I’m only writing a post right now so that I can move the last post I wrote down the line. You know — the one DOWN THERE where I say I’m obsessed with Bethenny Frankel? I’m NOT obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. I’ve just had a fever on and off for 2 weeks, and I, clearly, wrote that post during one of my more feverish moments. I’m shivering with fever chills just thinking about it: me, obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. While I like her — and maintain that I still LOVE the whole Real Housewives series and may write about it elsewhere on the internet later today, from my bed, while feverish — I’m not obsessed with her. Although her body really is something else, and she tells it like it is like nobody’s business, and she makes a mean margarita (not that I drink margaritas)…. Not obsessed. Seriously. Did I mention I’m SICK AS A DOG?

I’ve been sick for 2 weeks. And, aside from the smoking part, I remind myself of Rosana Rosanadana in this famous SNL skit (FAVE)…..

From the rash in Florida, to the worst sore throat I’ve ever had in my life, to the stomach flu that had me praying to the porcelain god like I HAVE NEVER, and now to this cold? I’m A MESS. So I thought I’d share. And this is better than nothing, right? It’s better than leaving a post up for days stating I’m obsessed with Bethenny Frankel. Actually, I’m a little, more admirably, obsessed with Wallace Stevens today — since I found his book Palm at the End of the Mind in a box in my garage while I was looking for another book (that I for the life of me cannot find):

To say more than human things with human voice,
That cannot be; to say human things with more
Than human voice, that, also, cannot be;
To speak humanly from the height or from the depth
Of human things, that is acutest speech.
(Wallace Stevens, “Chocurua to its Neighbor”)

So there’s that. And just when I was about to go to bed for the entire day and maybe, like, heal and such, I realize Monkey and I have to count one hundred hearts together….

And we have to do our Friday school homework assignment…. And we have to make Valentine’s Day cards — 20 of them, which involve the handwriting of each child’s name in her class GOD HELP US ALL. And the mystery therein lies in this undeniable fact: my child’s “y”s look like vaginas….

Okay, to bed….

Love!

xo Haley-O

There are three potential first lines to this post:

1. Then again the apple never tasted so sweet.

2. “Mama, are you going to put it on your website?”

3. Dogs are such extensions of their owners, I mean, look at Bethenny Frankel….

I mean, while all the other Real Housewives are sporting chihuahuas, she comes up with this hunk of a bruiser. OY, LOVE. And her name is Cookie. I mean, does it get more compatible than that. They’re perfect for each other. And, me? I have him….

…WHOM I, proudly, rescued from a vet who didn’t seem to care much about him. Really, I’ve never said much about Minden’s origins. But, Minden was the sweetest, most affectionate cat I’d ever met, and he was spending his kitten days locked in a cage on top of his litter box. The vet and staff hardly recognized him when I brought him back in for check ups — and that makes me want to cry. THREE MONTHS Minden spent with them, and they didn’t recognize him when I brought him in. I switched vets, needless to say.

Are Minden and I compatible like Bethenny and Cookie? Just say YES.

I have countless pictures of me and Minden. Me in my big red hat and, what is that, an iPad? And my fancy shiny legs and big New York smile. I’m a little obsessed with Bethenny — and I don’t care if that’s sad — I think she’s hilarious, and I love her frankness (her Frankelness…heh).

That whole Housewives series is just a HOOT. Just yesterday, I thought, I’m NOT getting into The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I will NOT! I want to salvage at least SOME of my brain cells. But, then I saw this clip…, and I was hooked, lined and SINKERED:

OUTRAGEOUS! It’s just so outrageous. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, I know. Some of you are probably, like Josh-O, totally disgusted right now. And, I know I should be spending my time finishing this month’s fabulous and VERY intellectual T-DOT Blogger bookclub book…. But, if you’ve spent two nights in a row “praying to the porcelain god” because you have the worst stomach flu you’ve ever had in your entire life, then a TV show like this is a GODSEND. Yes, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Orange County, New York and New Jersey have helped me get through this flu in one piece, sort of.

And 5 pounds smaller — hoorahhh!

OH! And the brand new Project Runway………looooove.

I’m still not out of the woods. I haven’t been able to eat dinner tonight. And I’m freezing, and there are no Housewives on tonight.

But, the sliver of  apple I just sampled never tasted so sweet. AND, the Monkey is actually excited for me to post her favourite dolls “on [my] website”…. She’s starting to have a voice of her own on this blog. And it’s really cool to see that li’l evolution.

