of women and what they’re doing for bTrendie. I took Baltimore and Boston, saturating their media peeps with deets on our new board. Here’s the release, and the bios of all these awesome women — CHECK IT! How COOL is this?

Advisors Help Shape User Experience and Sales Events for bTrendie’s
Private Shopping Community

New York – August 4, 2009 – bTrendie™, the mom-approved shopping community that features trend-setting products for baby and mom at up to 60% off, has named its advisory board of online Power Moms. The board will provide a mom’s-eye view that furthers bTrendie’s mission of providing members unrivaled access to mom-approved products within an exciting, engaging, and informative community.

“We are inspired by these accomplished women and honored to have the benefit of their experience as we focus on growing our business and expanding our service,” said bTrendie Co-Founder Emily Rayson. “The passion and creativity of our advisors — combined with their range of expertise in business, technology, blogging, fashion, law, and, of course, parenting — gives us the inside story on what our members expect, and how we can best exceed those expectations.”

The following members comprise bTrendie’s all-star team of Power Mom advisors:

Kristen Chase is the author of the popular weblog Motherhood Uncensored and writes Mominatrix, a featured column at The Imperfect Parent. Her first book, “The Mominatrix’s Guide to Sex” will be released in December 2009. Kristen is also Publisher and Chief Operating Officer of Cool Mom Picks, a cheeky product and service review blog, and Principal at Parent Bloggers Network.

Lisa Estall is a busy mom blogger with two children under the age of 4. She maintains two blogs, Mogul Baby and Mrs. Mogul. Lisa’s career background includes working in television and film in NYC. She currently writes about pop culture and the latest baby and parenting products at Babycenter and Babble.

Leslie “Flinger” has been blogging personally for six years at what she now calls The Little Black Dress Edition. She owns and is the lead developer at Catapult Web Development and holds a Masters Degree in Information Technology. Mrs. Flinger is a self-professed nerd, over-shares at Room 704 and Seattle Mom Blogs, and can be found tweeting as @MrsFlinger. She is a wife, mom of two, drinker of wine, and lover of sexy code.

Armed with a blackbelt in sarcasm, Tracey Gaughran-Perez writes about her life at SweetneyMamaPop. Tracey is a PhD dropout and ex-college professor turned parental unit and internerd blogger. She adores Jon Stewart, Indie Rock, science geekery, and underdogs in all their various incarnations. and about famous people’s lives at

Amanda Hill is a freelance writer and blogger from Kentucky who writes for her own blog, Shamelessly Sassy, as well as contributing to several others, including Babble’s Droolicious and AOL’s Lemondrop. The mother of a sassy four-year-old redhead, Amanda is a lapsed vegetarian and an avid shopper.

Denise Howell is a technology lawyer, blogger, columnist, and hosts this WEEK in LAW on TWiT.tv. Denise created one of the first law-oriented weblogs, Bag and Baggage, and writes for The American Lawyer and CBS Interactive. Her expertise on emerging technology and law has been recognized by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Wired News, The ABA Journal, The American Lawyer, and others.

ME! is queen of the slash factor – a mom/writer/blogger/consultant/art dealer/freelance writer & editor, and yoga teacher. In addition to her love of chai lattes, Haley blogs at Cheaty Monkey, contributes to Canada Moms Blog, and promotes art for kids at Kids Deserve Art. In her spare time, she shares her observations on Twitter as @Cheaty.

Liza Sabater is founder of two of the most influential political blogs in the United States, Culture Kitchen and The Daily Gotham. Liza was rated in the top 10 of last year’s Now Public MostPublic Index, a list of the 50 most influential individuals in New York’s new media market. She has been a guest on CNN.com TV, PBS’ NewsHour Online, and others. When she is not blogging or evangelizing, Liza returns to her secret life as her boys’ gym and basketball mom in New York.

A netizen since 1997, Jeneane Sessum is a social media pioneer. She started her personal blog Allied in 2001, and launched Blog Sisters, the first woman’s group blog, that same year. Jeneane was a founding Advisory Board Member and Contributing Editor for BlogHer and has been featured in Business Week and The New York Times for her insights on social media. She blogs on these topics at Jeneane.net and tweets as @Jeneane.

