I was kind of raised to be busy but never to complain that I’m busy and never to complain that I’m tired. But I’m guilty of doing both anyway — resulting in the frequent eye rolling of family members.

But, Gorgeouses, I’m busy and I’m tired and I am owning it! Are you with me? Or do you hate me right now for saying I’m busy and tired and owning it?

Here’s why I’ve been too tired and too busy to even blog lately (my bad, bygones)….

1. Halloween. You know, it’s tiring avoiding all that candy all the time. There’s a massive white bowl of it still sitting on my toaster oven in full visibility on my kitchen counter (which is too small for a big white bowl of Halloween candy).

And of course, it’s tiring dealing with two wild and crazy candy-eating monkeys. But I have to say I was pretty smart this year: I let them enjoy the candy, and let it stick around. Like most kids, they don’t want me to throw the candy out, that’s for sure. But they haven’t asked for it in days! Smart, right? Wonder if they’ll notice that big ole bowl is gone tomorrow….

The most beautiful li’l witch in the world….

Mike the Knight!

2. Quitting chai lattes. It’s been TWO WEEKS AND ONE DAY since I had my last grande soy no-water tazo chai. And I even went to Starbucks the other day with a friend and wasn’t even tempted to order the usual. Instead, I ordered juice. This chai latte addiction has been plaguing me, as you know, for years. Years! But I’ve been sick (see #3) every month since September. So, clearly, my body’s telling me I need to improve my diet big time (see #4) and strengthen my sorry immune system. I’m just a little, erm, tired without all the sugar, caffeine and daily morning drunk-like bliss….

3. I’ve been sick, again. Another cold, some pink eye (care of the Rascal), a nagging cough. I’m going to probably get it from my yoga teacher when he returns from his workshops because I played hooky all last week. As you may know, Ashtanga yogis like me aren’t supposed to miss a day of practice unless they’re pretty-much on their deathbed. But I needed to feel better before subjecting my constantly ailing bod to the heat and early morning sweat and tears…. It does feel good to be back at the yoga shala now, though — even though I’m super tired and busy….

4. I’ve been cooking good food, getting healthy and strengthening sorry immune system. So instead of blogging and going to yoga, I’ve been cooking lots of wholesome and yummy vegan meals so I don’t feel deprived of the old sugary, habitual crap I was eating. I’ll update the kitch with some of these recipes when I’m a little less tired and busy….

The kids loved last night’s vegan hot dogs, oven-baked fries, and “tarragon green beans” (from Forks Over Knives). It’s not the healthiest vegan meal, I know, but it was fun-food Sunday…!

5. Betty White. I’ve been walking Betty White a lot so both of us get a healthy dose of exercise and the outdoors. Our truly bizarre Betty White is terrified of being walked, but once she gets outside, she’s alright. FYI. Poor thing got groomed yesterday (another thing she hates), and she’s been shivering a bit outside. So I indulged my love of irony at her expense and bought her this Confessions-of-a-Shopaholic-inspired “fashion” coat (we watched the movie together the night before we bought it, last Sunday)….

Betty White loves her new pink coat with the fluffy white faux-fur collar — *cough.* I think it’s hilarious, and she’s warm and GORGEOUS.

6. MAARGE and I are busy growing four different kids of catnip. Meowww, purrrrr, MAAAARGE!

7. Jealous Minden wakes me up at 4am daily. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just meowed. But he slathers me in sloppy kisses and tries to knock things over — like the glass of water beside my bed, or my bookshelf.

8. The kids. Waking them up, getting them to bed, washing clothes, cooking dinners, making lunches, making snacks, making muffins (see #4), doing homework, refereeing fights, taking them to after-school programs, picking them up, getting them dressed, bathed, loving them…. Also the Rascal sleeps on my back. He’s little but he’s solid.

9. Todaysparent.com site relaunch. Isn’t it pretty? We’re still busy working feverishly to perfect it, but it’s gorj, right? And, by the way, you know how last week I shared all the funny stuff my kids say? Now you can enter all the funny stuff your kids say and win $10,000 over at our “Today’s Kids Say” contest — HERE!

Yawn. I’d write tons more reasons why I’m busy and tired but, yawn…. So tired. So busy. But happy. Being busy isn’t so bad — even if it means I’m tired at the end of the day. And I’m sure when I start to feel better, when my rock-star immune system goes platinum, and this new no-chai, healthy lifestyle kicks in, I’ll be bouncing off this web page with all the energy.

I kicked my chai addiction, Gorgeouses. And I didn’t have a single piece of Halloween candy. Tired, busy, but, omigosh, wow!

So now’s your chance. Are you tired and busy too? OWN IT right here in the comments. We promise not to roll our eyes….

