No sudden movements, Gorgeouses. Seriously. I’m even typing right now in a VERY awkward position so as NOT TO MOVE THE CORRRRRRRD.

My Macbook cord. It’s dying. Hopefully, it’ll die a really sloooooow death — say, another hour or so till this battery is charged. And, then I can blog BLISSFULLY (heh) and head out to the Apple store clutching BURNT cord in hand FIRST thing in the morning….

For now, I’d like to thank the makers of DUCT TAPE (which, until pretty recently, I admit, I thought was called DUCK tape — but, TELL ME YOU DIDN’T, TOO?).

I should send this photo to stuffonmycat.com, shouldn’t I? Minden would make a great cover cat for their calendar….

You know, even though I’m writing about my frikking macbook cord? It feels SO GOOD to be writing, Gorgeouses. SO GOOD and IMPORTANT to accomplish something for me, ONE THING, in my monkey-centred days. I totally see that now. So, it was a good thing to quit — even if just for a (very) little while. It’s like that Joni Mitchell song: “don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone.” Sigh, I love Joni Mitchell…. Love love love love love love love….

You know, if I were a celebrity, they’d call this a publicity stunt…. Ha! Because I’ve never felt so loved! Thank you, GORGEOUSES! At the same time, I’m not the most outgoing person. I’m feeling a little, erm, shy and slightly, erm, unworthy….

I think part of it is this crystal bracelet I’ve been wearing….

Ever since I started wearing it, my emotions have been on FIYAH (no kidding!). Now, I really want a heart chakra necklace…. Something like this — to remind me to be kinder to myself, my own best friend on days like today when [NOT BLOGGABLE]. Ahem. Check how LOVERLY….

It’s ONLY $864!!??!! I’ll have to sell a lohohot of art to buy it. But, it’s soooooo perty….

Instead of BORING you with talk of macbook cords, I was going to talk to you about my new plan: I’m walking 30-60 minutes a day! LOSING THE PREGNANCY WEIGHT. I am finally committed to losing the weight. Hallelujah…. I’m also desperately TRYING not to eat tonight at night. It’s HARD — cuz apparently I tend to get TRAY anxious at night….

I was going to talk to you about all that, BUT, it’s my bedtime. Yes, fresh after watching the creepiest show on TV, FRINGE, I’m going to bed. So, I can dream of pituitary glands and old babies and blaaaaaaahhhhhrrrrg — although…, dreaming of Joshua Jackson wouldn’t be so bad….

As I said to Josh-O, I should not be watching this I should not be watching this I should not be watching this. There’s even a warning: “May not be suitable for younger audiences and SENSITIVE VIEWERS.” I AM SENSITIVE VIEWER PAR EXCELLENCE!!!

Sigh, oh well. I’ll listen to my ipod and curl up with Minden for awhile. It’ll be aiight.

xo Haley-O!

PS: When I quit the blog, I deleted ALL the categories. I have to now RE-CATEGORIZE circa 800 posts? Yikes. I’ll get to it whenevs (see how laid-back I am now????!!!)

PPS: WHAT WAS I THINKING deleting categories? What was the POINT of that? Blerg. Where’s my rose quartz crystal — need the self-love thing now because ARRRRGH!?


I just got back from SUCH a nice dinner with bff Lolo. Just the girls. She was taking me out to dinner to celebrate my new blog-free life…. But, the occasion changed when I told her — less than 48 hours after taking it all down — that I’m back up and running. Yes, Cheaty Monkey is BACK.

I hear this happens all the time in Blog Land. People “quit,” and then they come back — usually within 24 hours. I lasted a little longer than that, but it was BRUTAL. You can thank YOURSELVES, Gorgeouses, for bringing me back, actually, because your emails were HEART WRENCHING. I felt like I DIED and was at MY OWN FUNERAL. It was terrible.

And, then I woke up this morning, and I was like OMIGOSH I need that blog back, and I need it NOW! I’m DEAD without it. DEAD!

