I have resolutions. As most of you know, I’m ALWAYS making resolutions, so you can’t be THAT surprised to see that my first post in ALMOST a week (I couldn’t hold out for the whole week…) is a long list of resolutions. Because, as you will see from this list, I resolve to be PERFECT in 2010. Yes, PERFECT. And, you know what, Gorgeouses? I’ve already started. See, for me, 2010 started last week. And so far so good. Except for tonight, when I splurged on some organic lollipops and, erm, a chai freaking f*ing latte, grrrrr….

A-ny-way….

Check it:

IN 2010, I RESOLVE….

1. To lose 25 pounds. And, yes, this belongs at the top of my list. Because LOOK at these videos of me — particularly the last one. I ran and reran it, like, a thousand times, NO KIDDING, trying harrrrd to deny that I looked rather large. And it DIDN’T HELP that….

MORE importantly, this resolution belongs at the top of my list because the better I feel about myself, the more I exercise and the healthier I eat, the better person I BECOME all ’round — the better, less anxious, MOTHER I become, the more PATIENT and CONFIDENT and INSPIRED and ENERGETIC I become. See this is KEY. SO, to get started on this goal, I’ve ALREADY begun my 30-Day Shred program….

I’m on DAY 7 of Level 1. I’m doing each level for 10 days (as prescribed by Shredheads). I haven’t lost a single pound this week, but I’m seeing some definition in my belly and shoulders again. So, as I tweeted the other day, I’m holding on tight to the fact that….

2. Hi, my name is Haley-O, and I’m a Shopaholic. Yes, à la Rebecca Bloomwood….

In fact, I’m watching the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic AS I WRITE this post – LOVE!  Only I don’t spend my money on fabulously quirky designer clothes and accessories like Rebecca Bloomwood does, no. I spend tons of money on designer organic FOOD that often never gets used. So, I resolved to PLAN PLAN PLAN what I’m going to cook (speaking of which, have you SEEN my latest recipe, in which I actually USE my designer foods?), and BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET what I spend. Incidentally, I can’t take my eyes off Isla Fischer’s GLORIOUS red hair in this movie. Which reminds me….

3. I will get a hair cut. It is, like, GROSS long right now. But, TIME! There’s never any TIME!

4. WHICH reminds me of my resolution to KEEP AN AGENDA! In 2010 I will keep an agenda — TO THE HOUR. Because, as I mentioned JUST the other day….

5. I will go to the office at least twice a week.

6. I will write at least 2 brillers articles for Cottage Country PER WEEK.

7. I will be as patient with myself and others as my boss at Cottage Country has been with me….

8. I will practice yoga and meditate every day (even if it’s for 5-10 minutes).

9. I will brush my cats’ teeth.

10. As a little voice in my head told me (DO do DO do DO do DO do — it’s the twilight zone theme song, okay!?!) during my savasana meditation at the end of yesterday’s yoga session….

LIVE!

In the year 2010, I WILL LIVE. I’m not really sure exactly what that means, but I THINK it has something to do with worrying less and living more, with being in the PRESENT — whether I’m working, playing with the kids, cooking, exercising, or just chilling with my kitties….

OR! Chilling with my parents’ Chinese Crested Powder Puff “Olivia”…. Did I mention, I’m babysitting her? I love taking her EVERYWHERE with me. EVERYWHERE!

I’m a regular PARIS HILTON!

Check her out at the office HERE. She did NOT get along with the boss’s dog Taco at all. BUT, she DOTH love my MEENO (Minden)! Here she is, cuddling with Minden….

OY! Olivia’s deaf, by the way. Did I mention that?

Monkey: Yulivia! Yulivia! Come here!
Me: Honey, Olivia can’t hear you. She’s deaf, remember?
Monkey: Why? Can she not hear because her ears are down?

Hee…!

Did I mention it’sgrandma and papa’shere took me and the Monkey to The National Ballet of Canada’s (LOVE!) production of The Nutcracker? Here’s it’sgrandma and the Monkey chatting excitedly ahead of me….

And, here are the Monkey and me…. Ahhh, special moments! #TOOLONGHAIR!!!

We were so ridiculously lucky to have my absolute favourite male ballet dancer, PIOTR STANCZYK (see, I wrote about him HERE), dance the role of the Nutcracker….

LOVE!!!!!!!111oneone

And, incredibly, my favourite female ballet dancer, Sonia Rodriguez, danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy….

I was in HEAVEN. Didn’t want it to end. Papa’shere didn’t even fall asleep during the performance! Seriously, the show was so good I was fantasizing about it the next day. Loooooove. As I always like to say, the National Ballet of Canada is a Canadian GEM that is so worth our support. SWAN LAKE is coming in March! Toronto Gorgeouses, book your tix! (And, no, nobody pays me to say this!)

