And, you know, don’t judge me or anything. If you need to judge someone, you can go ahead and judge my fab book club, since they came to my house and saw the girl-dog-on-boy-cat “action” and insisted I share it with you all, you know, for the sake of authenticity, and such. Oy, without further ado (enough stalling), I give you my freshly titled vlog, THE HUMP. Enjoy…? And may the force be with you….

That. Is my life.

So what do you think? My book club thinks Minden loves it when Betty MOUNTS him. But I know my kitty, and I think otherwise. Poor guy….

I guess he should consider himself lucky, though. Because he could end up like the Rascal’s cat (and several other of Rascal’s favourite stuffed animals)….

Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S. Did you notice my “S”s? My dentist has to file down the back of my new tooth because it’s a little crowded and I’m working HARD not to lisp all the time…. Good. Times.

P.P.S. We were spring cleaning at the time of the video. Hence the MESS.

P.P.P.S. And how about that surprise cameo by The Monkey! Always a diva, she’s starring as SNOW WHITE in her Theatre play today! Squee!

P.P.P.P.S. Have you checked out my Fit/Fab blog at Today’s Parent lately? I’m losing weight! A LOT of weight! Leave a comment about THE HUMP and then CLICKIT! …Thanks Gorgeouses!

P.P.P.P.P.S. Hee. Kidding.

I probably should have apologized in advance for the dirty dinner plates on the table. But see how the plates were scraped clean? It was some kind of mock macaroni dinner, if I remember correctly. Thanks to my trusty vita-mix blender (love!), the kids ate an entire broccoli stem each and didn’t know it.

“It has a lovely body with legs so short and thin.” That line cracks me up EVERY TIME she sings it.

It’s been 2 days since Neil’s big party, and Hanukkah’s only slipping further into the past, so I figure I better post our video here now. But DO go and check out so many of my friends. It’s a lot of fun!

Love!
xo Haley-O

Is he under the bed? In the closet? Inside the laundry hamper? Behind the chair?

No.

Where could he be? Do YOU know?

Let’s look again. Where’s Rascal?

It’s his favourite game: “Where’s Rascal?” And he hides in the same totally inconspicuous spot every time. Heh. But, seriously, words cannot CONVEY. So we have video. Checkit…. It’s pretty hilarious….

Pretty classic, huh? What’s not so funny? The little Rascal won’t let me sleep. He will not let me sleep. It’s been over a month now of at-least-thrice-nightly wake-up calls. I’m EXHAUSTED.

Exhausted.

Enough said…for now.

Oh, except this — I can’t keep this from any of you MILES FABER fans any longer. Remember my gorj and talented cousin Miles from the first season of So You Think You Can Dance Canada? 2nd runner up??? If for some unfathomable reason not, then maybe this will refresh your memory….

Well, here’s a photo of us at an art event last week…. Miles’ dad (my uncle), Jazz musician Arnold Faber, is playing in the background — he was the entertainment for the evening:

And, yes, he’s every bit as gorgeous in real life. So is MILES. Hee!

Check out what Miles is up to HERE (there’s video)! He’s a very busy guy…!

Also, check out my kids modeling fab organic CANADIAN clothes HERE and, while your there, grab your 20% discount (US residents can grab it, too!).

Love!

xo Haley-O

I digress.

So I have a video for you. A “vlog,” if you will. One of my more web-savvy friends tells me THE PEOPLE WANT MORE VIDEO on the Internets, so I’ve been taking video for you. Plus I write all day, so this gives me a bit of a breather. Mind you….

Anyway, now it’s your turn to indulge me. Maybe it was the heat today, I don’t know. But, to me? This video of my kids attempting to ride their bikes is hilarious. Checkit! (You may want to turn down the volume. I took the video on my blackberry — hence the fuzzies and high volume. Bygones!)

The video was cut short, in case you didn’t hear, because the Monkey SCREAMED for me: “MOM!” You can imagine how frustrating it is when it’s 100,000 degrees outside and your kindergartner is screaming while walking her bike. Did I mention sooo slowly?

So did you laugh? Come on, did you see the Rascal barely sitting on the bike? Pretty much riding the bike as if it were a scooter (only without any kind of glide or semblance of speed)? Gold!

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS: I am SO excited to show you my very first print article for Today’s Parent. It’s the Celine Dion piece on p. 26 of the October issue, which should be on stands or in subscribing Gorgeouses’ mailboxes any day now. Cannot wait to share it with you! I can’t even tell you the thrill I had reading it to my kids this afternoon (it’s short and cute). The monkey’s eyes lit up in actual admiration…. Sighh. Fahklempt!

I learned not to take my kids into ANY of the wax museums because there will be FREDDY KRUEGER. A less terrified-of-Freddy blogger would insert a photo here.

