I was kind of raised to be busy but never to complain that I’m busy and never to complain that I’m tired. But I’m guilty of doing both anyway — resulting in the frequent eye rolling of family members.

But, Gorgeouses, I’m busy and I’m tired and I am owning it! Are you with me? Or do you hate me right now for saying I’m busy and tired and owning it?

Here’s why I’ve been too tired and too busy to even blog lately (my bad, bygones)….

1. Halloween. You know, it’s tiring avoiding all that candy all the time. There’s a massive white bowl of it still sitting on my toaster oven in full visibility on my kitchen counter (which is too small for a big white bowl of Halloween candy).

And of course, it’s tiring dealing with two wild and crazy candy-eating monkeys. But I have to say I was pretty smart this year: I let them enjoy the candy, and let it stick around. Like most kids, they don’t want me to throw the candy out, that’s for sure. But they haven’t asked for it in days! Smart, right? Wonder if they’ll notice that big ole bowl is gone tomorrow….

The most beautiful li’l witch in the world….

Mike the Knight!

2. Quitting chai lattes. It’s been TWO WEEKS AND ONE DAY since I had my last grande soy no-water tazo chai. And I even went to Starbucks the other day with a friend and wasn’t even tempted to order the usual. Instead, I ordered juice. This chai latte addiction has been plaguing me, as you know, for years. Years! But I’ve been sick (see #3) every month since September. So, clearly, my body’s telling me I need to improve my diet big time (see #4) and strengthen my sorry immune system. I’m just a little, erm, tired without all the sugar, caffeine and daily morning drunk-like bliss….

3. I’ve been sick, again. Another cold, some pink eye (care of the Rascal), a nagging cough. I’m going to probably get it from my yoga teacher when he returns from his workshops because I played hooky all last week. As you may know, Ashtanga yogis like me aren’t supposed to miss a day of practice unless they’re pretty-much on their deathbed. But I needed to feel better before subjecting my constantly ailing bod to the heat and early morning sweat and tears…. It does feel good to be back at the yoga shala now, though — even though I’m super tired and busy….

4. I’ve been cooking good food, getting healthy and strengthening sorry immune system. So instead of blogging and going to yoga, I’ve been cooking lots of wholesome and yummy vegan meals so I don’t feel deprived of the old sugary, habitual crap I was eating. I’ll update the kitch with some of these recipes when I’m a little less tired and busy….

The kids loved last night’s vegan hot dogs, oven-baked fries, and “tarragon green beans” (from Forks Over Knives). It’s not the healthiest vegan meal, I know, but it was fun-food Sunday…!

5. Betty White. I’ve been walking Betty White a lot so both of us get a healthy dose of exercise and the outdoors. Our truly bizarre Betty White is terrified of being walked, but once she gets outside, she’s alright. FYI. Poor thing got groomed yesterday (another thing she hates), and she’s been shivering a bit outside. So I indulged my love of irony at her expense and bought her this Confessions-of-a-Shopaholic-inspired “fashion” coat (we watched the movie together the night before we bought it, last Sunday)….

Betty White loves her new pink coat with the fluffy white faux-fur collar — *cough.* I think it’s hilarious, and she’s warm and GORGEOUS.

6. MAARGE and I are busy growing four different kids of catnip. Meowww, purrrrr, MAAAARGE!

7. Jealous Minden wakes me up at 4am daily. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just meowed. But he slathers me in sloppy kisses and tries to knock things over — like the glass of water beside my bed, or my bookshelf.

8. The kids. Waking them up, getting them to bed, washing clothes, cooking dinners, making lunches, making snacks, making muffins (see #4), doing homework, refereeing fights, taking them to after-school programs, picking them up, getting them dressed, bathed, loving them…. Also the Rascal sleeps on my back. He’s little but he’s solid.

9. Todaysparent.com site relaunch. Isn’t it pretty? We’re still busy working feverishly to perfect it, but it’s gorj, right? And, by the way, you know how last week I shared all the funny stuff my kids say? Now you can enter all the funny stuff your kids say and win $10,000 over at our “Today’s Kids Say” contest — HERE!

