What I learned from a day in Niagara Falls….

I learned not to take my kids into ANY of the wax museums because there will be FREDDY KRUEGER. A less terrified-of-Freddy blogger would insert a photo here.

I can’t deal.

I learned that the incredibly beautiful Falls give good mist. My skin was oh-so-dewy!

I learned that there IS a city in this world that doesn’t have a single vegan morsel to eat — I mean other than a soggy salad fit for gargoyles (they tried!).

I learned that Frankenstein and Dracula ARE ALIIIIIVE….

I learned that I’m “the coolest chick, yeah you are!” Check this video, Gorgeouses. I took it just for you. These two lovelies were sitting at separate tables, and, apparently, when we sat down to eat, my big hat was blocking his view of her. So I took my hat off, and their love was set free…. After he bought her a glass of wine, loudly, she whispered, “why don’t you come here?” He didn’t want to leave his buddy (who, you’ll see, can do a mean chair dance). So, she went over to him. I had to get them on video, just for you. Forgive my total geekiness. I was having fun….

So you see. I have proof. I. Am the coolest chick, yeah I am. Hee. They did let me put their video online. I always ask permission (because I’m coo like dat) — hence my URGENCY: “SAY IT FOR THE PEOPLE!” *Cough.* If they only knew….

I learned that when you least expect it, some people can be a total HOOT. Love.

You can just ponder that all with this lovely view of Niagara Falls, and more.

This vid’s a little less exciting (which says a lot), but more beautiful. Mind you, there is some uninteresting conversation showcasing my only slight (alas it’s true) tendency toward ditsiness, which the voyeur in you might like….

xo Haley-O

Earth Day…. While I gifted Earth with a promise to not drink Starbucks from a paper cup (unless somehow absolutely unavoidable), Earth gifted me with something I totally didn’t expect. SPINACH! In my backyard! Gorgeouses, how deliciously awesome is this…?

Looks like grass, I know. But look closer…. SPINACH:

So yummy and new and green, can’t wait to sink my teeth into it. Oh wait! (And please don’t hate me for this segue) I don’t have a front tooth! I won’t have a front tooth for, what, a year was it?

It doesn’t take much for me to remind myself (constantly) that, yes, I’m missing a front tooth. But, huff, I was VERY reminded of said ghastly fact when I went to my favourite vegetarian restaurant for lunch today and accidentally bit down WRONG on a totally glorious tempeh wrap and nearly swallowed my, erm, denture. Capital F, FAIL. Capital E, EMBARRASSING.

And can’t they call it something other than “denture” for those of us under seventy-five? It’s more like a bite plate with a tooth on it, anyway. “Bite plate” is SOOOO much better sounding when you’re in your mid-thirties. Or not….

Don’t worry, I reached deep into the hollow of my mouth and discovered, within the awkwardly bitten/chewed sandwich pieces (because you need details), the pointy edges of the, erm, bite plate. This. Is my life.

Then there’s the matter of my house — which Josh-O decided we needed to paint two days after my surgery, huff. This is what my downstairs has looked like for the past, hmmm, four days:

But, you know what? It’s okay. It’s all okay. It’s just a tooth. It’s just a house. Despite the post-surgery discomfort — major — I feel great. I had a major — major — infection removed from MY FACE, an infection I’ve been living with for almost three decades, thanks to a fateful childhood stone-throwing…. And about that I feel GREAT! So great that I’ve been climbing mountains. Well, hills. Well, let’s just say I’m exercising, and eating really well. I think I found not only my denture, but my willpower, too, inside that sandwich! Hello, ooold friend! (More on that another day.)

Anyway, looks like I’ll be watching the season finale of Taking the Stage (loooove) WITH the Rascal, who’s sitting here on my bed beside me, thrashing around. This is but one of the many BENEFITS of having no working living room and a very loud, insistent child who refuses to sleep and is just so crazy adorable — “Mama, you teef hewt?” (trans. “Mama, your teeth hurt?”)

Sighhh, LOVE!

Happy Earth Day. Seriously, may every day be Earth Day!

xo Haley-O

There are some people who should NOT be watching violent movies, TV shows, or even reading violent books. Some people shouldn’t even DARE turn on the news or open a newspaper. The radio is quite enough thankyouverymuch.

And, when they say “The following program may contain scenes of violence. Viewer discretion is advised”? YOU BETTER BELIEVE that sh– is VIOLENT. And, SOME PEOPLE should NOT be watching it. “Viewer DISCRETION”? My arse. VIEWER BEWARE. Because viewer be having SERIOUS wake-up-screaming kind of nightmares. Like I did last night.