Love!
xo Haley-O

Dr. Laura Schlessinger would not like that my kids are in public school. She would not like that my son goes to a (lovely little) morning school while I’m at work. But she’d be somewhat satisfied that I finish work at 2:30pm in time to pick both my kids up from school, and that my husband works from home. She would like that I’m married, but she would not like that I’m on Twitter and Facebook. She would not like that I had a lovely part-time nanny whom I said goodbye to last week while shedding giant crocodile tears.

She would not like that I’m fat.

I listen to Dr. Laura’s show occasionally on my way home from work, bracing myself for points of view that make me shudder, but eagerly anticipating the odd pearl of wisdom. My mom used to listen to the show in the car when I was a kid, so the familiarity of Dr. Laura’s notoriously shrill voice at times renders comfort and reassurance — and at times makes me want to put myself in the corner with a giant dunce cap on my head.

After slapping working mom after divorced mom on the virtual wrist and blaming cheated-on wives for not pleasing their husbands enough in the bedroom, and chastising others for “shacking up” before marriage, she offered one forlorn fat caller some refreshingly eye-opening advice for losing weight.

The woman was calling because her husband was complaining about her weight gain, and she gave a bunch of excuses as to why she couldn’t lose the weight — hormones, no time to exercise, not motivated. Dr. Laura pooh-poohed every one of the excuses, and nearly lost it on the caller when she asked the question I, for one, really wanted an answer to: “But, Dr. Laura, how do I motivate myself to exercise and eat well?”

“MOTIVATION IS BS,” Dr. Laura exclaimed. “Do you think I want to drop and do 20 pushups during the commercial break?” she asked. “Do you think I want to get up in the morning and workout in the gym? No. Nobody does. But it’s the right thing to do, morally, for your health, for your husband. Maybe once you get to the gym, you realize, ‘Hey, this isn’t so bad.’ But it’s much easier to be LAZY.” (I’m not sure if these were her exact words, by the way — except for “motivation is BS.”)

“Motivation is BS.” How true is this, Gorgeouses? I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to lose my excess belly fat — my kids! my husband, myself, yoga, energy, my new Lululemon clothes, him….

And then I see my friends and loved ones who’ve been on the operating table numerous times for near-death heart surgeries diving into chocolate, cookies and other stuff that put them on the operating table in the first place. Motivation is BS.

And in saying “motivation is BS,” Dr. Laura motivated me to stop waiting to get motivated. And then Theresa Albert motivated me, shortly after I listened to Dr. Laura’s show, when I read her great article in The Toronto Star about how our excess of food choices makes us “choose badly,” and then Alice came back from Italy (finally!), and David said after yoga the other day, “No lattes.”

I might be a bit quiet and cranky for the next few days while I attempt to tackle a healing macrobiotics plan. It’s quite a radical shift from what I’ve been eating lately, but if I don’t do something radical, something to “jump start” some weight loss (as Dr. Laura put it before offering the caller a free month of a diet shake program she swears by), it will simply never happen. And though I’ve been averse to macrobiotics lately (only because I’m not the greatest cook…yet), I’ve been mysteriously drawn to it for years — like I am to yoga and other ancient stuff — and I think I have to honour that. As a vegan, there are so many, too many, “diets” to choose from; I’m finally choosing this one as a practice. Done. No more emotion around it, as my friend Ruth has wisely advised me on various subjects. Just do it.

This will definitely be a major challenge as I continue be a darn good, responsible mom (even if I’m not Dr. Laura’s ideal), and work my soon-to-be svelte arse off with our awesome Todaysparent.com team as we prepare for our massive site RELAUNCH later this month (so exciting)! But, apparently, I’ll be thinking more clearly in no time, have that increased energy I’ve been craving, I’ll feel lighter, and I might get some glow in my skin — just in time for the BlissDom Canada conference.

Anyone going to the BlissDom Canada Conference in Toronto, October 13-16?

I’m excited to tell you I’m a Tribe Leader for the “Lifestyle Tribe.” So, if you’re going to the conference, be sure to join my tribe for a roundtable discussion Friday morning on blogging about LIFE. And, like all tribe leaders, I’ll be available if you have any questions, and to “help you make the most of your conference experience”!

By the way, my co-Tribe Leader is the awesome Ali Martell, who sums up Lifestyle writing (and our friendship) perfectly in her most recent post: “We’d love to talk with you about how writing about nothing is truly writing about everything.” Now you have to join us because Ali+Haley=CRAZY FUN, and you’ll want to be a part of that!

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS. Lord help me if Dr. Laura’s people find this blog post and she reads it on the air…! It is entirely possible. To make myself a little more likeable, then, I should state for the record here that I also have a dog. She’s a Maltese, and her name’s Betty White.

A few weeks ago, I hurried out of yoga class to get to work and stopped to say bye and thanks to my super-amazing yoga teacher David.