But, I’ve run out of steam, officially. Getting cold, and feeling another HURL coming on. You’ll have to wait for the dolls until next time. And, I assure you, whether or not that sounds lame, that you will love it.

You know, sometimes I get really anxious, and the weight of motherhood and the world just gets too heavy to bear. As shameful as it may be, the Housewives are an escape. These women worry about nothing outside of their own self-created dramas. It’s LIBERATING to watch, and hysterical. And the makeup and clothes are OUTRAGEOUS. OUTRAGEOUS, I tell you.

After reading this post, can you guess how high my fever is? I may just be…DELIRIOUS?!

LOVE!

xo Haley-O

P.S. Many thanks to all who participated in the To Haiti With Love benefit (ends midnight tonight). It was an HONOUR to be a part of it.

This Is Just to Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

This Is Just to Say
by Minden

I have eaten
the lettuce
that was in
the reusable grocery bag

and which
you were probably
saving
for dinner

Forgive me (meowwww)
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Minden is the only member of Cheaty’s house who hasn’t vomited in the last few days — not even a hairball. It’s probably thanks to the lettuce.

CHEATY ANNOUNCEMENT!

The artists of Kids Deserve Art and I have submitted fabulous pieces to a very special auction, “To Haiti With Love.” Please go on and check the pieces and BID, and please TELL YOUR FRIENDS (facebook, email, etc.)! All the donations are going DIRECTLY to St. Joseph’s Family of Homes for Children in Haiti.

The auction closes on February 8th at midnight! So, go go go! And please spread the word.

Click HERE to go straight to all the KDA items!

Haley-O

At 2 years and 2 months old, the Rascal is starting to really talk. Sometimes I think I need some sort of translator contraption like the one in the movie Up….

…but for 2-year-old humans. For the most part, though, I’m understanding him — and I’m LOVING the way he bravely conquers each word.

Like “Pickadoe.”

“Pickadoe,” we’ve discovered, is Rascal’s word for “PEEK-A-BOO.” It took me a while to figure this one out, in particular, because he tends to say it without the traditional hand gesture….

PICKADOE!

In addition to our entertaining advancements in language, we are very, VERY affectionate, especially with our MAMA. This kid will not go to bed without, I KID YOU NOT, 20 kisses between the crib bars. For about five or so minutes after I put him in his crib, I have to crouch down to his level, stick my face between the crib bars, and repeatedly meet THIS usually wet, sometimes-snotty, always-adorable pucker:

These are but two of the many awesome Rascalisms I am CHERISHING and want to remember always — he’s growing so freaking fast!

I also want to remember these crazy elaborate beds The Monkey’s been making for her new doll “Marshmallow”….

Yes, she’s given Marshmallow ALL her toys to sleep with. That’s one lucky doll…. (And one unlucky MAMA will eventually be cleaning all this up.)

In related news, Minden’s breath is as bad as ever. Here:

Whew! Oh, what’s that? You missed it? Here:

Oh, EXCUUUUSE ME! Apparently, Minden’s not amused….

PICKADOE!

xo Haley-O

Guess what?

Yes, you’re right, I’m crazy busy. That’s what. And I’m working on that. I’m figuring things out. I’m working on DELETING MY EMAILS AS I GET THEM instead of letting them fester until I delete them LATER — wow, what a difference that makes!

And I’m keeping my feet warm in my FABULOUS slippers, which, since I’m in the mood to overshare, I’ll show you right…now:

I kid you not. I don’t know WHY I got these, nor do I remember WHEN I got these. But they keep my feet warm, and they’re UNIQUE. You love them.

That’s not why we’re here today, though, nor is it why I’ve been too busy to blog or read blogs or answer emails or EAT lately. No, my fab slippers are not the reason.

The reason. Is something remarkable. Incredible. Brillers. Fab. DA BOMB. Awesome. Tastic. The reason is THIS. YES, it’s a brand sparkling new KIDS DESERVE ART WEBSITE designed with love and care and beyond-hard work by the seriously ridiculously talented SARA KUGELMASS — the artist who creates those magnificent SKART PRINTS on the site….

…How badly do I want these “er-er” prints for the RASCAL. (We have the planes already — and looooove.)

Come back and tell me how much you LOVE IT. (Note that it’s basically in BETA. There are still some changes to be made, and we’re working on implementing e-commerce — fancy…, like ma slippers!)

Love!

xo Haley-O