Welcome, Gorgeouses! WELCOME to the world of NO SLEEP. It’s right here, Baby. Right here.

And, it’s FABULOUS. Let me tell you. FABULOUS. I not only look SUPER HOTT, but I’m also SUPER PATIENT and all MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR with my kids — especially the little Rascal with the 104° fever SOHELPMEGOD and all the wonderfully fragrant projectile barfing. LOVE!

Poor little guy….

So, I think it’s been around two weeks since I’ve had more than two consecutive hours of sleep. First it was because of the teething, and now it’s because of the teething and the “wild bug” (as Monkey frightfully calls it) he’s contracted.

And, it’s been two days of unrestrained anger.

Unrestrained anger. At the monkey (who LOVES it when Mama’s MAD, who loves MAKING Mama MAD), myself and the darn fruit flies that have invaded my house (ew!) and are freaking MATING in front of me.

Me. SWEET, earthy, verging-on-granola, yoga-teacher me? MAD MAD MAD. Blood-boiling MAD.

But, Gorgeouses, one thing yoga does — and is supposed to do when you practice regularly like moi — is make you aware of your emotions, reactions, and of what Pema Chödrön discusses at length in her writings, your shenpa (check that out, Gorgeouses, it’s fascinating).

I’m noticing anger, frustration, STRESS!

And, as yoga promises, when the problem is recognized, the solution surfaces as if magically….

And, there it was.

This afternoon, I was looking for books to sell on Amazon (because IRRITABLE MOI cannot TAKE the clutter everywhere). I was all set to sell my Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers….

….As I was flipping through the pages to see what kind of “condition” it’s in for selling, this passage caught my eye:

When you feel your blood starting to boil, leave the room. Give yourself a time-out. Even if your child is wailing, put her into a crib or playpen to keep her safe and remove yourself for a few minutes. I often tell parents, “No child ever died of crying, but many have been scarred for life by chronically angry parents.” (p. 239)

Wow. I’d never read that passage before. And, there it was. Popped up out of nowhere exactly when I needed it. I didn’t take it anxiously as a warning that I’d better stop getting angry at THE CHILDREN THE CHILDREN! Rather, I was RELIEVED by it. I’m not the only parent out there who experiences enough anger to drive herself into her bedroom to beat the carp out of a pillow (I learned that technique for anger management in yoga teacher training. Hee! It’s awesome.)

I called two of my stay-at-home-mom besties to ask them about their “mommy anger.” They, too, find themselves getting ANGRY all the time. “It gets worse as they get older,” one of them told me….

This is a BIG THING for parents, Gorgeouses! BIG. YUGE! It’s especially big for parents who are at home all day with the children and, like me, have such little time for themselves — OR PERSONAL SPACE.

I wanted to find blogs about it. Because, I wanted to connect with other moms experiencing the same thing. And, because, Gorgeouses, IT IS SO NOT ME TO BE MAD LIKE THIS! ANGER is NOT MY MIDDLE NAME. No. My middle name’s Rachel, and I like it thankyouverymuch. NO ANGER or VOICE-RAISING FOR ME! Scary Voice will NOT usurp my own shiny happy people voice. NOoooOOOooo!

Then I realized I had a blog…. So, here it is. ANGER. We all got it. We ALL got it when things are OUTTA CONTROL (which is often when you’re on little-to-no sleep and in charge of two rambunctious toddlers).

Why does this room look different? Any guesses? NO CARPET! Carpet is GONE. I couldn’t stand it anymore…. And, now, I feel SO much better. Imagine that!?!

So, here’s a good tip for managing anger from Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers:

Just as important as tuning in to your child’s moods is the knowledge of how you change when your child stamps her feet, says “no,” or has an out-and-out meltdown in public. I asked mothers how their bodies tell them they are about to lose it. If you don’t recognize yourself in any of the following, figure out what your physical anger cues are.

“I get hot all over.”

