I digress.

So I have a video for you. A “vlog,” if you will. One of my more web-savvy friends tells me THE PEOPLE WANT MORE VIDEO on the Internets, so I’ve been taking video for you. Plus I write all day, so this gives me a bit of a breather. Mind you….

Anyway, now it’s your turn to indulge me. Maybe it was the heat today, I don’t know. But, to me? This video of my kids attempting to ride their bikes is hilarious. Checkit! (You may want to turn down the volume. I took the video on my blackberry — hence the fuzzies and high volume. Bygones!)

The video was cut short, in case you didn’t hear, because the Monkey SCREAMED for me: “MOM!” You can imagine how frustrating it is when it’s 100,000 degrees outside and your kindergartner is screaming while walking her bike. Did I mention sooo slowly?

So did you laugh? Come on, did you see the Rascal barely sitting on the bike? Pretty much riding the bike as if it were a scooter (only without any kind of glide or semblance of speed)? Gold!

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS: I am SO excited to show you my very first print article for Today’s Parent. It’s the Celine Dion piece on p. 26 of the October issue, which should be on stands or in subscribing Gorgeouses’ mailboxes any day now. Cannot wait to share it with you! I can’t even tell you the thrill I had reading it to my kids this afternoon (it’s short and cute). The monkey’s eyes lit up in actual admiration…. Sighh. Fahklempt!

She didn’t know exactly what Harry Potter was, but she loved that she “got Gryffindor” when she sat under the “sorting hat” at the Ontario Science Centre’s Harry Potter Exhibition this afternoon.

He didn’t know what Harry Potter was, and he was terrified of the mythical creatures, Hedwig’s hut, and pretty-much anything in a cloak (which obviously posed a bit of a problem), but he loved that he could make magic with his very own Harry Potter wand. And make magic he did….

After the Science Centre I (bravely) took them out to dinner. Just the three of us. We even had to wait 15 minutes for our table.

The last time we went to this restaurant, I had to drag the Rascal out of the restaurant — ON THE FLOOR — screaming….

This time they entertained themselves by entertaining strangers who were also waiting for a table. They ate their dinners and actually patiently waited for me to finish mine.

I realize I’ve probably jinxed myself by blogging about this truly magical day with well-behaved and totally enjoyable children. But I don’t care. I’ve been working like a dog lately — wait ’til you see the fun articles I wrote for Today’s Parent this month (one of them’s a really fun quiz!) — and what you see here is what spontaneously spilled out of me when I opened up my macbook to say hi to you Gorgeouses! HI!

Here’s hoping I didn’t jinx myself because I’m off to a cottage tomorrow for some serious R&R. Josh will meet us there on Friday, if he ever recovers from the vile flu bug he caught from me…. And I didn’t even have the decency to go out and get him cold medicine. Cold medicine doesn’t work for the flu! And I was exhausted from, ahem, the Science Centre and dinner out with — as well-behaved as they were — two cheaty, cheaty little monkeys…..

One more thing before I pass out of utter exhaustion. My puppy Betty White? With her freakish underbite, she looks curiously like “Kyle” from Despicable Me…. Checkit:

Uncanny, isn’t it!? We’ll revisit this comparison when I have more time to research better photos. Pinky swear….

Anyway. I won’t be blogging until next week. But I’ll tweet, fo’shizzle. I need the break. BUT, you will be able to find me on twitter and Celebrity Candy.

Have a great weekend!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Looove. Seriously. Not in a Clive Owen kind of way.

I just struggle. I really struggle with the day-to-day stuff. My problem is that I just want to do whatever I want. Period. I struggle between my intense desire to do whatever I want and my severe desire to live an ideal life. I get completely overwhelmed by the idea that there may be a balance between these two extremes — freedom and restriction — but, I know, there is freedom in restriction, and that there is so, so much restriction in, erm, gluttony….

Woahh, this is getting to heady for us.

Take my puppy Betty White, for example. She knows exactly what she wants or needs to do. She’s perfect at it if you think about it — running in the yard, eating when she’s hungry, attacking me with kisses while I’m driving…. She’s definitely one of my idols when it comes to my karmic situation. Not this Situation, for the record….

Looove. Seriously. Not in a Javier Bardem kind of way.

Before we continue our very important conversation here, can we talk about Mr. Bardem’s serious hotness in Eat, Pray, Love for a second? Omigosh, SWOON. Hold on a sec, here….

Paaaaaaauuuuuse………

Sure, I’m one lucky woman. Not as lucky as Julia Roberts, who got to spoon Javier Bardem….

But she did it. Or, her character, Elizabeth Gilbert did it, or at least wrote the book about it. Elizabeth Gilbert — the same woman who reminds me that no woman, none of us, really knows what she’s doing these days. We have oodles of choices, and, having no oodles-of-choices predecessors, we struggle with what to do with these oodles. Here, let her say it herself….