Yawn. I’d write tons more reasons why I’m busy and tired but, yawn…. So tired. So busy. But happy. Being busy isn’t so bad — even if it means I’m tired at the end of the day. And I’m sure when I start to feel better, when my rock-star immune system goes platinum, and this new no-chai, healthy lifestyle kicks in, I’ll be bouncing off this web page with all the energy.

I kicked my chai addiction, Gorgeouses. And I didn’t have a single piece of Halloween candy. Tired, busy, but, omigosh, wow!

So now’s your chance. Are you tired and busy too? OWN IT right here in the comments. We promise not to roll our eyes….

Love!
xo Haley-O

The Monkey decorated our staircase. A skipping rope, my kukui-nut necklace from our Hawaiian honeymoon, a snake doll, Smurfette, Pablo, Elmo, Micky and his bride Minnie all adorn my banister and are making my house a mess home….

Sorry, Gorgeouses, I’ve been too busy to update lately, filling my evenings with celebrity blogging, writing articles, putting the kids to bed, preparing for TIFF, putting the kids to bed, getting my haircut, cleaning dishes, putting the kids to bed again. In other news, I’ve been grabbing my ankles in Urdhva Dhanurasana (hollaahhh!), and tomorrow I have to collect a pee sample from Betty White first thing in the morning before yoga.

Speaking of whom, this is what’s going on on my lap right now (the black mounds at the bottom of the photo would be my curvaceous bod, FYI)….

Sibling rivalry. I know it’s not the best photo. But it’s better than this other one I got when Minden suddenly went in for a kiss (that mysterious object on the bottom left would be his creepy li’l eye, FYI)….

Sighh, it feels good to blog about my cats again — now all I have to do is knit something. The other day I noticed that Minden mysteriously lost a bottom fang. He only has three fangs now. So gorj.

I have to go to bed now so I can wake up and collect Betty’s pee sample. I don’t think anything’s wrong with her, but there was a bit of a curious pee incident at the cottage last weekend, and our vet is insisting we take a sample to make sure she doesn’t have stones or a UTI. Are you fascinated? Nay, riveted? Are you riveted, Gorgeouses?

Ugh, she’s humping him again….

I was listening to this guy‘s podcast on my way to work today (he was my best friend in kindergarten and I love his work). He said ending an addiction could take a “moment”  — or it could take “thousands of years.” A moment…, to think. I think a lot could change if I could end my Starbucks addiction this moment and begin to really feed myself and maybe vow to become a morning person.

School’s starting next week. One weekend to rest and then it starts. Again.

Love….

xo Haley-O

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Watch for old patterns.
Consistent effort is the path to transformation.
See you tomorrow! — David Robson, email, July 10, 2011

I don’t think I’ve said enough about my yoga teacher David Robson lately. *Cough.*

The thing is in the midst of all the crazy stuff I’ve had going on lately, he’s actually managing to help me get grounded (which is really hard to do for me whose feet are perpetually, though extremely wide, hovering floaty above the ground, laaaaa). Well, so far. I DID show up to yoga this morning.

At first he didn’t say too much when I stopped showing up to daily early-morning Mysore practice — except that if I had to let anything go in my life, it shouldn’t be my yoga practice. “You’ve worked so hard,” he said. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that. See? Brillers teacher.

After he said that to me, I went back a few times, and then I stopped showing up again. So I emailed David at the shala . I wanted to let him know that my intention to practice was still there and that I just had a lot going on. I guess he realized that what I was really doing was asking for an extra push from him, and that’s when he emailed me that little GEM quoted above.

“Watch for old patterns.” Hmm…, let’s see….

Old pattern #1: Not only have I not been waking up early to go to yoga, but I’ve also been going to bed late. Really LATE.

Old pattern #2: I’ve been starting my days not with yoga but with Starbucks soy no-water tazo chai. Grrrrr…..

Actually, I start every day with a heavy, blond, very round head on my lower back, and a white, fluffy, furry head on my feet. PINNED. And then my CAT couldn’t be more excited when I finally do wake up. It’s like Dino and Fred Flinstone. Wiiiiiiiiiilmaaaaaaaa!