“I get hives.”

“I start to take it personally.”

“My heart beats faster.”

“it’s almost as if I stop breathing.”

“My chest starts heaving, and I breathe faster.”

“My palms sweat.”

“I start grinding my teeth.”

Yeah, it’s all about the recognition. The yoga…. It’s about becoming aware of what’s going on in your mind and consciously deciding to step outside it and change it.

Anger sucks. It leads to emotional eating for some of us (ahem), which, in turn, leads to depression for some of us (ahem YES YES YES lately!), to POOR ROLE MODEL for your children…. It’s all downhill. Fast.

But, I. I caught myself in the act. After two days of it. Pat on the back. I stopped myself dead in my tracks, as the roller coaster of anger was going down down down faster faster faster. Scrrreeeeeeeee.

LOOK, NO HANDS!

Stop. Breathe. Not me.

After reading that pivotal passage in The Baby Whisperer, I breathed that sigh of relief. I felt supported and at ease with myself — because it’s a common thing…. I’m not the only one. My energy lifted.

Now, when I find myself getting angry, I do this little on-the-spot meditation…. I see the anger: a red fiery ball in front of me, between the eyes. I breathe as I watch its flames wrestling, as it boils and pops; it’s like my own mini sun….

…It’s not me. I’m not it. And, then I let it go. In peace. It’s gone. I roll back my shoulders and take stock of the toddler situation. I sit down if I need to. I take a cold drink of water…. And, I’m better. I’m me again.

Gorgeouses, there’s so much anger in the world. We are one very angry species — us humans. So, here’s the thing. You and I, as yoga says, must do our part to emit peace and positivity into the world and, of course, to instill it in our children.

As individuals, moreover, we mustn’t let anger get the best of us. It’s too stressful, unproductive, unhealthy…. For we have the RIGHT, Gorgeouses, to live our lives as magically and purposefully as we all deserve, and to let our children see us for the dynamic wonderful people we truly are….

Peace in our minds. Peace in the world!

Love! xo Haley-O

SHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHHHhHHHHH!!! (And, excuse the sickie hair — I’m still blahhhhhhCHEW!)

He’s sleeping. He’s finally SLEEEEEPING! LOOOOOK:

But, you have to be QUIET, like DON’T BREATHE, or he might wake up. And, I’ve been s-s-s-sitting here for an hour AND A HALF trying to get him to sleep. And, every time he starts to nod off, MISS THANG (aka, that cheaty little MONKEY) bursts into the room screaming, “MOMA!!!”

Also what happens is MAAAAAARRRRGE starts meowing: “Ree-a-a-a-ah! Reh-ah-ah-e-ow!” Can you say, “WEIRDEST. CAT,” and how ’bout “EVER”???????

She can’t take a picture for the life of her. She freaking closes her eyes every time. So, I’ve given up.

…Unlike, my little Meeeeeenooooote, who takes the BEST pictures. Of course…because he’s PERFECT:

OY OY OY!!! And, in case you were wondering, Minden made a home in the totally comfortable-looking (I knowww) toy drawer….

Yes, I would TOTALLY curl up in there if I could fit. It just OOZES comfort. Plush, glorious, cottony comfort…. Mmmmm….

Anyway, I’ve been trying to get Rascal to sleep in his crib for naps AND at a reasonable bedtime hour. He’s 10 months already, ahem, so I think it’s time.

Yes, it’s time for a number of things — after the HELL that was last week. Here’s just the beginning, and I’ll elaborate throughout the week when my own bedtime isn’t looming, pulsating, on the horizon:

1. I’m the MOTHER gosh dangit!

2. MY CHILDREN ARE NOT THE BOSSES OF ME!!!

3. Rascal’s day and schedule can no longer be a by-product of the Monkey’s.

4. Rascal will have at least one nap in crib, and screw the LET HIM CRY because, as you can probably tell from that whole hour-and-a-half-getting-him-to- sleep-tonight thing? I can’t do it.