Halley Suitt is the CEO of Wellness Mobile, a start-up with offices in Boston, MA and Mountain View, CA. She was CEO of Top Ten Sources where she acquired the social media fashion site, Stylefeeder. She is a NASM Certified Personal Fitness Trainer and a long-time blogger, having launched Halley’s Comment in 2002. Halley has been an advisor to TotSpot, Club Mom (now Café Mom), and a keynote speaker at BlogHer. She wrote the first Harvard Business Review case study on blogging and has appeared on Oprah.

Aren’t they GORJ? LOVE! Each and every one of them.

There you have it. Longest arse blog post in the HISTORY of blogging. Complete with Tim Gunn, Mom Bloggers, PETA, and Oprah. I may have to take a few days off after this one…. Maybe.

Pssssssssst! If you want to GET IN to bTrendie.com to check it out. You’re ALWAYS welcome. Indeed, as Director of Membership and Community, I frikkin IMPLORE you. Heh. Don’t let the invite code scare you. Just enter code CHEATY, and have fun!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

For the next little while before I go to the big BlogHer conference in CHICAGO next THURSDAY, I’m going to be up to my eyeballs in STUFF to do. I need a facial, and to lose AT LEAST 5 pounds (hence I threw out the peanut butter because I CANNOT BE TRUSTED around peanut butter), and to finally get new shoes, pick up my new Lululemon (yoga pants), wax my eyebrows, and, OH YEAH, organize bTrendie swag, tables, contests, etc., for three HUMUNGOUS parties — Room 704, The People Party, and Mamapop! — among other things.

I can barely keep my head above water. And, probably the one thing that kept me remotely afloat, when 5pm rolled around today and urgent emails were piling in and Rascal woke up from his nap SHRIEKING, was my good friend (Toronto photographer extraordinaire) Shelagh Howard‘s timely tweet about working with kids around….

It’s BRILLIANT. “Some days, you just have to PICK ONE.” My new motto.  Because some days you can’t possibly do it all. And, as Shelagh also likes to remind me (in her attempts to stop me from ripping my hair out some days): “Are your kids fed? Do they have shelter? Do they seem remotely neglected? Are they WITH YOU?”

Yes, they’re well-fed. They have a cozy bed to sleep in. They have toys galore. They have me WITH THEM — and we all know that’s the best because there’s NOTHING more AWESOME than tugging and whining at MAMAHHHH all day, especially when she’s working. THEY’RE. FINE.

I do try hard to balance it all or, rather, to choose KIDS over WORK. But, I love the idea of giving myself permission to CHOOSE WORK now and then. I mean, WHY NOT? And, why didn’t I think of that myself?!

Anyway, on days like today, when I HAVE to choose WORK, taking the kids to the toy store isn’t such a bad idea, is it? Until it’s bed time and the little Rascal starts shrieking (again) because he wants to SLEEP with his new firetruck (for ages 4 and up)….

He’s all about the tantrums these days. This one was, OH, about the 20th of the day. NO JOKE. So, I deserve at least 10 tantrum photos and a good giggle for that.

And because he’s so damn cute, and because I’m choosing work in an exploitative mood, here are some more hysterical crying photos, which he and I will no doubt laugh at together when he’s older….

Oy, I can’t take the cuteness that is THIS FUNNY, FUNNY CHILD.

HAIRCUT!!!!

Of course, I comforted Rascal and suggested that he put his truck on the floor beside his crib. Which he did, and then went right to sleep!

Good boy, Rascal. It’ll be right there for you in the morning….

Speaking of good boys. Check who waits by the window for me every day….

Meenot…. I love this frikkin cat.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

Tomorrow (July 1st) is a holiday here in Canada. It’s Canada Day. I’m thinking I should probably TAKE the holiday. I should shut down the computer and take a DAY OFF.

But what a foreign concept! What is this thing you call “Day Off”?