“My twists are terrible,” I told him as I slipped on my crocs.

“Awful!” He laughed.

“Terribly awful,” I insisted.

“How’s your diet?”

How’s my diet? At first I was excited that he asked because it meant that some good, motivating diet advice from my super-amazing health and spirituality guru was about to come. But, then I realized, gratefully, what an incredibly brave question that was for him to ask me. As my yoga buddy Jeff pointed out, it really shows the depths of a teacher’s compassion and investment in his students — that he’s willing to risk a slap in the face from overweight female straggler. Super amazing.

“It’s bad,” I told him. “Too many soy-chai lattes, sugar, bread, peanut butter. No time to cook for myself, blah blah blah.”

“That’s not good,” he told me. “You need to feed yourself.”

Feed yourself. My gosh. Once again, super-amazing yoga teacher has triggered epiphany. Feed myself. My gosh, I don’t feed myself. I eat, but I don’t feed myself. And I totally 100% eat to numb my emotions. I figured it out on my vacation over the last two weeks in cottage and farm country — i.e., miles away from STARBUCKS. A whole bunch of emotions (even happy ones!) surfaced as a result of not starting my days with a Starbucks sugar rush, and I had no idea what to do with them other than face them head-on or continue to stuff them down unsuccessfully with the sweetest cinnamony syrup I could find.

Practising yoga every day helped. Emotions arose and then vanished after a few poses. And I survived, incredibly.

I kayaked alone almost every day, and I noticed my emotions as I braved some big waves. Emotions ebbed and flowed. Seriously. It was meditation on water. And I survived, incredibly.

I tried to feed myself, as David advised. And I didn’t do that great. I ate chips (which I never eat), the kids’ vegan gummy bears, dark chocolate, peanut butter bagel sandwiches. I wasn’t feeding myself. I was eating.

And now that I’m back from vacation, I’m back on chai lattes.

So today’s the day, Gorgeouses. I’m going to start officially to feed myself. And I know it’s going to be tough, but I’m going to face my emotions head-on without food: anxieties about the kids, the stresses of feeding my family every day, responding to demands, tantrums, needs, wants (never mind my own needs and wants…). I can’t be a perfect parent because there’s just no such thing — I know that — but the stress of doing my best every day takes its toll. And sometimes at the end of the day I just want to veg — lay like broccoli, rather than eat it. I know this now.

Just breathe.

My body is supposed to be my temple. I believe that. And I want to move faster, feel lighter, look better.

I’ve been noticing lately that some women wear scarves around their necks to adorn their bodies. Others ink themselves with awesome tattoos. Others twist shiny strands into intricate ‘dos just to go to work.

I wear makeup — not to adorn my temple, ahem, but to cover up the results of not feeding myself: zits, dehydration, exhaustion, need I go on? As for my hair, I’ll always wash and go….

But I took the kids to the grocery store today. We stocked up on veggies, fruits, all good organic stuff. And when we got home, I took the time to wash and chop everything up instead of letting it all rot untouched in my fridge, as usual.

David suggested that I don’t do anything extreme to feed myself. No raw diets, low-carb diets. Definitely a vegan diet, of course. He likes the macrobiotic way of eating. But he said that if, for example, I can’t find time to make a macrobiotic breakfast (i.e., porridge and blanched greens, blergh…) after yoga practice, that I should have fruit and nuts — “just feed yourself!”

So I’m going back to basics, with the help of this book and this new book…. And then we’ll see about getting macro-fancy. I just need to feed myself, and not eat so much. Know what I mean?

By the way, David did say that I can allow myself my favourite drug drink on moon days — so, I’m looking forward to Sunday….

How about you? Do you feed yourself? How?

Love!

xo Haley-O

My doc gave me the great news last Wednesday. Which was perfect because Josh was out of town all week so I was freaking out that I was heading for a heart attack all by myself all week. He’s home now, but I’m over it. My cholesterol’s not THAT high. And I guess I’m lucky we caught it while I’m in my mid-thirties. CRAZY that I have this in my mid-thirties. SCARY that I have this in my mid-thirties — especially since my family has seen some major heart issues this year.

I’m so lucky, though. This is a good, gentle kind of wake-up call. The Glinda of wake-up calls. Very thankful.

When I first heard the news, though, I got a little depressed. And, sadly, I found myself relieved that Josh was away so I couldn’t make it out to the Yoga shala. I just suddenly felt like I was morbidly obese, and I was embarrassed to be there and dreading those Marichyasana twists. Also, I’m a vegan. What’s a proud vegan yogi doing with high cholesterol? I felt guilty as charged — only I can’t remember the last time I ate anything to do with animals (other than the odd piece of birthday cake).

