As you know, Rascal turned one year today! It was so sweet. He’s such an unassuming little guy. He really doesn’t ask for much — aside from Mum Mums and me not sleeping. Yes, the other day, I thought I could bypass the JINX, but apparently not. I have poem:

Never ever ever
EVER
Tell anyone your baby is sleeping
Through the night

Because THAT SAME NIGHT,
He will SCREAM HIS CUTE
(SO CUTE)
WEE ARSE OFF

And said scream will physically
GRAB YOU BY THE HAIR
And DRAG YOUR SORRY
(SO SORRY)
Arse into his dark room

Where you find the
BLOND BOY
Sitting bolt upright
SCREAMING (at?) for you
Through closed door.

Anyway! Rascal had a great day. Except for the 15 minute afternoon nap I forced him to take. He hated it. Threw tantrums before and after. Picture little blond boy lying ON HIS BACK, BIG blue eyes sparkling with bulbous TEARS. Poor little guy just HATES SLEEPING. Life is gooooooooood. Heh.

So, great day. Best of all, it’sgrandma threw a party for Rascal. Family and some close family friends (who are basically our FAMILY) came to celebrate. It’sgrandma made SUCH a big deal — which was so special for me. I’m fahklempt just thinking about it. MY little boy. It was ALL for MY sweet, unassuming little boy. Fahklempt!

Check it…!

DECORATIONS!

My wine…. Actually, I don’t usually drink. Because, when I do, my tooth throbs. Yeah. Weird. Sucks. Anyway.

The birthday high chair!!! How sweet is THAT!?

So much food…. And, the Rascal LOVED it. Ate everything. Shoveled it…, which is why….

…he had to go topless most of the night….

Cake and kisses!

SO MANY GIFTS! (And, Daisy, my sister’s dog. I LOVE Daisy….)

Love…. And, SO LOVE how he spent his whole first birthday party half naked! Hee…!

Happy Birthday, my little Rascal — my little love. You are AMAZING and SWEET and WISE and WONDERFUL. I celebrate you every day. I love you beyond.
Love, Mama
PS: pleaseletmesleeptonight….

xo Haley-O

Fahklempt, Gorgeouses! I am FAHKLEMPT. And, a little bit EXHAUSTED from doing EXHAUSTIVE work on my online art shoppe (”shoppe” sounds so much more chic than “store” or even “gallery.”) I’ve been working on the Kids Deserve Art website ALL weekend — pretty-much non-stop. I mean, if you saw the website before this weekend? You’d agree that it’s a wonder anyone ever bought anything there BECAUSE — although the art is AMAZING — the site itself was A DISASTER. Notice I said “was”?

It’s not perfect YET (I still have A LO-HO-HOT of work to do on it), but it’s a HELLOVA lot cleaner and more user-friendly. And, I’m thinking, if people were shopping there as it WAS (i.e., embarrassing), imagine how much better business will be as it now IS (i.e., GORJ). Here’s hoping. I owe the artist AT LEAST a nice website. She is phenomenal, Gorgeouses. If you knew how hard this woman works…. Really, she’s one of the most talented people I know. I HOPE SHE KNOWS I’m in total awe of her…. LOVE!

Anyway, I wasn’t going to write at all tonight because MY NECK HURTS from all this art SHOPPE designing, and I feel like just chillin’ for the night. But, I DO have a few things to share…. Check it:

1. HAIRCUTS! Rascal had his first haircut today! And, now, I can’t even LOOK at the little sucker (weaning him, by the way, OFFICIALLY next week hallelujah) without covering him in sloppy kisses. The CUTENESS — it is RIDICULOUS….

BEFORE:

This is a weird looking picture! He’s on a play horse. I’m holding him up by his shirt while photographing…!

DURING:

AFTER:

EEEeee! I can’t HANDLE it! I swear, Gorgeouses! I’m going to give him some sort of complex because I JUST CAN’T HANDLE THE CUTENESS!

And, the MONKEY got hers cut, too….

BEFORE (Eeeek! Poor thing looks like nobody LOVES HER!):

DURING:

AFTER (Looks like nothing was cut, but THE KNOTS ARE GONE THE KNOTS ARE GONE!):

Can I just ask, though? What is a THREE-YEAR-OLD doing with THAT HAIR! It’s crazy thick and gorj! And, for someone who lives on Jello, cookies and dry cereal…, it’s so LUSTROUS!

2. Some things are meant to be…. I was walking the Rascal, and we passed a bunch of FREE BOOKS on someone’s lawn…. I found THIS GEM:

A peek inside….

