Guillaume Côté & Greta Hodgkinson with artists of the ballet in The Sleeping Beauty. Photo by Bruce Zinger, c/o The National Ballet of Canada).

Oh, to sleep a hundred years (and to wake up just as beautiful,
no morning breath, no stiff neck…).

I went to the ballet on Thursday with my mom, it’sgrandma. I was so wound up all day with a bunch of crazy, exciting and last-minute (as usual for me) stuff to do for work that I couldn’t IMAGINE sitting in silence, sans Macbook and sans blackberry for three hours at the ballet.

But, the babysitter arrived, as planned, at 6:30, and off it’sgrandma and I went. Me, in my lululemon yoga pants, of course, and it’sgrandma in her typical blazer and dress pants. One day I’ll dress as sophisticated as it’sgrandma (only never as tailored because I’m convinced I’m incapable). One day, I’ll remember to brush my hair and throw on lip gloss before leaving the house. I was pretty-much a frizzy-haired mess, but that didn’t stop it’sgrandma from introducing me proudly to any old friend we bumped into. Me, clasping my long black sweater to cover my too-tight tee….

I sat in my seat, looked toward the deep red curtain, and I felt my mind racing. I felt my breath halted. And I became aware of a slight buzzzzing all over my body.

How am I going to sit here for 3 hours, through two intermissions? I fretted.

The curtain opened, the music began. And, ahhhhh, le Tchaikovsky. I sat back. Breath came. Shoulders and neck softened. And my brain waves! I could literally feel my brainwaves slow down to smooth ripples. (I even tweeted it….)

The music, the setting, the stunning (as always) National Ballet of Canada dancing were like this delicious concoction. I drank it all up. And all my stress, anxiety, and tension flew out the stage door.

And so here we are again. I’ve been WOUND UP so tight for so long it seems I’ve hardly been breathing. I haven’t been going to yoga because — the same reason I didn’t go to the ballet — I’m actually AFRAID of unwinding.

AND I BLAME IT ALL ON…THIS:

I loathe this drink more than Hootie and the Blowfish, my cats’ wet food and Home Depot all put together. It is the BANE of my existence, the SOURCE of my anxiety issues, and the REASON I don’t eat anything else until 4:30pm every day, the REASON I held my long black sweater so tight across my too-tight tee at the ballet.

I don’t know about any other astrological sign, but VIRGOS like me should not drink chai lattes, or any Starbucks products for that matter. It magnifies all our flaws A TRILLION FOLD.

Watching the ballet not only soothed me because it was so beautiful, but also because it brought me back to a time when I could move like that (to a degree). I was a dancer. I had great energy like that. I could fly and spin and lean all the way back — touching my head to my heal WHILE lifting my leg into a standing splits. These days, I’m just excited to sit on my couch and exercise my fingertips, on my keyboard.

Not good.

So, yet again, we’re making a change. No more chais. EVER. That’s the first goal. That, and more kale, even though….

…and more exercise — more TURBO JAM!

You wouldn’t believe how hard it is for me to quit these chais. It’s been two days of HELL so far. I’m tired and irritable and angry and craving a hundred years of sleep. Just ask it’sgrandma, who attempted to have a phone conversation with me yesterday. Life seems hopelessly BLEAK without this stupid drink. But I’ve been in this place before, every time I quit. Another day or two and I’ll be feeling good as new. Which goes to show that stuff is CRACK.

CRACK.

We’re going to try this for 30 days and see what changes come…. Of course, I’ll keep you posted.

Love!

xo Haley-O

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte (shut it!), flipping the channels, hoping upon hope that The Real Housewives, Atlanta is on so I can see what all the hype is about. But, all that’s on is Girls Next Door, and that show irks me.

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte thinking about my children who love their Mama and who HOLD HANDS during our daily walk around the block IN our rain boots and the dress we wore to our uncle’s wedding WHEN we were 16 MONTHS OLD…. (We love that dress.) At least we’re not wearing our cherry bathing suit and play Cinderella shoes….

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte at 12am.

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte and I had NO IDEA when I sat down to write that I was going to start every paragraph with I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Chai Tea Latte.

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte, and I wonder why I’ve chosen to use the word “sip” twice in I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Chai Tea Latte.

