But what a foreign concept! What is this thing you call “Day Off”?

Even if I DO take a day off work, there’s no getting a day off from the other obligations that have left me exhausted and depleted lately. My heart literally leaps out of my throat when I realize that there IS no taking breaks — as a mom, let alone a work-at-home mom. Regardless, I’m determined to take the break from work and enjoy my kids tomorrow.

As DIFFICULT as they’ve been amid all the changes lately, my kids truly have been amazing.

Monkey’s first day of camp was on Monday, and I CRIED, Gorgeouses. I was SO PROUD of how BRAVE she was — going to a totally new, BIG place, with NO familiar faces…. Fahklempt!

…And I was the one crying. I wasn’t prepared for tears! I who never even cried during BEACHES! What the hell am I going to be like when I send her to Kindergarten this September! Ayayai! Good thing I was wearing my Nicole-Richie-MASSIVE sunglasses when I dropped her off and watched the councelors take her inside.

And then there’s little Rascal. I went in to check on him late last night….

He stirred when the floor creaked as I approached his bed. I thought to myself, “UH OH, it’s going to be another LONG night.” But, no! He gave me this great big SMILE, stretched his li’l arm up in in the air, and then pulled himself up to KISS me THROUGH THE CRIB BARS! Sweet!? And, THEN, he wriggled around a bit to find the perfect position and WENT BACK TO SLEEP!

He went back to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!

MIRACLES, you see, DO HAPPEN!

YES, my kids are DIFFICULT. But, these rewarding moments — these TEENY little rewarding moments — make it all worth while. So, even though I’m typically not a fan (to put it mildly) of  playing, arts and crafts, and even walking outside in this summer Toronto heat, I’m deciding RIGHT NOW that I will enjoy myself, and I’ll enjoy my kids, all day tomorrow. Even if there’s (inevitably) a time-out or two in the mix.

[SEGUE TO BE DETERMINDED (TBD)]

Speaking of which, today I did a beautiful thing that made me SO happy. And I have to share it with you.

While walking to my neighbourhood Starbucks (ahem), I became aware of some very loud chirping overhead. I looked up and saw a mama bird and her little babies. Adorable as they were, they were demanding little buggers — totally SQUAWKING at their mother. (And I am NOT anthropomorphizing or projecting my own DIFFICULT motherhood upon her — I SWEAR, you should have seen all them with their desperate little open beaks and their stubborn SQUAWKING!) So, I bought them a whole-grain bagel at Starbucks. And, as subtly as I could, I crumbled up the bagel and dumped it on the sidewalk below the nest. Then I sat in my car and watched. I watched the mother pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest. And pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest. And pick up the bagel crumbs and fly back up to the nest.

I made her life, her role, a little easier. Instead of exhausting herself further by foraging for worms, the mamabird had BAGEL RIGHT THERE beneath the nest. (Whole grain, no less!)

One mother helping another.

It was better than TV (which says A LOT for me). And I didn’t want to leave. I snuck a final peak as I drove by, and there she was. Diving for bagel and flying back up to the nest to feed her little squawklings.

It must have been a sign. A reminder that everything I’m experiencing as a mother is natural. That nature can be tough. That motherhood is fundamentally NATURAL. Fundamentally TIRING. Fundamentally CHALLENGING. That, amid all my jobs, the TV, the computer, the blackberry…, there’s still NATURE. That NATURE underlies it all. And that NATURE sends us messages and lessons at every turn. It’s up to us to notice and to heed them.

Believe me, I felt better after watching that bird. This is motherhood. This is the way it is. Instead of kvetching, I ACCEPT.

[SEGUE TO BE DETERMINDED (TBD)]

Speaking of nature in Toronto, does anyone know what THIS is?

Oh, wait, that’s MARGE!!! Hungry MARGE!!!

I meant THIS. Anyone know what THIS IS?

I saw it the other day, when I was out walking with the kids. What is it? A badger? A mole? Gopher? It’s HUGE!

Happy Birthday, Canada!
Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S. Don’t forget to check the contest over at Goodies! Trust me — you WANT this book!

Granted, it didn’t help that I had to rewrite my ENTIRE Canada Moms Blog post because Typepad crashed DAMMIT CRACK, I MEAN CRASH and I had to get it all out before it left my tired brain forEVAH.

Sigh. And here we go again. But, I’m even MORE tired than I was when I was procrastinating LAST night. But, that’s neither here nor there (whatever that means).

In the meantime, I figured out what the deal is with my Canada Moms Blog posts. Like, why I have such trouble loosening up there. Obviously, it’s not yet MY HOME. And it takes time to find your voice in a blog of MANY voices. I mean, no wonder…. But, there’s one more thing. PICTURES. No PICTURES. Writing with no pictures feels more like ESSAY writing than BLOGGING. We’re only supposed to have one picture there. So, I sit down, find my picture, and I WRITE MY ESSAY. GAH!

Gorgeouses. I FIGURED IT OUT. I need to get used to blogging sans PICTURES. Call me PAUL WILLIAMS — mystery solved!

So, go read my words  at Canada Moms Blog while I wait here for you procrastinating on twitter. And please cut me some slack there for a while. No pictures! I’m like a child. I NEED PICTURES. Otherwise, I’m fighting tooth and nail with my old academic self NOT to write formal ESSAY. She and I are STILL fighting. Don’t worry, I’m winning. I need to write a few more essays blog posts there, and we should be in the clear. It’s all good, though — I love a good challenge.

As for right here right now? PICTURES! Check it:

1) As promised…, SPARKLERS from Victoria Day. And that’s some scary sh*t — Cheaty does NOT recommend….

2. Minden on my COMPUTER bag…. Suck-age.

3. Now, look out the window. To the right. Here — here’s a closeup….

4. It’s HOWARD!

HOWARD STERN…, i.e…:

Yes, I’ve named my new pet squirrel “Howard Stern” after Howard Stern. Because, well, it’sgrandma and I LOVE HIM. And I’m determined to get Howard to tweet me back one of these days. HEAR THAT, HOWARD?….

I’ll keep you posted on how that’s going, ‘course. Anyway, Howard Stern the squirrel (aka “Howie”) is totally STALKING ME, as you saw THROUGH MY WINDOW….

5. …which makes things a little, erm, awkard at dinner lately….

6. And if you think this kid actually sits this nicely at dinner, you have another thing coming….

That’s more like it. Ugh. SIT. DOWN.

7. There are no pictures of me here, of course, because I was pissed off all day. I taught yoga to two preschool classes and worked like a dog whenever I got a spare minute (“minute” being the operative word here)…. But, this is what made me feel better. VIEW FROM MY EYES AFTER DINNER WHEN JOSH-O GOT HOME AND RELEASED ME FROM GRIPS OF CHILDREN:

It’s not the ocean, or mountains or waterfalls. Just a tree near my backyard. I love it. Love trees. Love the way they reach up to the skies and ground down into the earth…. And, ahhh, I can breathe again.

Back to work.

Love….

xo Haley-O