Even if I DO take a day off work, there’s no getting a day off from the other obligations that have left me exhausted and depleted lately. My heart literally leaps out of my throat when I realize that there IS no taking breaks — as a mom, let alone a work-at-home mom. Regardless, I’m determined to take the break from work and enjoy my kids tomorrow.

As DIFFICULT as they’ve been amid all the changes lately, my kids truly have been amazing.

Monkey’s first day of camp was on Monday, and I CRIED, Gorgeouses. I was SO PROUD of how BRAVE she was — going to a totally new, BIG place, with NO familiar faces…. Fahklempt!

…And I was the one crying. I wasn’t prepared for tears! I who never even cried during BEACHES! What the hell am I going to be like when I send her to Kindergarten this September! Ayayai! Good thing I was wearing my Nicole-Richie-MASSIVE sunglasses when I dropped her off and watched the councelors take her inside.

And then there’s little Rascal. I went in to check on him late last night….

He stirred when the floor creaked as I approached his bed. I thought to myself, “UH OH, it’s going to be another LONG night.” But, no! He gave me this great big SMILE, stretched his li’l arm up in in the air, and then pulled himself up to KISS me THROUGH THE CRIB BARS! Sweet!? And, THEN, he wriggled around a bit to find the perfect position and WENT BACK TO SLEEP!

He went back to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!

MIRACLES, you see, DO HAPPEN!

YES, my kids are DIFFICULT. But, these rewarding moments — these TEENY little rewarding moments — make it all worth while. So, even though I’m typically not a fan (to put it mildly) of  playing, arts and crafts, and even walking outside in this summer Toronto heat, I’m deciding RIGHT NOW that I will enjoy myself, and I’ll enjoy my kids, all day tomorrow. Even if there’s (inevitably) a time-out or two in the mix.

[SEGUE TO BE DETERMINDED (TBD)]

Speaking of which, today I did a beautiful thing that made me SO happy. And I have to share it with you.

While walking to my neighbourhood Starbucks (ahem), I became aware of some very loud chirping overhead. I looked up and saw a mama bird and her little babies. Adorable as they were, they were demanding little buggers — totally SQUAWKING at their mother. (And I am NOT anthropomorphizing or projecting my own DIFFICULT motherhood upon her — I SWEAR, you should have seen all them with their desperate little open beaks and their stubborn SQUAWKING!) So, I bought them a whole-grain bagel at Starbucks. And, as subtly as I could, I crumbled up the bagel and dumped it on the sidewalk below the nest. Then I sat in my car and watched. I watched the mother pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest. And pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest. And pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest.

I made her life, her role, a little easier. Instead of exhausting herself further by foraging for worms, the mamabird had BAGEL RIGHT THERE beneath the nest. (Whole grain, no less!)

One mother helping another.

It was better than TV (which says A LOT for me). And I didn’t want to leave. I snuck a final peak as I drove by, and there she was. Diving for bagel and flying back up to the nest to feed her little squawklings.

It must have been a sign. A reminder that everything I’m experiencing as a mother is natural. That nature can be tough. That motherhood is fundamentally NATURAL. Fundamentally TIRING. Fundamentally CHALLENGING. That, amid all my jobs, the TV, the computer, the blackberry…, there’s still NATURE. That NATURE underlies it all. And that NATURE sends us messages and lessons at every turn. It’s up to us to notice and to heed them.

Believe me, I felt better after watching that bird. This is motherhood. This is the way it is. Instead of kvetching, I ACCEPT.

[SEGUE TO BE DETERMINDED (TBD)]

Speaking of nature in Toronto, does anyone know what THIS is?

Oh, wait, that’s MARGE!!! Hungry MARGE!!!

I meant THIS. Anyone know what THIS IS?

I saw it the other day, when I was out walking with the kids. What is it? A badger? A mole? Gopher? It’s HUGE!

Happy Birthday, Canada!
Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S. Don’t forget to check the contest over at Goodies! Trust me — you WANT this book!

I look like hell.

My hair is limp. My skin is pale. My eyes never have bags and HAVE BAGS, are LUSTRELESS. My skin is dry. My tailbone hurts. My eyelids struggle to stay ajar. My head spins. I see auras.