My doctor says this is most likely a weight thing or a hereditary thing, which I hope doesn’t mean that I’m destined for LIPATOR or whatever that cholesterol drug is called. Because I won’t do it. As I’ve said before, I’d rather not pee those meds into our rivers, lakes and oceans — I’m just not that important.

But I’m the most important person in the world to at least two very important people.

I need to be my absolute healthiest for my kids. So I’m going to fix this. The first thing I need to do is stop being weirdly afraid to lose weight, and, of course, I need to lose weight now. I mean REALLY lose weight — not lose it for a week and then gain it back. I need to change my lifestyle and just chill about this.

I know I’m not a sick person. I’m totally strong and capable of turning this thing around. Watch me, Gorgeouses. I’m in a better mood, and I’m making changes. My big thing is cutting out the sugar, which I hear creates cholesterol or something, and I need to eat frequent meals (the doc gave me a whole guide). Plus I’m reading Allen Carr’s Lose Weight Now, which is supposed to hypnotize you into losing weight, and no matter how I feel about myself and my diagnosis, I have to get my arse to the yoga shala and sweat it out among all those gorj, sweaty, inspiring people…. I’ll keep you posted!

Gotta go for now, my kitty wants to cuddle.

Okay, so while I’m busy cleaning up my entire act, you need to go out and pick up the June issue of Today’s Parent Magazine! (We’ll talk about that next time…. People are stopping me in the streets!) Open it up to p. 33, and you’ll see my latest print article and PHOTOS of celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak and me working out together. The issue came out at the perfect time, ahem, because the camera definitely adds 10 pounds….

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’d been meaning to prepare you for the event. But I didn’t get around to it, and I didn’t want to think about it. Which is also why I didn’t crash diet for it — and I totally meant to and I totally should have. Instead I think I ate more, and chugged at least a chai a day to numb myself to what was to come….

Yeah, you know those layouts in magazines where they have a girl in tight clothes demonstrating workout moves? You know the ones. Usually the girl is really svelte with nary a nugget of flab. Well, Today’s Parent Magazine selected moi for such a role.  And I agreed.

The thing is, not only did I agree to do a layout, but I also agreed to do the VIDEO for TodaysParent.com. And, apparently, there is no airbrushing a video. And that “slimming lense” that Andrew Dunlop, our web editor and video master, told me he’d use for the shoot? Doesn’t in fact exist. Aaaaaandrew!

That’s Andrew. I snapped that shot when we got to The Shopping Channel headquarters, which was where the photo and video shoots took place. Why there, you ask? Because that was where the guy who was going to show me the MOVES was advertising his new products: Harley Pasternak.

You may have read about him in the gossip mags, when the stars talk about their diet and exercise regimes, because he’s worked with most of them. His insane list of his star clients includes the likes of Halle Berry, Natalie Portman, Orlando Bloom, Megan Fox, Jason Segel, Kate Beckinsale, Robert Downy Jr., Jennifer Hudson, Paul Rudd (my new crush), Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson….

…and now me!

Here’s Harley and me posing for my blog….

I really shouldn’t smile in pictures. Not only does my fake front tooth look horrid (I’m getting the bridge in just a few weeks woohoo!), but my cheeks balloon out like my 5-year-old’s….

See, here’s a picture of me not smiling (granted a little distorted, but you can still see the difference)….

Got my hair and makeup did by the gorj Michelle Rosen and sweet outfit styled by the gorj Vanessa Taylor.

And please don’t get all “Haley, you look AMAZING” on me because even I can say I look slimmish in this photo. But there’s a sizable leftover-pregnancy pot that you can’t really see in that photo for some reason. You’ll see it in the video (trust me — it’s going to be SO embarrassing), and possibly even in the photos.

Anyway, that photo was shot in my GREEN ROOM. I had my very own green room right next to Harley Pasternak’s green room. Which turned out to be a bit of a problem because — look at my green room door….

“Haley” looks a lot like “Harley.” So I may or may not have — okay I did! I did! — walked into Harley Pasternak’s green room instead of mine. And that’s how he and I met for the first time. Awkward. Very. Very awkward: “Hi, H-H-H-Harley! I’m H-H-H-Haley. Oops. Heh. I’m actually interviewing you later and doing that whole workout thing with you. See I walked in here because my name’s ‘Haley’? Kind of looks like ‘Harley,’ you know? Don’t you think? Okay thanx bai.”

I returned to his green room a little later to interview him about fitness and celebs and why I can’t seem to lose weight — he’s not into my yoga or my veganism — and it was cool and relaxed. I got lots of goods.

And so now here’s the thing. When I left, I promised Harley that I’d get on this and do his program: I’d do his 25 minute workout DVD with the “Harley Bar” (both of which I received care of The Shopping Channel) 5 times a week, and I’d eat 5 times a day — as per his 5-factor program — and, finally, that I’d lose 25 pounds, to which he replied, “Don’t put a number on it.” Okay no number.

