Photo c/o Google Images.

I’ve had two sips of wine. ON A WEEKNIGHT. And, I may be drunk.

Josh bought us this bottle of wine on the weekend, and I’ve kind of been nursing it ever since. I love the way it makes me feel. ALIVE. Oblivious. DRUNK after just a few sips. No, honestly, I sound like an alcoholic. But, that would mean it would take a little more than three sips for me to be this buzzed. Actually, I’m not THAT buzzed. If I were, then this would be called DRUNK BLOGGING right now. And, that would mean that I’d start rambling and spelling2 worsd rong and telling you I need new underwear things I really shouldn’t tell you.

No, seriously, I figured a good meal of CARBOHYDRATES and ALCOHOL in the form of popcorn and wine would thrust me into a deep sleep. Deep enough not to hear Rascal wailing in the middle of the night simply because he misses his mama. I mean, the kid is OBSESSED with me and my bed at night.

He’ll start SCREAMING in the middle of the night, and, in I go. I pick him up and he fusses and fitzes and makes his way to the ground, AND SCUTTLES LIKE A LITTLE BEETLE on all fours — fastest “wounded soldier crawl” you’ve ever seen — straight to my bed. I stand there shocked at how fast he scuttles (good. word). I’ve never seen anything like it.

He is SUCH a boy….

In the sea of his sister’s girlie toys (and Backyardigans “dollies”), he still loves his trucks….

Amazing how they just “become” boys. There are plenty of pretty pink frilly dollies to choose from, and he goes for the TRUCKS…. I am in awe of this process…. I HAVE tried to give him a baby doll, I even put Monkey’s pink princess dress on him (and this is where drunk blogging gets me in trouble…). I just wanted to see if he COULD in any way be girlie. But, no! Even in monkey’s crazy pink princess dress, Rascal was still very much a boy…

Okay. Now, aside from my need for DEEP, uninterrupted sleep, I am drinking wine and eating popcorn because my lips are cracked. I am so malnourished that my lips are cracked. I mean, it’s one thing to be vegan, but it’s another to EAT PROPERLY. I’ve been living on almond butter, spelt bread and vegan multivitamins, oh, and vitamin-D-and-calcium enriched orange juice, OH, and, of course, the grande soy no-water chai latte. So, tonight, I bid adieu (again) to poor eating. Tomorrow, I give myself and my body the attention WE CRAVES (more than a Starbucks grande soy no-water tazo chai). Time to get healthy. I’m not making any grand claims (I QUIT THAT DANG DRINK I WILL EAT KALE EVERY DAY I WILL MEDITATE EVERY MORNING I WILL DO HOUR AND A HALF YOGA EVERY DAY). No. I’m going to just try to drink water again, and eat three real meals…. I’m going to try to cook for myself….

Yes. Because. Because I’m worth it. Yeah, Gorgeouses, just like the L’Oreal commercial — only without the animal testing. Yes, because, today, I replaced my OLD beloved L’Oreal mascara with the cruelty-free Smashbox mascara. Because Smashbox cares. Love….

I’m also positive affirming. Check it: “Tonight I will sleep like a baby and nothing and no one will wake me up until at least 8am.” (They say positive affirmations should be as specific as possible….)

CHEERS!
xo Haley-O

Putting on The Young and the Restless so that I can CALM DOWN while Josh-O bathes the monkeys. Ugh, but Gloria and Jeffrey Bardwell are HORRIBLE.

So, here we go. I’ve had a long day. It started off great with a FABULOUS yoga class where we must have done an HOUR of pranayama, or breathing exercises. You wouldn’t believe the effects of these exercises; they’re both stress busting and…MY ABS! Awesome. Totally exhilarating. Energizing. MUCH needed.

I felt great for a long time after the class. Until about 6pm, when I dumped HALF of tonight’s fresh-cooked dinner all over the oven — into the oven drawer and onto the floor. Rascal taste-tested the boiling-hot remnants as they oozed onto the floor, and he seemed impressed and, thankfully, not burned. But, of course, when we sat down to eat the precious dinner that remained, he wouldn’t touch it, which left me PISSED OFF — mostly because the Monkey had to PEE five minutes into this blessed half-feast, and when Monkey has to pee, we ALL have to trudge upstairs. (Josh-O wasn’t home yet….)

