Happy Holidays, Gorgeouses!

I have nothing to say. Mostly because I’ve been eating way too much sugar. So now, as I sit down and attempt to craft a brilliant Happy-Holidays blog post, all I hear in my mind is this: bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Eventually the sugar buzz will go away, and I’ll probably have to eat some more sugar. UGH, there are just so many sugary goodies in my house. IT’S SO UNFAAAAAAAIR! How am I supposed to eat healthy when, for example, our amazing Todaysparent.com General Manager, Elana, leaves THIS on my desk….

Of course, it’s vegan and fair trade, so there were no excuses for me NOT to devour this chocolate-mint DREAM….

Well, anyway, I managed not to eat the whole bar. But it sat just like that on my desk all day, staring at me and calling my name. “Haaaaaaley! Haaaaaaaaley! Eeeeeeeat meeeee! Noowwwwwww! I’m yuuuuuuummy and will make your world preeeeeeeeeeetty!” So as soon as work ended and I got in my car to pick up the kids, I tore open the luscious green wrapper and scarfed a good chunk of it down like an ancient, ancient Neanderthal man in winter. I probably shouldn’t bother with the metaphors, huh? Bzzzzzzzzzzz…..

Despite my extreme sugar consumption, I have been going to yoga every day — except for those two days when, A, I had a rare migraine headache and couldn’t see anything (AND I still practiced blindly in my bedroom while the kids pointed at me and laughed) and, B, my alarm didn’t go off (I swear, it didn’t go off! Why won’t anybody believe me!?). In the New Year, I’m committing to a full 6-days-a-week practice…. And I’m going to really try to lose weight. No, really. REALLY.

I’m not going to go crazy and say I’m quitting sugar and wheat and chai lattes. As my friend Alice suggested, I’m just going to keep it simple and limit sugary and salty extremes: I’m going to eat grains and vegetables at every meal (lunch and dinner, anyway), and one soup; and I’m going to enjoy a fresh juice, fruit and/or tea in the morning instead of grabbing a chai latte.

In the meantime, I’m high on sugar. Bzzzzzz….. And I have to wake up early for yoga.

Oh gosh. I need water….

In the New Year, there will definitely be fewer sugar rushes. I’ve been feeling tired from all the sweet gluttony, and I haven’t been eating lunch. And due to protruding sugar gut, my yoga twists are awful again — like the books I’ve been collecting on my shelf at work, only not as HILARIOUS….

And bzzzzzzzz…. Nothing.

As I vowed on Today’s Parent‘s Facebook page earlier this evening, next week I’m going to take a “parenting holiday.” I’m not exactly sure how this is going to go down because I still have to feed the Monkey and Rascal, bathe them and break up the fights! But I’m going to try enjoy my family and relax this holiday without worrying so much about outcomes. “C’we have cookies for breakfast, Mama?” Sure! “Mama? C’we watch ANOTHER movie?” Sure! And just maybe I’ll take a little better care of me for once, instead.

Josh and the kids say HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Betty White says HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Minden says HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Maaaarge came out of hiding to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Happy Holidays, Gorgeouses! All the best to you and your families!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Since my camera has 1574 photos on it, it looks like we won’t be posting any new photos today — except maybe this terrible photo I snapped and downloaded a few days ago of MAARRRGE with a Halloween skull on her….

I put the skull on her just to take this photo for you, Gorgeouses, and in hopes of bringing back this OLD tradition (whew, that’s an old blog post).

MAARRRGE has become a little high maintenance in her old age. I have to give her a thyroid pill twice a day. But look at her — she’s FIFTEEN and FABULOUS!

I have 10 minutes to write a blog post, and I’m talking kitty geriatrics? Oy veh.

But you know, I was at Blissdom Canada last weekend, and I did my Tribe Leader thing. And someone in the tribe insisted I write mostly about “emotions” and “feelings” in this blog, even though I distinctly demonstrated in my last blog post that I’m not interested feelings, italicized feelings.

So I thought I better write about something that had nothing to do with feelings asap. So here we are. Kitty geriatrics. Booyah!

MAAARRRGE.

Anyway, I only have 10 minutes to write here this week, Gorgeouses, because we have some very exciting stuff going on at Todaysparent.com: we are fully relaunching the website. It is going to be state-of-the-art when it’s fully ready — but getting there is a huge process involving the whole team (actually several teams!). ALL HANDS ON DECK.

So I have to go migrate articles and find photos and format and stylize and edit — while tweeting, Facebooking and writing at most one blog post a day at Celebrity Candy.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! That’s 10 minutes!