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte wondering how the hell I’m going to get through the rest of my life without this dreaded devil of a drink, but then I think about Mia Michaels’ So You Think You Can Dance “Addiction” piece, which sums up my relationship with this dreaded smirking devil of a drink SO MUCH whether you believe it or not — and so I post it here AGAIN (…I also post it again because have a massive crush on KUPONO, and Mia Michaels, and also have watched it at least 300 times and you should, too…, also video is better quality this time):

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte knowing that I’ll have raging withdrawal headache when I go to my first BLOGGER BOOK CLUB meeting — oh sh*t, I’m supposed to COOK something…. Maybe my new recipe “Rice Rice Baby”? You think?

Need mushrooms.

I sit here sipping my last sip of Starbucks Soy Chai Latte looking forward to the challenge of eating ridiculously healthy and to being well and energized for my children’s sakes. Watch me, Gorgeouses. I will glow out of your screen.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

Dr. Sharma is a genius. Somehow, he made something click within me so that I FINALLY understand the connection between food and my emotions. I mean, EVERYONE knows almost EVERYONE emotionally overeats at times. And a vast majority of us, especially in this day and age — the age of STARBUCKS — are compulsive emotional eaters. I mean, seriously, tell me you ONLY eat when you’re hungry. No. Not possible. We eat when we’re physically hungry and EMOTIONALLY hungry. Or, even when we’re just plain emotional. As in my case.

This morning was not a particularly good morning for me. I woke up PISSED off. Believe it or not, this is actually part my Ayurvedic Detox. I’m SUPPOSED to feel angry and sad and anxious right now — because the doc’s cleansing me of YEARS of pent-up anger, sadness and anxiety. I mean, I’m a compulsive smiler. I don’t really DO anger…. But, it’s there. Just hidden. Not lately…. WWWATCH OUT!

Anyway, I was PISSED this morning. At everything. At everyone. So, of course, I wanted Starbucks. I thought, “There’s no way I can go to the office all PISSED off and tired and angry, and the apple and pumpkin seeds I ate for breakfast (as per my diet) simply will not do. I better go get a Starbucks.” So, I went to Starbucks. I opened the heavy glass door, looked inside, and saw the huge lineup. I then felt my stomach turn at the smell of the place and had to leave sans CHAI. I KID YOU NOT.

I got to the office, said a few quick, quiet hellos, sat down, and nibbled on some pumpkin seeds. “Not bad,” I thought, “actually not bad.”

Several meetings and conference calls later, I was FLYING. I felt great. Really happy and looking forward to seeing my little Monkeys. I thought, “I feel great right now! Actually happy!” Then I thought, “STARBUCKS!”

Apparently, I couldn’t handle the HAPPY! I NEEDED a Starbucks to mask the HAPPY! Helloooo?

That’s when it hit me. Epiphany. I can understand eating when you’re stressed out. You don’t WANT the PAIN, so you try to STUFF IT DOWN with food. I’ve always understood that. But, why would I want to stuff down HAPPY?

EPIPHANY: I cannot deal with my emotions AT ALL. The second they show up, good or bad, I freak out and run to food.

I didn’t have that chai, no. After realizing how I’ve been USING the chai, I knew I didn’t need it. I WANTED to start facing my emotions head on and to ride them out. It was definitely an AH-HAH moment!

I challenged myself to ride out the HAPPY. And it felt good.

It felt WAY better than the indigestion and heaviness I feel AFTER I drink away my joys and sorrows.

It’s ON, Emotions. I’m ready to face you head on. And, yeah. I’m ready to like you. All of you. Bring it on, Baby, Bring. It. ON!

Love!

xo Haley-O

First of all, I have SO MUCH NEWS. And since I know you all want to hear about the finger-in-nose incident, I’ll be like The News and save the story with the most buzz for the end. So, you all have to read all this WORD FOR WORD first, okay?

FIRST FIRST. I have to mention a very important person: Cathy. The very first Kids Deserve Art artist. Look what she worked SO HARD on — to get out in ONE day so a little girl would have it on her birthday….

(As the wise old woman who taught me to teach yoga used to say in thick French accent…) CLOSER-CLOSER….

The little girl’s name is MADISON. How CEWWWT is that? Way to go, Cathy!

My little company Kids Deserve Art has been BU-SY lately. And we’re proud to say we’re having a great presence at two major Toronto children’s charities this month: earlier this month, we rocked the Silent Auction at Sunday in the Park with Lilah and, later this month, we’ll be rocking the Silent Auction at Bike for Tykes. I’m obviously really proud to be involved in these charities. Look for us at Bike for Tykes at the end of the month!