Old pattern #3: I’ve been eating and drinking NOTHING after my chai — until the evening…. Eeeeeek, I know! And apparently I have hypoglycemia, to make matters even awesomer.

Old pattern #4: I’m a nervous stress case.

Old pattern #5: I stopped cooking for myself. Good thing it’sgrandma makes a mean salad at the cottage….

Old pattern #6: Let’s just say my house has seen tidier days….

So I don’t know what happened. Or, well I have a theory: school ended for the kids; they started camp; I took on a few too many assignments at work; I went to New York, ran around a lot…; and then I slipped — like Cinderella did, but all the way down the stairs, only not as graceful, and like I said, wide feet, phoom phoom phoom. I slipped off the wagon (many wagons) and just stopped taking care of myself. Yoga wasn’t the first to go. But, as David wisely, and possibly psychically, pointed out in that email, my skipping yoga was a signal that I was falling back into old patterns.

Addiction. Comfortable there.

It was a good thing he sent me that email. The timing was impeccable. Because it was that same day that I actually convinced myself I was going to DIE from the chai I chugged that morning. My anxiety was at a record high….

So I’m just about to do my “drop backs” this morning. David takes his usual place in front of me, looks me in the eye so there’s no looking away, even though (for me) it’s obscenely early in the morning to be socializing in any capacity, and reminds me that I “need a practice.” Because it’s the one thing that will keep me grounded and going, that will “push me through” all the changes so I don’t get lost in them and all overwhelmed.

Like an empty water bottle lost at sea, toxic and carried by endless waves of change.

Today I didn’t have a chai latte. This might explain any incoherence, rambling, typos or bizarre, out-of-nowhere metaphors in this blog post. Instead I made a simple green smoothie. And, as my team (nay, family) at Today’s Parent reminded me to do, I brought my lunch to work — some simple miso brown rice and vegetables and hummus. I’m building new patterns.

I’ll never forget what my teacher Monica Voss said years ago when we were discussing a yoga pose: sometimes you have to “collapse the structure so we can gradually rebuild.”  And it looks like that’s what happening here.

So, huge thanks to David Robson for nudging me so perfectly to rebuild. As he himself said, “It won’t be the last time.” Ha! But at least I know I have him and my friends at the shala to catch me when I slip or, better yet, to pick this toxic water bottle out of the ocean and plant some flowers in her. Yikes?

So, Gorgeouses, what are some old patterns you slip into when life gets overwhelming? And do you have some kind of “practice” or hobby to keep you steady and grounded?

Love!
xo Haley-O

Go and come back. I’ll wait! Tap, tap…. Tap, tap, tap, tap.

Yes, a sparrow flew into my head this morning, and it bounced off my Starbucks cup, and YES I’m reading into it. Wouldn’t you?

Also, I’m not quite sure if I should take as a compliment the recurring response I’m getting when I tell people my sparrow story: “Only you, Haley. Only you.”

One of the truly bizarre things about this story is that it didn’t even occur to me to blog about it until about 2 hours later when, during our weekly Todaysparent.com meeting, I, literally out of nowhere, blurted, “I was hit in the head by a sparrow this morning.”

Just like I’m, literally out of nowhere, going to show you some snow shoeing photos from this weekend. CHECKIT! (As always, click to enlarge.)

Also, healthy rice crispy squares! Yummm! AND someone desperately needs a haircut….

He’s been keeping up at night again: “Mama, my doggie needs a banket.” Yes, it’s cute, but grrrrrr….!

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: If you go read my “Fit and Fab” blog? You’ll see how epically Josh-O FAILED this Valentine’s Day. Grrrrrrrrrr…! Sic ‘em, Gorgeouses!

P.P.S.: Boo, I’m not getting my new tooth this Friday. Because my dentist has to go to ISRAEL, literally out of nowhere, he’s had to cancel my bridge appointment this Friday. I now have to wait until APRIL. Waaaaaaaah…!

UPDATE!!! I’m getting my new tooth TODAY! Dentist CANCELED! HOORAY! (Hooray doesn’t quite cut it — there ARE NO WORDS!)

