In three days I’ve watched all FOUR DVDs of The Tudors, Season One. Well, I’m watching the fourth DVD right now. Princess Margaret is coughing up blood as we speak….

I must have lived another life in the 16th century because I’m OBSESSED with this time period. Sure, I specialized in 18th- and 19th-century English literature in grad school, but that was only because some professors were fighting over my sweet innocent (size-0) hottness, and the Romantic Poetry prof won by a landslide. Seriously, EVERYTHING is about hotness in grad school if you are even a LITTLE bit attractive. At least that was my experience. But, I digress.

Honestly? I don’t know what I’ll do when this DVD is done. Whatever will I do, Gorgeouses? Seriously, this is the best thing since my beloved ROME, which died a sorry death after a only two seasons WAAAAAAAAH! Let that be a cautionary tale to thee, OH THE TUTORS!

Can I just ask, before I change subject, how gorj is she?

Natalie Dormer is the PERFECT Anne Boleyn. PERFECT. It’s incredible, really. Award anyone? I’d talk about how pretty Jonathan Rhys Meyers is….

…But, he’s a little TOO pretty for me. I’m more into — don’t laugh — Jeremy Northam….

…whom I’ve loved since Emma — one of my favourite movies (and novels) of all time….

“Marry me. Marry me, my wonderful, darling friend!”

And, off goes Cardinal Wolsey. I’m almost sorry to see th’ole guy die…at his own hands….

Sigh. Anyway. Tomorrow, I’m cleaning house. My bawd, that is. I know. I make this pact every freaking week. But, get used to it: I’m a virgo; we’re like that…. I’m serious. So serious. It’s not just about losing preggers pounds anymore. It’s about reaching my WHOLE potential. Because I am SO CERTAIN that chai lattes and other sugary goodies (and the not-sleeping) are keeping me from feeling my best. Don’t believe me? Ask Kathy Freston. I’m reading her totally brillers book right now. I mean, Oprah did it, and now Heather B. Armstrong is doing it. And, they both feel great! I’m not going totally vegan, but I’m cleaning up a few “little” things — STARTING with caffeine and sugar. Prone to anxiety and depression, AS I AM, I should NOT be ingesting these things. That much my own BODY tells me all the time. And, I’m getting tired of not listening….

Anyway, I just had a beautiful little butter tart. Yes, I bought it JUST for this occasion. A little goodbye party in my mouth.

Alas, now, The Tudors, Season 1, has ended for me…with lovely naked romp in the woods….

Hhhhott. Knuckle. Biting. Hhhhhott.

And, now I (and the rest of Canada) have to wait until September 30, 9pm, for season 2. Baaahhhh.

So, the monkey’s school did a wonderful thing. They had a father’s day party for all the daddies and presented them with this little number:

It says “My Daughter _____ Walks All Over Me,” and has little monkey footprints all over it! They actually painted the monkey’s feet and had her walk across it! How sweet is that?

The back of the shirt looks like this:

OF COURSE, I made him wear the shirt all day today.

I even made him wear it to his……FACIAL! Because, YES, I got MY husband who, by the way, washes his face with Head and Shoulders (”TWO-IN-ONE” does NOT mean FACE and HAIR) a massage and FACIAL at my favourite spa for Father’s Day. Of course, he LOVED it and his face looks fabulous, Dahling!

EVERYWHERE we went, people were laughing at the shirt and making comments, like, “Can I buy that from you and give it to MY dad?” A few of the comments, like that one, got a little old after a while. But, how good is it to put smiles on people’s faces like that? Really feels good…. Really brightens up the day….

I actually really needed the laughs because I was feeling like CARB CARP this weekend. See, I always know when it’s going to rain because I get a brutal headache (and totally LOOPY!). And, with Josh-O on the massage table and two little monkeys sitting in my double stroller expecting FABULOUS things, as usual, brutal headache advanced to SPLITTING. But, we managed. A sweet little headache-relieving yoga practice, torrential rains, and a laugh-promoting T-shirt did the trick. I felt better….