I took it down originally for so many reasons. If you don’t know already, I’m an EXTREME person. I ALWAYS have been. I remember my mother telling me that when I got home WAY LATE one night (when I was in high school). And, it’s so true. Anyway, I felt so overwhelmed by the blogging because I wasn’t doing so well emotionally AT ALL. I was feeling depressed and SAPPED of energy. So, I thought SOMETHING had to change. And, I decided it was the blogging that had to go.

I thought I would feel FREE! NO PRESSURE! Time to paint and do yoga and go out with friends and build the business! But, on my first night of so-called freedom, all I wanted to do was WRITE and share things with the GORGEOUSES! And, the emails. OHHHHHHHHHHH, the emails!!!

Your emails made me realize that this internet thing isn’t a vacuum. There are REAL people here. REAL people relating to me and supporting me from afar and feeling inspired by me (what an honour that is). So, I realize I AM getting SO MUCH from this. I felt like I was giving giving giving…. It took quitting to make me see how VERY much I was getting from this.

A totally APROPOS quote from my yoga class this morning: “COLLAPSE THE STRUCTURE SO YOU CAN REBUILD GRADUALLY.” My teacher was talking about the thoracic spine…. For me, it was about the blog. I have collapsed my blog so I can now rebuild gradually and without PRESSURE. Like a yoga pose….

The biggest change you’ll see to the Cheaty Monkey site is the demise of Cheaty Gossip. I’m sorry to see that go, but my heart wasn’t into it, and something had to go so that I could enjoy life and free myself up to paint and read, sleep more and LIVE more. If I get the old urge to gossip, you’ll see it right here….

I’m not good at this moderation thing. I’m an all-or-nothing, pack-on-the-pressure, kind of girl…. So, this will be a healthy challenge for me.

I won’t always respond to comments, but know that I’m reading and loving them….
I love reading everyone’s blogs, but I won’t get to visit everyone as much as I’d like….
If I’m feeling down, overtired, or like painting, I won’t post, or I’ll post small….

Thank you so much for ALL your support and for bringing me back to life….

Love! xoxo Haley-O


Every now and then I get an impulse to radically change my life. And, without getting into it too much, I need to end Cheaty Monkey here.

I’m really looking forward to putting more energy into living my life, and less into writing about it.

I’ll continue to build my business, Kids Deserve Art, and I’m so looking forward to doing some of my own painting. There will be a newsletter for that site with some info on how my family and I are doing. So, look out for that in about a month’s time.

It was such an honour connecting and sharing with each and every one of you!

I truly love you and wish you all the best in life.

I’m ending this without a SINGLE tear! Because it’s time. Time to REALLY start anew.

Much love and thanks….

Haley-O

UPDATE: If you’d like to sign up for the Kids Deserve Art Newsletter, please email me at haley[at]kidsdeserveart[dot]com. Love!


Okay, I’m trying to write a post here — have so much to say — but, I have a terrible migraine. I mean, the headache part I can KIND OF bear, but the nausea is just slightly UNBEARABLE.

So, I’m going to be brief. Nothing fancy. And, then I’m going upstairs to WRITHE in my bed until Rascal starts screaming for me all night long. (See, POSITIVITY is the key…. I AM OPTIMISTIC! Grrrr. I am done being optimistic. I HAVE NO HOPE for his sleeping. I WILL. Neversleepagain.)

WHICH is probably why I have this headache. The little guy has a BIG front tooth coming in on top. It’s one of those peekaboo ones — it’s out, no it’s back in, NO IT’S OUT, nope, back in. OUT OUT OUT OUT. No, in. Okay back out. Still out out OUT…. STILL OUT! Yeah, it’s here. Peek a FREAKING boo. Poor little guy….

Poor me little guy’s also making leaps and bounds in other areas…. Ahem:

Stairs? He’s climbing STAIRS now?