Love love love! I’ll keep you posted when the seriously adorable new Todaysparent.com site is up and running. In the meantime…, I’m quitting chai lattes officially for what must be the 4,457th time. Wish me luck!

Here’s a quote that should help me and anyone of you with a sweet-cinnamony addiction. I found it in VegNews Magazine (p. 47), which I was flipping through with great agitation earlier today outside the Monkey’s dance class, as the Rascal asked me question after question every two seconds. Checkit:

If you look for sweetness, your search will be endless; if you seek the true taste, you will find what you’re looking for.

Ahhh, the Buddhist axiom! VegNews Mag suggests this one means FRUIT is ultimately sweeter than chai tea lattes. Blergh.

The Rascal has conjunctivitis.

See what’s happening here? 5 extra minutes of PROCRASTINATION. But, whew, it’s amazing (sighh, maybe not amazing) what you can write in 15 minutes. I should do this more often…. GOTTAGO!

Later, Loves!
xo Haley-O

The Monkey decorated our staircase. A skipping rope, my kukui-nut necklace from our Hawaiian honeymoon, a snake doll, Smurfette, Pablo, Elmo, Micky and his bride Minnie all adorn my banister and are making my house a mess home….

Sorry, Gorgeouses, I’ve been too busy to update lately, filling my evenings with celebrity blogging, writing articles, putting the kids to bed, preparing for TIFF, putting the kids to bed, getting my haircut, cleaning dishes, putting the kids to bed again. In other news, I’ve been grabbing my ankles in Urdhva Dhanurasana (hollaahhh!), and tomorrow I have to collect a pee sample from Betty White first thing in the morning before yoga.

Speaking of whom, this is what’s going on on my lap right now (the black mounds at the bottom of the photo would be my curvaceous bod, FYI)….

Sibling rivalry. I know it’s not the best photo. But it’s better than this other one I got when Minden suddenly went in for a kiss (that mysterious object on the bottom left would be his creepy li’l eye, FYI)….

Sighh, it feels good to blog about my cats again — now all I have to do is knit something. The other day I noticed that Minden mysteriously lost a bottom fang. He only has three fangs now. So gorj.

I have to go to bed now so I can wake up and collect Betty’s pee sample. I don’t think anything’s wrong with her, but there was a bit of a curious pee incident at the cottage last weekend, and our vet is insisting we take a sample to make sure she doesn’t have stones or a UTI. Are you fascinated? Nay, riveted? Are you riveted, Gorgeouses?

Ugh, she’s humping him again….

I was listening to this guy‘s podcast on my way to work today (he was my best friend in kindergarten and I love his work). He said ending an addiction could take a “moment”  — or it could take “thousands of years.” A moment…, to think. I think a lot could change if I could end my Starbucks addiction this moment and begin to really feed myself and maybe vow to become a morning person.

School’s starting next week. One weekend to rest and then it starts. Again.

Love….

xo Haley-O

Tweet

Go and come back. I’ll wait! Tap, tap…. Tap, tap, tap, tap.

Yes, a sparrow flew into my head this morning, and it bounced off my Starbucks cup, and YES I’m reading into it. Wouldn’t you?

Also, I’m not quite sure if I should take as a compliment the recurring response I’m getting when I tell people my sparrow story: “Only you, Haley. Only you.”

One of the truly bizarre things about this story is that it didn’t even occur to me to blog about it until about 2 hours later when, during our weekly Todaysparent.com meeting, I, literally out of nowhere, blurted, “I was hit in the head by a sparrow this morning.”

Just like I’m, literally out of nowhere, going to show you some snow shoeing photos from this weekend. CHECKIT! (As always, click to enlarge.)

Also, healthy rice crispy squares! Yummm! AND someone desperately needs a haircut….

He’s been keeping up at night again: “Mama, my doggie needs a banket.” Yes, it’s cute, but grrrrrr….!

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: If you go read my “Fit and Fab” blog? You’ll see how epically Josh-O FAILED this Valentine’s Day. Grrrrrrrrrr…! Sic ‘em, Gorgeouses!

P.P.S.: Boo, I’m not getting my new tooth this Friday. Because my dentist has to go to ISRAEL, literally out of nowhere, he’s had to cancel my bridge appointment this Friday. I now have to wait until APRIL. Waaaaaaaah…!

UPDATE!!! I’m getting my new tooth TODAY! Dentist CANCELED! HOORAY! (Hooray doesn’t quite cut it — there ARE NO WORDS!)