ANYWAY, speaking of food…. Everyone’s talking about Alanis Morrissette’s DRAMATIC 20-pound weight loss in three months. Check the before and after:

Photos, with thanks, c/o OK Magazine and Ohnotheydidn’t.

Yes, the leggings, the leggings! Everyone’s talking about the leggings. I actually like the leggings because I love cats — and they’re, like, Cat Woman leggings. Anyway, how did she do it? THIS BOOK:

It’s Dr. Fuhrman’s well-known diet book, Eat to Live. It targets people with heart disease and/or diabetes primarily, and people who want to lose weight aggressively. But, it’s SERIOUS. I know. Because it’s been sitting on my nightstand for weeks now. Every night, I SWEAR I will abide by the 6-week menu plan TO THE TEE. But, I can NEVER follow through. Not even for a day. Errrmmm…. WaytogoWILLPOWER!

See, here’s the thing. I’m a vegan. So, my diet’s restrictive enough — especially since dissing my beloved Starbucks chai-tea latte. But, to pretty-much eliminate my GRAINS, my STARCHY vegetables, my OILS? It’s too much. Fat-free, low-carb vegan diet? Sounds NOT doable. Maybe for a bride-to-be who wants to be SKINNY-LIKE-ALANIS for her wedding day. But, watch her BALLOON out as soon as she’s off this (four-letter-word) DIET. And, kudos to the stay-at-home mom who could live on salads and beans with fat-free dressings. Blech. Yawn.

Then, again, they say this diet CHANGES YOUR LIFE and gives you RENEWED energy. They say that once you get past the withdrawal phase (withdrawal from sugar, caffeine, animal products, etc.), you begin to enjoy this way of eating. But, who can get past the withdrawal phase? What stay-at-home mom of two kids — 1 and 3 — can get past the withdrawal phase…with all her hair in tact? I ASK YOU?

So, what I’ve done (just now) is made a compromise with Dr. Fuhrman. I’m already vegan. Now, I’m going to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables — more salads, more soups — BUT, I’m still going to eat whole grains, and healthy fats in moderation. Everything in moderation. THAT, is doable. Everything else in the diet is too obsessive and unrealistic…, at least for me.

Look! Prepared lettuce. READY TO GRAB!

Who says Dr. Fuhrman’s the BE-ALL anyway? Oh…. Oh yeah…. Oprah’s world-famous cardiologist Dr. Mehmet Oz has been pushing it…wrote the forward to this diet. It’s definitely healthy. But, it’s borderline anorexic if you ask me…. And, MAMA knows best! Heh.

Ugh. But, none of this matters because my dad says there’s a new weight loss pill that’s on the brink of being released. It’s going to SAVE US ALL! Except that I’d never touch such a thing with a 10-foot pole. Not even TOUCH it with a 10-foot pole.

He loves his kitties….

Love…!
xo Haley-O

I used to be able to go to bed in the wee hours of the morning. I’d stay up late blogging, reading blogs, surfing the internets, EATING cheese…and peanut butter…together (ahh, breastfeeding cravings). Now, I’m TIRED. I can hardly stay up past 11pm. It’s wild. Maybe it’s because I stopped eating cheese, and eggs, and anything animal related. I also don’t wear leather. I’m a vegan. So, thanks for the leather purse…, but no thanks (my sister will LOVE IT). Ahem.

I still can’t believe I’m an actual vegan, Gorgeoues. I used to think people like me were NUTBALLS, and now I think YOU are. Heh. Well. I think I’M a nutball, yes. But, think of all the pollution, THE ANIMALS, this nutball’s saving by starving myself going vegan, and all the good karma, and the weight loss…. Sweet. (Click here to see what YOU going meat free for just ONE DAY A WEEK can do for our Earth…. A LOT! You can do it, Gorgeouses!)

As I was saying, I’m tray tired. Tray.  I’ve just been CRAZY busy with the kids — talk about NUTBALLS — and I need a spa day. So, I’m making this post short and to the point with just a few orders of business.

Order of Business THE FIRST:

Snow. It’s snowing in Toronto. And, I know that’s, like, so WHATEVER, but SOMEBODY is very excited about it, and I thought you should know….

She’s a cheaty little monkey and she can’t get enough of the snow. She’s especially enjoying tracking it all over the house (a personal favourite of mine).