And, he’s SPEAKING! He says Mum Mum…, and Mih (“milk”)…, and AYAYA (which is, of course, “I love you”). He also waves, and tackles his sister, and he points at everything and says “DAT” or “DUT” (rhymes with “put” — Monkey loves imitating it)….

OY! Meenote (aka Minden, of course) is, as we all know, very jealous of the little BLOND thing (I still can’t believe I have such a blond child!)….

As promised, by the way, here are my stones and the sea shell — my birthday gift for myself….

The dog in the pic, by the way, is my first dog, Belle. I know. NOT a cat. The stones I got are: rose quartz (for the heart), blue agate (for healing and, apparently, good gardening?), clear quartz (for healing and meditation), citrine (for confidence and the intellect), amethyst (for meditation, depression relief, and everything PSYCHIC). I’m looking forward to collecting more! COVET!

Of course, the monkey wouldn’t leave my stones alone. So, we went and picked up some for her today. And, you can believe what a byotch it is trying to keep these things off the floor and out of Rascal’s wee mouth!

Here’s what Monkey chose for herself….

Ready?

All pinks and purples, of course. My little princess. It was a pleasure getting these stones for her. She was SO into it, and she was such a GEM today. A little buddy. We laughed all day together, rubbed noses and butterfly kissed (she has the best eyelashes for that)! Too sweet.

Also TOO SWEET? I took a bath this afternoon. I set monkey on my bed with her stones and some TV, and plopped Rascal on the bathroom floor. He ended up standing beside the tub looking longingly at me — with pout and whimpers — because HAVE I MENTIONED HE’S CLINGY? Ridiculous clingy?

Still, it was really nice. All this no-sleeping is making my ENTIRE BODY ACHE AND SHIVER…. So, the bath was kind of necessary. How spontaneous of me, though, huh? Makes me think I can do something like this for me EVERY DAY. (And, you can for YOU, Gorgeouses!) A little break in the day for something indulgent? Hmmm…. 34 IS going to be a great year!

Well, look at that! I wrote me a full-out post! I was having FUN! Apologies if it’s gibberish. I have no idea. And, there will be no re-reading. Head is fully imploding at this point, and I might actually run upstairs and have a chat face to face with the porcelain goddess…. GOTTAGO!

BY THE WAY!!! That CUTE POPPER who made it through to the finals in So You Think You Can Dance Canada tonight — MILES FABER — is my first cousin! I knew something was up when his mom told us she had to sign a form…. I’ll try to find the clip on YouTube for all you International Gorgeouses!! Look out for it this weekend over at Gossip….

Don’t forget to enter the contest over AT GOODIES! We need all the SILLIES we can get!


I SORT OF told myself I wouldn’t talk about this online. But, I’ve SORT OF changed my mind. Because it’s really not THAT personal, and I’m thinking I’m not alone in my misery. So, why not put it out there. So here goes.

Poop.

I hate it. It’s RUINING MY LIFE. Every day. Revolves around. POOP. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

GLAM!

She just won’t do it. Won’t! She won’t poop on the toilet, and it’s driving me MENTAL. She’ll poop in her pants when she just. can’t. hold. it. in. anymore — after HOURS of grunting, of not wanting to do anything and of walking around like Daisy Duck….

…only with the back of her hand planted on her butt. Can you see it? Yeah. Uh huh.

I am NOT asking for advice because I’ve tried everything. This is both sad and maddening (in all senses of the word). It’s contributed to my “bad mood” and depression lately because our whole day revolves around poop: Monkey talking about needing to poop, or Monkey grunting because she’s trying to hold it in, or us ALL trekking up the stairs for the 40th time in one morning because she needs to go (but then won’t), or me cleaning poop off her legs, the floor, her clothes, ME. And, seriously, the poor thing….

It’s a total nightmare.

It’s a total challenge to good parenting.