No wonder, amid a sea of Eat, Pray, Love haters (I know you’re out there), I love Elizabeth Gilbert. She and I are, like, the same person: neurotic and struggling among the extremes of pleasure, restriction and relationships, and we are a wee bit obsessed with yoga, writing and eating. Fast forward to the last few minutes of the video….

Oh, heady again.

…When all I meant to write about was Betty White at the dinner table….

(Underbite.) She’s out of control!

(Tongue. Also chili.)

And he! He stole my favourite lip gloss!

(Bottom-teeth gap.)

And this. Between me and my macbook….

(Withkerth.) — You have to say that one out loud to understand it.

Out of control. Or, in Canadian speak, OOT of control. I’m starting to talk like that, Gorgeouses. For real life, eh? (“For real life” is actually Monkey speak for “For real” — FYI.)

Sighh. Anyway, I think I’m going on a diet (ish). And I’m doing Ashtanga yoga again — an hour or so every day but Saturdays and moon days.  Because it’s one or the other for me. I just feel like there’s freedom in it. In not having to choose all the time…. Dammit.

One day I’ll write the book on my karmic roller-coaster journey among extremes. And I’ll call it Dogs at the Dinner Table. It has a ring to it, right? On the cover, a picture of me and Betty White in downward-facing dog pose…. You can read it on your Kobos (my latest obsession. see twitter).

I learned not to take my kids into ANY of the wax museums because there will be FREDDY KRUEGER. A less terrified-of-Freddy blogger would insert a photo here.

I can’t deal.

I learned that the incredibly beautiful Falls give good mist. My skin was oh-so-dewy!

I learned that there IS a city in this world that doesn’t have a single vegan morsel to eat — I mean other than a soggy salad fit for gargoyles (they tried!).

I learned that Frankenstein and Dracula ARE ALIIIIIVE….

I learned that I’m “the coolest chick, yeah you are!” Check this video, Gorgeouses. I took it just for you. These two lovelies were sitting at separate tables, and, apparently, when we sat down to eat, my big hat was blocking his view of her. So I took my hat off, and their love was set free…. After he bought her a glass of wine, loudly, she whispered, “why don’t you come here?” He didn’t want to leave his buddy (who, you’ll see, can do a mean chair dance). So, she went over to him. I had to get them on video, just for you. Forgive my total geekiness. I was having fun….

So you see. I have proof. I. Am the coolest chick, yeah I am. Hee. They did let me put their video online. I always ask permission (because I’m coo like dat) — hence my URGENCY: “SAY IT FOR THE PEOPLE!” *Cough.* If they only knew….

I learned that when you least expect it, some people can be a total HOOT. Love.

You can just ponder that all with this lovely view of Niagara Falls, and more.

This vid’s a little less exciting (which says a lot), but more beautiful. Mind you, there is some uninteresting conversation showcasing my only slight (alas it’s true) tendency toward ditsiness, which the voyeur in you might like….

Love!
xo Haley-O

Phenomenal. The artistry, the philosophy, the beauty, all speak to me. FAHKLEMPT!

Things are a bit insane around here as we plan for a 10-day trip — first to the in laws’ farm and then to the BIG APPLE for BLOGHER (talk about MAD WORLD…)!

We’re driving, so please wish me luck. If you knew my kids (like, in real life), you’d know I need all the luck I can get. As per my kids’ orders, I’ll be filling my iPod with various versions of this damn song that they both beg me for constantly (GGAHH!) — Rascal: “Mama, I wah ‘Aw da way up, aw da way down’”….

Don’t ask….

I’ll also make sure I have a good lineup of what the Rascal thinks are songs from his favourite movie Cars — but that are really all my favourite songs from the Glee soundtrack. Hee.

You can definitely find me on twitter throughout the week (say hi!), here at Cheaty Monkey as often as I can make it, and I’ll be keeping my celeb blog up to date at Today’s Parent, among other things there.

Oh, and guess who’s coming with us?

BETZ! Betty White is coming with us. And a cat sitter is staying with the kitties. You can see he’s thrilled about it….

Lip….

Okay! I have a 6am Ashtanga yoga class to get up for. Good night!

Love!

xo Haley-O

But I’m working on it. See, I noticed something. I’ve been tired lately. I mean, seriously, tired. Anyone who’s either gone out with me or attempted to go out with me in the past month or so will have noticed. I am tired. Granted, my whole lifestyle has changed. I now no longer have any free time to myself. I go from working 9am-1pm to tending to a very high-maintenance little Rascal, then picking up his sister,  entertaining them both until dinner (which, of course, has to be cooked at some point), and, finally, completing my at-home work hours, cleaning up and making camp lunches in the evening.

So, I haven’t been able to blog much. What, once a week, max? It’s not so much because I can’t make the time, but because I don’t have the energy, because I am tired. And — surprise surprise — I blame Starbucks.