Also, she’s still saying all her “f”‘s like “th.” It’s totally weird but super THABULOUS. Also, her “v”‘s. As in, we went to a mothie tonight: Madagascar 2. We ALL loved it. I’ll be recommending this ADORABLE thlick at Cheaty Recommends some time this week (when a little less tired). Josh-O couldn’t recommend it because he was stuck outside for half of it with the little SD.

Order of Business THE SECOND:

Somebody is being a cheaty little SD. “SD” is my new nickname for the Rascal because he’s such a Sh*t Disturber. No wonder I’m TIRED. Check his new favourite thing….

Stair climing. Until I get a proper gate for the BOTTOM of the stairs, I’ve had to barricade the entire thront thoyer….

Of course, when I’m not gritting my teeth and ripping my hair out, I’m loving Rascal’s SD’ness. It makes him him. And, it ensures that he doesn’t get lost under his sister’s BIG PERSONALITY. Ahem. You should see me with these two cheaty little nutballs all day every day. It’s no wonder I’m EXHAUSTED.

Argh, and now my computer’s on the fritz. I just had to wait FOREVER for Josh-O to finish his ONLINE POKER game (SOOOO much less important than MY BLOG, I mean HELLOOOO!?) so I could finish this post on HIS laptop. BAH, Windows. I’m a Mac girl. And, this keyboard sucks tofu meatballs.

Order of Business THE THIRD:

MILES. SOLO. FROM LAST THURSDAY. WATCH. IT.

Okay, how SICK was that? Give it up for my cousin MILES!!!

Miles is now in the TOP 6 of So You Think You Can Dance Canada. This means he’s more than a little likely to be in the top 4 FINALE! This means my family is BEYOND giddy with excitement. Miles is not a random distant cousin of mine. He’s my MOTHER’s (i.e., IT’SGRANDMA’S) BROTHER’S SON. FIRST cousin. This is MY BLOOD, Gorgeouses, MY BLOOD on that stage. So, if you love me, then you are celebrating, too, and you WILL VOTE, and I will thank you and give you CYBER KISSES FROM MINDEN!!!

Here’s a word from MILES’S MOM, my Aunt Shelly (she left it in the comments, but it deserves to be in a post because she wants you all to know how grateful she and Miles are that you’re voting and, if you’re not in Canada, showing the love!):

Hi all,
I have just realized while reading the blog, that my last couple of posts have not gone through. I’m sure I did not post properly, so, hopefully I get it right this time!

I am Miles’s Mom, and, WOW!!! You have all been so supportive and wonderful to Miles.

Miles has been “kinda’ tied up these days”, but, he (and, whole rest of his family), thanks his cousin Haley, and all her (rightly so), loyal bloggers for their love support, and Multi-Voting hrs.

Because of friends like YOU, Miles is now in the
TOP 6 on SYTYCDC!!

Thank you Thank you!

I will post voting times, recap the rules etc. tomorrow, if I may.

Warm regards, and Love again to Haley and HER fan

There you go, Gorgeouses! Thank you! And, please bear with me and my excitement for the next couple of weeks (assuming Miles MAKES it to the END!) because we are celebrating! We’re just too excited over here! Woooohooo!

Love….

xo Haley-O

Hi Gorgeouses!

Thank you SO….

I’m trying to write my blog right now, but my GEEK of a husband is interrupting me with pictures of poker players and their fictional/celebrity lookalikes. I know. BAAAHHHH!

Just got back from an UNBELIEVABLE night out with IT’SGRANDMA. We went to my FAVE vegetarian restaurant (the one with the SWEET POTATO FRIES), where I enjoyed a light meal of vegan chili, their AWESOME cornbread and house salad. Divine…. Restored my enthusiasm about vegan eating. Because lately, I’ve been gagging at the mere thought of soy or legumes or leafy greens. But, anyway.

After dinner, we went to the Ballet and saw an INCREDIBLE, tray artsy performance of The Seagull.

The lead male, Zdenek Konvalina, looked just like Daniel Craig…. I felt like I was watching Daniel Craig dancing in next to NO CLOTHES. Awesome….

Bond…, James Bond….

Gorj….

I absolutely loved it: I laughed, I cried, I thought. Hard. Philosophized with it’sgrandma on desire and the human condition. It was awesome.

