Or this (Paris Hilton):

Or this (Johnny Depp):

This (Jim Carrey, who took his bonding off and exposed his *chipped* tooth for Dumb and Dumber — totally worth it):

Or this (ED HELMS, who removed his permanent implant for Hangover — also totally worth it):

Or this (Demi Moore, BRAVELY posting her fabulous toothlessness on twitter):

Or this (Dakota Fanning — I should be that confident toothless):

Or this (Mike Tyson — my dentist promised he’ll do a better job than this):

Sighhh. It could be worse. I’ll be fine. It’s just a tooth. I’ll rock this denture…. I’m sure there are more, but I couldn’t make it to thirteen celebrities. My stomach’s turning. Time to change the subject….

In other news, I had my makeover….

My new Mysore Ashtanga yoga teacher swears I’ll be rid of that belly in no time with regular practice. Why didn’t I think of Ashtanga before? Watch the pounds melt away — I’m TELLING YOU. I’ve never sweat so much. And I’ve never ached so much! More later. Nervous Nelly over here.

As I was saying, yesterday, Mark’s, treated me like a total princess. It was exactly what the dentist ordered…. I didn’t have time to get my hair and makeup done, but, although stylist Afiya Francisco had her work cut out for her, I did get myself some fabulous new sunglasses, RED purse, frilly white top, and ACTUAL PANTS — I was shocked and elated that the best pants for me were SLIM FIT. After all that, I got my photos taken by the PHOTOJUNKIE himself. Love! It was a good day. (There are more pics on the FAN PAGE — check it, and join us!)

Today, I got my facial at Pure and Simple, and a really GREAT eyebrow job.

You’d think with all this pampering, I’d be ready for tomorrow, but I’m not.

I washed a bunch of lettuce, but it’ll probably rot before I get my appetite back. As soon as America’s Next Top Model‘s over, I’m going to make a big batch of my swamp smoothie. I’ve gotta eat SO healthily for optimal bone growage — the stronger the bone, the faster the process, the sooner I can get a permanent implant put in.

As my boyfriend Tim Gunn would say, MAKE IT WORK. I’m gonna MAKE IT WORK. I’m going to take some Rescue Remedy, do my yoga, relax, heal, and make it work. Watch out, Gorgeouses, here I come! Errrrm…. Heh. Okay. Off I go…. Good bye, Tooth. Enter courage. Scared.

Think of me at 3:30….

Love….

xo Haley-O

I am STILL down with the flu, or whatever this bug is. I CANNOT EAT. Which is, of course, not a bad thing. Still. Not enjoying the persistent headache and nausea and knee-joint-thingie (I know, I sound REAL attractive right now). The only thing I’ve been able to eat is popcorn (but only a little), and Rascal’s little CHEEKS! Oy.

On to the list. I had to make my own because I was NOT impressed with People‘s. Mostly because — who ARE those men? Am I THAT out of the celebrity-gossip loop that I don’t know who three-quarters of those pretty people are???

Something has to be done about that. A NEW LIST. CHEATY’S SEXIEST MEN ALIVE! Check it!

Note: This list is in no particular order, and CELEBS only. If it weren’t celebs only, Josh-O would definitely be in there! And, the little Rascal. And, papa’shere. Oh, and MINDEN (but, Minden IS a celebrity. hmmm….)

1. But, of course, CLIVE OWEN! RAWR!!!

2. Jeremy Northam — The Tudors HOLLAAAAHHH!

3. Jonathan Rys Meyers — I repeat, The Tudors! ALL HAIL THE KING!

4. Joaquin Phoenix — any man who’s going to use his fame for ANIMALS is HOTT in my books.

5. Brad Pitt — Cheaty loves an environmentalist/activist…. He just keeps getting better with age!

6. James Sturgess — he had me at 21, and then stole my heart at Across the Universe

7. Adrian Grenier — Entourage gorjness aside, dude’s a MAYJAH environmentalist, and you gotta LOVE that.

8. Denzel Washington — how can anyone NOT LOVE Denzel…?

9. Wentworth Miller — the ONLY reason I allow myself to watch Prison Break….

10. Daniel Craig — I’m with People on this one. LOVE him as James Bond…. GORJ!

11. Blair Underwood — I’m also with People on this one. I’ve HEARTED him ever since Sex and the City: s-s-s-sexay!

12. MILES FABER — from So You Think You Can Dance Canada, happens to be my COUSIN! But, CHECK HIM:

13. MINDEN-O!!! — no one looks better in a tux…. Minden also wins for best KISSER….

Who are YOUR picks for sexiest men alive, Gorgeouses?