…so, I do things like make restaurant-style breakfasts of homemade buckwheat pancakes with blueberry syrup for her. So she can feel extra loved…!

It’s kind of embarrassing. Not that I care what people think. But, I can’t help but think it reflects on my parenting and my inability to control and/or DE-ODORIZE my child.

So, I’ve taken away her underwear. She’s now wearing her brother’s diapers. She slept in her poopy diaper for an hour this afternoon, and then I bathed her and stuck on another diaper.

Sigh….

I went to my yoga class today, in a new studio (which was really my OLD studio, which, in turn, I abandoned when I became preggers and went insane, etc.), and it was heaven. I cried big bulbous tears. The past is behind me, I thought. I’m moving on….

In the class, I focused on me and me only, and the needs and functions of my own body. I “dropped” inside and let go. It seems to me I have a lot of letting go to do. I’m pretty sure it’s what I’m on this Earth to do right now — the poop plague as yet another challenge to that purpose…. Yes, I’m to learn to let go and, maybe ultimately, to share that letting go and inspire it. There are a LOT of knotted up peeps on this planet….

Now, six hours after that wonderful “body holiday” (as Vanda Scaravelli so perfectly described her yoga practice), I’m knotted up BEYOND with tension. I don’t know what to do or say that won’t scar her for life. But, then, I could just let it go. Put her in a diaper and let it go.

She’ll be in underwear by university.

I hope….

I’m teaching my first yoga class of the year tomorrow. Wish me luck! With stress like this, I NEED IT! But, I think, with stress like this, I’m my most empathetic and compassionate, and a better teacher for it. How’s that for a silver lining. Silver lining on a big stinky FUMY ball of monkey poop. (BRING ON THE WACKY GOOGLE HITS — yeah, I said BRING IT AWN!)

PARTY OVER AT GOODIES! We’re giving away a celebrity-child FAVOURITE that happens to be a brillers learning-to-write tool. CHECK IT! While you’re there, check all the funny silly comments! There are some HILARIOUS ones there already! Enjoy!


So, I was listening to this program on the radio today about our psychic children. Anyone else listen to that show this aft? No? Oh figures. It was probably a SPECIAL program that only I could hear because life’s been crazy like that lately….

Anyway, after eschewing the tiny electronic gadgets we all covet — “I don’t need a blueberry,” was what she said, heh — the woman on the show started talking about the PSYCHIC CHILDREN of today and how we need to cultivate, and not stultify, their psychic powers (I don’t think she used the word “powers,” per se, but, cue image of YOUNG HALEY-O using round, gaudy orange retro lamp in her bedroom to invoke MAGICAL POWERSES — now you know where I’m coming from). Parents, she insisted, need to supplement the Reading- Writing-Arithmetic-centred model of our school systems with MORE CREATIVE stuff like art, singing, music, nature! And, we mustn’t discourage them from pursuing artistic careers that aren’t necessarily money makers. Psychic children or not, I’m ALL for that.

I was obviously intrigued by the discussion — hence, I stayed tuned — but then I was GRIPPED. Because, erm, look — have you SEEN these things?:

This picture doesn’t BEGIN to do Rascal’s eyes justice. As almost everyone who meets him says, “HE’S ALL EYES!” Anyway, such huge penetrating eyes, the radio peeps said, are the defining feature of today’s psychic children — the so-called “Crystal Children.”

As Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., explains in her article “Indigo and Crystal Children,”

The first thing most people notice about Crystal Children is their eyes large, penetrating, and wise beyond their years. Their eyes lock on and hypnotize you, while you realize your soul is being laid bare for the child to see. Perhaps you’ve noticed this special new “breed” of children rapidly populating our planet. They are happy, delightful, and forgiving. This generation of new lightworkers, roughly ages 0 through 7, are like no previous generation. Ideal in many ways, they are the pointers for where humanity is headed . . . and it’s a good direction!

Umm, yeah. This is getting a little bit CREEPERS. Because EVERYONE says Rascal “locks” his eyes on you and that he just takes everything in.