Just yesterday, I took the kids to the giant bookstore. Three separate people, at different times, said I was “brave” — which, as Kerry of Crunchy Carpets fame reminded me, is “better than stupid” (bless her preggers soul). But it’s not really “better than stupid” when you recall how your (also VERY preggers) sister (due yesterday!) agreed with you that very morning that your kids are “difficult.”

Is that a gray streak in my hair? Another fine line?

Yes, my kids are difficult. My husband is often away. My nanny has been away. My workload is overwhelming.

And she was so good for a while there — the Monkey. My sweet little Monkey. But, something clicked in her. I went back to work. The husband has been away more. Nanny Rachel entered our lives. School ended. She’s turning four.

She’s turning four next month.

F*CKING FOURS (as Ms. Greeners friend so PERFECTLY calls them). We have officially entered THE F*CKING FOURS.

And I am going out of my mind.

A few characteristics of the F*cking Fours:

*WHINING
*NOT. SHARING.
*SNEAKING DOWNSTAIRS AT NIGHT
*PICKY EATING
*CHANGING CLOTHES 4X/DAY
*NOT LISTENING
*PERSISTENCE — “Mama? C’I go play with Lauren? C’I go play with Lauren? C’I go play with Lauren? Mammaaahhhh! C’I go play with Lauren? Why not? C’I go play with Lauren?”

Shall I go on? The list is endless.

And me? With all this going on, THIS is EXACTLY how I feel much of the time these days (courtesy of Ms. Sam):

It’s PERFECTION.

Anyway, I have no idea what to do. And YOU KNOW that, when the only line you can think of to say to your children is “STOP IT, OR MAMA’S GOING TO CRY AGAIN,” you need help. And, no, I don’t mean FULL-TIME-nanny kind of help. I mean figuring out how to nip these f*ing fours in the bud. Figuring out how to have some semblance of control. Figuring out how to be some semblance of a role model for my children when I’m fah-REAKING out.

So, after that THIRD person in the bookstore told me I was “brave,” I b-lined it to the parenting section and picked up the only book I KNEW I could rely on:

Yeah, it’s kind of like Facebook. Like, I always said I WILL NEVER join Facebook. (And I still won’t.) I used to say I’LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER PARENTING BOOK because my instincts are as good or legit as any expert’s. Or so I thought. But, the time has come. I need ideas. I need guidance. My brain is too RAW and too SQUEEZED dry from all the exhaustion, frustration, confusion, anxiety I contend with every day. I need help. Sure, I could extend the nanny’s hours, but I made the decision years ago that I would “stay home” with the kids if I could. I’m lucky enough to have that option. Now I have to make it work — for ALL of us. And, from what EVERYONE’S told me, Canada’s favourite parenting expert Ann Douglas can help me. LOVE.

Meanwhile, I’ve picked this book up again….

Because I have to. Because, no, I CAN. While, yes, I’m working out regularly (thanks to HOTARSE kickboxing instructor *SWOON*), my diet is TERRIBLE, and it’s not helping my parenting. I’m crashing and burning, subsisting on one Starbucks Chai Tea CRACKAY all day, and dining at the end of the day on a bagel and peanut butter. Vegan? Yes. Healthy? NO.

Time to get healthy. Time to get happy. Time to get control.

You with me!?

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: Gorgeouses, we’ve got GOODIES! A GIVEAWAY! Head on over to CHEATY GOODIES for three chances to win an autographed copy of another book I’m reading to get healthy and GORJ! It COULD BE YOURS! Check it!

No, I’m not balancing it all very well — the job, the kids, the BOTH AT ONE TIME, the company, the friends, family, kitties (LOVE KITTIES). Thanks for asking; I get that question all the time. I’m treating myself to CRAZY-ARSE WILD (hi!) Ayurvedic therapy at the Gurudaya Ayurveda Center in Toronto, but I go there early in the morning (the only time I can fit into my busy schedule), sometimes after — GASP — only 3 hours of sleep (have you SEEN my tweets lately: last tweet at 4am in some cases, and next tweet at 7:30am!?).