FIVE DAYS.

WORLD RECORD.

And I’m telling you they do — they must — put crack in it.

So I’m tired. I’m going through major withdrawal. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t ignore the fact that he is staring at me as I type this right now here on my computer staring at me right now I SEE YOU. Okay. Come sit on my lap. Bugger.

Love.

They’re coming down the stairs and my eyes are closing. My chapped lips are throbbing. Probably because I was smiling so big as I ran down the stairs this morning to greet my part-time nanny, Rachel — not realizing I’d forgotten to put my front tooth in…. (Thatwasfun.)

I’m getting a full bridge and a crown put in next month. Hallelujah. I will have a front tooth. Actually, because we decided to go with a bridge, I’ll have four brand new front teeth — after only 10 months of what my family likes to call “Hillbilly Haley.” I’m so hot without my tooth in. Like Demi Moore was…. (Here she is talking about her notorious toothless twitter pic….)

Click the pic to view the vid.

When the dentist was doing the moldings for my new teeth yesterday, he was really shocked to learn, as I broke into a fit of panic over the goop he was stuffing in my mouth, that I have a gum phobia. I, like Oprah Winfrey, am afraid of chewing gum. “I’m shocked you’re afraid of gum,” he said. “I didn’t see that on your blog.” You know? Even though I’ve been, as my invisible tagline reads, “chronically oversharing since 2006,” there’s a lot about me you don’t know.

Like my gum phobia. And, umm, erm, uhhh, I won a screaming contest at sleepover camp one year and was in the Miss Dance of Canada pageant when I was 16. I never finished my PhD in English Literature but I got straight A PLUSES in my coursework. My car was burnt down in my garage that year. Other shady things happened. I am gullible. My colleague at Scholastic Canada, Ltd., told me the hole I found in an almond I was about to eat once when I was pregnant was carved by a mouse AND a weevil and I believed him. I even called motherisk to see if I could catch anything from the mouse…or the weevil. I am chewing ice right now.

Thanks to my new colleague at Today’s Parent, who generously brought me a Justin Bieber CD and stickers the other day (really it’s because she needed a partner in crime), I’m now officially a Belieber…. And so is the Monkey….

Possibly even the Rascal — who kept me up all night last night and is therefore (along with no-chai) the reason for all this gibberish.

Love!

xo Haley-O

GORJ (= gorgeous)

AGORJABLE (= both gorgeous and adorable)

We’ve been using GORJ around here for years now. But AGORJABLE’s definitely a new one. It emerged on twitter (as so much does) when I was direct-messaging my AGORJABLE friend, Ms. @Lindseyjay, who also happens to be GORJ. There — I just used both words in a sentence, in one sentence.

The Urban Dictionary’s not quite the OED, but I’ll get there. I also invented the word LAPPAH, if you recall….

Where was I? I had to leave…. Just lost another 10 minutes of my life (which I’ll never get back) adding LAPPAH to the Urban Dictionary. Please tell me this isn’t as addictive as twitter, or chai lattes….

By the way, don’t search for any of my new words yet. The Urban Dictionary editors have to approve them. But I’m thinking if they approved Sh–––g– and F–––@*&%$, then they’ll probably approve GORJ, AGORJABLE and LAPPAH.

Shh…. Betty White is sleeping, so we have to be quiet….

And I know what you’re thinking. She looks JUST like the dog “Kyle” in Despicable Me with that halucious underbite (and no you’re not having a déjà vu — I’ve definitely mentioned this before, but I like these pictures better!)….

Oh gosh! HALUCIOUS isn’t a real word either, is it? Gotta go.

Addictive.

My Urban Dictionary addiction is healthier than Starbucks, I guess. I suppose I should see if UGGERS and BRILLERS are in there, too…. Ugh. Tired! Hold on.

I’m back.

So, Gorgeouses, in addition to all these super-exciting new words, I’ve made two significant changes in my life. (And no, this isn’t a déjà vu either.) I officially-officially quit Starbucks-soy-no-water-tazo-chai lattes AND I’ve been going to the Ashtanga yoga “shala” every. single. day. Except Saturdays and moon days (it’s traditional not to practice yoga on the days of the new and full moon because the body has less energy and is more prone to injury).

