*Yes, I’m aware there’s something going on with the title of this post…. I tried to upgrade my blog software by myself. BRILLERS. And, our whole night went down the tube because of it. Down the tube? Is that right? Sounds weird. Anyway. Working on that…. Bear with…. xoxo.

[WORKING TITLE:] TO BE DECIDED…; AND, STUFF I NEED TO DO BEFORE GOING TO NYC

UPDATE: fixed! finally! GOOD NIGHT! mwah!

***

It’s Tuesday afternoon. I’m trying to write something small today, which will probably end up being BIG because that’s how things are with me. I can be a little unpredictable. Even to myself. I’m just kind of never sure about things. Never totally sure about what I want. As I get to know myself better (with age), I notice this has been a flaw of mine for a long time.

I can’t make decisions.

Can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t.

Cereal or toast for breakfast? Chicken fingers for the monkeys tonight? Or, pizza? Starbucks soy tazo chai latte WITH or WITHOUT water? Apple or banana? The black lululemons or the brown lululemons? The black running shoes or the white ones? Post about THIS? Or, post about THAT?

I never have ANY IDEA. I just can’t DECIDE!

Part of my problem is that I usually DO KINDA know what I want. I just get caught up in the effects of my choices. How will this affect so-and-so, or so-and-so. And, as a parent, I’m CONSTANTLY making choices that affect others.

It would be easy if I had a book with all the answers about motherhood, life, what clothes to wear, or how to satisfy the vegan palate in a houseful of meat eaters and milk guzzlers….

It would be easy if I had a routine to follow — perhaps one from a book — so that the decisions would be made for me and no amount of “MAMA, c’I watch TV” could coerce me out of it.

But, no. I’m an intuitive girl. I RELY on my intuition every single day, every single decision, in parenting my children.

So, I’ve been forced to develop that intuitive muscle. And, I like it. I’m starting — STARTING — to trust myself.

I AM getting more assertive. Yes. I. Can.

So, today, when it’sgrandma asked me, “Hale, I know you’re going to say no, but can I please treat you to a manicure and pedicure tomorrow — you’ll get your feet massaged, sit in a massage chair, get pampered, you’ll be able to read a book, and you don’t HAVE to get nail polish.” I SAID YES. An unwavering, unhesitating YES. And, PLEASE. And, then, ARE YOU SURE?

I love it’sgrandma.

I also love my cousin Miles (and my fancay segues) who KICKED ARSE when he danced for his life last week. CHECK IT (and ignore the captions. Dude doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Miles is a technical KING of the pop. “Snake” MY ARSE!)

Awesome, right? His partner Lara went home, unfortunately. Not sure that was deserved. Her solo was excellent. PLUS, she was probably the most gracious eliminated dancer ever. Too bad she doesn’t get to go on the tour. She and Miles made awesome partners in the end….

Monkey’s sitting with me now. Sucking her thumb and pinching the skin of my throat. Ahh, the self-soothe…. She’s been doing this FOREVER. I’m going to have a premature throat wattle, fashizzle, thanks to this. Mine is the only throat she fondles — which, of course, makes me feel beyond special. Who needs breastfeeding when you can have the throat-fondle to feel close and connected to your three-year-old? SOMETIMES she does fondle Minden’s throat, though, if I’m not available (and THAT is hilarious)….

Okay, so tomorrow I have to run around the city preparing for our trip to New York. I might as well just do this quickly, here…. Need to figure this stuff out.

1. Pick up bridesmaid dress that I had to REMAKE in 10 days (don’t ask me how much the dressmaker made me pay or I might have to kill you);

2. Pick up Monkey’s flower-girl dress…;

3. Pick up more of Pure and Simple’s Ageless foundation (my absolute FAVE — it’s like MAC’s face powder/foundation, BUT BETTER and PURER);

4. MAYBE pick up one of their eye shadows, too…. By the way, if you’ve seen me lately, I AM AWARE that I’ve been wearing a ton of makeup (for me). I’ve been practicing with different colours and shades for the wedding…. I’m doing my own makeup and hair (eek!). You wouldn’t believe the confused looks I got at my very earthy yoga studio when I walked in at 9am with a full face of makeup…. Picture GOLD EYE SHADOW….