Now, please, I’ll be okay, Gorgeouses! I’ll figure this out. The 4am bedtime last night was ONLY because it was Father’s Day. I couldn’t send the kids off with Josh for the morning and do my work, as I usually do if necessary on Sundays, and our family party ended way late. I didn’t get to work until 10pm-ish, by the time the kids were tucked in….

So, yes, I’m going to bed. ASAP. I just wanted to stop in and tell you how HELLISH this day was — gotta write this for myself, really, because I need to get this out of my system so I can maybe clear my head, relax and have a good night’s sleep.

Because I’m functioning on 2 hrs of sleep, we’re going point form, BABY! — ooo, bullets! fancy! I didn’t realize I had that formatting option, LOVE! (AND, the bullets don’t work…EDIT.)

- Nanny Rachel took the day off today (she gave me TONS of notice, of course, cuz she’s that awesome).
- Thought I would take the kids out, maybe to the giant bookstore, or Casa Loma.
- We were all TRES excited about the day.
- But, then I realized I had to deliver some art first thing in the morning….
- And, then I realized I had a conference call at 12:30.
- And, then I realized I had an ASAP deadline for some bTrendie copy.
- And, then I realized I still had to finish the post I started at Canada Moms Blog before it got published with how many typos and unfinished thoughts?
- So, instead of Casa Loma, we spent the morning in the living room.
- Rascal sat on my lap.
- I typed copy one-handed.
- Rascal choked on some cereal, like, for real!
- I whacked the crap out of his back until he could breathe again.
- Then I thanked God I didn’t have to dig into the deep recesses of my mind for memories of the infant-Heimlich course I took 3 years ago, AND, of course, FOR SAVING RASCAL!
- The rest of the day was beyond struggling.
- My heart spent most of the day outside my chest, pounding it like Tarzan. AAAAaaaAAaaAAAaaa!
- I guiltfully and regretfully relied on Igor to babysit the kids while I met my deadlines (NANNY RACHEL, I NEED YOU!).
- ALL AT ONCE: I gave the kids lunch in the front yard; had a conference call with my bTrendie peeps; answered the door to a Kids Deserve Art client — I, frazzled with frizzy hair, no makeup, and cat-hair covered Lululemons….I HAVE NEVER!; and chased the kids; and chased the kids.
- Thank God for my neighbours.
- Thank God for the mute button on my phone.
- Especially since I had to take Monkey to the washroom at least twice during the call.
- No, she will not go to the washroom by herself.
- She’s scared.
- Of everything.
- We all napped for a bit after that.
- Rascal said BAGEL after that — “BAJAH.”
- We played with the neighbours after that.
- Thank God for my neighbours (and for bagels).
- Monkey was a handful (to put it mildly) throughout the manic Monday.
- She’s still awake.
- Yes, now.
- Sitting right here.
- Cuddling my neck (her signature quirk).
- Thank God for neck cuddles.

Tomorrow’s my last Ayurvedic appointment in this initial 5-day program. The treatment’s brought up a LOT of intense emotions for me, which I’m working hard to manage in the middle of all this chaos. I’ll tell you more about it, and I’ll finally RUN THE KRISTEN MA BEAUTY BOOK CONTEST, as soon as I get a spare minute. Until then, I’ll give you this: I highly recommend going to an Ayurvedic practioner (MINE, of course) as alternative therapy. I’ve basically commissioned him (and HOT-ARSE kickboxing teach, mmm…) to help me get the rest of my preggers weight off. BUT, you have to have an open mind, as well as open nostrils and ear holes…. And you have to be open for the odd wardrobe malfunction…. You have to trust this Indian Wizard Dr. Sharma and the age-old gifts of Ayurveda. Yeah, s’all good. So good. So part of my Yoga path. Something a little out there…and all FOR ME. Besides, Sharma’s totally loveable when you get to know him!

I’m too tired to post pics today — so, only one for the road….

LOVE! He loves his sister…. (That car looked A LOT smaller at the Toys ‘R US….)

How ’bout this bedhead, Gorgeouses?

