Gorgeouses, I come bearing gifts today! I’ll give you the best one first. Here. TAKE HER!:

This dog, Betty White, is a mud magnet! She loves to get down and dirty. So we bathe her, as the Rascal would say, “a lot a lot of.” It’s obviously great having an entire lake at our disposal for just such a purpose….

The second gift is actually a poem I heard when I got in the car the other day and spontaneously turned on a Deepak Chopra radio show. I guess it was poetry night, but I’m not sure. I was in the car for 5 minutes, just long enough to hear this poem start-to-finish — kismet. The poem’s a little extremely intense, but it speaks to me, so I thought I’d share it with you….

The grapes of my body can only become wine
After the winemaker tramples me.
I surrender my spirit like grapes to his trampling
So my inmost heart can blaze and dance with joy.
Although the grapes go on weeping blood and sobbing,
“I cannot bear any more anguish, any more cruelty,”
The trampler stuffs cotton in his ears: “I am not working in
ignorance.
You can deny me if you want, you have every excuse,
But it is I who am the Master of this Work.
And when through my Passion you reach Perfection,
You will never be done praising my name.”

– Rumi (1207-1273).

I know. Woahhh. Still, it’s hard to get through entire novels these days. So there’s kind of nothing like a good poem from the dark ages to brighten your intellect, at least for a little while, right?

The third gift is a song and an idea mixed into one. I got this idea from the fabulous Kris Carr, and my kids and I are loving it (plus it’s great exercise)! Here goes: Dance to one song every single day. Inevitably, if you dance to one song, you’ll find you want to dance to two, three, etc.. Here’s what we’re dancing to today, one of our faves…. DANCE!

The fourth gift is just a gift I got today. I got to go to an ashtanga yoga conference. I brought the Monkey with me because I love the community so much, and I thought it’d be good for her to absorb some of the culture and positive energy.

While she drew pictures on my notebook, I listened intently to the wise David Robson explain why ON EARTH we do this extreme style of yoga 6 days a week, come hell or high water, children climbing on me or dog pawing my head, cats licking my mat or self-defeating thoughts plaguing my brain. And he talked about issues that really hit home for me — given my recent newsflash.

I think, to borrow his words, I’ve given my negative thoughts about myself and my body “a home” since I gained all this weight, to the point where I haven’t been able to even imagine myself slim again — which is problematic when your doctor gently suggests you better lose weight or else! By practising the very challenging Ashtanga yoga every day, I’m practising recognizing, and hence changing, such (negative) thought patterns.

So, eureka. Gift. I hope that helps you too. Even if you don’t practice yoga, it’s helpful to recognize the thoughts that contribute to what ails us.

When I get on my mat every day, I do in a sense go to battle. Not only against (or alongside) some of the more challenging poses of this practice, but against anxious or self-conscious thoughts that get in the way, attachments, and against time — which might actually be the biggest, most telling battle of all.

Love!
xo Haley-O

Something’s shifting. Maybe it’s temporary, or maybe, more likely, I’m really tired.

I haven’t blogged in over a week and, by self-imposed law, I never miss a week! But it’s what I needed. Even today I feel like closing this Macbook right this second, and just being quiet. Working as an online editor means writing — a lot. And I love writing, so I don’t forget for one minute that this is, to borrow the Monkey’s favourite phrase, the job “of my dreams.” But it also means that I’m on my computer a lot.

This weekend I couldn’t stomach turning on my computer. And I think I still need one more night, at least, not to type on this keyboard, not to look at this bright screen. To read, to splash in the freezing cold lake — youch! To wear my crocs, sip a grande soy-no-water-tazo chai without guilt and despite challenge. To play soccer with the Rascal and Betty White. To practise my backwards somersaults with the Monkey in the grass. To be a mom and just celebrate that with my mom, my sister and sister-in-law at a cottage-country spa — thanks to our husbands. Happy Mother’s Day to us, indeed, and to all you Gorgeous moms out there!

I had a massage for the first time in years at the spa this weekend. The massage therapist said I was crazy tight around my forearms and shoulder blades — “Are you on the computer a lot?” Yes. Forearms.