It says…: “Hooded Cobra on the ground / Won’t you raise your diamond crown / High into a morning breeze / That blows so sweetly through the trees.” Beautiful, beautiful book…

3. I realized today that a bunch of romaine lettuce lasts A LOT LONGER in the fridge than pre-cut, pre-washed lettuce. Just saying…. (Now, I could surf google images for the perfect picture of romaine lettuce to put here, but, my bed is calling me…. So, let’s just use our BRILLERS imaginations!)

[PICTURE OF ROMAINE LETTUCE BUNCH]

[PICTURE OF PREWASHED PLASTIC CONTAINER OF ROMAINE LETTUCE, PREFERABLY ROTTING]

4. I BAKED MUFFINS!

I love baking muffins because THE KIDS LOVE THEM. And, when I get my act together, I’ll update Cheaty Kitchen with a post explaining EXACTLY why I love that I made muffins. Something to do with my INABILITY TO FEED MY KIDS LIKE A NANNY. Ever notice how WELL-FED kids with nannies are? Anyway, we have MUFFINS now! I just used an organic mix this time — but, of course, I added banana puree to it…. CHEATY!

5. Minden is officially a LAP CAT now….

That pink and black MOUND there is MY BREASTSES. I’m hoping that this week’s official WEANING will put an end to their GINORMITY.

YAWN!

Yes, that would be my macbook and this post pre-publication…. Minden sits on my lap between me and it…. Because he’s MY NUMBER ONE and wants everyone and -thing to know it.

6. Rascal is sleeping through the night. And, I say that without FEAR OF THE JINX. I decided last week that I physically and mentally couldn’t do the not-sleeping-AT-ALL thing anymore. So, I LET HIM CRY. I figured, he’s one year old already (well, on Tuesday), so he knows the deal. It took two days of him (and me) crying for ONLY TWENTY MINUTES at 4:30 in the morning. And, that was it. Little dude sleeps through the night now. And, so do we all. Can I get a “HALLELUJAH”!

Have a great Monday, Gorgeouses, and DO NOT FORGET to set your PVRs up for the NEW PARIS HILTON reality show.

It looks FANTASTIC! Heh — you know I love QUALITY reality TV!!! And, you know YOU do, too! LOVE!

xo Haley-O

(Yes, this is a FAB piece from my Kids Deserve Art website — CHECK IT!)

I’m doing a dance of joy right now. A DANCE OF JOY! Why? You’ll see in a sec. First, I HAVE to tell you about my new pick-me-up. See, I was just working on the gossip site (I know, work work work…I never rest), and I could barely keep my eyes open. My fave prepartum depression symptom — jitters — was driving me bonkers. What’s a tired, jitterbug to do? Drink coffee? No, bad for jitters. Tea? No, bad for insomnia. Sprite? No, don’t drink pop. What’d I do, then? I MADE THE HEALTHIEST SMOOTHIE EVAH. And, whad’ya know…. I’m feeling much better. Not 100%, but better. Here’s the smoothie recipe for when you’re tired and low on energy:

1 vanilla yogurt
1 banana
1 cup of frozen bluberries
1 cup of frozen strawberries
cinnamon to taste
cardamom to taste (I love this spice….)
1 cup apple juice

Just dump all the above in a blender and buzz it till smoooooth. Mmmmm. Totally delish! I’m a tad full…. But, look at all this energy I have! WHEEEEEEEEE!

So, Why am I dancing for joy?? Because I MANAGED TO CONVINCE JOSH-O NOT TO SELL THE HOUSE!!! Think about it, guys: we had FOUR MONTHS to sell the house and buy a new one! FOUR MONTHS! The baby’s due September 30th. How was I supposed to have a good night’s sleep from now until then with this all on my shoulders? HOW?

You probably haven’t noticed, but I’ve been going NUTS. It’s sucked how long the process of getting the house ready to sell has taken. And, I’ve been nagging Josh non-stop. I HATE NAGGING!!!

How’d I do it? How’d I convince Josh not to sell the house? Bless his adorable soul, I simply told him I didn’t want to sell, that I couldn’t do it. And, I told him RIGHT when he came home from work today — with a bundle of boxes (for staging) on his head. He hugged me (AFTER taking the boxes off his head, of course), and we talked, and he understood how stressful this has been and will be for me if we go through with it. So, we’re not. We’re not selling. We’re going to wait. Till we (and both our monkeys and all three of our kitties) are ready.

Now, can I get a WHOO WHOO! YESSSSSSS! HALLELUJAH! And, AHHHH…I can breathe again!