It doesn’t translate so well in photo. It’s way cuter in real life. Nor does it translate into actual sleeping. HE. DOES NOT. SLEEP. anymore.

He DID NOT sleep AT ALL last night when I REALLY needed him to. I had a BIG DAY today. I had to chair a meeting with some of the most incredible women on the internet. And I had to do it shaking like a leaf after chugging a CHAI (yes) to stimulate me into semi-awareness, semi-functionality.

And, am I making sense? Because, OMG AM TIRED!? Like, nauseous, heart-thumping tired.

Yes, I am completely sleepless right now. Except for the 22 minutes I stole in the latter part of Igor — our rainy-day/crazay-work-day movie.

Because, yes, I’m a crazay working mom. A WAHM. And a WOHM. A WAHM-WOHM. WOHM-WAHM. But, mostly WAHM. It’s official. I work more hours at home than I do at the office. I work with the macbook on the kitchen counter as I cook meals, with little monkeys pulling at my pants and fighting with each other and screaming.

My new routine working full time (in and out of the home) has been a huge transition not only for me, but for the monkeys. They are feeling it. They’re not sleeping. They’re clingy. They’re NOT LISTENING. They’re pushing the nanny away before I leave for the office: “I DON’T WANT YOU, RACHEL!” (can you imagine?). And, HE’s screaming bloody murder when I drop him off at it’sgrandma’s house — which used to be his FAVOURITE second home — or when I leave him with Josh-O while I scoot off to the gym for an hour. Did I mention NOT SLEEPING?

It’s insane, chaotic MADNESS, this life. Balance yet to be attained. Always out of reach. A constant physical and emotional struggle. Guilt. Prioritizing. Compartmentalizing. HARD, man.

But, I figured out an analogy that helps me manage my own confusion and vexation around all this: BEING A WORK-AT-HOME-MOM IS LIKE HAVING ANOTHER CHILD. All of a sudden, Mama’s still HERE, but she’s putting a lot of her attention elsewhere…. Ooo, Email’s crying! Blackberry’s hungry! Macbook needs a diaper change! HARD, man. For all of us.

But, I’ll get it right. Am determined to TRY to make everyone happy happy happy. And sleeping through the night again.

Okay, to bed. But, one more thing quickly: Monkey has her first crush…. Squeeeeeeeee!

Squeeee, yes. But, she’s not even FOUR YEARS OLD. I’m in trouble, I know. “Mama, I want to invite C. over for a pajama party,” she tells me ALREADY IN HER PAJAMAS…in the middle of the day.

GOOD NIGHT! May we ALL sleep deep and all night long tonight. Pray for me!

Also, pray for me tomorrow when I have my first Ayurveda treatment. Eeek! Nostrils are ready and waiting. Nothing will surprise me…right…? right…?

Love!

xo Haley-O

I shouldn’t even be here today. Because I’m OVER HERE — at Canada Moms Blog — talking about a front-page news article that’s dear to my heart. Yet again, I am intense over at Canada Moms Blog. (I’m so sure they didn’t expect that when they asked me to contribute.) So…, go check it.

Still here?

Oh. Okay. Then did you read about ma new job at bTrendie? Did ya join? Huh? Huh?

I know, enough of this shameless self-promoting. It’s just as DIRECTOR, MEMBERSHIP & COMMUNITY, I’m a big part of a marketing team now. So, I find myself making slogans all the time now. Like….

Hot Ass Pact 2009: “It’s not about LOSING weight, but GAINING a hot ass.” Not bad, right?

And, then, at yoga today? I bought a new yoga mat (OMG, it’s amazing, SO non-slip, and natural rubber) and an Indian-stitched mat bag to match….

And what is it about yoga mats that’s so damn ATTRACTIVE to cats? I can’t practice without ONE of them licking the mat or cleaning their gums on my toes or something (you think that’s gross, I know — at least I didn’t mention how I wake up most mornings with Minden’s tongue in my mouth. And, OMG, I KNOWW, Minden is not in this picture! Wonders will never cease).