See, it’s like a drug. No, it’s not like a drug; it IS a drug. The more I drink it, the more I want it. In case you don’t already know, I’m talking about the devil itself: grande soy no-water tazo chai latte. Rolls off the tongue, it does….

Most of you know well how hard I’ve battled with this mad drink. MAD. I’ve known it was bad for me, even though everyone else was whatevs about it. I’ve unintentionally gotten a bunch of you Gorgeouses hooked on this demonic drink. Well, now I’m serious. I mean, I mean business. It’s a drug.

Like any hardcore drug, I went off it for a few days, and I was tired — major withdrawal. But now? Three days later (I made it!)? NOT TIRED. Miraculously NOT TIRED. No massive mid-day slump. NONE. I can WALK again at 3pm.

It’s a drug, I repeat. A DRUG. Like any hardcore drug, the more you drink it, the more you want it. One chai in the morning was no longer satisfying my NEED. And there was no way I was going to start buying a second chai in the afternoon, so I was passing out for want of it. Tired. Beyond tired. So, I quit it. Quit it for good. No joke. I never EVER want to feel that tiredness again.

So, lemonade stand! Already I’m excited again…. Not mundane at all. She made a sign!

And he made a sign to go with it (couldn’t you just…OY!)….

Unfortunately (my former addicted self may have said fortunately), I had to skip out for a bit to do a work assignment at the Distillery District downtown. Isn’t it fab?

It was like a mini vacation. No Starbucks required. And the whole excursion took me an hour and half….

I returned home to a topless Rascal and bikini-clad monkey enjoying some swimming in our neighbour’s front yard. Heaven! I loved this day! Maybe next week we’ll go to the Distillery District….

How was your weekend? Stay off that chai, Gorgoueses, okay? Take it from me. I’m so serious.

Love! xo Haley-O

ARTICLE ROUNDUP (my latest Today’s Parent / Canadian Parents Online articles):

Toys That Make You Go Hmmm…: The 9 most curious children’s toys ever made (This one ended up on the home page of MSN – woohoo! And it’s a funny one! If you check any of them, check THIS ONE!)

So you want to be a mom blogger: six things you need to know

11 Baby Shower Games

10 Maternity-wear Must-haves

Is It OK to Drink When You’re Pregnant

Of course, please check out my celeb blog CELEBRITY CANDY for constant updates.

I’m driving. I’m driving. And all of a sudden I hear a quiet voice in the backseat. Before I tell you what this quiet voice said, let me remind you that he’s TWO AND A HALF.

So, I’m driving. I’m driving. And all of a sudden I hear a quiet voice in the backseat, just loud enough to pierce through his sister’s dialogue with her doll:

“Mama,” he said, “AM I WEIRD?”

“Am I weird?”

“Am I weird?”

It sounded more like “weewd,” for the record, but I heard it.

“Am I weird, Mama?”

If I were a different kind of blogger, or maybe if I were feeling less tired, less sick (this cold…), I’d sit here analyzing it. I’d contemplate its origins, possibilities. I mean, I’ve always thought I had to censor my little weight preoccupation for my daughter’s sake — but never my weird….

Am I weird? Yes. A lot less weird than I used to be, alas. But I still have my quirks. I have a dog named Betty White (who could really use a groom, now that you mention it — she’s booked for next week)….

I’m not into tarot cards anymore, but I do love crystals. I really really love crystals. I’m usually wearing one on my neck or carrying one in my pocket. I’m not quite as advanced as Spencer Pratt or anything….

But I love my crystals. And to calm the storm that is Rascal’s general state of mind lately — with the constant crying and screaming — I got myself a really pretty pink quartz necklace, and I got him an agate dragon skin stone….

Don’t laugh! He loves it….

If he’s wearing it, I tell him to hold it up and say “DRAGON WARRIOR” when I sense him slipping into tantrums. Recently, though, he replaced the crystal with a giant triceratops doll that he loves….

…He loves to jump around with it, saying, “ribbit. ribbit. ribbit.” Weird?!

I’m not who you thought I was, now, am I? I might just be more than a little weird for you. A total Internet kook! But, sadly, it feels like my quirks have all but vanished in my extreme busy-ness and the emotional storms of toddlerhood. Aside from The Crystals, I pretty much go to work, come home, play with my son, pick up his sister from camp, make dinner, work some more, read in bed and go to sleep.

Then I wake up disgustingly early, and I practice yoga for 2 hours….Weird? Or just crazy? Or the smartest, most normal thing one could ever do to keep up with life without totally losing oneself, or even one’s weird, in the busy-ness, in speeding time (so fast — have you noticed?).

As for my son? I don’t know where the question — “Mama, am I weird?” — came from. And I’m not going to analyze it. I’m simply going to bask in the weirdness of it. And keep laughing.

Love!

xo Haley-O