I know I was supposed to write about the curious incident of the white elephant, like, two days ago. But it’s going to have to wait. This has been one of the busiest weeks I’ve had in a long time. And that says a lot. Because I am freaking busy.

And before I continue rambling on in my record-exhausted state, I have to point out how awesome the people at my yoga shala are. I’ve missed three days of practice this week. Part of the reason for that is that the cat’s away: my teacher David Robson and his gorj wife Stan and their ridiculously-adorable baby (seriously, look how gorj they are) are in India for a whole month. I’m pretty sure that if they were here, I’d be in that studio EVEN if I accidentally threw my fake front tooth in the garbage and only realized what I did as the garbage truck went rumbling away……….

By the way, I’m getting a PERMANENT TOOTH next Friday! Can you believe!? Can I get a massive HALLELUJAH? Please, say it with me!

Anyway, I did get to yoga this morning. I apologized to Anna and Oliver and Lisa for not being there and they welcomed me with smiles and a pat on the back and, just, with such understanding and compassion. When I left, all sweaty and buzzing with joy and accomplishment, I talked to Jeff and Jodi outside as we put our boots on. We talked about kids and work and my insane schedule, and they got it. They just got it. They looked at me straight in the eye, and they got it. I felt beautifully, intensely, reliefully understood.

Note Bene: “Reliefully” is not a word. But it should be. Either that or “reliefly.” And maybe now I’m demonstrating the true extent of my exhaustion. Because there must be a grade-two level word to describe being understood in such a relieful way.

And then last night at book club. They got it too! At the end of one of the longest days in the history of my days, I hosted book club. And it was good. I sat back on my own cushy couch with some of my favourite people, talked books and gossip and the little humping thing my (female) dog does to my very reluctant (male) cat — TWISTED — at fairly regular intervals….

And that was what Jana was referring to when she tweeted the above photo of Minden with a caption that read, simply, “Alpha?”

And to that I would only add this — a theme song:

One day I will create a video of my dog’s twisted little hobby to the tune of that song — just for Emma Willer. BWAH! That was because she was being mean to ma dawg on twitter this afternoon. That’s what you get for that. Aside from her twisted humping issue, my Betty White is teh awesome. Even though, on our field trip today, the Monkey may or may not have put her hand up to say, simply, “My – dog – is – so – bad.”

And for ALL of that, I sincerely apologize.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Psssssssssssssst! Comment on this post below, AND THEN, get thee to my brand new “FIT AND FAB WITH HALEY-O” blog at Today’s Parent. I’ll be blogging there Tuesday’s and Thursdays for the next several months. Checkit!

Pretend I’m holding the award badges in hand and that they say “BEST READER” on them and I’m reaching them way out to you beyond this screen…. Here:

FOR YOU. And YOU, YOU, YOU and YOU. And YOU. All six of you. Heh. Well, there are more than six of you. A lot more than six of you — that’s what happens when you’ve been blogging for 5 years and have such awesome, supportive readers.

In addition to the badges, I give you Very Unflattering Pictures of me skating on the frozen lake last weekend….

I haven’t skated in 20+ years, okay?

I’m not sure why my hands are out like that. I mean, I’m trying to balance, but I actually look like I’m trying to fly. Maybe I am trying to fly. Who really knows? And, I’m telling you, all the photos are like that….

My 3-year-old nephew (above) is a better skater than I am. He doesn’t need WINGS. He also happens to be very TALL…. *Cough.*

Also. That jacket. It’s over 5 years old. It’s survived 2 pregnancies. The zipper is broken.

And how about those SKATES? (Unsolicited advice: Don’t try to figure out what’s going on up there with my scarf/hat….)

And, of course…, BETTY WHITE (you may have to squint your eyes to see her below)….

I think I told you she follows me EVERYWHERE, didn’t I?

Wait?! WHY are you still here? Go read the interview! I hope you enjoy it — because you’re awesome and I love you. (I also love Schmutzie for asking really fun questions and making me look like a rockstah! I was NOT going to send her that picture!)

Love!

xo Haley-O

FIVE DAYS.

WORLD RECORD.

And I’m telling you they do — they must — put crack in it.

So I’m tired. I’m going through major withdrawal. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t ignore the fact that he is staring at me as I type this right now here on my computer staring at me right now I SEE YOU. Okay. Come sit on my lap. Bugger.

Love.

They’re coming down the stairs and my eyes are closing. My chapped lips are throbbing. Probably because I was smiling so big as I ran down the stairs this morning to greet my part-time nanny, Rachel — not realizing I’d forgotten to put my front tooth in…. (Thatwasfun.)