Tomorrow I leave for yoga early. And I think I’ll wear something sparkly. I’m just so freaking malleable, so easily swayed, definitely nervous, and wracked with frustrating OCD lately. It comes around faster these days — or maybe I just notice it more. It’s tough battling this thing without medication sometimes. But I’m determined. Partly because my OCD makes me not want to pee meds into our lakes and oceans….

But the yoga helps a lot. And writing it out helps. And being open and laughing about it helps. And taking a break helps.

And so, silence. For at least a little while. So I can collect myself (again) and relax and not perform and enjoy my work and then turn it off and get some sleep and do what I do for me.

Something sparkly.

You know how I love to write? It seems I also love to take pictures. And I’ve really enjoyed loading these up here for you this evening. So here’s another story for the road — no words.

Thanks, as always, for being here.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Gorgeouses, I’ve been writing so much lately that the thought of writing this. next. word. is actually making me a little nauseous. But still. I’m dedicated, or something. And so I persevere and write through the nausea. Ahhhhh.

Still nauseous.

I think it might be the rain that’s making me nauseous actually. Or, more likely, my diet. My diet has gone to carp. And I think I gained five pounds back. BUT I finally did weigh myself this morning and saw that I lost a total of 8 pounds since I started my fitness challenges. Which means I’d probably lost about 18 pounds before Passover — when all that matzah flour effectively unleavened my willpower….

So we need a challenge. And we need one fast. Because David gave me another new set of yoga poses! And it was a disaster this morning.

I’m doing dropbacks now (with help, of course)! Here’s my gorj friend Miss Stan, my teacher David’s wife, demonstrating dropbacks when she was pregnant. And, in case you’re wondering, it was totally safe for her pregnancy because she was a pro at them before she became pregnant and just LOOK AT THEIR BABY (I rest my case):

Yes, I’m more obsessed with yoga than ever. It’s good that you noticed. And thanks, really, for indulging me. As a thank you, I give you a virtual mwwwwwwah and cottage pics from the long weekend!

The lake has defrosted….

Betty White demonstrated the utter brilliance that Malteses are known for and JUMPED IN the freshly defrosted water. It was so cold that she swam right back to shore, so I couldn’t get a good pic. But oy….

Oh, and dammit we lost our ball…!

But the shells we found made up for it….

And now….

CHALLENGE IS ON. Who’s with me? No sugar, no flour, no eating after dinner, awesome vigorous Ashtanga yoga practice daily.

I’ve got rice on the stove….

Steamed cauliflower and miso soup made….

Alice’s Tahini-Lemon dressing….

I’m all set. One week. NAY! TWO WEEKS: no sugar, no flour, no eating after dinner, daily awesome vigorous Ashtanga yoga. Are you doing a challenge with me? What are your challenge “rules” (for lack of better term)? LET’S DO IT! We’re BACK! TWO WEEKS.

Challenge ends: Friday, May the 14th. You in!?

Next week, we’ll talk sauerkraut and ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. Bwah! LOOK AT THE TIME! I gotta get to bed! Tomorrow’s the Royal Wedding, and I’m getting up at 3am to live blog and tweet for Today’s Parent. So come visit me on twitter and over at my second home Celebrity Candy! The Monkey thiiiiiiiiiinks she’s waking up at 3am with me. She’ll NEVER do it. But we’ll see. I do have a pretty pink cupcake waiting for her (not me, blergh).

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’m not sure if my brillers yoga teacher minds if I quote him (again), but I’m too shy to ask. And yesterday, in yoga class, a funny thing happened.

In Ashtanga yoga, which is the style of yoga I practise, you do the same sequence every day, 6 days a week. Once you’ve mastered the poses your teacher’s given you, you get to add on another pose (or more). So I’ve been “stuck” at Bhujapidasana for over 9 months now. UNTIL YESTERDAY!

David: How was your Bhujapidasana today?
Me: Umm, uh, good. I, erm, was a bit stiff in the neck, but I got my feet off the ground.
David: Okay, do Kurmasana.
Me: Umm.

DO KURMASANA. Just like that. After 9 months. NINE. NINE MONTHS.