Ever had the kind of nightmare that’s SO REAL, and you want to scream, BUT YOU CAN’T? I think I tried to scream three times before, FINALLY, “JOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH” escaped my trembling lips. On went the light. And, I was brave enough to take a nervous peek under my bed.

Even AFTER having a nightmare like that, I’m now watching Prison Break. SO HELP ME GOD. I tried to convince Josh-O that he hated that show, but NO-O-O, Josh-O insists he loves it. And, so, I just watched a CRAZY WOMAN torture a CRAZY MAN and all sorts of CRAZY violent other stuff.

It’s a good thing Wentworth Miller is DANG hawt….

But, then, just as I go to one of my fave gossip sites to find the best possible picture of Wentworth (which, of course, the above IS NOT). I find a worse horror. A video of what’s happening on “factory farms” so that people CAN HAZ burgers, chicken fingers, bacon, etc., etc.. It’s NOT OKAY.

I knew things were bad. But, now I have more visuals tormenting me and keeping me up at night — after I pray, as I always do, for the comfort of the animals.

As of this moment, I’m no longer a vegetarian. I’m now a VEGAN. It’s the only thing I can do for my beloved animals right now (I also donate monthly to WSPA).


And, perhaps, another thing I can do is to gently encourage you (if not to go all out vegan like me, then,) to eat more vegetarian meals, and to look for the words FREE RANGE on your egg cartons. If possible and affordable, opt for organic dairy products, buy your animal products from organic butchers or, at the very least, buy meats that are hormone and antibiotic free (assuming the conditions aren’t bad enough to require antibiotics). As Jane Godall said, “everything you buy is a vote” (Harvest for Hope). Vote for the smaller farmers….

I know money’s an issue for everyone right now. Imagine how much money you’d save eating less meat….

(At the very least, give thanks when you eat animal products…. My family laughs at me when I insist they THANK THEIR FISH, but they do it anyway, and I think they mean it.)

Because it is NOT okay. NOT okay. NOT okay.

You might shut me down and insist “HUMANS ARE MEANT TO EAT ANIMALS,” and I’ll give you that. But, humans are also meant to RESPECT ANIMALS. To f-ing RESPECT THEM. Apparently, that’s too much to ask.

Since MOST PEOPLE can’t handle the video footage of the horrors of factory farms, I just saw the video for you (well, as much as I could watch without smashing my computer on the floor and ripping my hair out in AN ANGER I HAVE NEVER KNOWN BEFORE). And, just trust me: NOT okay.

NOT okay NOT okay NOT okay.

Everyone has to choose his/her own cause(s)…. I understand that. Just, this is a big one for me. Thank you for listening and letting me do this small thing for my cause….

May all the animals on this earth find peace and comfort tonight….
xo Haley-O

It was pretty nice, actually. Ten minutes in the dark, with nothing but a chai tea (NOT STARBUCKS) and my kittie. Here’s a snippet of what went down in those 10 minutes of darkness:

Me: You know, Meeno, no one can replace you.
Minden: [kisses].
Me: You’re my baby boy! You’ll ALWAYS be my baby boy.
Minden: Purrr, purrr [kisses].
Me: I love you. I love you so much.
Minden: [yawn] purr, purr, [kiss kiss kisses TONGUE IN MOUTH TONGUE IN MOUTH].
Me: Pft pft, NOT IN MY MOUTH, MEENO! For the love of EARTH, Mouth is OUT OF BOUNDS. Is it 10:00 yet?

Yes. That was one of the most exciting 10 minutes of my life.

Why did I shut my lights, computer, TV off for 10 minutes this evening? PROUD FM made me do it!

I do whatever they tell me to do…. Because they ROCK. I’m telling you, Gorgeouses. You should all live in Toronto JUST for this station. They play the best music, and I LOVE the hosts: I mean, what could be more entertaining than listening to two gay men talk about cottage life on Lake Minnicock (an actual lake in Haliburton, Ontario)?; and the Sunday morning Broadway show?; and did I mention the music?

I hope you danced to that…. I did…. With…. NEW HAIRCUT! Check it:

I was Miss Spontaneous today!

At the end of my insane daily ONE HOUR walk, I passed a hair salon. I stopped, tentatively looked inside, and in I walked — NO MAKEUP, PRACTICALLY IN PAJAMAS — and asked if they could fit me in NOW. Am I a guy, or what? What WO-MAN goes into a random hair salon and asks for a haircut…WITHOUT HER WALLET no less. “I’ll leave my ipod with you! MY CHILD! I promise I’ll come back and pay! I NEEEEED a haircut! Can you?”