5. MANI-PEDI. THANK YOU, IT’SGRANDMA!

6. Vegan snacks. I need nuts and stuff to carry around. It’s one thing to be vegetarian when traveling, but a WHOLE other thing to be vegan…. No wonder I’m losing A TON OF WEIGHT lately.

7. Knee highs. I need knee highs to wear with my Spanx….

I think that’s it! Not bad. I can do all that tomorrow, right?

We leave Thursday. It’s my sister in law’s wedding, by the way. TRAY exciting. I’ll take lots of pics, of course.

And, that, my dear Gorgeouses, is what you call a DECISIVE and FOCUSED blog post. Go me. Kelly Clarkson may be Miss Independent, but I. I am MISS INDECISIVE. And, you know? I’m KINDA okay with that. Or, not.

Acceptance, my dear Gorgeouses…. Acceptance.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Today was one of those you-don’t-want-to-hear-about-it, get-me-out-of-here days. Yes, I wanted OUT. I wanted cucumber slices on the eyes and a spa chair in the middle of somewhere QUIET and WARM and maybe a little BREEZY. No children allowed. Especially children who HATE THEIR STROLLERS.

Like, WTF? You should see me try to strap Rascal in his stroller. It’s quite a sight…. I lift him out of the carseat and, right away, he stiffens straight as a board. When I FINALLY get him in there, I look up, sweating, and we’re half way across the parking lot….

Anyway…. On our way home from the barn trip this weekend, Josh and I decided to take a detour through Hamilton, Ontario, where I went to school for FOUR YEARS….

McMaster University…. Laaaa!

I don’t remember a lot from those years (university years)…. But, I DO remember going HERE for my weekly treat — every Friday after class….

It was ALL about the caramel sauce…. Excuse me for a sec. Must. Gag. … … Okay, back.

And, THIS is where I lived for THREE years (I lived in residence my first year)….

I KNOWWW! Isn’t it GORJ!? And, didn’t, like, the word “GORJ” come to mind, like, right, like, when you first saw it!?

EW! I lived, studied, slept, pulled all-nighters writing English Lit and Art History essays in THAT TEEENY TINY room in the front of that UGGERS house (that looks the EXACT same as it did THIRTEEN YEARS AGO — ‘cept for the satellite dish — same blinds and everything!). See that window right beside the front door? white blinds? on the left? behind the pole? MY room. That was my room. Overlooking the busiest street in Hamilton. Ew. The next year, I lived on the other side of the house, in a BIG room on the top floor (where bedrooms SHOULD be). That top right window was mine. It was nice…. Ish. It was…ish. Just ish.

Speaking of ISH. CHECK MY DANCING COUSIN, MILES, on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA!!! There is nothing “ISH” about him. He was PERFECTION tonight, of course. I couldn’t be prouder…. This vid is of last week’s performance (not tonight’s)….

What did you think? Is he not ADORABLE??? Do we look alike? He’s it’sgrandma’s brother’s son, so there should be a LITTLE resemblance. I actually look more like his older brother Henry, everyone says. Anyway, LOVE! Tonight he did the VIENNESE WALTZ proud. Yay Miles!!!

So, I’m still working on my detox plan. Doing some research. See, the thing about Hamilton was, it triggered something for me. It made me realize that I’ve lived a lot of my life inside my head. Sort of like this famous quote by Mark Twain:

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

I think of those years at McMaster University as happening mostly IN MY HEAD. This is partly because I was studying English Literature INTENSELY. But, I also had a LOT of anxiety during those years. And, that anxiety made my existence there pretty dark and hopelessly overwhelming at times.

I’m writing this now because today had GREAT possibilities — like every day. But, I was in THE WORST MOOD! I was tired, and lethargic, and just BLAH. I felt like I was at the end of my rope. And, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get Rascal in his stroller (because that happens every day). No, it was purely in my head.

Cheaty was so tired she just SAT THERE and WATCHED as Rascal threw his organic alligator crackers all over the living room….

I thought about it, and I realized very quickly that THERE IS SOMETHING gnawing at me.

It’s my diet situation, AGAIN. Yeah, the little diet fairy always comes knocking when I get off track — with a hefty dose of anxiety, lethargy and THE GRUMPS.