By the way. MILES? The AWESOME Mia Michaels was judging tonight and she LOVED MILES! She called him “AMAZING” and said she was his “BIGGEST FAN”! I mean, HELLOOOO? Does it get better than that? Congratulations, MILES! He did absolutely awesome tonight! And, if this post is disjointed in anyway, it’s because I’ve been on the phone while writing this: VOTING FOR MILES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER…AND OVER!

xo Haley-O

One of them in particular, from one of my bloggy besties RENEE (who, I gotta tell you, is TRAY wise), suggested I do this little exercise. Check it:

You need some positives! I think you need to write down 5 positive thing about yourself every day. I think that focusing on having to come up with 5 positive things each day will help you stop being so obsessed with the negative and eventually those negative things will go away. Good luck. I’m challenging you to do this Haley…can you do it?

YES I CAN! Hmmm…. A challenge. I LOVE a good challenge. That’s one of my better qualities. Voilà a positive! And, I haven’t even begun the exercise! So, here goes….

Here’s a picture of moi as I am now. Taken today. I will refrain from saying ANYTHING negative about it (even if negative thoughts are flying voraciously around in head).

Okay, so, 1. I have really thick and healthy hair. Hairdressers ALWAYS tell me it’s gorj. The colour is also nice enough that I don’t have to get it coloured — people often ask me if I DO colour it! Sweet.

(This feels weird….)

2. My eyes are pretty rad, actually. I LOVE putting makeup on them. And, a guy once told me “eyes like mine never get old.” Hmmmm…. I let him buy me a drink after that, of course. I also like that they’re really round and big and friendly. I am THE most unintimidating person because of them. Also I get away with a lot because they scream “INNOCENCE.” Heh!

3. Uh oh…. This is getting tougher now…. My lips. They’re big. I understand that big lips are a highly coveted feature….

In grad school, one of my colleagues told me (in front of a table full of students and profs) that I probably get a lot of guys because, with my “perfectly full lips,” I must give good. And, then she tried to put lipstick on them….

4. I am freakishly flexible. I can do the splits all three ways (and if there were a fourth way, I’d be able to do that, too), lift my leg over my head, etc., etc.. Check it if you don’t believe me (note that I did NOT warm up AT ALL before taking this pic and am LUCKY I didn’t pull something — the things I do for you…LOVE!)…

…I’m also blessed with some kick-arse balance…. Weeeee! (Sorry for the foggy pics — my camera battery died so we took them with Pinkberry….)

5. Likes long walks on the beach Eager to learn. I’m EAGER TO LEARN. YES! You probably wouldn’t have seen this phrase on my high-school report card. But, if there were a report card of life right now? I’d get an E for EAGER TO LEARN. It DOTH get me in trouble, though. Like, lately? I KEEP reading books with horrific, TRAUMATIZING chapters on the evils of the meat and dairy industries, and it is KILLING ME. I couldn’t SLEEP last night thinking of the animals — I certainly did NOT expect THIS BOOK to go there! Alas, it seems I’m destined to go vegan, OR SOMETHING! A-ny-way, USUALLY my eagerness to learn leads me to enlightening knowledge that makes life TRAY exciting. Eager to learn…eager to LIVE.

Of course, those are five positive things about ME. There’s much more, I see! Like the monkeys. My beautiful, healthy monkeys. What MORE could anyone ask for than that. I should stop asking, shouldn’t I…. Because I have all I need right here right now.

Thank you, Renee! This was a very healing exercise…. Wonderful….

And, now it’s YOUR turn, Gorgeouses. FIVE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF. Right here, in the comments, or on your own blog, if you have one! I wanna see, I wanna see!

1. CINDY CRAWFORD uses milk and water to keep her face moisturized throughout the day. She’s been known to mix leftover milk from her kids’ bottles with equal parts mineral water and applies it to her face with a spray bottle!

Photograph by Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos.

2. CATHERINE ZETA-JONES stands beside old man Michael Douglas DAILY to make herself look younger brushes her teeth with pureed strawberries to whiten them! She also uses castor oil to make her hair SHINE.

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

3. GWEN STEFANI applies blue lip gloss over her famous red lipstick to bring out the pearly whites.

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

4. JULIA ROBERTS soaks her hands in olive oil to soften the skin and condition the nails.

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

5. TERI HATCHER bathes in red wine to keep her skin beautiful. Apparently, the “resveratrol” in grapes has antibiotic properties that protect the vines from fungus. As for human skin, resveratrol firms up the skin’s surface and improves elasticity. Sweeeet! It also rejuvenates the skin and keeps it looking young by stimulating cell multiplication. Double sweeeeet!