Did I mention it’sgrandma and papa’shere bought the Monkey a little porcelain ballerina at the Ballet Boutique, just before the show? Did I mention she dropped it during the intermission and the hand fell off and papa’shere was going to glue it but the Monkey wanted to take it home, so I said I’d glue it, but then, did I mention, the Rascal got hold of it and threw it on the ground and smashed it to pieces. So, did I mention, I went back to the The Nutcracker the following day, raved to the usher about Piotr Stanczyk, and bought her a new porcelain ballerina? DEEP BREATH. Did I mention that?

How many days do you think this porcelain ballerina is going to last before it’s smashed to pieces again?

Yes, in 2010, I’m going to live and LAUGH and LOVE more….

How about you, Gorgeouses?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S.: Did I mention there’s a wee contest going on over at Cheaty Goodies? If you haven’t seen it, get the FLIP over there because I’m giving away a FLIP CAMCORDER, and the contest closes DECEMBER 31st!

Guillaume Côté & Greta Hodgkinson with artists of the ballet in The Sleeping Beauty. Photo by Bruce Zinger, c/o The National Ballet of Canada).

Oh, to sleep a hundred years (and to wake up just as beautiful,
no morning breath, no stiff neck…).

I went to the ballet on Thursday with my mom, it’sgrandma. I was so wound up all day with a bunch of crazy, exciting and last-minute (as usual for me) stuff to do for work that I couldn’t IMAGINE sitting in silence, sans Macbook and sans blackberry for three hours at the ballet.

But, the babysitter arrived, as planned, at 6:30, and off it’sgrandma and I went. Me, in my lululemon yoga pants, of course, and it’sgrandma in her typical blazer and dress pants. One day I’ll dress as sophisticated as it’sgrandma (only never as tailored because I’m convinced I’m incapable). One day, I’ll remember to brush my hair and throw on lip gloss before leaving the house. I was pretty-much a frizzy-haired mess, but that didn’t stop it’sgrandma from introducing me proudly to any old friend we bumped into. Me, clasping my long black sweater to cover my too-tight tee….

I sat in my seat, looked toward the deep red curtain, and I felt my mind racing. I felt my breath halted. And I became aware of a slight buzzzzing all over my body.

How am I going to sit here for 3 hours, through two intermissions? I fretted.

The curtain opened, the music began. And, ahhhhh, le Tchaikovsky. I sat back. Breath came. Shoulders and neck softened. And my brain waves! I could literally feel my brainwaves slow down to smooth ripples. (I even tweeted it….)

The music, the setting, the stunning (as always) National Ballet of Canada dancing were like this delicious concoction. I drank it all up. And all my stress, anxiety, and tension flew out the stage door.

And so here we are again. I’ve been WOUND UP so tight for so long it seems I’ve hardly been breathing. I haven’t been going to yoga because — the same reason I didn’t go to the ballet — I’m actually AFRAID of unwinding.

AND I BLAME IT ALL ON…THIS:

I loathe this drink more than Hootie and the Blowfish, my cats’ wet food and Home Depot all put together. It is the BANE of my existence, the SOURCE of my anxiety issues, and the REASON I don’t eat anything else until 4:30pm every day, the REASON I held my long black sweater so tight across my too-tight tee at the ballet.

I don’t know about any other astrological sign, but VIRGOS like me should not drink chai lattes, or any Starbucks products for that matter. It magnifies all our flaws A TRILLION FOLD.

Watching the ballet not only soothed me because it was so beautiful, but also because it brought me back to a time when I could move like that (to a degree). I was a dancer. I had great energy like that. I could fly and spin and lean all the way back — touching my head to my heal WHILE lifting my leg into a standing splits. These days, I’m just excited to sit on my couch and exercise my fingertips, on my keyboard.

Not good.

So, yet again, we’re making a change. No more chais. EVER. That’s the first goal. That, and more kale, even though….

…and more exercise — more TURBO JAM!

You wouldn’t believe how hard it is for me to quit these chais. It’s been two days of HELL so far. I’m tired and irritable and angry and craving a hundred years of sleep. Just ask it’sgrandma, who attempted to have a phone conversation with me yesterday. Life seems hopelessly BLEAK without this stupid drink. But I’ve been in this place before, every time I quit. Another day or two and I’ll be feeling good as new. Which goes to show that stuff is CRACK.

CRACK.

We’re going to try this for 30 days and see what changes come…. Of course, I’ll keep you posted.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Okay, who’s bright idea was THIS?:

I mean, aside from the director’s, what’shisname.  I have a right to know who’s messing with my already anxious mind. There’s no way in HELL I’m seeing this movie. Even though friends of mine WHO JUST HAD A BABY went to see this catastrophic movie and said it was a freaking joke and that, if you’re afraid of 2012, then this is the movie to see because it’s a freaking joke. A bunch of models and action figures and a bunch of capitalizing on what’s already a subject of GLOBAL HYSTERIA.