SURE! No problem. Do Kurmasana. You want to see Kurmasana, Gorgeouses? Let me show you Kurmasana. Actually, let DAVID show you Kurmasana — LOOK!

And here’s a woman named Maria Villella demonstrating Bhujapidasana and Kurmasana (aka Hell on Hamstrings) very fancy-like on video — because you have to see these Kurmasana poses in action….

Right!? RIGHT. Do Kurmasana, he tells me. Just like that. And would you believe it’s even harder than it looks? I promise to video it when I can finally do it, ohh, 9 years from now?!

Anyway, I’m still in shock that I got a new pose. So I had to tell you all about it — even if you don’t share this crazy passion of mine. But, you know, this is my blog. And this yoga is my life saver. It makes me a healthier, happier, less OCD-anxious person. And it makes me a better — stronger, more focused, present and less nervous — mother. It’s kind of basically me. In a nutshell. Or nutshell-shaped pose. Hmmm….

And now for farm pictures.

We went to the farm near Montreal to spend the first night of Passover with Josh’s side of the family. And it was beautiful as ever. Except for that one bitty thing Betty White did. My in laws aren’t dog people, but they graciously allowed the dogs to roam free in the house, and, well, Betty White thanked them for it….

We had crated her in some cheap thing when we went out to the sugar shack (below) for a couple of hours, and the crate collapsed on poor Betty White! From the evidence we gathered, she then freaked out and started running all over the house looking for us — pooping in the living room and and AND decorating the entire upstairs with diarrhea….

A-ny-way…. She’s a GREAT DOG! I love her — like crazy.

So here are the pics! (Click to enlarge….)

We started at the sugary-sweet Sand Road Maple Farm. I was in a really good mood the first day — a true Canadian!

The whole family enjoyed an “authentic Canadian maple meal,” as I watched (since they don’t serve anything green or remotely vegan there other than orange juice). And the kids tasted their first authentic taffy stick…

…in their own special way….

The Canoe Race was a hoot. I was still in a good mood for this…. I was really into it!

…Of course the view helped…!

Unfortunately, none of the rowers opted to go through those RAPIDS OF DOOM. They all portaged. Boooo. So we stood out there for an hour for nothing….

But it’s okay because I was in a good mood and Betty White was warm….

Other than that, I planted my butt on a country chair and transcribed a couple of interviews (for hours!), and I started to get moody after feasting at the Passover Seder. Maybe it’s the yoga finally sinking in — but if I don’t eat clean (no sugar or overeating), I feel awful. Kind of like how Betty White’s puppy-cousin Kugel felt in a kippah…..

But the yoga helped. Saved me. And it’s always a treat to be out of the city and immersed in nature….

Birds….

Betty….

Love!

xo Haley-O

I never thought I’d post this. But it’s getting out of control. It’s Wednesday, so I reserve the right to stay as wordless as possible — i.e., this video speaks for itself. Checkit at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s a preview photo so you know at least a little what you’re in for….

And, you know, don’t judge me or anything. If you need to judge someone, you can go ahead and judge my fab book club, since they came to my house and saw the girl-dog-on-boy-cat “action” and insisted I share it with you all, you know, for the sake of authenticity, and such. Oy, without further ado (enough stalling), I give you my freshly titled vlog, THE HUMP. Enjoy…? And may the force be with you….

That. Is my life.

So what do you think? My book club thinks Minden loves it when Betty MOUNTS him. But I know my kitty, and I think otherwise. Poor guy….

I guess he should consider himself lucky, though. Because he could end up like the Rascal’s cat (and several other of Rascal’s favourite stuffed animals)….

Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S. Did you notice my “S”s? My dentist has to file down the back of my new tooth because it’s a little crowded and I’m working HARD not to lisp all the time…. Good. Times.

P.P.S. We were spring cleaning at the time of the video. Hence the MESS.

P.P.P.S. And how about that surprise cameo by The Monkey! Always a diva, she’s starring as SNOW WHITE in her Theatre play today! Squee!

P.P.P.P.S. Have you checked out my Fit/Fab blog at Today’s Parent lately? I’m losing weight! A LOT of weight! Leave a comment about THE HUMP and then CLICKIT! …Thanks Gorgeouses!