Somehow, it was always okay to go to the gym every day. Why not yoga, until now?

It just so happens I’m not the only crazy “Ashtangi” around these parts. Have you seen Eden Kennedy’s brillers Yogabeans! blog? I’m doing what those action figures are doing every. single. day.

I never thought I’d love sweating in a hot shala every day doing intense yoga that has my heart pumping, face beet red. Yoga was always about bliss before, and breathing into your toes…. Now it’s about tradition, strength, focus, presence and, more than ever (and unexpectedly), community. I have the support I need to get strong and fit and calm(er) and healthy. That, and I get to be with other crazy Ashtangis every day. And they are a cool people. I’m telling you. Cool. (Although I’m a little irate with some of them for being in MEXICO right now on a dream retreat. Grrrr….)

After my yoga practice today, Alice left a “reward” for me at the front desk. And I’ve been verklempt about it ever since. It was the most delicious thing I’d tasted in a long time because it was a homemade, macrobiotic, nourishing nourishing treat. Look how pretty….

Alice says it’s my reward for going baked-goods FREE until January. Mmmm-mmm! Be part of the challenge, get the recipe, and potentially earn your very own “rice triangle sandwich” at ALICE’S NEW Macrobiotic food blog — you’ll see my pretty sandwich and I are featured in her post!

I’m telling you Gorgeouses! I have a new lease on life. Finally, I’m taking care of BOTH my family AND myself. At 3 and 5 years old, my kids are thoroughly entertained and excited by their mama’s curious passion. And I see how good it is for them to see me taking care of myself and doing something, to think!, for me (who?) — which, really, is ultimately for them…. Because practicing my yoga and eating right make me a happier, healthier and more present mom (and person all around).

Now, sit back, and watch me melt off 20 pounds with joy….

Love! xoxo Haley-O

Team Grey!

I just popped an oat-bran bagel in the toaster oven — probably my last for a long time as I embark on, yes, another diet. Well, not really a diet, more like a way of life. It worked this morning when I enjoyed my oatmeal-and-almond-milk-with-syrup-raisins-walnuts-and-cinnamon breakfast and the resulting stable moods and unexhausted energy level for hours.

“You’re very quiet today,” my co-worker remarked as she passed by my desk this morning. It’s because I didn’t have that blasted morning Starbucks soy-no-water-tazo-chai latté that makes me bounce off the walls every morning. “You really know how to have a drink,” the barista told me the other day as my dreaded order rolled off my tongue dreamily, effortlessly. “I know,” I said, drooling and shaking. “I know.” Gimmemychai….

But this afternoon was a big fat FAIL when the Rascal BEGGED to go to a bookstore — with a Starbucks in it. Danger! DANGER! BEEEP! BEEEP! Moods plummeted. Patience erupted. I believe I may have even roared at one point when I noticed the dishes in the dishwasher were clean. Don’t worry, the kids were out of earshot….

Betty White (the dog) is looking at me with a “what’s wrong with you?” look on her face. I think it’s because I’m not only watching Skating with the Stars, but I’m PVR’ing it, too. And one of the judges actually just said, “you have a spiffy personality.” That same judge’s name is Dick Button. And, woah, it’s time to announce each judge’s score, and the host(ess) calls his name out unnaturally seriously: “Dick. Button.” Josh just asked me if this show is a “spoof.” No. Not a spoof.

I was also quiet at the office today because my beautiful MARRRGE is very sick.

The fact that she only weighs six pounds, and is losing weight as I type this, has nothing to do with Betty White, as I, in denial, suspected, and everything to do with something called hyperthyroidism. Apparently it’s very common in cats. But I WILL NOT send her to that radiation centre they recommended — where people in full radiation garb and Darth Vader masks give her food and scoop her poop for a whole week and just maybe pet her wee head with giant gloves. She’s almost 15 years old. That would KILL HER. Plus, I keep thinking of that guy who died on 24 of radiation poisoning while trying to save the world. Awful. And do I really want a potentially radioactive cat in my home? She’s creepy enough already.