I haven’t been eating that well, and I’m just SO TIRED of all this extra weight on me STILL. I have twenty more preggers/nursing pounds to lose. Not impossible. I’ve already lost 50 — by simply chasing after the little monkeys. But, progress has been stalled for a while now.

So, DETOX IS IN ORDER.

I’ve been researching to find the best, safest detox plan for me, and for you if you want to join me, Gorgeouses (but check it with your doc first, of course, because I am NO expert). From all my research, the most common and doable detox rule is FRUIT in the morning. I’ll get into more detail about THE CHEATY DETOX AND DIET PLAN tomorrow — because I’m still figuring it out. But, first thing’s first: TODAY (Thursday), I will have a breakfast of FRUIT. When I’m hungry. And, I will try to eat clean the rest of the day. Lunch: salad (with flaxseed oil salad dressing — will CONCOCT tasty one and post it in the KITCH latah), legumes on top. Dinner: quinoa with chickpeas, salad. EIGHT GLASSES OF WATER. There. DUNZO. Detox.

I should have a plan in place by tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted both here and in the KITCH. Wish me luck!

xo Haley-O

I got an email from BFF Lolo today with a bunch of questions I’m supposed to answer. You know, an email meme, AS IT WERE (a phrase I haven’t used since grad school, blergbergbeglerrrrrrrrg). So, I thought it might be fun to ACTUALLY do this meme, edit a few of the questions a WEEEEE bit to suit the BLOG GENRE, and post it here. I also thought maybe YOU GORGEOUSES would want to do it — either in the comments or on your blog, if you have one (but post your link in the comments). It’s a fun one and a good way for us to get to know each other better. You in? CHECK IT!

(NOTE: Click HERE to get the list of questions you can cut and paste — EASY — into your blog or the comments. LOVE!)

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5am and 7am….
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls….
3. What was the first film you saw at the cinema? I fully cannot remember. I think the first one I remember seeing in the theatre was ET, but there had to have been earlier ones….
4. What is your favorite TV show? Just one?? Right now, I’m loving THE TUDORS because I SO lived another life in that time, was probably a peasant…, and because HELLO (caution: the following preview is HHHHHOTT):

And, in case you were wondering? I’m a Jeremy Northam girl, but I definitely see the SEXual appeal of Jonathan Rys Meyers. DEFINITELY. Also, Natalie Dormer? PERFECT Anne Boleyn. PERFECT. I mean, WOW. You MUST watch this, Gorgeouses?

Also? Because it’s my blog and I’m a TV WHORE and a claim-to-fame WHORE, I love SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA because my first cousin MILES FABER, MADE IT TO THE TOP 20! HOLLAHHHHH!

I could not be PROUDER! Soooo, if you haven’t seen it already, check him in this vid — this was the first audition that got him to the Toronto finals…. He’s the second one in….

The judges LOVE HIM!

Okay! And, we’re only on question 4…. Moving right along….

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Errrrrmmmm, Starbucks soy no-water chai tea latte….
6. What is your middle name(s)? Rachel….
7. What food do you dislike? Any food that involves cruelty to animals….
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Oh gosh. I think the yoga mix I created for the classes I teach (they’re totally KEY for me to keep track of the time). It’s LOVERLY and calming and so pretty…. Here’s a song from it (since so many of you loved the other songs from the CD that I posted a while back)…. Enjoy….

That’s “Paramaysareh,” by Snatam Kaur, from her album Anand (Bliss).