4. I create the day.

5. I need to compartmentalize my day and myself so I can be MORE PRESENT in each thing that I do (hmmm…, where was I…? Heh) — BIG ONE.

6. Monkey’s birthday party is costing us an ARM. and a LEG. OOPS. MY. BAD. Just saying. But, I scored this table for her for $45 (I brought it down from $60 — Niiice)! She is very excited about her BIRTHDAY PRESENT! Check it….

…which leads us to 7….

7. Those things on the table? They’re angels. And, yes, we ARE Jewish. It’s just they’re 25 cents and Monkey LOVES them…. And, they’re SPARKLY (and you know I’m a sucker for the sparkly…!). Closeup on “Mirna” and “Schmirna”:

Weirdest thing, by the way? I practiced yoga late at night last night. I was doing a really standard twist. Like, nothing fancy. But, I was able to twist just a WEE bit farther than I usually do. And, it made me CRY! It’s like I SQUEEZED the tears out with the twist. Kind of like wringing the water out of a sponge. I’ve heard of this happening in yoga — but not from a twist…. I KNOW it had to do with the sacral chakra…. But, I won’t get into it here. It was AWWWWESOME. I was AMAZED. I’m going to try it again tonight because it was soooo wild.

According to my afternoon dream, there’s a path somewhere in the Pacific Ocean that you can WALK ON underneath the water, and you can BREATHE. It’s really freaking coo. The path is sparkly. And, if you walk the entire length of it, you’ll get to shore, where you’ll find a BEAUTIFUL BLUE PARROT. Wondrous stunners….

Watch out for pesky stingrays, though….

Mmm…, sleep. I got a MUCH-NEEDED afternoon nap. Of course, I was ruthlessly and repeatedly woken up — “IT’S UP TIME, MOMA!” “GROWWWL, NO. IT’S. NOT!” “I HAFTA PEE, MOMA!” “GROWWWL, okay, let’s go….” But, It’sgrandma came to the rescue at 3pm and I got some sound sleep. Only caveat was that Rascal had to use me the whole time as a pacifier….

So, I managed today. I’m SO SICK with a fever, aches everywhere, throbbing sinuses, THE WORKS. But, I managed.

One of the best ideas I’ve had in a long time was lying on my living room floor (surrounded by toys, as usual) in supta baddha konasana, or Reclined Bound Angle Pose:

I, like, HAD to. I was in so much pain that it’s the only thing I could think of doing to relieve myself. I had Rascal on one side of me and Monkey on the other. As my aching body surrendered — chest opened up so I could breathe and back released into the yoga bolster — monkey played doctor on me.

“Monkey,” I said, “Mama has a fever and needs a checkup, can you make me better, Dr. Monkey?”
“Yes, Mama! I make you bedder…!”

And, she proceeded to rub her imaginary balm on my legs, check my heart, cut my chest open. It was AWESOME. Meanwhile, Rascal watched in utter amazement.

I’m not the most brillers person in the world, I know. But, this, Gorgeouses? This was BRILLERS!

In the evening, Josh-O took monkey to dinner, and I made things easier for myself by bathing with urine the Rascal. It was so sweet…. Nothing like a hot bath for the aching joints, coupled with sweet Rascal love and giggles….

I’m losing steam here. Head is THROBBING and shoulders are falling. off. Of course, there’s more to say today — Rascal’s crawling and clapping (HOORAH but LORDHELPME), and Monkey will ONLY wear dresses these days….

NEW SHOES, MOMA! I GOT NEW SHOES!

Okay, how ADORABLE are these? I WAAAAAAAANT THEM! Yes, for myself.

And, Gorgeouses…. Are you ready for this? She’s wearing last year’s Halloween costume to bed….

Mmmm, COMFY!

So much to tell you, yes…. But, I must…to bed.

LOVE. xo Haley-O