I just have to keep her comfortable and happy. I don’t need to cure her with anything that glows in the dark and requires total isolation and (did I mention?) serious money, and the Darth Vader masks. Thankfully, I managed to find a less freaky therapy that’s a little high maintenance, but relatively comfortable for MARRRGE (3 R’s) and affordable.

Now, I’m going to send you off with something funny…. Maybe you had to be there to find this funny, but I’ll go for it anyway.

As you may know, the Rascal has a favourite stuffed animal that he calls Doggy. There’s the background.

So this morning the Monkey was brushing her hair (“it’s gold now, Mama!) and marveling at the freshly-brushed softness. “TOUCH IT TOUCH IT IT’S SO SOFT TOUCH IT!” she insisted. When she got to the Rascal, she bent her head down and said:

“TOUCH IT. JUST TOUCH IT! Touch it and you’ll forget about Doggy!”

O.M.G. funny!?! I think it’s brilliant. You had to be there?

If it’s not funny, it’s a lesson for shampoo advertisers everywhere:

“Hair so soft you’ll forget about your binky….” Do you love it? You heard it here first, Gorgeouses! Hee!

NO, Josh, this is not a fake show. Skating with the Stars is, sadly, FOR REAL!

One more thing before I go to bed. I’ve been writing nonstop articles over at Todaysparent.com — hence the shortage of posts here. It’s been crazy! Also, be sure to look out for my two-page personal (“humour”) article in the January issue of Today’s Parent Magazine! Eek!

Love!

xo Haley-O

I told you it was insane. Oh, and the Rascal got his nails did by the Monkey’s good friend “M,” seen here doing a fabulous job, dahling, on the Monkey’s nails….

So much talent. Speaking of which…. Here’s Betty White’s under bite IN MOTION….

If you’re wondering why she’s wet up there, it’s because SHE WAS ON THE TABLE….

And for some reason I thought I could discipline her like a cat — and spray her with water whenever she’s on the table: “DOWN! DOWN!” SPRITZ SPRITZ…SPRITZ! Needless to say, it didn’t work….

…because SHE LIKED IT. She kept drinking the water. Can you smell the wet dog? So I turned the spray bottle on the monkeys, who also, of course, loved it….

Off to bed. I have to wake up early to do my yoga. My Ashtanga yoga teacher, David Robson (whose gorj wife *MISS STAN* is one of my all-time favourite bloggers, by the way, check it — their new baby is beyond adorable!), told me I could “have this if I want it.”

Gorgeouses, I can get my body back, and I can achieve all those unnameable things I’ve been wanting all these, what, 27 years I’ve been practicing yoga — as long as I DO IT. All of it. Including the food part. So I’m quitting. I’m quitting Starbucks soy no water tazo chai lattes once and for all. And I’m doing this. All of this. Because I can “have this if I want it.” What am I waiting for?

Big changes, Gorgeouses, HUGE. And the amount I sweat today during yoga — I looked like I showered in my clothes when I got home from the studio — is proof.

To cement the deal, Daniela the barista gave me a free chai yesterday — “because,” as she put it, “it’s [my] last.”

I can have this if I want it. Did he know that little bit of encouragement would be so big?

Love!

xo Haley-O

I think it’s from all the yoga I’ve been doing in a steamy hot room. They’re asking me to do this pose, bhujapidasana, now, and I just…I don’t know….

I just don’t know, Gorgeouses. I can get my legs around my arms, and I can cross my ankles like that, but I cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME lift my feet off the ground. I blame this, of course, bane of my existence….

Hate. It’s Starbucks’ fault I can’t do bhujapidasana. It’s Starbucks fault that I have pizza face. Yoga should give you smooth skin. Yoga and PROPER DIET should give you smooth skin. Too much (grande) sugar (chai), fat (soy) and caffeine (latte) and not enough veggies (KALE) for way too long EQUALS major pizza face.

So the other day, I devised a strategy to draw people’s attention away from my forehead. So I exchanged the medium-sized hoop earrings Josh got me for my birthday for large hoop earrings, and I love.