But, see, here’s the thing: not only did I make this promise to Harley Pasternak, but I’ve made it BIG TIME to Today’s Parent Magazine. In the November Issue of Today’s Parent, you will see a finally FIT and HEALTHY me…. It’s set in stone in the editorial calendar. And we’re shooting my “AFTER” PHOTO in April.

So it’s officially ON. For years now, you’ve been hearing about my dieting trials and tribulations. And enough is enough. I mean, when I got a new boss a few months ago, I felt compelled to tell her I wasn’t pregnant so she wouldn’t wonder about it. And that’s just not okay. Not okay. I’m tired of looking pregnant. Yes, my pregnancies were emotionally and physically traumatizing. But it’s time to shed it all and move on.

The training has begun. I’m still doing my daily Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga (it is NOT EASY, Harley) and eating vegan. But I’ve added a few more healthy meals in there — which is doing wonders for my apparent hyperglycemia — and Harley’s 25-minute 5-factor workout DVDs. Apparently, even Lady Gaga (another one of Harley’s star clients) works out for 25 minutes, 5 days a week (unless she happens to have extra time on her hands). You’d think these celebs worked out for hours. But Harley says no.

I think that’s all for now because, man, I’m writing a book here. But I will say this: Jennifer Hudson has Weight Watchers (and Harley Pasternak) behind her, and look at her! And now, very thankfully, I have Today’s Parent behind me. And maybe that’s what it’ll take to DO THIS THING. An “after” picture in a magazine: now that’s motivation! *Shivers.* I think it’s ON, Gorgeouses! Yes, it’s ON!

So, your turn. Want to join me? I WILL post your before and after photo right here if you want it…. Do it do it!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Photo source

GORJ (= gorgeous)

AGORJABLE (= both gorgeous and adorable)

We’ve been using GORJ around here for years now. But AGORJABLE’s definitely a new one. It emerged on twitter (as so much does) when I was direct-messaging my AGORJABLE friend, Ms. @Lindseyjay, who also happens to be GORJ. There — I just used both words in a sentence, in one sentence.

The Urban Dictionary’s not quite the OED, but I’ll get there. I also invented the word LAPPAH, if you recall….

Where was I? I had to leave…. Just lost another 10 minutes of my life (which I’ll never get back) adding LAPPAH to the Urban Dictionary. Please tell me this isn’t as addictive as twitter, or chai lattes….

By the way, don’t search for any of my new words yet. The Urban Dictionary editors have to approve them. But I’m thinking if they approved Sh–––g– and F–––@*&%$, then they’ll probably approve GORJ, AGORJABLE and LAPPAH.

Shh…. Betty White is sleeping, so we have to be quiet….

And I know what you’re thinking. She looks JUST like the dog “Kyle” in Despicable Me with that halucious underbite (and no you’re not having a déjà vu — I’ve definitely mentioned this before, but I like these pictures better!)….

Oh gosh! HALUCIOUS isn’t a real word either, is it? Gotta go.

Addictive.

My Urban Dictionary addiction is healthier than Starbucks, I guess. I suppose I should see if UGGERS and BRILLERS are in there, too…. Ugh. Tired! Hold on.

I’m back.

So, Gorgeouses, in addition to all these super-exciting new words, I’ve made two significant changes in my life. (And no, this isn’t a déjà vu either.) I officially-officially quit Starbucks-soy-no-water-tazo-chai lattes AND I’ve been going to the Ashtanga yoga “shala” every. single. day. Except Saturdays and moon days (it’s traditional not to practice yoga on the days of the new and full moon because the body has less energy and is more prone to injury).

Somehow, it was always okay to go to the gym every day. Why not yoga, until now?

It just so happens I’m not the only crazy “Ashtangi” around these parts. Have you seen Eden Kennedy’s brillers Yogabeans! blog? I’m doing what those action figures are doing every. single. day.

I never thought I’d love sweating in a hot shala every day doing intense yoga that has my heart pumping, face beet red. Yoga was always about bliss before, and breathing into your toes…. Now it’s about tradition, strength, focus, presence and, more than ever (and unexpectedly), community. I have the support I need to get strong and fit and calm(er) and healthy. That, and I get to be with other crazy Ashtangis every day. And they are a cool people. I’m telling you. Cool. (Although I’m a little irate with some of them for being in MEXICO right now on a dream retreat. Grrrr….)

After my yoga practice today, Alice left a “reward” for me at the front desk. And I’ve been verklempt about it ever since. It was the most delicious thing I’d tasted in a long time because it was a homemade, macrobiotic, nourishing nourishing treat. Look how pretty….

