If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know how inconsistent I can be. You know how one day I can be all obsessive about my weight, and then the next day I’m all f*ck it. One day I’m all woo-woo with the spirituality and yoga and meditation and the next I’m hard-core working woman. One day I’m watching The Bachelor, and the next I’m blown away (over and over) by Rent….

…remembering that there’s this side of me that’s totally fascinated by La Vie Boheme (and Taye Diggs – OH YEEAAAH!), a side of me that CAN live for the day – what ever happened to that?

…remembering that there’s a side of me that’s wild and eccentric and free spirited. WINE AND BEER! A very hidden side — hidden under baby blankets, responsibility, destructive habits, anxiety and neuroses….

Right now I’m all hard-core working woman — I’ve been eating, breathing, and sleeping bTrendie — partly because I’m feeling more passionate than usual about it, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering some unbloggable stuff right now, some major transitions. Right now I’m all obsessed with what I eat and what the kids eat and what the world eats — partly because I read too much, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering that I’m not in control of every little thing in my world and the world around me….

I should tell you…, I should tell you….

I should tell you. I should tell I threw my books out just to get back in. I’d forgotten how to smile…. I should tell you I should tell you. Here goes. Here goes….

I gave them away. All my diet books. Some of my cook books. When I was pregnant and suffering from debilitating prenatal depression, the doctors came and took all my books away for this same reason.

Information — books, google, GOOGLE. It creates the illusion that you can control things. The more you know, the more empowered you are, right? WRONG. There’s such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Knowledge isn’t power when there’s too much of it. Knowledge is power in moderation. There’s also life.

So, here goes. I’m going to live in the here and now…. Yes, little voice in my head from the other day (WOO-WOO), I’m figuring it out — I’m going to try to LIVE. Which means I MUST get off my arse right now. This life’s on loan, after all. Better make the best of it while I rent it!

Well here we go…. Here goes. Who knows. Who knows where. Who goes there. Who knows. Here goes….

If you haven’t seen the movie or play (I’ve seen both) RENT, you really must RENT IT! And you also really must know that I’ll be singing this soundtrack in the car, in the shower, as I cook, and maybe even on the streets and restaurant tables for the next few weeks, no doubt. And if you think this post is all kinds of cheesy, you gotta know, that’s okay. Because it’s all about me today….

REMEMBER THE LOOOO-O-O-O-O-VE!
xo Haley-O

UPDATE: AND, OMG, I just learned on twitter that this — my favourite show (RENT) — is playing THIS WEEK at Toronto’s Canon Theatre : http://www.mirvish.com/OurShows/. How weird (WOO-WOO) is that?!

Me…lying on a hammock looking out onto the magnificent Bermuda beach….

Arrival….

View from the hotel room….

Gorj….

Bermuda reminds me the Earth is, indeed, a BEAUTIFUL place….

…Alive and pulsing with LIFE….

Sublime….

Me…. ALONE in BERMUDA.

Bathing suit….

$40 breakfast (toast and fruit)….

Me eating $40 breakfast. Imported pineapple, mmmm….

Man of War on the beach….

Yoga on the beach the morning of the wedding (the bride, me, and her brother)…. Stephen’s words of wisdom for all (paraphrased): “It’s not your business what anybody else thinks, and it doesn’t matter.”

Dizzy picture of all of us falling after 21 spins (Tibetan Rites)….

Solo excursion the day of the wedding….

45-minute adventure on local bus to the Bermuda Dockyard….

Sightseeing…. Alone….

Cockadoodledooooo! (They ACTUALLY say that!)

Me…making out with kissing a dolphin…. (Still have to order the big pic….) It was the longest dolphin kiss I’ve ever seen or heard of! Ha!

The wedding venue….

The beautiful bride…. ERRRRRRRNA!!! (Jill and I have been friends for 20 years…. We call each other Erna….)

She made the entire Ketubah HERSELF…!

I was asked to stand up there under the chuppah and to read a poem to the bride and groom. Honour of a lifetime….

ERRRRNNAAAA!

My roommate Jen (and awesome new LA actress/writer/producer friend) and I. An unlikely but PERFECT match. Talked and talked the nights away in our twin beds….

ERNA and Jen (and Jen’s hot designer dress)….

Glenzies….

The bride and groom dancing at the par-tay….

Dancing the night away by the ocean….

Awesome skiing-penguin tuxedo shirt….

Kitty cat…eating $40 cold-cuts Jen and I nabbed from the buffet….

I left Bermuda a few hours later….

I wouldn’t say I found myself in Bermuda, as much as it might seem so…. Rather, I’d say I lost myself in Bermuda. I let go, as we say in yoga, of all of my attachments, anxieties, neuroses, inhibitions and responsibilities.

I still don’t know what I want for myself in terms of the way I spend my time and how I live my life. But I do know I want to spend a lot less of it online. I want more adventure, more appreciation — with my children — of whatever green earth there is here in Toronto, or that remains to be seen as Spring approaches. Yes! And what I do know is that I want to live a more private life….

I met and care deeply about my new friend Jen. She’ll visit me in Toronto later this week. I met a Chinese man in the airport, and (although he struggled with his English) we spoke about his ailing mother and Tai Chi for an hour as we waited for the plane to Toronto to board. I sat beside a 22-year-old Chris O’Donnell look-alike (only hotter) on the plane, and we spoke nonstop the entire flight, exchanged emails. He grew up in the care of Children’s Aid, and was on his own since 16. He now lives with his girlfriend Stella in China, teaches English and helps the deaf artists there. He held the door for me and offered me his coat and got yelled at in front of the entire plane when he stood up to pee when the fasten-your-seatbelt light was on. I waited for him to find his suitcase.

People. Not only the island but the people around me revived me. LIVE people. Erna and Matt, Jen, Stephen, Robert, Glenzies, Mike, Giz, Vegan Boy (whom we called V.G., heh), the salesperson at Lacoste, and so many more…. I never knew I was such a people person….

Every blog — just like every book — has to end.

My grandfather used to tell me never to say good bye, but to say “so long.”

So long, Gorgeouses.

Love….
xo Haley-O

The End.

UPDATE: I CAME BACK. Book Two begins a few weeks later….