As you know, I don’t put pictures of Rascal’s face on the blog; BUT, I can tell you he looks JUST LIKE……are you ready?…..THIS! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE THIS (only way cuter, of course…)!:

Eeeeek!

Gorgeouses, I have a Crystal Child!

Rascal’s sister has humungous eyes, too — beautiful hazel doe eyes — but she’s more like what they called an “Indigo Child” (I learned ALL about the Indigo Children in my Yoga Teacher Training Program, funnily enough) with her prominent “tempers and firey determination.” I ALWAYS describe Monkey as “firey,” a “little fire cracker,” etc., etc..

Now, about that CRYSTAL CHILD of mine? Why, I ask you, won’t Rascal communicate with me telepathically ON A REGULAR BASIS? According to the article, parents of Crystal Children

engage in mind-to-mind communication with their Crystal Children. And the Crystals use a combination of telepathy, self-fashioned sign language, and sounds (including song) to get their point across.

Anyone else have the Twilight Zone theme song in their head right now, by the way?

Ahem, IN ADDITION to some strange “self-fashioned sign language” (now that you mention it), my Crystal Rascal relies on good old fashion SCREAMING to get what he wants. He screams when I put him in his carseat. Screams when I strap him in his stroller. SCREAMS when I change his diaper. SCREAMS when I put him in his crib. SCREAMS (like last night) at 1am, 3am, 4:30am and 6am….

Despite all the screaming, though, I often say he’s extraordinarily expressive and knows how to tell me what he wants…. Like, he does do this weird pointing thing with his index finger when he wants up. But, when I refuse to pick him up, creepers index finger signage turns to serious screamage.

So, why me? Why did my crystal child (apparently) choose MOI to be his mother? Because, check it:

Not only [are] the Crystal Children highly spiritually sensitive, but so [are] their parents. The souls of Crystal Children were obviously selecting parents who could raise them in a spiritually nurturing environment. Occasionally, I met children who came through parents who were spiritually unaware. In these cases, their grandparents were highly evolved lightworkers who helped to protect and hone the child’s spiritual knowledge and gifts. Most people told me that their Crystal Child was a profound spiritual teacher, who taught parents a great deal about being an exceptionally loving and kind person.

Sweeeet. And, yes, even though he’s been screaming like crazy lately (poor little dude IS cracking the MOST ferocious tooth in the top front of his little crystal mouth), Rascal is a WONDERFUL baby. I can so relate to this…:

I heard from parents and grandparents around the globe, as they described their Crystal as “an angel,” “the love of my life,” “a true joy,” and so on.

I don’t know what I believe these days. I’m really trying to figure that out, actually. But, I do know that I’ve always sensed a quiet mysteriousness in my little Rascal (even when he was in my belly!). He may keep me up ALL NIGHT LONG — which is perhaps the REASON I, in my completely delirious state, am WRITING this bizarro post — but he’s so freaking beautiful, so sweet, and, still, such A GOOD BABY.

So, how ’bout you, Gorgeouses? Do you have a Crystal or Indigo Child? Does any of this resonate with you?

Oh, and, by the way? Because I’m feeling extra generous right now — seeing that my special little psychic crystal gem is SLEEPING in his crib right now — I’m offering FREE SHIPPING up to $20 for any Kids Deserve Art purchases made from NOW until Friday, September 12th, 2008. Know why? Because my birthday’s on September 10th, and there’s no better gift than THE GIFT OF GIVING. So, there you go. My birthday gift to myself. All you have to do to score the discount is tell me you’re ONE OF THE GORGEOUSES! Hee. ENJOY! (And, by the way, when you go to the Kids Deserve Art site, please don’t shudder at the design. The re-design is COMING SOON!)


I don’t know why her name’s Sally. All I know is that she’s back. And, instead of shooing her off with Monkey’s mop, I’m going to embrace her and try, with you, to get to the bottom of why she keeps kicking my arse lately. And, HARD. Ouch!

