I have NEVER been so happy to be at the doctor’s office.

Know why? Because I haven’t been in a year. And, Gorgeouses? I have never felt better….

I walk toward the dreaded building and am STOPPED right outside the door: “you’ve changed!” It’s the receptionist on her butt break. “Thank you!” I say, assuming I HAD to look better than I did this time last year (right after I gave birth to Rascal). “Yes, you look great. Before you were, umm, big!” Yes yes yes! I have lost weight. A LOT OF WEIGHT.

Grinning ear to ear, I walk into the office. “You look familiar,” says another one of the receptionists. “Hmm,” I offer, “maybe my sister was in recently.” “Yes yes,” she agrees, “but, no! That’s not it. It’s — you look exactly like Michelle Trachtenberg! You know, from Gossip Girls, and Buffy’s sister in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And, would you look at that–,” she shows me a file, “I took out the wrong file for you. I took out a file for a ‘MICHELLE’!!”

I love her….

And, I love that I look like Michelle Trachtenberg again….

…Ish…. She IS 11 years younger than me, and wearing a TON more makeup (and possible airbrush) than me in that picture….

Sorry for the grainy pic of me, Gorgeouses — my camera’s packed for NYC, so I had to use my macbook Photo Booth. But, thank you, Photo Booth, for making me look tanned! Alas, I AM, indeed, as white as Michelle…. Anyway, evs, I’m THUPER flattered to be told, once again, that I have a GORJ celebrity twin…. I’ll never tire of it!

I still have 15 pounds to go. But the weight is FALLING off now that I’ve stopped breastfeeding and gone vegan.

Seriously, Gorgeouses, want to lose weight? VEGAN. You CAN’T EAT ANYTHING. It’s no-fail! GO VEGAN!

After the doctor’s appointment, though…, I went to the dressmaker to pick up my bridesmaid dress for this weekend’s big wedding. I’ve lost a ton of weight, but the shape of dress could make MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG look huge. I do NOT have a big butt anymore. But this makes me look like BABY-GOT-BACK! And, not in a good way…. Not to mention the fact that dressmaker FROM HELL (but the only one who would do the job in 10 days) TOTALLY effed up the pleating (yes, I said pleating)…. Oh well, SIGHHHH, I’ll make it work. By the way, it’s not the bride’s fault I’m in this predicament. I chose the dress. Only I was 50 pounds heavier at the time!!! So making it look right has been quite a feat!

Off to NYC! I promise, I’ll take LOADS of pics.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. HUGE SHOUT-OUT to my cousin MILES FABER who danced an AWESOME contemporary routine on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. I could NOT have been prouder. YAY for the choreographer who put THAT JUDGE in her place. Wait ’till you see it, Gorgeouses: choreographer-against-judge DRAMA about MILES. Take it from me — I’ve been a dancer for 30 years — Miles was FANTASTIC. CONGRATULATIONS, Miles! You were AMAZING. LOVE YOU! xoxo

I had a post in mind for this evening. Something about my “detox” plan? But, then I got sidetracked by all the fabulous responses to Tuesday’s Oprah show, which inevitably led me to MORE information that my already-vegan-sensibilities just CANNOT HANDLE. So, I’m just going to say a few things today….

FIRST THING’S FIRST: LEGS CROSSED….

He ALWAYS crosses his li’l ankles when he eats. OY!

Next, let us address the whole detox thing. Let me start by saying DETOX IS A NASTY FOUR-LETTER WORD. I know, it’s five, but it may as well be these four letters: D-I-E-T. It’s become a fancy way of going on a diet for a short period of time, when WHAT I REALLY NEED right now (because I’m a severely overtired MOM OF TWO cheaty little monkeys) is a lifestyle adjustment. So, here’s what I’ve come up with — a plan for the next 20 pounds (to be relaxed a bit after that):

1. FRUIT FOR BREAKFAST. I am now eating a breakfast, WHEN HUNGRY, of fruit, fruit, and more fruit. I started today out with a pear (which was, amazingly, the best pear I’ve ever tasted, if you catch my drift), then I had an apple when I got hungry again about an hour later. Would you believe I had NO cravings for THE DEVIL my Starbucks Soy No-Water Chai Tea Latte.

2. I AM trying to buy as much organic, WHOLE produce as possible. This means that I have to buy things WHOLE — because they are less expensive, and SOMETIMES less expensive than their conventional, chopped alternatives. So, today, instead of buying a bag of frozen chopped broccoli, I bought a head of organic broccoli and chopped it when I got home. I also hulled and washed organic strawberries (they’re GONZO now). I stayed away from the blueberries because their price was OBSCENE. I actually enjoyed doing all this. We all say we don’t have time for these things, but it really doesn’t take long, and it’s time well spent — time dedicated to your health, the health of your family, and ultimately the environment. Gorgeouses, I also, erm, got REALLY AMBITIOUS and bought a BIG BUTTERNUT SQUASH. I REALLY hope it doesn’t REMAIN a centerpiece on our dining-room table….