There’s also the big Swine Flu vaccine. And people not vaccinating their kids calling people who DID vaccinate their kids stupid because the vaccine is, i.e., “too shady for me.” And then there’s people who vaccinated their kids calling people who DIDN’T vaccinate their kids stupid because, well, you know, blah blah. We’ve all heard it. And then THIS comes out and capitalizes on what’s already a subject of GLOBAL HYSTERIA.

…A bunch of horrible creepy aliens disguised as gorgeous humans (of course, because all humans are gorgeous) wanting to take over our health care — “universal healthcare,” hmmmm…. LIKE we needed this right now, in the middle of flu vaccine hysteria. Like I freaking needed to see that episode. And isn’t Elisabeth Mitchell in, like, enough creepy shows already?

Hasn’t she already freaked us out enough in LOST….

The posters for 2012 are plastered on our Toronto buses. They’re on billboards and every other commercial. WHO NEEDS THIS? I ask you, WHO NEEDS THIS?

And then you turn on the news, NAY, you turn on a freaking KIDS’ show, and there it is again — that 2012 commercial, and the news HEADLINES of the day, which are always godawful because they have to HOOK YOU IN. And JUST when you sit down to a meal of pasta with mushrooms, they are SO going to tell you that pasta and mushrooms will KILL you because…stay tuned for the news at 7 and you’ll find out. GRAAARGH!

I’m just a wee blogger. A wee PERSON at barely 5′1″. But something’s gotta change. The media, entertainment, and the commercial peeps — desperate for us to WATCH them, even as we PVR everything — have to stop spreading the fear. Whatever happened to SPREADING the LOVE!? You know how many people are TERRIFIED of all this sh*t? And there it is, IN YO FACE. If it’s not V, then it’s Fringe, or The Law Abiding Citizen. Freaking The Law Abiding Citizen — my poor mother will never answer her front door again. Why can’t Gerard Butler make more movies like THIS, instead:

WHICH, I loved. LOVE LOVE LOVE. The chemistry between those two, OMG — which is shocking, since we’re talking about Katherine Heigl. Speaking of which, I also loved this one….

WHICH doesn’t say much about my taste in movies lately. But, seriously, anything to get away from all the mind-blowing scary stuff.

Just the other day, I’ll have you know, the Monkey saw THIS poster on some storefront window….

And she actually yelled, “MAMA, LOOK! ORPHANS”! This from a girl who’s TV watching is limited to Tree House and the odd PVR’d So You Think You Can Dance Canada — with vehemently fast-forwarded commercials.

I’ll also have you know….

Yesterday I walked through downtown Toronto with my family.

The annual Christmas parade had just ended.

There was GARBAGE everywhere.

All of it was from fast food.

On our way home, we passed a protest with violent images that I didn’t need to see just then, on my Sunday afternoon walk with my young family.

Violent images are everywhere. They’re f*ing with my mind and I HOPE NOT my children’s minds.

All I ask is that Gerard Butler make some more funny movies, that Elizabeth Mitchell do a sitcom FOR ONCE, and that horror films stay where they USED to be — on the FAR corner in the back of the video store, and not mixed among the fluffy mainstream ones. Sensitive minds like mine CANNOT take all this SCARY stuff. CANNOT.

Spread the LOVE! I ASK THEE! PEACE! Unicorns…? Fairy dust and mermaids? SPARKLES…. Gerard? HEART. CLIVE OWEN. Will Ferrell. Please. More comedy, love, yooooga, less fear. LESS FEAR.

xo Haley-O

Today I went to a conference. If you follow me on Twitter you won’t be surprised to learn that I sit hear typing with bright-red bloodshot eyes because I basically tweeted the whole conference via blackberry, or at least most of the great things I learned at CaseCamp — a so-called “unconference” about what venerable organizer Eli Singer calls “deep deep internet culture” — except for a certain genius session about viral videos by a certain SAM REICH of the certain COLLEGE HUMOR, who insisted that whatever happens at CaseCamp stays at CaseCamp. Crush. Check it:

I can do that.

I have the cat….

I just need to get him in the mood and start stalking him. Then he’ll be a STAR like Ninja Cat over there, and like — I haven’t told you yet — RASCAL, who’s going to be doing his first (and only) photo shoot for bTrendie (and if you want to see the photo next week, you’ll have to join with code CHEATY, aiight? Don’t worry you’ll love it — we’re better than ever). He’ll be modeling TEA clothing…. Can you HANDLE it? I can’t.

But, it’s okay if we can’t handle it because, ya know…, there is NO SPOON….

And can you believe Kanye had the nerve to interrupt OBAMA?

“IMMA LET YOU FINISH” — BWAH!

I think CaseCamp ‘09 should have been subtitled “IMMA LET YOU FINISH.” Because Kanye and his recent MTV outburst was the joke of every. single. session. And it was hilarious every. single. time.