P.P.P.P.P.S. Hee. Kidding.

We went to my parents’ cottage again this long weekend, and it was amazing. Look how much fun the kids had when we went to see a live band one evening at the local inn. Loove!

Even though I’m completely overwhelmed with work (several overdue projects — my bad!), I feel great and light and energetic thanks to the cottage and, finally, a good diet. The world is vast again and I can breathe and maybe even put my feet up for a while — while my mother takes the kids outside in the frigid cold. Mwahaha.

I thought I could make this a Wordless Wednesday. I thought I should make this a Wordless Wednesday. But we all know I’m not very good at wordless. And I’m so “writed” out that I can’t. stop. writing.

I just finished one article for Today’s Parent Magazine, and I’m working on two for our fair website, Todaysparent.com — for which I can’t seem to stop INTERVIEWING PEOPLE. I really need to stoppit. But one of the articles I’m writing is kind of scaring me and I want answers I can live with. So I’m speaking to some very cool parenting experts tomorrow, and I can’t wait.

OH. And I have new teeth. Well, they’re temporary. But they don’t come out. And they’re really quite glam! Or so I’m told. When I was showing everyone my temporary permanent teeth in today’s editorial meeting, the web producer congratulated me and asked, “What’d you have done? Lip injections?” Ha! I took that as a compliment. But then again? Hmmm….

I have to go write write write. It’s a MARATHON, Gorgeouses. But it’s been nice chatting for a bit.

Looking forward to yoga tomorrow, when I can finally still this chatty mind of mine. Can you tell it’s chatty? Chatter chatter? You’d think sleeping would still it, but no. I’ve been dreaming about my articles…. Composing full paragraphs in my sleep. If only I had a dream recorder…. Sony should really get on that. Or Panasonic or NASA or Mark Zuckerberg or whomever.

Speaking of sleep…. Betty White loves a good cottage bed. Rawr!

It’s a good thing I write as fast as I think…. Or is it?

Love!

xo Haley-O

Pssssst. Go see how I’m doing on my “fit and fab” journey OVER HERE! Have I had a chai latte lately? Or not? Discuss.

Yes, a sparrow flew into my head today, got a little caught in my hair, and bounced off the, erm, cup I was holding. You can read my interpretation of the event, and the sheer significance (perhaps even irony) of where it took place, at my new “Fit and Fab” blog over here! If you love me, you will read it. Even if you just like me, you will read it. If you can hardly stand me but are strangely, mysteriously, reluctantly, minutely, or even regrettably intrigued my me, you will read it.

Go and come back. I’ll wait! Tap, tap…. Tap, tap, tap, tap.

Yes, a sparrow flew into my head this morning, and it bounced off my Starbucks cup, and YES I’m reading into it. Wouldn’t you?

Also, I’m not quite sure if I should take as a compliment the recurring response I’m getting when I tell people my sparrow story: “Only you, Haley. Only you.”

One of the truly bizarre things about this story is that it didn’t even occur to me to blog about it until about 2 hours later when, during our weekly Todaysparent.com meeting, I, literally out of nowhere, blurted, “I was hit in the head by a sparrow this morning.”

Just like I’m, literally out of nowhere, going to show you some snow shoeing photos from this weekend. CHECKIT! (As always, click to enlarge.)

Also, healthy rice crispy squares! Yummm! AND someone desperately needs a haircut….

He’s been keeping up at night again: “Mama, my doggie needs a banket.” Yes, it’s cute, but grrrrrr….!

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: If you go read my “Fit and Fab” blog? You’ll see how epically Josh-O FAILED this Valentine’s Day. Grrrrrrrrrr…! Sic ‘em, Gorgeouses!

P.P.S.: Boo, I’m not getting my new tooth this Friday. Because my dentist has to go to ISRAEL, literally out of nowhere, he’s had to cancel my bridge appointment this Friday. I now have to wait until APRIL. Waaaaaaaah…!

UPDATE!!! I’m getting my new tooth TODAY! Dentist CANCELED! HOORAY! (Hooray doesn’t quite cut it — there ARE NO WORDS!)