I can’t deal.

I learned that the incredibly beautiful Falls give good mist. My skin was oh-so-dewy!

I learned that there IS a city in this world that doesn’t have a single vegan morsel to eat — I mean other than a soggy salad fit for gargoyles (they tried!).

I learned that Frankenstein and Dracula ARE ALIIIIIVE….

I learned that I’m “the coolest chick, yeah you are!” Check this video, Gorgeouses. I took it just for you. These two lovelies were sitting at separate tables, and, apparently, when we sat down to eat, my big hat was blocking his view of her. So I took my hat off, and their love was set free…. After he bought her a glass of wine, loudly, she whispered, “why don’t you come here?” He didn’t want to leave his buddy (who, you’ll see, can do a mean chair dance). So, she went over to him. I had to get them on video, just for you. Forgive my total geekiness. I was having fun….

So you see. I have proof. I. Am the coolest chick, yeah I am. Hee. They did let me put their video online. I always ask permission (because I’m coo like dat) — hence my URGENCY: “SAY IT FOR THE PEOPLE!” *Cough.* If they only knew….

I learned that when you least expect it, some people can be a total HOOT. Love.

You can just ponder that all with this lovely view of Niagara Falls, and more.

This vid’s a little less exciting (which says a lot), but more beautiful. Mind you, there is some uninteresting conversation showcasing my only slight (alas it’s true) tendency toward ditsiness, which the voyeur in you might like….

Love!
xo Haley-O

You’re probably thinking I’m insane to do a detox now, but it’s one of my best tools for dealing with anxiety. Plus, I just splurged on a VITAMIX! When my old blender died a tragic death, smoking up my entire kitchen with what smelled like burning rubber, I immediately called the healthy, happy people at Vitamix. I’ve been working around the clock lately, and my morning swamp smoothies have reached unpalatable heights with the seaweed, algae oil and turmeric (*cough*). And, if I’m not going to be waking up to the promise of a steamy, comforting, cinnamon-y sweet and spicy chaiiiii, I better have something not only super healthy, but just (or almost) as yummy to make up for it. Right!? Right.

Enough talk. And I’m too fuzzy and about-to-pass-out-from-exhaustion to edit this post. Seriously. Instead, I’ve prepared a couple of VLOGS for you. A series entitled “THERE’S TOO MUCH CUTENESS AROUND HERE!” Or not. Maybe we don’t need a title for the series. Maybe just checkit. Oh, and $10 Amazon gift certificate (I just bought a vitamix — this is the best I can do!) to the first person who guesses the punchline of Rascal’s joke…?

And Betty White. This dog was an ANGEL the first week we got her. Now, she’s a total nutball. And I’ve been stepping in warm puddles throughout the house! Training tips, anyone? Here I am attempting to take her out for a “pee.” Notice the under-bite!

I’m still debating whether or not I should post video of her humping her brother Minden. It’s beyond bizarre on so many, many levels.

Love!
xo Haley-O

AND, without further ado, I give you my vids. You may want to take a Gravol before watching, though, because, as always in my vids, it’s gonna be a nauseatingly bumpy ride (I really must stop videoing and walking at the same time for you…)!

Video #1 – I don’t know WHAT is up with my voice in the beginning. I was trying too hard, I think. I was in no mood for vlogging, truth be told…. Or, maybe it was because, to reiterate what’s in the video, the yoga conference was FREE (that never happens).

Video #2 – WE CROSS THE STREET (told you this was exciting). Don’t worry, I was holding the video in front while I myself was looking fiercely to the right and left and all the way around, etc., etc. I was a MACHINE of road safety…. Listen for the Rascal’s pitter-pattering feet. DON’T listen to the Monkey throwing a fit “NOOO, I DON’T WANNA….”

More to come. Disney…. And, when I get back, remind me to tell you more exciting stories, like, about my spontaneous and inexplicable RASH — it was like an episode of Fringe, I tell you….

Love!
xo Haley-O

EDIT: THIS POST HAS BEEN MOVED (AT THE GENTLE REQUEST OF MY SPONSORS) TO MY “RECOMMENDS” SITE. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ‘EM, GO CHECK MY HOLIDAY VIDEOS NOW OVER HERE!

Happy Holidays!

Love!

xo Haley-O

I was THIS CLOSE — THIS CLOSE — to calling my boss from FOUR YEARS ago to ask for a job. THIS CLOSE. My day was THAT BAD.

Whine alert. Prepare for serious whinage. (And I’d dress that up with repeated LARGE CAPS and exclamation points as I usually do with everything, but this is not that kind of post. No, this is me FAREAKING OUT inside RIGHT NOW as Rascal breaks out into WAILS again. AGGGGAAAAIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! SLEEEEEP!