…Josh-O CRACKED ME RIGHT UP when he called it a GOURD! Ha! I think that’s my new favourite word. GOURD! GOURD GOURD GOURD GOURD GOURD. Did you know there’s actually a SOCIETY for GOURDS in Canada???

3. I’m definitely trying to eat clean, and eat whole. Lunch was vegetarian brown-rice sushi. Not an every-day thing, but definitely a vegan option that ANYONE can enjoy. And, dinner was BIG SALAD, and a brown-rice-pasta and tofu dish, which I’ll share at the kitch sometime this weekend. The monkeys and I snacked on fruit while preparing dinner, by the way (fruit should be eaten at least 20 before and 2 hours after other foods; melons should be eaten alone — it’s a food combining thing).

4. I skipped dessert tonight. There’s no dessert on this plan. Instead, I enjoyed a tazo chai tea (my fave chai brand) with rice milk, and sweetened with agave nectar. Not bad, not bad….

That’s basically the diet plan, in a nutshell. Ooo! Almost forgot….

5. A handful of nuts mid afternoon. Us vegans gots to get our good fats in there, and nuts are a great source for that. I also make sure to have flax oil in my salad dressing at dinner for it’s wonderful omega 3s. I’ll give you the recipe for that, as well, at the kitch this weekend.

6. Of course, there’s a multivitamin involved to ensure I’m getting enough calcium, B12 and vitamin D.

It all sounds a bit extreme, I think. But, it’s a way of life. And, I felt GREAT today. I can’t tell you how much better I feel having FINALLY given up dairy and eggs. After all, I’M not here to EAT. I’m here to LIVE. And, I need to feel good about what I’m eating. I’m also a very spiritual person. Eating clean like this feels right, feels authentic…. It’s my yoga. Just living my yoga.

FINALLY, I TOTALLY need more sleep. This has to be a HUGE part of my new lifestyle because it’s an integral part of being healthy. DREAMS are so important, and REM sleep, for the brain’s production of that coveted pleasure hormone serotonin. It’s the next piece of my wellness puzzle: first — diet (and at least thirty minutes of walking every day); second — sleep; third — meditation every day…. We’ll start with these goals and go from there.

It’s all a process. Nothing is set in stone. I’m just finally realizing that simplicity is where it’s at for me. Simplicity, less-is-more, and the beauty of life SANS ALL THE STIMULANTS. To think?!?

I am who I am…. Peace. Love.

xo Haley-O

There are some people who should NOT be watching violent movies, TV shows, or even reading violent books. Some people shouldn’t even DARE turn on the news or open a newspaper. The radio is quite enough thankyouverymuch.

And, when they say “The following program may contain scenes of violence. Viewer discretion is advised”? YOU BETTER BELIEVE that sh– is VIOLENT. And, SOME PEOPLE should NOT be watching it. “Viewer DISCRETION”? My arse. VIEWER BEWARE. Because viewer be having SERIOUS wake-up-screaming kind of nightmares. Like I did last night.

Ever had the kind of nightmare that’s SO REAL, and you want to scream, BUT YOU CAN’T? I think I tried to scream three times before, FINALLY, “JOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH” escaped my trembling lips. On went the light. And, I was brave enough to take a nervous peek under my bed.

Even AFTER having a nightmare like that, I’m now watching Prison Break. SO HELP ME GOD. I tried to convince Josh-O that he hated that show, but NO-O-O, Josh-O insists he loves it. And, so, I just watched a CRAZY WOMAN torture a CRAZY MAN and all sorts of CRAZY violent other stuff.

It’s a good thing Wentworth Miller is DANG hawt….

But, then, just as I go to one of my fave gossip sites to find the best possible picture of Wentworth (which, of course, the above IS NOT). I find a worse horror. A video of what’s happening on “factory farms” so that people CAN HAZ burgers, chicken fingers, bacon, etc., etc.. It’s NOT OKAY.

I knew things were bad. But, now I have more visuals tormenting me and keeping me up at night — after I pray, as I always do, for the comfort of the animals.

As of this moment, I’m no longer a vegetarian. I’m now a VEGAN. It’s the only thing I can do for my beloved animals right now (I also donate monthly to WSPA).

I am CRYING.