Photo by the lovely Jana/Ms_Blue.

I know I was supposed to write about the curious incident of the white elephant, like, two days ago. But it’s going to have to wait. This has been one of the busiest weeks I’ve had in a long time. And that says a lot. Because I am freaking busy.

And before I continue rambling on in my record-exhausted state, I have to point out how awesome the people at my yoga shala are. I’ve missed three days of practice this week. Part of the reason for that is that the cat’s away: my teacher David Robson and his gorj wife Stan and their ridiculously-adorable baby (seriously, look how gorj they are) are in India for a whole month. I’m pretty sure that if they were here, I’d be in that studio EVEN if I accidentally threw my fake front tooth in the garbage and only realized what I did as the garbage truck went rumbling away……….

By the way, I’m getting a PERMANENT TOOTH next Friday! Can you believe!? Can I get a massive HALLELUJAH? Please, say it with me!

Anyway, I did get to yoga this morning. I apologized to Anna and Oliver and Lisa for not being there and they welcomed me with smiles and a pat on the back and, just, with such understanding and compassion. When I left, all sweaty and buzzing with joy and accomplishment, I talked to Jeff and Jodi outside as we put our boots on. We talked about kids and work and my insane schedule, and they got it. They just got it. They looked at me straight in the eye, and they got it. I felt beautifully, intensely, reliefully understood.

Note Bene: “Reliefully” is not a word. But it should be. Either that or “reliefly.” And maybe now I’m demonstrating the true extent of my exhaustion. Because there must be a grade-two level word to describe being understood in such a relieful way.

And then last night at book club. They got it too! At the end of one of the longest days in the history of my days, I hosted book club. And it was good. I sat back on my own cushy couch with some of my favourite people, talked books and gossip and the little humping thing my (female) dog does to my very reluctant (male) cat — TWISTED — at fairly regular intervals….

And that was what Jana was referring to when she tweeted the above photo of Minden with a caption that read, simply, “Alpha?”

And to that I would only add this — a theme song:

One day I will create a video of my dog’s twisted little hobby to the tune of that song — just for Emma Willer. BWAH! That was because she was being mean to ma dawg on twitter this afternoon. That’s what you get for that. Aside from her twisted humping issue, my Betty White is teh awesome. Even though, on our field trip today, the Monkey may or may not have put her hand up to say, simply, “My – dog – is – so – bad.”

And for ALL of that, I sincerely apologize.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Psssssssssssssst! Comment on this post below, AND THEN, get thee to my brand new “FIT AND FAB WITH HALEY-O” blog at Today’s Parent. I’ll be blogging there Tuesday’s and Thursdays for the next several months. Checkit!

I never write about my marriage. It’s not because I’m not “allowed” to — Josh trusts me to make him look good at all times. I could even do like Russell Brand and post a photo of my confused spouse’s glorious morning face on twitter, and that would be okay (for Josh, but apparently not for Katy Perry). But I’m not as crazy as Russell (or, of course, as saucy). Indeed, if it were up to Josh, our kids’ faces would be all over this blog. I’m the one with the privacy issues.

Here’s the thing, though: Josh doesn’t care what I write about on this blog. And it has nothing to do with trust or privacy issues or how good or bad I make him look in the morning. The real reason is BECAUSE HE RARELY READS THIS BLOG. That’s right! My husband rarely reads my blog. Some might find that dysfunctional (and Josh would be fine with that). Others, like me, find it liberating, and fully functional — for EXPLOITATION.

Gorgeouses you are about to witness a cheaty blog SABOTAGE.

See, not only does Josh-O rarely read my blog, but he accused me of being a HOARDER the other day when we went to Costco (for the first time in 10 years, might I add). Apparently, I’m a hoarder because I want a kitty jungle gym in our living room. They had one for $45 dollars (which I’m told is a steal as far as kitty jungle gyms go). And when I saw it, I immediately had visions of our 14-year-old cat, MAAARGE, actually out of our closet.

So he went away on a business trip the other day, and THIS is what he’s coming home to….

A KITTY JUNGLE GYM! And guess who’s the first to know. Not him. But YOU. Because YOU read this blog. BWAH! I’m so evil. This is DELICIOUS!