That felt good. Actually it didn’t. I was just too paralyzed to lift my fingers off the keys. And, part of me was kind of hoping emoting in words would feel good and help get me out of this funk, even as I sit here with a totally blank expressionless face. But, it didn’t make me feel good because I am, indeed, paralyzed on the inside, and on the outside because fat Tigger is perched on my lap. At least she’s warm.

{gratuitous picture of said fat cat would normally be posted here, but can’t because numb inside, and going increasingly numb outside — legs! Here’s a picture….}

In her case the camera actually subtracts 10 pounds. She’s a total raccoon.

Anyway, I’m on virtually no sleep for, like, the second day in a row because Rascal’s decided he enjoys wreaking havoc and making a misery of my life. Because this IS my life we’re talking about. And, it’s two against one. Two little monkeys decide my fate every day. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is. THEY have a bad day? I have a bad day. They have good day? In some cases, I STILL have a bad day.

Some of today’s mantras for you:

“MOMMY HAS THE RIGHT TO EXERCISE”;

“SO GO PEE”;

“YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF”;

“NO, RASCAL”;

“RASCAL, PLEASE DON’T THROUGH YOUR FOOD ON THE FLOOR.”

And, how ’bout this one? It’s my favourite:

“F———CK!”

Only I didn’t say it out loud. Which is a good thing because I did say “Oh, SH-T” in front of the Monkey today, and she was — vocally — very excited about her new word. Sigh.

Stay-at-home parenting is mind-numbing. It’s frustrating. It’s depressing. It’s isolating. It’s HARD. No, it’s REALLY HARD. So, I go to Josh, at the dinner table this evening, “I can’t do it. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m going to look for a job.” And, then I look at Rascal, and his rosy red cheeks (red from pooping and, it seems, teething), and I don’t want to leave him. It’s just a bad day. A really bad day. And, I am allowed my share of those.

It would be awesome to go back to work. I’m losing weight just thinking about it. But, a few thoughts go through my mind when I consider it:

“If I can’t handle staying at home with my own kids, how can I hire someone else to do it?”;

“The thought of someone else taking care of my kids makes me cry (more than I’m crying right now)”;

“Rascal wants ME, deserves ME — who am I to take that away from him because I’m having a wee emotional breakdown right now, which (c’mon we all know) is probably completely HORMONAL?”

“I am a lousy nine-to-fiver. What makes me think going to work won’t make me way more depressed than I am now.”

Because, really, I am happy. I’m just hormonal and sleep-deprived and in total sugar and Starbucks withdrawals…. If he sleeps tonight, I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine I’ll be fine I’ll be fine.

I just love them. So much. That sometimes I hate myself. Because I’m not perfect. Because my best isn’t good enough. And, because I’m way overdue for some extended me-time.

I’m way overdue for some extended me-time.

I was THIS CLOSE to quitting this stay-at-home gig. But, just…. Just listen to this…. (Enjoy…!)

Even after a day like today, I could listen to that over and over (well…).

So, I’m sticking to it. I just have to make it better tomorrow. After all, red IS the colour of a Valentine. MWAH! (Did you hear the kiss in the vid? Oy…!)

This afternoon, she spent TWO HOURS (read: BLISS) imaginative playing with her Backyardigans stuffed animals. And, great mother that I am, I snuck up behind her and took a little video. To help you understand what’s going on in the vid, and to guarantee you’ll be a HIT at parties, here are the names of the Backyardigans: Pablo, Uniqua, Austin, Tyrone and Tasha. In this particular session, she’s playing teacher, and it’s diaper-changing AND hello-song time……..Uh huh…. CHECK IT!!!

She caught me at the end there!

What you saw in that video was a little snippet of our afternoon. On the couch. You’d think it was ALL good for me, but Rascal was INCONSOLABLE. Teething. AND the kid has NO CLUE how to play by himself….

It’s 5:45pm now, and she’s playing with them AGAIN. Apparently, we’re having a tea party….

By the way, thanks for the well wishes, Gorgeouses. Like yesterday, I was fine all day and then CRASHED at 3pm with the chills and sniffles…. So, I’m going to bed EARLY tonight. Yes, I’m going to watch my COUSIN MILES kick arse on So You Think You Can Dance Canada, and then LIGHTS OUT!

Ummm, FYI, Tyrone just got a TIME OUT….

Love! xo Haley-O

P.S.: Only a few days left before your chance to win a FREE tarot READING is over! GO and ENTER! There’s valuable guidance to be gotten! Check it at GOODIES!

P.P.S.: Halloween recipe for MOULDY BLOOD MUFFINS by Lyn over at THE KITCH!