But, now I feel like carp again because I SUCKED ARSE on my diet today. I got CARB HAPPY. Chai tea(s), crackers, pasta, FATHER’S DAY CAAAAAAAAAAAKE! You name it? I ate it! And, now I’m totally down on myself. The only thing unhunching my sorry shoulders right now is the PLAN to stick CLOSELY to my diet for the next 30 days in sort-of DETOX mode: no sugar, no chai, no chai, no chai, NO CHAI, more whole grains, vegetables, lots of water, lots of yoga. Yeah. We’re going HARD CORE, now, Gorgeouses…. Detox mode starting……..NOW: as the monkey says…, “SET READY GO!”

Happy Father’s Day to all the Cheaty dads out there! Thank you for reading…!

In case you didn’t know, there’s a big-o contest-o over at Cheaty Goodies! Makeup and skin care from Pure + Simple up for grabs! And, eek! I just bought some Jurlique sunscreen for $100,000,000,000,000 there today (while Josh-O was having his facial)! Be sure to enter the contest before the June 21st deadline! LOVE! xo Haley-O

I canNOT believe it.

I’m sitting here at Starbucks — escaping the chaos of my house with a — are you SURE you’re ready for this, Gorgeouses? I’m sitting here at Starbucks with a TALL GINGER GREEN TEA. MISS ADDICTED-TO-CHAI-TEA-LATTES is sipping a GREEN TEA.

Ooo! Look over there! See it? A COW IS FLYING!

Here! Lemme take a picture of it on my pinkberry:

That book there? I LOVE it: Hip Tranquil Chick: A Guide to Life on and Off the Yoga Mat. Cheaty will HIGHLY recommend it on the Recommends site when time and level of sanity permits.

CLOSE UP!!!!

Yes, I came THIS close to ordering my chai latte because, as I told it’sgrandma as she was on her way out the door with monkey this morning, I needed the “escape.” “Escape” is NEVER a good sign, never a good reason to CONSUME something so deliciously EVIL. Because, you know, as soon as you gulp down that SWEET escape, you feel WORSE — wired, indigestiony, guilty — especially since it would mean you suffered that diet-friendly breakfast of Ezekiel bread, almond butter and (AWFUL LOW-FAT) cheese for nothing.

Nevertheless…, you go to Starbucks for your favourite chai-tea escape. Then, you see the blueberry muffin. And, you say to yourself,

Self, let’s just screw the diet altogether today. We’re already having our fave chai, spiking the blood sugar levels or whatever, so why not the muffin? Hey, let’s escape the whole day and make today CHEAT DAY (instead of Friday, of course).

Ahem. What a FAB idea, SELF!?@#!%$#!!

No. Not fab at all. Because I’m going to teach yoga later and would HATE to feel like a crazed wired lard-arse….

So, I do it. That STRONG (but oh so week) VOICE IN ME utters THIS to the barista man through reluctant-but-fabulously-glossed lips: “I’ll have…I’ll have a… a… GINGERGREENTEA!” Ahh…. Said it. It’s done. There’s no turning back. “And, yes,” I say, “that will be all for me, thanks.”

I took my sorry little green tea and sat down at a lovely seat beside the window. I opened my journal and penned this post.

One small step for humankind, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR ME!

And, mmmm…. I could so learn to like this tea…! Could totally be my new ritual….

UPDATE: Taught yoga a mommy-and-baby yoga class with Rascal and he screeched the whole time (teething…must be). By the time it was over I wanted to VOMIT, I was so stressed. I fed him as I taught, and he bawled. I held him. He bawled. I bounced him. He bawled. Happily, the other mothers were sympathetic and understanding. The class was good for them (I made sure of that), and that’s what matters. I, on the other hand, mattered so little that I made Josh “fetch” me a CHAI TEA LATTE when on his way home, which I swallowed whole — tea, cup, and cupholder.

UPDATE THE SECOND: Just got back from a lo-ho-hong evening. Put Rascal to bed. He screeeeamed the second his wee bawd hit the mattress. So, I took him along for my dusk walk. I put on my fave podcast and started walking. WAHHHHHH! He wailed the whole dang time. AN HOUR. So, I got in the car and drove. My BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL friend Lolo INSISTED that we meet up so that I could break down on her shoulder (especially since she’s been going through the same thing with her baby). She got in the car, and we drove. Amazing how healing a talk with a friend can be…. By the time I dropped Lolo off at home, Rascal was asleep. So, I went to Starbucks. And, I got me a SAWEEEET hot chocolate, which I devoured in 5 minutes. Back to green tea ritual tomorrow. Pinky swear.