If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know how inconsistent I can be. You know how one day I can be all obsessive about my weight, and then the next day I’m all f*ck it. One day I’m all woo-woo with the spirituality and yoga and meditation and the next I’m hard-core working woman. One day I’m watching The Bachelor, and the next I’m blown away (over and over) by Rent….

…remembering that there’s this side of me that’s totally fascinated by La Vie Boheme (and Taye Diggs – OH YEEAAAH!), a side of me that CAN live for the day – what ever happened to that?

…remembering that there’s a side of me that’s wild and eccentric and free spirited. WINE AND BEER! A very hidden side — hidden under baby blankets, responsibility, destructive habits, anxiety and neuroses….

Right now I’m all hard-core working woman — I’ve been eating, breathing, and sleeping bTrendie — partly because I’m feeling more passionate than usual about it, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering some unbloggable stuff right now, some major transitions. Right now I’m all obsessed with what I eat and what the kids eat and what the world eats — partly because I read too much, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering that I’m not in control of every little thing in my world and the world around me….

I should tell you…, I should tell you….

I should tell you. I should tell I threw my books out just to get back in. I’d forgotten how to smile…. I should tell you I should tell you. Here goes. Here goes….

I gave them away. All my diet books. Some of my cook books. When I was pregnant and suffering from debilitating prenatal depression, the doctors came and took all my books away for this same reason.

Information — books, google, GOOGLE. It creates the illusion that you can control things. The more you know, the more empowered you are, right? WRONG. There’s such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Knowledge isn’t power when there’s too much of it. Knowledge is power in moderation. There’s also life.

So, here goes. I’m going to live in the here and now…. Yes, little voice in my head from the other day (WOO-WOO), I’m figuring it out — I’m going to try to LIVE. Which means I MUST get off my arse right now. This life’s on loan, after all. Better make the best of it while I rent it!

Well here we go…. Here goes. Who knows. Who knows where. Who goes there. Who knows. Here goes….

If you haven’t seen the movie or play (I’ve seen both) RENT, you really must RENT IT! And you also really must know that I’ll be singing this soundtrack in the car, in the shower, as I cook, and maybe even on the streets and restaurant tables for the next few weeks, no doubt. And if you think this post is all kinds of cheesy, you gotta know, that’s okay. Because it’s all about me today….

REMEMBER THE LOOOO-O-O-O-O-VE!
xo Haley-O

UPDATE: AND, OMG, I just learned on twitter that this — my favourite show (RENT) — is playing THIS WEEK at Toronto’s Canon Theatre : http://www.mirvish.com/OurShows/. How weird (WOO-WOO) is that?!

I’ve been ranting long posts about the monkeys all week. So, I’m not going to talk about them today…, except to say that, no, I did not sleep last night, but, yes, today was a little bit better — probably because Obama was in Canada bringing us all a little hope….

God, that man is so gorj…..

So, no, we’re not going to talk about the kids. We’re going to talk about me and the carp I enjoy, and my little Tatiana Del Toro style identity crisis….

….And how much I love Danny Gokey…. Leave it to American Idol to exploit the poor guy’s tragedy for ratings — his wife died only 4 weeks ago…. But, exploiting Danny’s not so easy, as long as he can help it. When Ryan Seacrest asked Danny what he was envisioning when he sang Mariah Carey’s Hero Tuesday night, instead of answering the obvious “my dead wife,” Danny replied that he was just thinking about inspiring others to move on and be strong in the face of adversity. Respect, man. Respect. Peace out. Because that was all class. The tragedy, however, WILL get him votes. Lots of votes. I, of course, canNOT vote — because I’m in Canada — but, if I could, I’d vote for Danny, not because of his story, but because he’s got a velvet voice and he looks like Robert Downey Junior. LOVE! (I’d also vote for Tatiana because I couldn’t get enough; and talk about exploitation…. Yikes! Poor girl.)

….And how much this guy, Jon Lajoie FROM Montreal (hollah Canada!), has singlehandedly resurrected my abs because HE MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD (brought to you by JOSH-O, who insisted on taking full credit). This video? Brillers. Enjoy…. Laugh HARD…. (PS. It’s a little racy at the end…. NSFW? Visuals all okay, though — totally SFW.)