Alice says it’s my reward for going baked-goods FREE until January. Mmmm-mmm! Be part of the challenge, get the recipe, and potentially earn your very own “rice triangle sandwich” at ALICE’S NEW Macrobiotic food blog — you’ll see my pretty sandwich and I are featured in her post!

I’m telling you Gorgeouses! I have a new lease on life. Finally, I’m taking care of BOTH my family AND myself. At 3 and 5 years old, my kids are thoroughly entertained and excited by their mama’s curious passion. And I see how good it is for them to see me taking care of myself and doing something, to think!, for me (who?) — which, really, is ultimately for them…. Because practicing my yoga and eating right make me a happier, healthier and more present mom (and person all around).

Now, sit back, and watch me melt off 20 pounds with joy….

Love! xoxo Haley-O

I’ve had two sips of wine. ON A WEEKNIGHT. And, I may be drunk.

Josh bought us this bottle of wine on the weekend, and I’ve kind of been nursing it ever since. I love the way it makes me feel. ALIVE. Oblivious. DRUNK after just a few sips. No, honestly, I sound like an alcoholic. But, that would mean it would take a little more than three sips for me to be this buzzed. Actually, I’m not THAT buzzed. If I were, then this would be called DRUNK BLOGGING right now. And, that would mean that I’d start rambling and spelling2 worsd rong and telling you I need new underwear things I really shouldn’t tell you.

No, seriously, I figured a good meal of CARBOHYDRATES and ALCOHOL in the form of popcorn and wine would thrust me into a deep sleep. Deep enough not to hear Rascal wailing in the middle of the night simply because he misses his mama. I mean, the kid is OBSESSED with me and my bed at night.

He’ll start SCREAMING in the middle of the night, and, in I go. I pick him up and he fusses and fitzes and makes his way to the ground, AND SCUTTLES LIKE A LITTLE BEETLE on all fours — fastest “wounded soldier crawl” you’ve ever seen — straight to my bed. I stand there shocked at how fast he scuttles (good. word). I’ve never seen anything like it.

He is SUCH a boy….

In the sea of his sister’s girlie toys (and Backyardigans “dollies”), he still loves his trucks….

Amazing how they just “become” boys. There are plenty of pretty pink frilly dollies to choose from, and he goes for the TRUCKS…. I am in awe of this process…. I HAVE tried to give him a baby doll, I even put Monkey’s pink princess dress on him (and this is where drunk blogging gets me in trouble…). I just wanted to see if he COULD in any way be girlie. But, no! Even in monkey’s crazy pink princess dress, Rascal was still very much a boy…

Okay. Now, aside from my need for DEEP, uninterrupted sleep, I am drinking wine and eating popcorn because my lips are cracked. I am so malnourished that my lips are cracked. I mean, it’s one thing to be vegan, but it’s another to EAT PROPERLY. I’ve been living on almond butter, spelt bread and vegan multivitamins, oh, and vitamin-D-and-calcium enriched orange juice, OH, and, of course, the grande soy no-water chai latte. So, tonight, I bid adieu (again) to poor eating. Tomorrow, I give myself and my body the attention WE CRAVES (more than a Starbucks grande soy no-water tazo chai). Time to get healthy. I’m not making any grand claims (I QUIT THAT DANG DRINK I WILL EAT KALE EVERY DAY I WILL MEDITATE EVERY MORNING I WILL DO HOUR AND A HALF YOGA EVERY DAY). No. I’m going to just try to drink water again, and eat three real meals…. I’m going to try to cook for myself….

Yes. Because. Because I’m worth it. Yeah, Gorgeouses, just like the L’Oreal commercial — only without the animal testing. Yes, because, today, I replaced my OLD beloved L’Oreal mascara with the cruelty-free Smashbox mascara. Because Smashbox cares. Love….

I’m also positive affirming. Check it: “Tonight I will sleep like a baby and nothing and no one will wake me up until at least 8am.” (They say positive affirmations should be as specific as possible….)

CHEERS!
xo Haley-O

So, here we go. I’ve had a long day. It started off great with a FABULOUS yoga class where we must have done an HOUR of pranayama, or breathing exercises. You wouldn’t believe the effects of these exercises; they’re both stress busting and…MY ABS! Awesome. Totally exhilarating. Energizing. MUCH needed.

I felt great for a long time after the class. Until about 6pm, when I dumped HALF of tonight’s fresh-cooked dinner all over the oven — into the oven drawer and onto the floor. Rascal taste-tested the boiling-hot remnants as they oozed onto the floor, and he seemed impressed and, thankfully, not burned. But, of course, when we sat down to eat the precious dinner that remained, he wouldn’t touch it, which left me PISSED OFF — mostly because the Monkey had to PEE five minutes into this blessed half-feast, and when Monkey has to pee, we ALL have to trudge upstairs. (Josh-O wasn’t home yet….)