NEXT ITEM! My day (and night) job, bTrendie is sponsoring the MamaPop BlogHer party…. Check…IT:

See us? In the banner! Isn’t it pretty? SPARKLES! I have yet to put it on my sidebar. But, isn’t it GORJ? We’re also sponsoring the PEOPLE’S PARTY, and we have HOT-ARSE (that’s a hint) surprises in store for the Room 704 party. Yes, the company for which I am DIRECTOR, MEMBERSHIP & COMMUNITY is officially TAKING OVER BLOGHER.

And, whatchoo tellin’ me? You haven’t joined yet? DUDE? Support CHEATY! Heh. If you want to join, go to bTrendie and use ma code: CHEATY to get in. Love! …and thanks.

Okay, enough shameless self-pimpin’. Time to pimp some other peeps. So, last Thursday, I took my mom “it’sgrandma” out for her birthday….

First, I took her to Kristen Ma’s LAUNCH party for her NEW BOOK, Beauty 2.0: A Holistic Guide to Natural Beauty for the Modern Age:

And my mom was so proud when I was chatting with the author herself and taking many photographs with her to get one half-decent good photo (I is un-photogenic!)….

Look at it’sgrandma in the background there. SO PROUD of me. Heh. My hair, by the way, definitely did NOT look that unbrushed. Although, come to think of it, I did go to the launch straight from a full day at the office; so maybe it was that disheveled. And, will you look at Kristen’s SKIN? Wanna get that skin? (BIG PIMPIN’: ) I’M GIVING AWAY THREE AUTOGRAPHED Beauty 2.0 books — filled with all Kristen’s GOLDEN secrets — to give away over at GOODIES later this week…. If you can’t wait for our contest, you can buy one at Amazon….

Kristen is the co-owner of Pure and Simple, aka my second home and the ONLY skincare and cosmetics lines I TOUCH. With a 10-foot pole. Isn’t she gorj….

So, the launch was held at Pure and Simple. It was FABULOUS. There were gorj ayurvedic platters set out (in keeping with her book), CUPPING sessions, makeup artists, and an ayurvedic doctor….

…the very Ayurvedic Doctor who stuck his fingers up my nose. Dr. S. R. Sharma. I met him at the launch. Yes, he took my pulse and told me….

“YOU ARE DOMINATED BY KAPHA!”

So, of course, I made an appointment immediately. I mean, no wonder I’m STILL not at the weight I’d like to be since Rascal was born. No wonder I’m often sluggish and tired. No wonder! I’m DOMINATED by Kapha! (And, so you know, us yogis take our ayurveda very seriously….)

Sooo…, the next day, I went to see Dr. Sharma. He treats all the celebs, apparently, so I knew I was in good hands…. Check him (fully posing for the pic, by the way — I asked him to) studying my info:

LOVE! After I told him my life story (kind of like how this post is turning into a LIFE STORY – EGAD – I’m. still. writing.), and then some, he determined that I am DOMINATED BY KAPHA and have a slight VATA imbalance. So, he got me to lie on this bed….

…and he did all this cool energy work on me.

…including….

STICKING HIS FINGERS UP MY NOSE!

Of course, I wasn’t prepared for it. But, I’m a yogi. So, I maintained my SAVASANA pose. And, I ACTUALLY DID NOT REACT! I just lay there — still with a straight, relaxed face! I surprise myself! Also, I was too busy marveling at the strange, like, camphor smell and the COLD sensation inside my nose…. For the rest of the session, I was thinking about my COLD nose.

AFTER the session, I asked Dr. Sharma about my nose. What is that smell? Why is it cold? What did you put in there? He said “NOTHING”! Apparently, he put NOTHING in my nose. He simply moved the energy around to create the sensation. And, then, when I thought of it? I realized the smell was the that dang CRACK I’m addicted to — STARBUCKS CHAI TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I think that’s enough exclamation marks.)

He told me to look at his fingers, smell them. NOTHING. There was NO balm on them. NO trace of chai balm on them, Gorgeouses!

When I got home, my nose was still cold on the inside, especially when I wiggled it. So, I asked Josh to smell my nostrils. Were there any fumes emanating from them? NO. None.

So, anyway, to make a long story short(er)…. I have to go back to the centre for 5 days in a row for a FULL-ON cleanse. Wish me luck. Sharma better not stick his fingers anywhere else without warning. Eek! You never know! He wouldn’t! Right…!?

