Gotta love Herbert from Family Guy!

Hmmm…, let’s check our phone messages. See who called while I was working out earlier (to my new AWESOME Turbo Jam DVD — it is, indeed, as amazing and addictive as Marie-Christine said, and you NEED to check it)….

Dialing… *98. Here we go.

“You have 1 new message. Sent today at 2:23pm.”

Wonder who it is? Maybe it’s it’sgrandma? Hmmm…. Excitement. Most excitement had all day with two moody Monkeys…. Let’s listen:

Hi Haley. It’s K from across the street. And I know what YOU’RE doing. I just had my cataract operation, which is probably why I can see right into your window. And, you’re working out! Good thing you’re wearing clothes, heh. Don’t do too much, okay. Oh my, Glen is laughing at what I’m saying on the phone here. Happy Holiday. See you soon. Hopefully very soon.

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH! Gorgeouses…. It’s K again. Remember her? My old-lady neighbour from across the street who drove me BONKERS when I was 35 weeks preggers with the Rascal? Well, I’ve been a nice girl — doing groceries for her and cooking her a home-cooked meal when she was wheel-chair ridden for 6 weeks after a friendly dog knocked her down, and giving her a lift when I see her walking, etc., etc…. People should DEFINITELY help their elderly neighbours. But, THIS is what I get in return? More stalkage? I WANT NOTHING in return. NOTHING. Except my privacy. At least when I’m working out. ESPECIALLY when I’m working out. And, maybe the good karma (never hurts)?

It was bad enough that I had to stop my 45-minute workout midway to change a diaper and take a monkey to the washroom. But, then someone ELSE is watching me, pestering me? I need that like I need to watch ANOTHER episode of The Backyardigans. Double AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

I probably sound awful. Like a horrible, agist person. But, how am I going to workout in my living room again. HOWWW?

And, that workout was so much fun….

Josh-O, of course, thinks it’s no big deal that K was watching and CALLING to tell me. But, I still have preggers weight to lose. A considerable amount, I think, and I want to do it with dignity, and without SPIES. Grrrrr….

I love elderly ladies. Really. But, this one is SUPER annoying. I can’t even TELL YOU! Her husband Glen is even worse: “You’re going to get a stroke from not getting enough sleep, you know. I’m telling you. You’re not too young. Better watch that.” Yeah, great conversation piece there….

Image, with thanks, c/o Astrosense.

So, that’s my rant. I’m really happy 2008′s coming to a close. It was a tough year, as most numerologists and astrologists would attest. Lots of cleansing and ridding — which means lots of frustration and angst, and depression if your birthday’s between March 10 and March 17 or between September 10 (me!) and September 17, apparently — something to do with Saturn and the Sun…. According to my charts (and those of you with one of the aforementioned birthdays), I’ve been depressed for 2 years, and things should look up 2 months from now. HOLLAHHH!

I MAY have a chai tea latte tomorrow and start my NO CHAI resolution on January 1st. As Renee recommended, I’m going to put a little ticker tape thing in the sidebar to help me. Look out for that!

Oh, and many of you asked: WHY QUIT THE CHAI — thine ONLY adulty saving grace in a day full of MONKEY!? Because it’s full of sugar and caffeine. It messes with my moods. I also don’t drink milk; so, I go for the soy. And, there’s a ton of soy milk in those drinks. And, Starbucks’ soy milk contains even more sugar (organic cane sugar, but still), and a controversial substance called carrageenan.

Basically, as a vegan, I need to make healthier choices. A Starbucks Soy No Water Tazo Chai is breakfast for me (it’s extremely filling). And, that’s just bullocks. One of my goals for 2009 is to not depend on food to lift my mood. Because, when I use food that way, I inevitably CRASH because of it. I don’t know what’s happened to me…. Maybe my bod’s reacting to the Earth’s changing vibrations (NEW AGEY, I know). But, I’m so emotionally sensitive to food these days. When I eat better, I feel better….

And, now, your gratuitous kitty pic…. He sleeps!

HAPPY, HEALTHY, GORJ NEW YEAR, GORGEOUSES!

Love!
xo Haley-O

I have an 80-something-year-old neighbour. She lives across the street. I’m pretty sure she’s seen me walk around my house naked. I tend to do that…. Too lazy to shut blinds. I’ve had a baby, for heaven’s sake, I’d walk down the STREET naked (or, at least in my nightie…). Besides, this isn’t even my bawd right now. It’s a GINORMOUS version of my bawd.

A-ny-way….

So, yeah, old lady neighbour…. Let’s call just call her K. Now, I don’t want to sound like a horrible person. Because really I’m not. I’m actually very nice. But, I just CANNOT STAND the fact that I’m getting phone calls from K every single day since I turned 35 weeks preggers.

The first phone call occurred earlier this month, actually. It was a couple weeks after the monkey’s birthday, and K called to wish her happy birthday, berating herself for forgetting the day. How does she know the monkey’s birthday, even? Friends, I BARELY KNOW THIS WOMAN! How did she get my phone number? “From the book,” she explained after I asked her. That would be the phone book.

Blah blah blah. So, the other day, at 9:30pm, K called me to ask me a question about a mysterious – are you ready for the excitement? – blue recycling box on her lawn. And, yes, we had a full conversation about this blue recycling box. I finally got out of it (when she attempted to offer me other neighbours’ phone numbers so I could inquire about said recycling box…ahem) by saying I needed to rest. Good ol’ reliable pregnancy excuse.

The next day, she calls at 11:30am, and leaves this on my answering machine: “you know, Haley, if you should fall ill or are too tired from your pregnancy, you know you can leave Monkey with me.” She clearly does NOT know what she’s offering.

And, it goes on. She calls again today. “I’m sorry K,” I say, “we’re just napping.” “Oh,” she says, “I meant what I said on your machine yesterday about taking care of Monkey for you. I saw you walking with your family today and you looked so tired…. My husband thinks I’m crazy for offering to babysit the monkey — ‘she doesn’t even know you, K!’ he said….” Blah blah. Crazy? Nahhh….

For the record, I think K’s sweet and adorable. But, honestly? At 35 weeks pregnant, I’m not looking for new friends. And, I’m certainly NEVER leaving my monkey with my 80-something-year-old neighbour — for BOTH their sakes.

Anyway. I had to share this. Because it’s so weird — why start calling me NOW!

…ALTHOUGH…if she offered me birthday cake or a glass of milk, I’d DASH RIGHT OVER THERE!

Got milk? I WANT IT. NOW!

Oh, dang. I just tried to take a pic of me with the “Got Milk” mustache…. And, apparently, it doesn’t work with nonfat milk. Oh well…. I love milk right now. Indeed, I may be IN love with it right now…. CRAAAVE.

LOOK AT MY HAND!

SO SWOLLEN! These are NOT my hands. I usually have teeny hands and teeny wrists. I can hardly bend my elbows, they’re so swollen. My feet are, like, worse. But, YOU COULDN’T PAY ME to post a picture of my uggers feet!

Instead of napping today, the monkey and I painted outside…. Yes, check my cheaty little ARTISTE! The balance, the colour, the lines…. AHH, MAIS OUI, QUEL PERFECTION!

This was the messiest activity EVAH. I’m so happy we opted to do it outside….

A big bee feasted on a half-eaten grape between my feet today. I wanted to pet it.