ANYWAY, speaking of food…. Everyone’s talking about Alanis Morrissette’s DRAMATIC 20-pound weight loss in three months. Check the before and after:

Photos, with thanks, c/o OK Magazine and Ohnotheydidn’t.

Yes, the leggings, the leggings! Everyone’s talking about the leggings. I actually like the leggings because I love cats — and they’re, like, Cat Woman leggings. Anyway, how did she do it? THIS BOOK:

It’s Dr. Fuhrman’s well-known diet book, Eat to Live. It targets people with heart disease and/or diabetes primarily, and people who want to lose weight aggressively. But, it’s SERIOUS. I know. Because it’s been sitting on my nightstand for weeks now. Every night, I SWEAR I will abide by the 6-week menu plan TO THE TEE. But, I can NEVER follow through. Not even for a day. Errrmmm…. WaytogoWILLPOWER!

See, here’s the thing. I’m a vegan. So, my diet’s restrictive enough — especially since dissing my beloved Starbucks chai-tea latte. But, to pretty-much eliminate my GRAINS, my STARCHY vegetables, my OILS? It’s too much. Fat-free, low-carb vegan diet? Sounds NOT doable. Maybe for a bride-to-be who wants to be SKINNY-LIKE-ALANIS for her wedding day. But, watch her BALLOON out as soon as she’s off this (four-letter-word) DIET. And, kudos to the stay-at-home mom who could live on salads and beans with fat-free dressings. Blech. Yawn.

Then, again, they say this diet CHANGES YOUR LIFE and gives you RENEWED energy. They say that once you get past the withdrawal phase (withdrawal from sugar, caffeine, animal products, etc.), you begin to enjoy this way of eating. But, who can get past the withdrawal phase? What stay-at-home mom of two kids — 1 and 3 — can get past the withdrawal phase…with all her hair in tact? I ASK YOU?

So, what I’ve done (just now) is made a compromise with Dr. Fuhrman. I’m already vegan. Now, I’m going to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables — more salads, more soups — BUT, I’m still going to eat whole grains, and healthy fats in moderation. Everything in moderation. THAT, is doable. Everything else in the diet is too obsessive and unrealistic…, at least for me.

Look! Prepared lettuce. READY TO GRAB!

Who says Dr. Fuhrman’s the BE-ALL anyway? Oh…. Oh yeah…. Oprah’s world-famous cardiologist Dr. Mehmet Oz has been pushing it…wrote the forward to this diet. It’s definitely healthy. But, it’s borderline anorexic if you ask me…. And, MAMA knows best! Heh.

Ugh. But, none of this matters because my dad says there’s a new weight loss pill that’s on the brink of being released. It’s going to SAVE US ALL! Except that I’d never touch such a thing with a 10-foot pole. Not even TOUCH it with a 10-foot pole.

He loves his kitties….

Love…!
xo Haley-O

I still can’t believe I’m an actual vegan, Gorgeoues. I used to think people like me were NUTBALLS, and now I think YOU are. Heh. Well. I think I’M a nutball, yes. But, think of all the pollution, THE ANIMALS, this nutball’s saving by starving myself going vegan, and all the good karma, and the weight loss…. Sweet. (Click here to see what YOU going meat free for just ONE DAY A WEEK can do for our Earth…. A LOT! You can do it, Gorgeouses!)

As I was saying, I’m tray tired. Tray.  I’ve just been CRAZY busy with the kids — talk about NUTBALLS — and I need a spa day. So, I’m making this post short and to the point with just a few orders of business.

Order of Business THE FIRST:

Snow. It’s snowing in Toronto. And, I know that’s, like, so WHATEVER, but SOMEBODY is very excited about it, and I thought you should know….

She’s a cheaty little monkey and she can’t get enough of the snow. She’s especially enjoying tracking it all over the house (a personal favourite of mine).

Also, she’s still saying all her “f”‘s like “th.” It’s totally weird but super THABULOUS. Also, her “v”‘s. As in, we went to a mothie tonight: Madagascar 2. We ALL loved it. I’ll be recommending this ADORABLE thlick at Cheaty Recommends some time this week (when a little less tired). Josh-O couldn’t recommend it because he was stuck outside for half of it with the little SD.

Order of Business THE SECOND:

Somebody is being a cheaty little SD. “SD” is my new nickname for the Rascal because he’s such a Sh*t Disturber. No wonder I’m TIRED. Check his new favourite thing….

Stair climing. Until I get a proper gate for the BOTTOM of the stairs, I’ve had to barricade the entire thront thoyer….