Okay, so, I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. Time for bed. And someone’s calling my name….

“MAMAHHHH!”

He’s teething. Looks like it’s going to be ANOTHER night of no sleep.

Stay tuned for the big BEAUTY BOOK contest. Coming later this week. Maybe even tomorrow, if I’m not too Kaphic….

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’m back at the gym. Doctor’s orders. Actually psychiatrist’s orders. YES, I go to a psychiatrist. Not once a week or anything, but once every few months just as a followup to the psychological DISASTERS that were my pregnancies. I think they’re calling it “pregnancy blues,” now. Like, enough women are going (certifiably) insane during pregnancy that there’s finally a term for it. Not “prenatal depression” or “prepartum depression,” as I expected, but “pregnancy blues.” This doesn’t NEARLY describe what I went through (see HERE and HERE for all the gory deets), but at least they have a name for it….

ANYWAY, once you go through something like I did — major, irrational, debilitating pregnancy-hormone-induced anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) — it doesn’t just go away. It comes back every now and then. Most troubling for me is that I still experience the PHYSICAL symptoms of the anxiety/OCD, and I’m finally accepting that certain things trigger these symptoms — like, for example, erm, hem, haw, CAFFEINE AND SUGAR, aka the STARBUCKS GRANDE SOY-NO-WATER-CHAI-TEA-LATTE to which I am majorly, irrationally, debilitatingly addicted.

So, when I kvetch DAY IN and DAY OUT here about how I CAN’T STOP drinking this ELIXIR OF LOOOOVE and ALL THAT IS GOOD FOR MOTHERS OF VERY YOUNG CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD crack — CRACK, I tell you (again) — it’s not a small deal. My psychiatrist actually wants me off this stuff. Why? Because it makes me shake for the better part of the day. It brings on the physical symptoms of my anxiety. I literally feel the anxiety coursing through my veins, even if there’s no obsessive thought connected to it.

HENCE, as per my psychiatrist, I need to GET OFF THE CHAI. Also, as per my psychiatrist, and I need to GET OFF MY BUTT. Yes. My Rascal is 19 months now, so a) we’re no longer talking about “pregnancy weight” here, b) or nursing weight, and c) that pain in my tailbone that’s SO BAD that my NEW BOSS had to switch seats with me during MY INTERVIEW because I COULDN’T TAKE THE PAIN that I get from sitting on hard surfaces for more than ten minutes or from sitting AT ALL for a prolonged period of time (speaking of which…, ouch!) HAS TO GO. Yes, I need to fix all this. I need to FEEL better. I need to HEAL from the physical and emotional pains of my pregnancies already. It’s time to move forward.

So, I’m at the gym again in the effort to move forward — to move more. And it’s amazing. AMAZING (a word I am known to overuse but that’s perfectly appropriate here). I sweat. I huffed. I puffed. I need new shoes. Anyone know a good vegan running shoe?

Yes, I’m back at the gym. But, I’m still drinking chais. BUT, as my GORJ online buddy Lindsey reminded me on Twitter yesterday, baby steps. Baby steps, baby steps, BABY STEPS!!! Anyone see that movie: What About Bob? With Bill Murray? Richard Dreyfuss? BABY STEPS!!!

LOVE! Anyway, I’ll start with the gym, and then I will definitely, finally, ditch that chai. Again.

And then, maybe, as the book I’m reading explains, I’ll figure out what’s REALLY behind that self-destructive addiction. Maybe I won’t need the chai anymore now that I’m starting to take care of my body? Maybe I won’t want it?

Basically, I’ve had an epiphany. Yes. I’m finally ready to set up some new boundaries. All my years of dieting and eating issues were filled with STRICT BOUNDARIES. When I became pregnant, and crazy, ALL those boundaries collapsed. And I’ve been living on chai tea crack, sugar, breads, peanut butter, ever since. So, it’s ALMOST time, Gorgeouses. It’s almost time time to start GRADUALLY rebuilding the boundaries. Correction: to gradually rebuild HEALTHY boundaries — working out, eating RIGHT, taking care of myself, and moderation. Moderation, baby. And baby steps.

Tomorrow — SAMBA CLASS at the gym! Weeee!

Now, go check CHEATY GOODIES for our EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS contest. Only Canadian’s are eligible for this one, but the post and video will make everyone think.