You should totally get some, too. Note how the forehead is cropped out. Yes. Also, yes, I’m wearing a “Quitting Starbucks One Day at a Time” t-shirt. Josh’s sister and her husband had it made for me because they know I mean business. *Cough.* I mean business.

I’m off to bed because, clearly, I need some beauty sleep. Plus I have to wake up early to work on my bhujapidasana. While you’re sleeping soundly tomorrow morning, I’ll be in my still-dark living room working on bhujapidasana. Think of me?

In other news, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I love him, am thoroughly entertained by him — THE SITUATION — and I’ve told twitter all about it, and they’ve heard enough from me so I’m telling you HE….

…is the reason I’m now watching Dancing With the Stars when I swore I would NEVER. A classic example of “you know it’s love when….”

Love!

xo Haley-O

On the recommendation of Caroline Dupont and Oprah, I’ve been reading Geneen Roth‘s bestselling book Women, Food and God: an Unexpected Path to Almost Everything.

The book came so highly recommended that I just had to make sense of it. And I’ve been working really hard to apply the great lessons in this book to my life; but, in the meantime, I’ve been eating when I’m not hungry and, mostly, the wrong foods. It made sense to me that one’s relationship with food could be, as the subtitle of the book says, “An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything,” but only theoretically. I couldn’t quite pin down how it could apply to me practically.

But here’s the thing. You know how I’ve been waking up 2 hours early every day to do my rigorous Ashtanga yoga practice — sweating it out on the mat and pacifying the Rascal, pushing couches out of my face while in shoulderstand (seriously), or tearing growling, screaming cats and dog away from each other while trying to breathe deep, long ujayii breaths in forward bend? Well, you know, some things just don’t work. As much as I wanted to do everything right, to practice real, authentic yoga every single morning except Saturdays and “moon days”, it just wasn’t feasible. Waking myself up every morning to basically restrict myself for 2 hours was doing harm. And it was causing me to lose control in other areas. I was eating more. Running to Starbucks a sweaty mess, straight from the hot studio. Can I please have a grande soy no-water tazo chai? *glargh*

It was the food, that dang chai addiction, that showed me what’s really going on with me. A sweet, cinnamony looking glass….

Walking down that long hallway past the pretty people and posters and amazing clothes, I realized: The more I restrict myself the more out of control my diet gets.

So the yoga was getting too hard. Too forced. Everything, motherhood, was getting too hard. Too forced. And the old ways were coming back: the TIRED, the chai lattes, the cookies…the cookies.

Then I realized, just as I passed the fashion rack — AHA! The “doorway” that Geneen Roth talks about isn’t that one eating meltdown. No. It’s the patterns. The fall after fall after fall off the wagon. When do they happen? What’s going on when I fall?

When I eat poorly — really poorly — it MEANS I’M RESTRICTING MYSELF TOO MUCH. It means it’s time for a break. Time to crawl back into my shell and give myself permission to rest.

REST.

So, instead of trapping myself on the mat for two hours first thing in the morning, I’m waking up a little later and going for a walk with Betty White. I’m taking the kids for hikes, which are usually colossal epic FAILS (for another blog post), but beautiful….

I’m going to the yoga studio (two yoga studios — one for rigor and one for…rest) to practice when I can, and fitting fun yoga into some afternoons. It’s healthier for my kids to see me actually enjoying this healthy passion of mine, rather than struggling to get through it.

My eating is the key. The “doorway.” It tells me when I fall into those patterns of restriction, when I’m being too hard on myself, when I need to take a break, sit back, and enjoy life…. Enjoy life. #Concept.

So, as Roth recommends (read it!), I’m going back to my body, becoming aware of my breath and giving myself permission to chill. Oh, man, PERMISSION. Allowing Permission herself to melt over me like a like warm glinting maple syrup….. Mmmmm, syrup…. I don’t have to do anything. Anything. I don’t even have to please you right now….

But, love….

Tonight I made a lentil soup and this fabulous green bean dish (recipe to come). I tasted everything, and I felt something warm and bright and ray-like in my belly — happiness?

Love!

xo Haley-O