Yes. I wanted it. I wanted it this jungle gym for MAAARGE and for Minden….

And for all those “mom bloggers” out there whose husbands don’t read every single gorgeous word they write on their blogs. OWN it, Ladies. EXPLOIT it, Ladies. Make him regret it. Make him see the error of his ways and how very incredibly smart you are. Take it back. RAWR!

Call me crazy. Call me hoarder. Call me crazy hoarder. I DON’T CARE. My husband is going to rue the day he called me hoarder. And he may start actually reading this blog for FEAR of future sabotages. Besides, my cats really needed a safe refuge from you-know-who….

Yes. The Rascal and I went to the neighbourhood pet store together to pick up the new jungle gym right after Josh left for his trip….

“Mama,” he said with his cheaty little smile and that cheaty little glint in his cheaty little eye. “Are we going to get da jungo gym foh da kitty cats?”

“Yes, honey. We’re going to the pet store now.”

“Dadda’s gonna HAAAATE it.”

He will. He’s going to hate it. But we love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

So, Gorgeouses, do you think Josh is going to be throw me in the doghouse for this? For all of this?

Come to think of it, we could use a doghouse…. Maybe on the other side of the living room? Heh.

Wish me luck….

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: Thanks, in advance, to Josh-O for being SUCH A GOOD SPORT! I love you! Also you are very handsome in the morning.

I don’t know if I have the energy to write this post. I’m writing tonight because I feel obligated. Yes. Because it’s almost been a week since I last blogged, and I refuse to let an entire week go by ever.

Some of you are rolling your eyes at me because you know how hard I can be on myself. But a little pressure isn’t a bad thing. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling obligated to keep up with your blog. If I didn’t feel any pressure — self-induced or not — I’d never get around to writing and this place would die a sad, lingering death.

The excuse: I’ve been working around the clock (I know, as usual). I just finished some massive articles, and I have two more articles due Wednesday. My writing muscle is a little overused right now. It needs a rest day. Maybe tomorrow….

Or maybe the next day….

Or the next day….

Or maybe it’s a good thing to spend your life writing, and to routinely exhaust that muscle. I love words. And there’s no shortage of reality TV to keep me laughing in the process: the new season of Jersey Shore (just airing now in Canada), The Bachelor, American Idol with JENNIFER LOPEZ and, of course, Bethenny Getting Married, which I finally scheduled on my PVR.

Yes, the not-so-secret to my success: Reality TV.

DON’T GO! It’s background noise, okay? I don’t actually care if Jersey Shore‘s Sammi and Ronny stay together or if the hot funeral director makes it to the end of The Bachelor, or if there is an end to The Bachelor at all this time…. Okay I do. (Also, I may or may not have a teeeeeny not-in-a-Clive-Owen-kind-of-way crush on The Situation.) But I couldn’t get through all this writing without some candeh. And these days it better be calorie- and chai-tea free reality TV….

Because…. I’m doing something MAJOR with Today’s Parent Magazine (both online and in June’s print issue). So you better be ready for it, Gorgeouses. I have to be as slim as possible, too, or this might be embarrassing. And that’s not being hard on myself.

So lots of sweaty ashtanga vinyasa yoga, and no CHAI…. And HAIRCUT and FACIAL and BABYSITTER. I need a BABYSITTER for the photoshoot and VIDEO. Did I mention VIDEO? Help.

Let’s not think too much about it yet, though, Gorgeouses — lest we start to freak right out….

To take our minds off it, I give you UNFLATTERING SNOW SHOEING PICS (to match last week’s Unflattering Skater Pics) from another weekend at my parents’ beautiful cottage. Checkit:

I love being on the frozen lake — in the middle of the frozen lake. At dusk. Who knew I would THRIVE being outdoors in that cold? It’s just everything is so VAST (I can breathe), alive, still, spinning. Maybe I was an explorer in a past life…. That jacket is still awful though.

Karate snowshoe mama. Hyuhh!

Betteh White…at dusk.

The Rascal in mini snowshoes — OY!

This blog is looking very Canadian lately, eh?

Love!

xo Haley-O