….And how much, despite the uggers bikinis and gross objectification of women in this GARSH-awful video, I’m CRAZY about this remake of Toto’s Africa. Please note, however, that, no matter how hard I try, I CANNOT sing that “There’s nothing that a hundred men OR MORE could ever do” line right. Seriously, whenever I sing it, it’s “There’s nothing that a hundred men ON MARS could ever do.” This has been going on for years. Please send help.

….And how much Rascal made me melt today. I know, I said no kid talk today. But, really, there are NO RULES just like there is NO SPOON — I decide, in other words. He fell asleep in his carseat while he was eating a crushed walnut…. SQUEEEE!

(I didn’t really know what to do other than watch him like a hawk and try to wake him up. Leave it to Rascal to be un-wake-up-able in the daytime…with a mouth full of walnut……..)

….And, how much of a LOSER I am because of the dang “xo.” According to my friend Karen, the xo is THE OUT OUT OUT. As in LOSER. And, of course, I’ve been signing my posts “xo Haley-O” for, like, evs, and NOT ONE OF YOU told me to STOPPIT. I am TIRED. I NEED this guidance. I live in my own world. Full of green dots and lines and Asian characters….

I count on you to keep me in the KNOW about these things. Apparently, it’s just “x” now, dammit. So, it’s supposed to be “x Haley-O,” and that’s just confusing. OR, it’s supposed to be “xh,” and that’s just BOO. How ’bout “xHO,” though? That could be good…. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to nix the “-O” for a while now and be just “Haley.” But, I don’t know. I’ve been blogging as “Haley-O” for too long to change it now….

Love!

x
Haley

Blerrrrgh. That does NOT work for me. So impersonal. MWAH MWAH. No.

We’ll just see, I guess…. Maybe I just won’t sign. My posts are long enough as it is these days. And, besides, you know I love you…!

Oh screwit….

LOVE!
xo Haley-O

Last reminder to enter the contest at Goodies! $100 in world-class skincare and makeup could be YOURS. You KNOW you WAAAAN it. Check it!

Maybe this is why he’s been crying every waking minute. Big changes are upon us…. HE IS WALKING! RASCAL IS WALKING! Look at him go…!

Try not to look at the mess….

…I said, do not look at the MESS (which is like asking you , you know, not to think about PINK ELEPHANTS). Fine. LOOK at it. JUDGE me. WAHH! Love…. And, no, Rascal doesn’t always wear pajamas. This was taken post-bath. Check his gorj Robert-Redford coif (you should see it to the front — total Redford). I brushed it.

I know, it’s awesome! He’s walking! Eeee! Thank you, thank you, oh, kiss kiss! But, let’s not get TOO excited here — he IS 16+ months already, so it’s been a long time coming. As his sister would say, though, “HOORAY!” We are very excited.

Yeah, so, as I was saying, maybe this is why he’s been up all night and crying constantly. These are big changes for a little guy….

He loves kitties….

Hand!!!

As for me…. Ahem. Terrible Tuesday did not disappoint. It showed up in it’s finest, most terrible duds and kicked me in the arse all day long. I am exhausted. What’s worse, this is the first official Terrible Tuesday on my 21-day cleanse (because last Tuesday was Day 1, and Day 1 doesn’t count because Day 1′s of cleanses are always filled with hopes and excitement and caffeine-like adrenaline). So, I’ve been trudging from one place to another — as I always do, like a maniac, on Tuesdays — with not a drip of caffeine in my system. And, I know I said orange juice is a great substitute for caffeine, but it’s just not cutting it. I am exhausted in every way. And, I’m sure you’re getting sick of hearing that. But, I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night….

And, now, I give you, the Monkey’s favourite song: “BY YOUR SIDE,” by Yves Larock. Because, it’s cold outside. I mean, really really cold, and we’re all tired. So, c’mon Gorgeouses — get up, and show us your MOVES (don’t be shy). Oh, and, by the way? Monkey thinks the song’s about “when you fall off the bed and somebody helps you.” That’s ma girl! Check it!