Anyway, as I was leaving the yoga studio (where I bought the mat), I told my teacher how excited I was with my new mat and bag — that I get to “bring the studio home with me.” And, as I was walking away, I heard someone say, “You should totally use that as advertisement for the mats and bags. ‘Take the studio home with you.’” Ermm, so it seems I can’t HELP myself.

Speaking of yoga. What a class I had today! We did a ton of backbends and bizarre breathing exercises.  I may be rounder than I used to be, but I’m bendier than ever. Not sure what’s going on with that. It feels great, though.

Did you know I’m the youngest person in my yoga class by, like, 15 years? (Maybe that’s why I feel so flexible?) I act like I’m 12 there, no kidding. I swear my voice goes up octave. Unfortunately, they don’t always get my jokes. But, they laugh anyway — ish — because they’re très yogic there. I love it there.

Okay, now BIG SHOUT OUT to the FLINGER (and her PRETTY black dress!) for making a sweet badge for us, Gorgeouses….

Love….

At last, it’s time for me to go to bed. I have a big day at the office tomorrow. And Rascal’s been VERY demanding lately. Especially, you should know, when it comes to his favourite books.

He has to sleep with Goodnight Moon….

“Muun…! MUUUUUN…!”

And, he’ll pull on my Lululemons and shout “WUH-WUH” until I read his favourite bedtime pop-up book, WALL-E.

G’night, Gorgeouses!
Love!
xo Haley-O

Gorgeouses! I can finally tell you ALL about my new job! Keep in mind, I’m a little exhausted from an EXTREMELY busy day at the office (I mean, I HAVE NEVER) — at the gorj downtown loft that I ADORE going to even in major traffic. I love meeting with the team and wracking my wee brain for ideas and the right words and best strategies for making this beautiful place the best it can be. And before I get into babbling mode — which, frankly is inevitable a) because I’m already there, b) because I’m nervous and excited about the big debut, and c) because YES, I’ve been STARBUCKS SOY CHAI LATTE FREE for three whole days (thanks to #hotasspact2009……..) — lets just get right to it….

BUT, one more thing before the big reveal, because I know you’re going to just go ahead and click and then be like WTF do I do now? YOU NEED THIS SPECIAL INVITATION CODE TO GET IN (special for my tweeps and blog readers): “Cheaty.” Just enter “cheaty” in the invitation code, and you’re officially invited. You’re a member O-O-O-OF…..

Meet bTrendie: Gorgeouses — bTrendie. bTrendie — Gorgeouses.

It’s a MOM SHOPPING NETWORK where you score amazing stuff at up to 60% off! We’re bringing in all kinds of name brands, designer brands, and special hard-to-find brands — for mom herself (gorj slings, yoga pants, diaper bags, home decor, etc.) and baby (TOYS, strollers, onesies, dishes, organic goodies, etc.)! Right now, it’s still in BETA (under construction), but it’s ready to shop. I still have to get to some of the copy, the product descriptions…. (Slacker. Heh.)

NOW, bTrendie is a US site. So, at least for the time being, Canadians can’t benefit from the awesome deals (I know, wahh!), but I WILL BE BLOGGING THERE, and there will be interesting features on the site that everyone can enjoy.

I don’t ask for much, do I? Just that you listen to me whine, laugh at my jokes and quirks, and tell me what to do about things like THE HOWARD STERN DEBACLE (he dm’d me AGAIN; my NYC sources say it’s really him..!).  So, check it: my official title at bTrendie is DIRECTOR, MEMBERSHIP & COMMUNITY. Sweet, I know…. This means, I have to ask all ma Gorgeouses to join the site, explore it, enjoy it, and invite ALL your US friends to be members — let your friends in on the trend…! I promise I’ll throw a great contest and whine and joke and quirk MUCH in return. PROMISE.

In fact, very shortly, I’ll be bringing some products over here for a bTrendie contest, and you’ll ALL be eligible to win (even you LindseyJay, who wins everything). Because I want to share bTrendie (a major part of my “new” life now) with ALL OF YOU…and your one thousand closest friends……. LOVE…!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT….

LOVE!

xo Haley-O