I’m getting a full bridge and a crown put in next month. Hallelujah. I will have a front tooth. Actually, because we decided to go with a bridge, I’ll have four brand new front teeth — after only 10 months of what my family likes to call “Hillbilly Haley.” I’m so hot without my tooth in. Like Demi Moore was…. (Here she is talking about her notorious toothless twitter pic….)

Click the pic to view the vid.

When the dentist was doing the moldings for my new teeth yesterday, he was really shocked to learn, as I broke into a fit of panic over the goop he was stuffing in my mouth, that I have a gum phobia. I, like Oprah Winfrey, am afraid of chewing gum. “I’m shocked you’re afraid of gum,” he said. “I didn’t see that on your blog.” You know? Even though I’ve been, as my invisible tagline reads, “chronically oversharing since 2006,” there’s a lot about me you don’t know.

Like my gum phobia. And, umm, erm, uhhh, I won a screaming contest at sleepover camp one year and was in the Miss Dance of Canada pageant when I was 16. I never finished my PhD in English Literature but I got straight A PLUSES in my coursework. My car was burnt down in my garage that year. Other shady things happened. I am gullible. My colleague at Scholastic Canada, Ltd., told me the hole I found in an almond I was about to eat once when I was pregnant was carved by a mouse AND a weevil and I believed him. I even called motherisk to see if I could catch anything from the mouse…or the weevil. I am chewing ice right now.

Thanks to my new colleague at Today’s Parent, who generously brought me a Justin Bieber CD and stickers the other day (really it’s because she needed a partner in crime), I’m now officially a Belieber…. And so is the Monkey….

Possibly even the Rascal — who kept me up all night last night and is therefore (along with no-chai) the reason for all this gibberish.

Love!

xo Haley-O

It’s the winter solstice, December 21, and there was a lunar eclipse last night, woahh! Double Rainbow! In celebration of this monumental event — when was the last time there was a concomitant lunar eclipse and winter solstice in your very own backyard? — I give you Random Mysterious Lunar 21.

1. At 3:43am last night, which was approximately smack-dab in the middle of the eclipse (2-5am), I bolted awake, looked at my clock as I always do when I wake up 45 times a night (thanks to a little boy who refused to sleep unless he was on top of me for three years), threw on my fuzzy pink slipper boots, a too-short black coat, and dashed out the back door with Betty White in tow. I was a little bit afraid of vampires and zombies, but I sucked it up. And this is what we saw alone together in the backyard in the starry black of night….

2. Betty White refused to look up at the moon no matter how frantically I snapped my fingers in the air so she’d tilt her head in the moon’s general direction and maybe lock eyes with it for a second and become enlightened. But no….

3. Minden also refused to become enlightened when I tilted his head to the sky…. But I still think he’s brilliant.

4. MAAARGE!

5. Josh came outside when I nudged him unapologetically awake, and he took this really creepy-awesome picture apparently while slipping in the snow….

6. Speaking of mysterious round things, check out BAKED APPLE. All you need to do is fill a cored apple (leave apple bottom in tact) with crushed walnuts, raisins, cinnamon and a drizzle of syrup, and place it in the oven covered with a little water on the bottom at 350°F for half an hour or so. I’ll post it in the kitch with more deets when I’m a little less lazy….

7. My wise friend/yoga buddy/brilliant macrobiotic counselor Alice would approve of my baked apple. I know because I just ate her surprisingly delicious “Intuition Stew,” which she was awesome enough to leave for me at the yoga shala today — verklempt. I feel so intuitive right now.

8. Alice asked me if the Monkey knew our Dreidel video may be shown to thousands of people. “Of course!” I said. “She couldn’t sleep the night before her teacher showed it to her Kindergarten class three times, and shrieked with utter glee, ‘I AM ON TVeeeee,’ and tilted her head inquisitively while asking, ‘Mama, why don’t you show my face? I want my face on there.’”

9. Justin Timberlake as a Cup o’ Soup. OMG. I can’t deal.

10. Just like her mama, the Monkey (already) loves boys. But apparently they’re not allowed in her room. Which brings us to our next mysterious round thing….

11. And other mysterious drawings…?

12. …among the many others that she taped onto her door. Never mind Bawbara — move over Debby Travis AND Martha Stewart!

13. Mysterious WRITINGS have also mysteriously popped up on her now-mysterious radiator…

14. …and on her now-mysterious dresser…

15. Please send eco-friendly children’s marker (and sticker) remover? Who’s the PR rep for that. We could do big things together here!