Indeed, one of the things I learned at CaseCamp was that this whole Kanye IMMA LET YOU FINISH phenomenon is actually a MEME — pronounced MEEM — the most infectious meme around right now (click that one, it’s hilarious). And guess who’s making a mint from it….

I had a GREAT time at the conference, despite the fact that I shed all over my black shirt because I’m apparently a cat now and the weather’s changing (or I desperately need a haircut), and despite the fact that I walked into the men’s washroom — which, according to CaseCamp would classify as EPIC networking FAIL — and stumbled beyond embarrassingly when I introduced myself to the adorable Sam Reich.

Apparently, I love social media. Apparently, I love tweeting and blogging, and I love hopelessly losing myself in this truly awesome deep deep internet culture of ours.

Love!
xo Haley-O

Guess who went out with some fabulous bloggers Wednesday night? Give up? ME. I know, you never would have guessed. First BlogHer, and now TDOT book clubs. I am SO OUT THERE. No longer hiding behind my screen pressing keys, drinking chai. I am OUT THERE. And I love it. I love meeting bloggers because — would you believe? — they are just like me. Well, we’re all VERY different, but we’re all the same in the sense that we’re (for the most part) a transparent people, sensitive, inquisitive, definitely quirky, and we love a good story.

It’s been about, OHHH, four years since I’ve read a book. When I was pursuing a PhD in English lit (COUGH), I often asked myself WHY THE HECK DO PEOPLE READ. I wracked my brain to find the answer. I was such a kid back then. I had no idea. I really didn’t. Because now, the answer is easy: people read to RELAX, to broaden their horizons, to enjoy language, to escape, step into someone else’s life and gain perspective on their own, etc., etc.. As soon as I picked up this month’s book, Loving Frank, by Nancy Horan, my old “why do people read” question was answered.

And then I googled the real-life people this book is about: Mamah (pronounced “Maymah”) Borthwick and Frank Lloyd Wright — lovers in a dangerous time. And, BOY, did I regret it. What was at first so enjoyable THWACKED me with anxiety for the full week or so it took me to read the book. (Remind me, WHY DO PEOPLE READ?) So, if you’re going to read it — which you should because it’s BRILLIANT — don’t google, or DO google and appreciate the freakin’ irony the whole way through.

Talk to me in a few months when I’m over it. The big question in the book, which you can all ponder, is “would you leave, ‘DESERT,’ your kids for love — for love of a ‘genius’?” NO! NEVER! NOT EVER. Not even in 1909. And I can say that for certain even though I’m in 2009. FOR CERTAIN.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Petitegourmand, who truly is PETITE (adorable), officially brought me to the TDOT BOOK CLUB when she approached me at the gym last month — just after hotarse kickboxing instructor’s class: “Are you Halley? Haley? Ho? Haley-O?” Hee. We clicked immediately, of course. Bloggers often do that.

Look how CUTE in her swanky studio kitchen….

Not only is she petite, but GOURMAND…. Look at this FANCY!

And then there are the OTHERS….

And they are going to kill me for posting this terrible picture. But that’s NOMO with eyes closed in the blue (ha!), KAREN dipping, the “token” BOY DENGUY looking frightened in the back there, and SANDRA barely visible in the back mid sentence. I didn’t get ANY great photos of the group because I was drinking vino. But, missing from this pic, a whole lot of bloggers: Kittenpie, B*Babbler, Mad (all the way in from New Brunswick), Lisa B and, via twitter, Sandra and Julie (with new baby! CONGRATS!). Whew! That took a long time. Tired.

We had all the best intentions….

…but there was so much ELSE to talk about (so much). In a nutshell, some of us hated Mamah. Some of us hated Frank. Some of us thought Robert Downey Jr. should play Frank in the MOVIE, and others thought John Malkovich. We all loved the book. We all loved a night out, away from the kids, with interesting blogging peeps and, of course, BOOKS to caress and flip hands through.

The next book on our list is another heavy one (wish me luck): Burnt Shadows, by Kamila Shamsie — an apparently very “ambitious” book. I was going to read a light Candace Bushnell novel in between these heavies, but I could barely open the book. Besides, PetiteGourmand told me to read The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield, and she and I are petite hotarse-kickboxing-teacher-loving twinz, so I listens. I hear it’s AMAZING. Am excited.

And, now I leave you for a day or so, as I drive avec ma petite famille to the country house where we’ll be for a week while big BURLY man with black belt in karate cat sits for us. I’ll still be blogging and working, and definitely reading, and NOT drinking chai lattes because there is NO STARBUCKS in sight for, like, TWO HOURS. And LORD HELP ME if I drive two hours to get a chai…. It’s been known to happen.

I wrote this whole post in my underwear.

Love!

xo Haley-O