1. I’m weening the Rascal, so hormones are a’flyin’. That’s a big one — we all know what a slave I am to my hormones. Think pregnancy the first: Brrrrring. Brrrrrrring. “Hello?” “Yes, hi! Is this [instert name] Farms?” “Yes.” “Can you please tell me: is your cheese pasteurized?” “Yes, of course. It’s the law in Canada.” And, another: “Ali? Sorry to bother you AGAIN, but is it okay if I did yoga in the grass two weeks before I got pregnant? Like, what if there was cat poop in the grass? Is the baby okay?” Yes. This could be a VERY good reason I’m howling with the coyotes at night.

Anyway, hang tight, Gorgeouses. I WILL snap out of it.

2. I’m UTTERLY exhausted. Rascal will NOT let me sleep. He was up at 2am last night. And, 4:30am. And, getting him BACK to bed at that time was a total byotch.

He’s lucky he’s so cute….

3. Did I mention EXHAUSTED? Minden will not let me sleep.

4. The premiere of America’s Next Top Model (HOLLLAAAAA!) is making me feel fat…and guilty….

Bad-Mood Sally LOVES that I’m struggling with the whole vegan thing…, unlike Elina (above) who’s embraced it since GRADE 7?! And, look how fabulous and healthy she looks…. (update: no, really, Renee, she looks so much less emaciated than the other girls…. She’s lovely.)

5. FRUSTRATION! Rascal’s sprouting a big ole front tooth, so everything’s a struggle with him. YOU try putting him in his carseat! See how YOU like it when he throws YOUR homemade banana muffin on the floor! YOU try changing his diaper. PINNING his poor little self down on the floor! I’d sooner leave him in the same diaper ALL DAY than put him through a diaper change. BRUTAL. BRUTAL!

He’s lucky he’s so CUTE.

6. Monkey’s toilet training is in the toilet these days. I know, freaking pun. Whateves. I’m Bad-Mood Sally. I had to resort to the big guns again….

7. JEALOUS. Yeah, it’s GREAT that Monkey’s in school again (I don’t know HOW you homeschoolers do it, really!). BUT, it’s only one hour a day this week. A tease…. I’m CRAVING all that back-to-school me-time EVERYONE else is talking about!

8. Big Brother‘s Renny is SO going home tomorrow, and I LOVE HER! Wah!

9. #6 is fully making me want chocolate. Bad-Mood Sally LOVES chocolate.

10. But, I DID do half an hour on the elliptical trainer today at the gym (my membership ends Oct. 1)…. AND, like, EVERYONE told me I looked like I lost a ton of weight. HOLLAHHH!

11. And, I DID walk ALL the way to it’sgrandma’s AND back pushing a double stroller….

12. So, I could just have ONE. LITTLE. CHOCOLATE…?

13. NO. I will NOT give into Bad Mood Sally. I’ll just sit here. On my couch. Like a big ole grumpy potato. Wah.

This too shall pass.

In the meantime, THIS, gives me hope (from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s article in this month’s Tathaastu Magazine):

…The fifth type of restlessness is rare. It is the restlessness of the Soul. When everything feels empty and meaningless, know you are very fortunate. Do not try to get rid of it. Embrace it! This restlessness of the Soul can bring authentic prayer in you. It brings perfection. Siddhis and miracles in life. It is so precious to get that innermost longing for the Divine. Satsang, and the presence of enlightened ones, soothe the restlessness of the Soul. Do not look for the Divine somewhere in the sky. See God in every pair of eyes, in the mountains, water, trees and animals.

…When you have reverence for the whole universe, you are in harmony with the whole universe. Then, you do not need to reject or renounce anything….

I got tons of requests for yesterday’s Lasagna recipe. I’ll get to that asap! I LOVE requests — SO, KEEP ‘EM COMING!

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