It’s TOTALLY about falling off your bed. The Monkey was RIGHT!

A little BLOGGIE AWARD housekeeping: I’m getting emails from quite a few gorgeouses telling me they’re not getting the verification email when they vote for Cheaty Monkey for Best Canadian Blog. So, I thought I’d address it here. If you don’t get that email, then, nope, you haven’t voted. So, make sure you get it (check spam folder, too…) and click the link they give you to complete the voting process. If you don’t get the email, just try again later or send an email to nikolai[at]nolan[dot]net, and he’ll take care of it. Thanks. So much. For taking the time. I’m so honoured and touched. So faklempt.

Love….
xo Haley-O

At least twice a day — EVERY DAY — I spontaneously break out into this song….

WTF? WTF? WTF!?!

It’s been going on for MONTHS now. Maybe even years — and I only noticed it months ago…!?

Did my mother sing this to me when I was a baby, or something? Because WHYYYY? Why do I spontaneously break into the most depressing NEIL DIAMOND song ever. Several times a day?

Okay, I just asked it’sgrandma what the deal is with me and Neil Diamond. She says she has NO IDEA because she has hated Neil Diamond (not as a person) her whole life….

But, anyway…. IthinkNeilDiamondlookshotinthatvideo. There said it. Had to. Because I’m self-destructive like that.

If it’s not “Song Sung Blue,” then it’s the “Colour of the Wind” song from Pocahontas, which I love, and which makes perfect sense because I am a tree hugger….

Beautiful…! I love when I spontaneously break out into this song…. Love Pocahontas….

Do you have songs that you sing repeatedly day after day and for no apparent reason?

Discuss.

Here’s another example to get you going. My ex-coworker Tina used to break out into that La-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-ah-la-la-la-la-la-la, Do-do-dee-do La-la-la-la-la-la song. I think it’s called “Loving You.” Yes, it is — by Minnie Ripperton. Check it:

Tina would break into this song ALL THE TIME and didn’t know it. I sat in the cubicle right next to her, and all of a sudden — “la-la-la-la-la!” I’d laugh so hard. I finally told her she was doing it, and she was shocked! We thought we might have to admit her to a mental hospital because of it, but NOW I understand. OH, NOW I understand….

SONG SUNG BLUE, WEEPING LIKE A WILLOWWW….

Hey, Gorgeouses? I got a dare for you over at the Kitch. Can you handle THIS?

Oh, and I finally started writing my FAQ page (up there on the right). Check it! And, let me know if you have questions for me to add….

Gorgeouses! There’s so much happening at CHEATY MONKEY! So, check it! Head on over to Cheaty Recommends to read about our time at the Disney on Ice: Disneyland Adventure show. Gorgeouses, it was awesome. You have to go if it comes to your city (it’s in Toronto until December 28th).

Then, check Cheaty Goodies for another terrible “VLOG” of me doing the big contest draw. I can’t seem to get into these videos. They are NOT my favourite thing to do. I kind of dread doing them, actually. But, I like the idea. I’ll try to be a little peppier for you next time!

I do have some catching up to do at Cheaty Kitchen. I’d like to post some vegan recipes SANS tofu — for all you tofu haters out there…. And, there’s this new organic store I’d like to tell you about…., and a box of bananas…. But, I’m DUNZO for tonight. It’s so late right now (post Hanukkah party)!

In the meantime, check how SNOWY it is in our fair Toronto!

(Don’t worry, I pulled over to take the picture!) It’s CRAZY! I actually SHOVELED — it was the only way I could get the car out of the garage!

I have Hanukkah photos to share, too! But, my GARSH, it’s late. So, that’ll wait ’till tomorrow.

One more thing before I SLEEP, though. Monkey and I have the same favourite song now! CHECK IT (and get up and DANCE with us!):

Go Pussycat Dolls! That’s some quality dance music right there. I know. Because I was a MAYJAH dancer until I was about 25, and I want to MOVE to this! Monkey loves the “I hate this part right here” part of the song. Constantly sings it now!

LOVE!
xo Haley-O