Photograph by Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos.

6. DAISY FUENTES drinks one litre of chamomile tea (blech!) and one litre of water DAILY to accelerate fat burning.

Photograph by Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos.

7. JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT zaps zits with a dab of toothpaste overnight.

Photograph by Chris Hatcher / PR Photos.

8. MICHELLE YEOH (from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) cleanses her face with lemon juice and water — lemon juice apparently removes dirt and makes skin less oily.

Photograph by Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos.

9. SUSAN LUCCI snacks on omega-3-rich sardines (eww) to keep her skin smoooooth. (And, shhhh, I have a little secret to tell Ms. Lucci: LET GO OF THAT HAIRSTYLE ALREADY. LET IT GO…!)

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

10. DEMI MOORE — are you ready for this? — LEECHES! She uses leech therapy to stay gorj!

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

11. SARAH JESSICA PARKER uses those disposable wax toilet seat covers to blot her nose! She claims they’re great because they don’t remove the make up, they just remove the shine!

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

12. ANGELINA JOLIE adds volume to her hair by applying baby powder, from the roots to the ends, and then blow drying it in.

Photograph by Pixplanete / PR Photos.

13. TYRA BANKS beats cellulite with a ground-up-coffee-bean scrub.

Photograph by Janet Mayer / PR Photos.

I’m not going to talk about my haircut. I’m just not. At least not till tomorrow. I’ll stop crying about it by then, I’m sure.

No. Instead, I’m going to talk about my new shoes. I got new shoes today. They’re OKAY. They’re better than crocs; so, that’s something. They were the ONLY SHOES IN THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN MALL that fit my swollen preggers — GHASTLY — feet. When I’m NOT pregnant, my feet are hard to find shoes for. But, when I’m pregnant, WATCH OUT WORLD! I’m a human with ELEPHANT FEET.

So, here are the miracle shoes. The ONLY shoes IN THE MALL that fit….

MINDEN, get out of the way!

They’re not spectacular, I know. But, the pickin’s were…. Well, there were no pickin’s. Supposedly, these shoes are even GOOD for my feet — as opposed to the crocs that give me NO support. (I really can’t stand those crocs….)

Anyway, bottom line? Even though the shoes fit, my feet (and ankles — which are usually one of my fave features) are still atrocious. Atrocious enough to go with my new haircut. Freaking FROWN!

To make myself feel better, I compiled a list of supposedly uggers celebrity feet. Really, they’re not that bad. Bad feet are often, well, lived in — and that’s a good thing. But, I do feel a little bit better after compiling this. (Don’t be surprised if I do a bad-celebrity-hairstyle list next week….) Check it!

1. Victoria Beckham — BUNIONS (she’s apparently going under the knife soon to get rid of them and obtain nice feet finally….) This, my friends, is what happens when you were stilettos too often…. Those shoes are sexay, though, I must say!

2. Paris Hilton — Biggest feet EVAH. She wears SIZE 11 shoes! And, she knows they’re not her best feature, swears by stilettos because they make her feet look smaller.

3. Jennifer Garner — Have you ever heard of a crossed toe? I hadn’t until now…. It’s apparently genetic. …Maybe she was just having a bad-foot day?

4. Kate Beckinsale — Toes that look a weeee bit like french fries, mismatched nail polish, too boot….

5. Iman — BUNIONS!!! And, yeah, she knows they’re uggers….

6. Keira Knightley — has used body doubles for her feet because, as sources have said, her feet were deemed too “big and veiny” for a closeup!

7. Kate Hudson — Magazines said she had 6 toes! But, she doesn’t really….

8. Hilary Duff — These feet look sort of like mine! Short fat toes! Hers are cute, though, I think?

9. Britney Spears — I’ll let these pictures speak for themselves. They can’t smell very good!

10. Oprah Winfrey — those are some lived-in feet!

11. Katie Holmes — knobby, callusy toes!

12. Kirsten Dunst — I guess my feet could be worse; they could look like I forgot to take my alien-movie makeup off?

13. Shilpa Shetty — not the prettiest feet, no. But she’s gorj, and she’s working it!

Without a doubt, the most BEAUTIFUL CELEBRITY FEET are these:

…My cheaty little monkey’s feet, of course! LOVE!