Then, I JUST got home and turned on So You Think You Can Dance Canada to watch my ADORABLE cousin Miles perform the BEST SOLO EVER on that stage RIGHT into the TOP SIX!

Gorgeouses! I know a lot of you are voting. THANK YOU! (And, see this post’s comments — Miles’s parents thank you, too!)

Here are the videos of the performances that had MIA MICHAELS saying she’s Miles’s “BIGGEST FAN”! CHECK IT!

Amazing, or what? Wait till you see the solo he did tonight. It was BY FAR the best of all the solos.

Final thing: SOMEONE loves hockey (needs haircut)….

Well…, he loves hockey sticks. He loves FLINGING them. Swiping air. He should NOT be enrolled in Sportball. He is WAY too young. But, he loves it. ‘Cuz it’s just him and me. He’s got me all to his li’l self.

That little guy, Gorgeouses? He drives me insane with his cuteness. He’s such a bizarre little guy, I gotta say. Take his CRAZY smile: he lifts his head back, closes his eyes, grins from ear to ear and goes “ksshhhhhhhh.” He DANCES CRAZY DANCE at the first beat of music he hears…. And, today he’s started trying SO HARD to stand up by himself (getting close!). He’s a silly little guy. SO SILLY. SO CRAZY CUTE. My sidekick. My little love…. OY!

I have NEVER been so happy to be at the doctor’s office.

Know why? Because I haven’t been in a year. And, Gorgeouses? I have never felt better….

I walk toward the dreaded building and am STOPPED right outside the door: “you’ve changed!” It’s the receptionist on her butt break. “Thank you!” I say, assuming I HAD to look better than I did this time last year (right after I gave birth to Rascal). “Yes, you look great. Before you were, umm, big!” Yes yes yes! I have lost weight. A LOT OF WEIGHT.

Grinning ear to ear, I walk into the office. “You look familiar,” says another one of the receptionists. “Hmm,” I offer, “maybe my sister was in recently.” “Yes yes,” she agrees, “but, no! That’s not it. It’s — you look exactly like Michelle Trachtenberg! You know, from Gossip Girls, and Buffy’s sister in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And, would you look at that–,” she shows me a file, “I took out the wrong file for you. I took out a file for a ‘MICHELLE’!!”

I love her….

And, I love that I look like Michelle Trachtenberg again….

…Ish…. She IS 11 years younger than me, and wearing a TON more makeup (and possible airbrush) than me in that picture….

Sorry for the grainy pic of me, Gorgeouses — my camera’s packed for NYC, so I had to use my macbook Photo Booth. But, thank you, Photo Booth, for making me look tanned! Alas, I AM, indeed, as white as Michelle…. Anyway, evs, I’m THUPER flattered to be told, once again, that I have a GORJ celebrity twin…. I’ll never tire of it!

I still have 15 pounds to go. But the weight is FALLING off now that I’ve stopped breastfeeding and gone vegan.

Seriously, Gorgeouses, want to lose weight? VEGAN. You CAN’T EAT ANYTHING. It’s no-fail! GO VEGAN!

After the doctor’s appointment, though…, I went to the dressmaker to pick up my bridesmaid dress for this weekend’s big wedding. I’ve lost a ton of weight, but the shape of dress could make MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG look huge. I do NOT have a big butt anymore. But this makes me look like BABY-GOT-BACK! And, not in a good way…. Not to mention the fact that dressmaker FROM HELL (but the only one who would do the job in 10 days) TOTALLY effed up the pleating (yes, I said pleating)…. Oh well, SIGHHHH, I’ll make it work. By the way, it’s not the bride’s fault I’m in this predicament. I chose the dress. Only I was 50 pounds heavier at the time!!! So making it look right has been quite a feat!

Off to NYC! I promise, I’ll take LOADS of pics.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. HUGE SHOUT-OUT to my cousin MILES FABER who danced an AWESOME contemporary routine on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. I could NOT have been prouder. YAY for the choreographer who put THAT JUDGE in her place. Wait ’till you see it, Gorgeouses: choreographer-against-judge DRAMA about MILES. Take it from me — I’ve been a dancer for 30 years — Miles was FANTASTIC. CONGRATULATIONS, Miles! You were AMAZING. LOVE YOU! xoxo