9. What kind of car do you drive? Silver SUV….
10. Favorite sandwich? Grilled Vegetable….
11. What characteristic do you despise? Passive Aggressiveness….
12. Favorite item of clothing? My Lululemon pants, of course…
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Right now, I’d really like to go to a Yoga retreat — maybe one in Costa Rica….
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Would have to be Lululemon — only the pants, though….
15. Where would you retire to? I think I’d like to travel the world when I retire, and keep my residence in Toronto (my parents are doing that, and it’s a beautiful, exciting life)….
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Oh gosh. This last one. Because it SUCKED BEYOND. Heh….
17. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics, then diving, then basketball….
18. Furtherest place you are sending this? Probably Gorgeous Ellen (aka GOOFBALL) in BELGIUM!
19. Person you expect to do this first? I have NO IDEA! And, I have this uncomfortable feeling that NO ONE’s going to do this, and that I’m going to look like a big LOO-HOOOO-SER! You know what, though? I’m coo widdat….
20. When is your birthday? September 10, 1974….
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person (also, apparently, an ellipses person…………….., in case you haven’t noticed by now…….LOVE…….!)….
22. What is your shoe size? I just learned that since I had Rascal I went UP A HALF A SIZE! I’m now, officially, a 7 and a half.
23. Pets? One Three cats.

Yes, that’s a banana. I had to dance with a banana because my maraca was too dangerous…, ahem……

Take it from Monkey, you do NOT want to get THWACKED in the head with THAT thing. You want to STAY AWAY FROM your CARAZAY dancing, maraca-shaking mama!

24. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us? MY COUSIN MILES FABER MADE IT TO THE TOP 20 OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? An artist. With special powers.
26. How are you today? Happy.
27. What is your favorite candy? Anything chocolate. With peanuts. (It’s been a while, come to think of it!)
28. What is your favorite flower? The rose — any colour.
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? HALLOWEEN!
30. What is your favorite pastime? Yoga….
31. What are you listening to right now? Josh-O tapping away on his computer….
32. What was the last thing you ate? Homemade Chai Tea with milk and agave nectar….
33. Do you wish on stars? Yes….
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Purple….
35. How is the weather right now? Cold and damp….
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? Josh-O….
37. Favorite restaurant? Cravings (because Lolo and I just went there and I loved every minute of it — it’d been a LO-HO-HONG time since I’d been to a restaurant)….
38. Real hair color? auburn-ish (I don’t dye it)….
39. What was your favorite toy as a child? sighhhh, Barbie, and my Cabbage Patch Kids (and Dog “Kasey”)….
40. Summer or winter? Neither! I love the more moderate temperatures of Fall and Spring….
41. Hugs or kisses? Hugs….
42. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate….
43. Coffee or tea? Duuuhhhhh…. Freakin’ tea (dang Starbucks!)….
44. Do you want your friends to do this in the comments or their blogs? Why? YES! Because I want to get to know them better, and because I think memes are fun and healthy and not for bloggers alone!
45. When was the last time you cried? My birthday (but I could cry if I wanted to…)…
46. What is under your bed? A yoga bolster and a meditation pillow….
47. What did you do last night? Got home from the country, dinner at it’sgrandma’s and papa’shere, and WATCHED MY CUZ MILES FABER (VOTE FOR HIM) MAKE IT TO THE TOP 20 OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA.
48. What are you afraid of? On a bad day? Everything. On a good day? Nothing.
49. How many keys on your key ring? I’m SO not getting my sorry arse off this couch to check, but I think 4….
50. How many years at your current job? I’ve been blogging for 2.5 years, selling art for 2.6 years, teaching yoga for 4.5 years….
51. Favorite day of the week? Saturday….
52. How many towns have you lived in? including as a kid? 4 (Toronto, Montreal, Hamilton, London)….
53. Do you make friends easily? Yes….
54. How many people will you send this to? Ummm…. Hundreds? (But, I don’t like to think about that because OVERWHELMS.)
55. How many will respond? I’m hoping at least 10ish? STEP UP TO THE PLATE, THOUGH, GORGEOUSES! We want to KNOW YOU!
56. Salty or sweet? Lately salty! Which is SO UNLIKE ME! But, I never say no to sweet. And, HELLO CHAI TEA LATTE? AKA, my CRACK? Could NOT be any sweeter….
57. Favorite soft drink? None. I don’t drink zee soft drink.

YOU’RE UP, GORGEOUSES!

Look! Rascal throwing a tantrum in LEG WARMERS….

SLIPPER!!!!!!! (Paul Frank, of course! They are awesome….)

You know what this reminds me of? BUT, OF COURSE (dance with me!)….

Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

CONGRATULATIONS to SCIFI DAD AND MULTITASKING MOMMY on the BIRTH OF THEIR NEW SON!!! Yaaayyyy!