Of course, when I’m not gritting my teeth and ripping my hair out, I’m loving Rascal’s SD’ness. It makes him him. And, it ensures that he doesn’t get lost under his sister’s BIG PERSONALITY. Ahem. You should see me with these two cheaty little nutballs all day every day. It’s no wonder I’m EXHAUSTED.

Argh, and now my computer’s on the fritz. I just had to wait FOREVER for Josh-O to finish his ONLINE POKER game (SOOOO much less important than MY BLOG, I mean HELLOOOO!?) so I could finish this post on HIS laptop. BAH, Windows. I’m a Mac girl. And, this keyboard sucks tofu meatballs.

Order of Business THE THIRD:

MILES. SOLO. FROM LAST THURSDAY. WATCH. IT.

Okay, how SICK was that? Give it up for my cousin MILES!!!

Miles is now in the TOP 6 of So You Think You Can Dance Canada. This means he’s more than a little likely to be in the top 4 FINALE! This means my family is BEYOND giddy with excitement. Miles is not a random distant cousin of mine. He’s my MOTHER’s (i.e., IT’SGRANDMA’S) BROTHER’S SON. FIRST cousin. This is MY BLOOD, Gorgeouses, MY BLOOD on that stage. So, if you love me, then you are celebrating, too, and you WILL VOTE, and I will thank you and give you CYBER KISSES FROM MINDEN!!!

Here’s a word from MILES’S MOM, my Aunt Shelly (she left it in the comments, but it deserves to be in a post because she wants you all to know how grateful she and Miles are that you’re voting and, if you’re not in Canada, showing the love!):

Hi all,
I have just realized while reading the blog, that my last couple of posts have not gone through. I’m sure I did not post properly, so, hopefully I get it right this time!

I am Miles’s Mom, and, WOW!!! You have all been so supportive and wonderful to Miles.

Miles has been “kinda’ tied up these days”, but, he (and, whole rest of his family), thanks his cousin Haley, and all her (rightly so), loyal bloggers for their love support, and Multi-Voting hrs.

Because of friends like YOU, Miles is now in the
TOP 6 on SYTYCDC!!

Thank you Thank you!

I will post voting times, recap the rules etc. tomorrow, if I may.

Warm regards, and Love again to Haley and HER fan

There you go, Gorgeouses! Thank you! And, please bear with me and my excitement for the next couple of weeks (assuming Miles MAKES it to the END!) because we are celebrating! We’re just too excited over here! Woooohooo!

Love….

xo Haley-O

Thank you SO….

I’m trying to write my blog right now, but my GEEK of a husband is interrupting me with pictures of poker players and their fictional/celebrity lookalikes. I know. BAAAHHHH!

Just got back from an UNBELIEVABLE night out with IT’SGRANDMA. We went to my FAVE vegetarian restaurant (the one with the SWEET POTATO FRIES), where I enjoyed a light meal of vegan chili, their AWESOME cornbread and house salad. Divine…. Restored my enthusiasm about vegan eating. Because lately, I’ve been gagging at the mere thought of soy or legumes or leafy greens. But, anyway.

After dinner, we went to the Ballet and saw an INCREDIBLE, tray artsy performance of The Seagull.

The lead male, Zdenek Konvalina, looked just like Daniel Craig…. I felt like I was watching Daniel Craig dancing in next to NO CLOTHES. Awesome….

Bond…, James Bond….

Gorj….

I absolutely loved it: I laughed, I cried, I thought. Hard. Philosophized with it’sgrandma on desire and the human condition. It was awesome.

Then, I JUST got home and turned on So You Think You Can Dance Canada to watch my ADORABLE cousin Miles perform the BEST SOLO EVER on that stage RIGHT into the TOP SIX!

Gorgeouses! I know a lot of you are voting. THANK YOU! (And, see this post’s comments — Miles’s parents thank you, too!)

Here are the videos of the performances that had MIA MICHAELS saying she’s Miles’s “BIGGEST FAN”! CHECK IT!

Amazing, or what? Wait till you see the solo he did tonight. It was BY FAR the best of all the solos.

Final thing: SOMEONE loves hockey (needs haircut)….

Well…, he loves hockey sticks. He loves FLINGING them. Swiping air. He should NOT be enrolled in Sportball. He is WAY too young. But, he loves it. ‘Cuz it’s just him and me. He’s got me all to his li’l self.

That little guy, Gorgeouses? He drives me insane with his cuteness. He’s such a bizarre little guy, I gotta say. Take his CRAZY smile: he lifts his head back, closes his eyes, grins from ear to ear and goes “ksshhhhhhhh.” He DANCES CRAZY DANCE at the first beat of music he hears…. And, today he’s started trying SO HARD to stand up by himself (getting close!). He’s a silly little guy. SO SILLY. SO CRAZY CUTE. My sidekick. My little love…. OY!