They could! ANGELS, they are! And, I LOVE my haircut. Henry at Calia Hair Design did it. He LOVES LONG HAIR and FARA FAWCETT. So, he WON’T CHOP YOUR HAIR OFF WHEN YOU ASK HIM FOR A TRIM. Ahem — I’m still not over my traumatizing pregnancy haircut. Anyway, if you’re in the Toronto area, and you need a $55 dollar haircut (and, I mean, WHO CHARGES $55 ANYMORE? Hello, STEAL?!), check out Calia, and tell ‘em Cheaty sent you. Love!

I’m really into LARGE CAPS this post. Sorry?

Sigh. I’m having more fun blogging since I quit. Refreshed. Less pressure. No gossip to worry about. NOTHING to lose. This was a good decision. And, the whole thing was a good “practice.” “Collapse the structure so we can gradually rebuild,” indeed….

xo Haley-O

I am so sick, Gorgeouses. Like, ewww.

But, I’ll be a’iight. Just sitting in my bed. Three pillows behind my back, a dosing wheezy rascal and a pile of used-up Kleenex by my side, and a humming humidifier giving us both a smidgen of relief.

I’m also so attractive right now? You don’t even KNOW. My hair’s pulled back in a sloppy bun. Nose is running, red from all the blowing (shut it, pervs — I’m in NO MOOD). Jaw is agape, lips dry and cracking from the dreaded mouth breathing. Eyes red with bags, and (speaking of bags) braless, in uggers oversized shirt. Doesn’t get more attractive than THAT, eh? (Did I just say “eh”?) I’d post a picture of myself, but I don’t want you to get all mad at me if your life is never the same again because of it….

Just like my life will never be the same since reading Skinny Bitch: A No-Nonsense, Tough-Love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Eating Crap and Start Looking Fabulous. (How was THAT for segue of the century!?)

Like any other unsuspecting girlie girl on the planet, I thought this was going to be a cute, light “chick” read. I mean, look at the cover! And…, the TITLE!

But, NOOoooOOOOooo! It was NOT. This was a DIATRIBE, Gorgeouses — a DARK DIATRIBE — against everyone from the USDA to the dairy and meat industries to what the authors call the “selfish whores who eat veal”! How am I supposed to look at my meat-eating husband again, or even FEED my monkeys, if I’m going to buy everything they say in this book — let alone consume ANYTHING with ANY TRACE of animal product in it WHATSOEVER?

I’m telling you: if I don’t put this book down NOW, it’s liable to hurl me headfirst into the ABYSS OF INSANITY (which, as you probably suspect by now, I’m already on the edge of)!

Sigh, anyway, while it’s good that the book opened my eyes even wider to the HORRORS that occur in the slaughterhouses, it sucks that I can’t STOP THEM. The only thing I can do is, once and for all, to turn completely vegetarian.

Even vegetarian is no good, though, for authors Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin (no wonder they’re bitchy!). They want the world to go VEGAN. And, I’ve been toying with the idea because the authors are MEAN!

But, I can’t live life without cheese. And, since Skinny Bitch says that the dairy industry is just as evil as the meat industry, I’ve decided I will spend my life savings on ORGANIC dairy and eggs from here on in. And, now I’ll SHUT THE DAMN BOOK FOREVER. (If I don’t, I’m liable to give up everything sweet in life: I actually had a decaf green tea instead of my beloved Starbucks Grande Soy No-Wather Tazo Chai Latte yesterday, BECAUSE THEY SAID SO, and my day sucked.)

Am I rambling? I think I’m rambling. Maybe time to check the feeeeeever again….

Sigh…. At least the animals in MY house are happy — one thing I CAN control….

I went downstairs THREE times today. Twice for orange juice and tea with honey, and once for something Skinny Bitch would HANG me for — starts with “coo” and ends with “kies.” Anyway, this is what I saw:

First trip downstairs:

Second trip downstairs:

Third trip downstairs:

My poor, poor brown sweater…!

As for Skinny Bitch…. While I pledge to do my part in fighting animal cruelty in the slaughterhouses and helping to save the environment (important causes for ME) by going vegetarian* and by supporting the organic farm companies,** CHEATY DOES NOT RECOMMEND SKINNY BITCH. It’s dangerous, potentially eating-disorder promoting, and it’s just plain darkly and horrifically far from what it presents itself to be — i.e., there’s a reason I don’t frequent the PETA website.

*Alas, I cannot impose vegetarianism on my children. I WILL cook organic poultry and fish (sticks) for them.

**Alas, I WILL give up chai teas during the week so that I can buy organic foodstuff without denting my “pocketbook” (does ANYONE say “pocketbook” anymore?). Decaf green tea will take some getting used to, and maybe a few bad-mood posts here for a while, but it’s for a good cause and, me-hears, a very healthy alternative.