And, perhaps, another thing I can do is to gently encourage you (if not to go all out vegan like me, then,) to eat more vegetarian meals, and to look for the words FREE RANGE on your egg cartons. If possible and affordable, opt for organic dairy products, buy your animal products from organic butchers or, at the very least, buy meats that are hormone and antibiotic free (assuming the conditions aren’t bad enough to require antibiotics). As Jane Godall said, “everything you buy is a vote” (Harvest for Hope). Vote for the smaller farmers….

I know money’s an issue for everyone right now. Imagine how much money you’d save eating less meat….

(At the very least, give thanks when you eat animal products…. My family laughs at me when I insist they THANK THEIR FISH, but they do it anyway, and I think they mean it.)

Because it is NOT okay. NOT okay. NOT okay.

You might shut me down and insist “HUMANS ARE MEANT TO EAT ANIMALS,” and I’ll give you that. But, humans are also meant to RESPECT ANIMALS. To f-ing RESPECT THEM. Apparently, that’s too much to ask.

Since MOST PEOPLE can’t handle the video footage of the horrors of factory farms, I just saw the video for you (well, as much as I could watch without smashing my computer on the floor and ripping my hair out in AN ANGER I HAVE NEVER KNOWN BEFORE). And, just trust me: NOT okay.

NOT okay NOT okay NOT okay.

Everyone has to choose his/her own cause(s)…. I understand that. Just, this is a big one for me. Thank you for listening and letting me do this small thing for my cause….

May all the animals on this earth find peace and comfort tonight….
xo Haley-O

Honestly? I was NOT looking for a pity party in the comment section last post (or, in my Inbox — thank, you CONCERNED GORGEOUSES)! But, there were some really useful pity-party comments that I, definitely, took to heart.

One of them in particular, from one of my bloggy besties RENEE (who, I gotta tell you, is TRAY wise), suggested I do this little exercise. Check it:

You need some positives! I think you need to write down 5 positive thing about yourself every day. I think that focusing on having to come up with 5 positive things each day will help you stop being so obsessed with the negative and eventually those negative things will go away. Good luck. I’m challenging you to do this Haley…can you do it?

YES I CAN! Hmmm…. A challenge. I LOVE a good challenge. That’s one of my better qualities. Voilà a positive! And, I haven’t even begun the exercise! So, here goes….

Here’s a picture of moi as I am now. Taken today. I will refrain from saying ANYTHING negative about it (even if negative thoughts are flying voraciously around in head).

Okay, so, 1. I have really thick and healthy hair. Hairdressers ALWAYS tell me it’s gorj. The colour is also nice enough that I don’t have to get it coloured — people often ask me if I DO colour it! Sweet.

(This feels weird….)

2. My eyes are pretty rad, actually. I LOVE putting makeup on them. And, a guy once told me “eyes like mine never get old.” Hmmmm…. I let him buy me a drink after that, of course. I also like that they’re really round and big and friendly. I am THE most unintimidating person because of them. Also I get away with a lot because they scream “INNOCENCE.” Heh!

3. Uh oh…. This is getting tougher now…. My lips. They’re big. I understand that big lips are a highly coveted feature….

In grad school, one of my colleagues told me (in front of a table full of students and profs) that I probably get a lot of guys because, with my “perfectly full lips,” I must give good. And, then she tried to put lipstick on them….

4. I am freakishly flexible. I can do the splits all three ways (and if there were a fourth way, I’d be able to do that, too), lift my leg over my head, etc., etc.. Check it if you don’t believe me (note that I did NOT warm up AT ALL before taking this pic and am LUCKY I didn’t pull something — the things I do for you…LOVE!)…

…I’m also blessed with some kick-arse balance…. Weeeee! (Sorry for the foggy pics — my camera battery died so we took them with Pinkberry….)

5. Likes long walks on the beach Eager to learn. I’m EAGER TO LEARN. YES! You probably wouldn’t have seen this phrase on my high-school report card. But, if there were a report card of life right now? I’d get an E for EAGER TO LEARN. It DOTH get me in trouble, though. Like, lately? I KEEP reading books with horrific, TRAUMATIZING chapters on the evils of the meat and dairy industries, and it is KILLING ME. I couldn’t SLEEP last night thinking of the animals — I certainly did NOT expect THIS BOOK to go there! Alas, it seems I’m destined to go vegan, OR SOMETHING! A-ny-way, USUALLY my eagerness to learn leads me to enlightening knowledge that makes life TRAY exciting. Eager to learn…eager to LIVE.

Of course, those are five positive things about ME. There’s much more, I see! Like the monkeys. My beautiful, healthy monkeys. What MORE could anyone ask for than that. I should stop asking, shouldn’t I…. Because I have all I need right here right now.

Thank you, Renee! This was a very healing exercise…. Wonderful….

And, now it’s YOUR turn, Gorgeouses. FIVE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF. Right here, in the comments, or on your own blog, if you have one! I wanna see, I wanna see!