16. She’s talented, that Monkey…. Karen Kain and Mikhail Baryshnikov must also move over. Bring it on, So You Think You Can Dance! Bring. It. On.

17. One of my favourite parts of the Monkey’s dance show was definitely the bar work. That fifth position is tricky! (I also loved the part when another little dancer interrupted the teacher to whisper “I have a Zhu Zhu pet” in her ear.)

18. The Monkey’s brother’s favourite part was no doubt the candy-cane-Rice-Crispy-square-and-cupcake “pawdy” (trans. “party”)….

19. Mmm, food colouring. I was so proud.

20. I’m also so proud because (are you ready?) THE RASCAL IS FULLY TOILET TRAINED. Fully and FINALLY toilet trained. Turns out he had no idea that he could “hold it in.” I literally had to teach him how to “hold it in” — to do what moms would call kegels and what yogis would call bandhas. Yes, I taught my 3-year-old son kegels and bandhas, and he hasn’t had an accident since. Go Rascal!

21. I can’t keep up at all with my email. And I feel terrible about it because I rarely get around to responding to your comments. To fix this problem, I’ll be responding to all your comments in the comment section — unless I have something intensely personal to share with you.  (I’ll definitely email to say a special “hey” once in a while, though.) It’s going to be fun, Gorgeouses! So check back after you leave a comment, okay? Also, leave comments. You know, so we can test this out…. Oh, okay, what blogger doesn’t love comments?

Happy solstice! And congratulations to all of us for getting to the end of this post. Did you happen to see the eclipse? DISCUSS.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Look at her. She just got groomed, and she’s nervous I’m going to steal that way-to-go-you-just-got-groomed congratulatory bone from her. It is vegetarian, but I’m not that hungry. In fact, being sick as a DOG, I’m not hungry at all.

I feel like arse, Gorgeouses. ARSE. I’ve been home from work for two days with this wretched cold, and I could probably use another two days. But, you know, I’m not contagious anymore, and there’s work to be done at my gorgeous job. So I’ll return — tea and tissues in hand — tomorrow, hopefully after a good night’s sleep (which, truth be told, I’m not convinced is possible with my current nose situation).

Speaking of tissues (or not, sorry segues are allowed when you’re sick, don’t you think?), bandanna? or no bandanna?

(Oy, do you LOVE our Betty White?) What do you think of the bandanna? Yea or nay? The groomers gave it to us for free. And I think it might stop her from masticating to oblivion her dog tag (which can’t be good for her).

That’s all for now. On top of the fully stuffed nose, the throbbing head and the curious fiery sensation in my esophagus, the aches in my neck and shoulders — umm, I totally forget what I was just going to write.

Love!

xo Haley-O

P.S.: Ashtanga Yogis out there? Are you practicing your primary series when you CAN’T BREATHE?

P.P.S.: Please note my new email address – haleyonlineATgmailDOTcom. Cawl me!

P.P.P.S.: How do you spell “yea,” as in “yea or nay”? I googled the carp out of it because some people say it’s “yay,” and I got all sorts of answers, and neither “yay” nor “yea” are in my dictionary — either is yey….

She looks awful.

She’s no longer BETTY WHITE. She’s YETI WHITE!

(She can’t even EVER close her mouth with that under bite….)

Josh came home so embarrassed the other day because he bumped into the neighbour with the perfectly-groomed coton de tulear…. There was the perfectly-groomed coton de tulear. And there was Betty. Yeti White. *Shudder.*

Right after bumping into the neighbour with the perfectly-groomed coton, Josh brushed Betty (again), and then he bathed her because there was really very little improvement. And still, very little improvement….

(That lower lip…. those bottom teeth jutting out. YETI!!!)

Betty White wasn’t the only yeti in town this weekend either….

Luckily, the groomer for THAT yeti was open, and we got his hair cut….

BEFORE….

AFTER….

GORJ!

You’ll just have to trust me when I say there was another yeti in the house, but I didn’t get a good back-of-the-bed-head photo of her…. The Monkey got a much-needed haircut, too….

Princess….

Now (besides Yeti White), there’s only one yeti still left in the house.

Me.

One of these days, I’ll get that haircut. Sighhhh…. I’ll call tomorrow.

Instead of posting a photo of MY yeti hair, checkout the Monkey and Rascal in the “bouncy castle” at his big birthday bash this weekend (at which I let my inner party mama out and wore a sequined shirt hollahh). CAPTION IT for me, would you?

Love!

xo Haley-O