I am sick as a dog. If you’re following me on Twitter, this is old news. I’ve been sick as a dawg for, like, 4 days already. This CAN’T be The Swine. It’s just a BAD (i.e., B.A.D.) head cold, complete with fevers and pains everywhere — worst of all in my jaw, making it excruciating for me to hold my mouth open just to BREATHE.

I probably SHOULDN’T have gone to the Bunch Family Dance Party on Saturday — to celebrate the launch of Canada Moms Blog. By the way, have you seen my latest post there yet — where I get very close to controversy again, but tread MUCH more carefully this time, so help me GOD. We all know I don’t DO criticism, so why DARE I invite it?? MIND YOU, I was just listening to THE Erica Ehm on my favourite radio station this morning, and SHE said that if everyone loves you, you’re boring. That made me feel better…. And, by the way, and speaking of which…, did you hear the Canadian Olympic team REFUSED to wear seal fur on their uniforms (after Canadian parliamentarians proposed it) to protest the European Parliament’s ban on Canadian seal-fur products? HOLLAHHH! And, here’s a cute video with typical great Canadian humour LAUGHING at the proposition that the team wear fur and demonstrating that most of us Canadians (over 60%), in fact, do oppose the hunt…. I care. I really really really freakin’ care about this….

And, by the way, how do I get my little Rascal to stop HITTING everyone. Feeling as carpy as I do right now, the LAST thing I need is all this HITTING me in the achy head with a metal toy school bus. ARRGH.

AND, by the way, I now have 2 cats on my lap…. Here’s Meeno (aka Minden, of course)….

MWAH!

ANYWAY! Happy Mother’s Day to all the MOMS out there — including moms of pets (this is your day, too, Gorgeouses!). I spent the day in bed, freezing and then sweating and then freezing and then sweating. It was awesome.

This post is all over the place. I’m too sick to write coherently. Hopefully, I’ll be better tomorrow. So, we’re just chatting today, right? This is aiight, right?

So, as I started saying earlier…. It’s kind of exciting! I actually went to a blogger event this weekend to celebrate the Canada Moms Blog official launch! Now, I SHOULDN’T have been there with this DREADFUL cold. But, I KNEW if I didn’t show up, everyone would think I copped out — because who can REALLY tell if your sick from behind your computer screen. I NEVER go to blog events (because I sort-of made this deal with myself early on that I’d stay behind the screen), so I KNEW that if I didn’t go, they’d all think I wimped out and wasn’t committed. But, AM COMMITTED. LOOK HOW COMMITTED. I went to the event SHVITZING with fever!

Again, don’t worry, it’s not The Swine…. (Although I cannot IMAGINE being any sicker than this…!)

So, the party was well worth going to — even sick as a DAWG. (Bunch sure knows how to throw a PAR-TAY!) I hung out with some of my favourite bloggers! SWEET Katie ~ Motherbumper, the one-and-only Her Bad Mother Catherine Connors, Sandra from Mamalooper, Emma Willer from (I love this…) Where there’s a Willer…, and, last but NOT LEAST, my good ol’ friend Ali, of Cheaper Than Therapy whom I haven’t seen in MONTHS (because I am a BAD FRIEND, BAD!).

I really didn’t get enough pictures. Mostly because Rascal was clinging to me FOR DEAR LIFE for the first hour and a half of the party. After that, he warmed up and started running to the middle of the dance floor and, erm, dancing!! It was so adorable. I was so proud….

I also didn’t get enough pictures because it was just too much work for my sick self to keep digging my camera out of my bottomless purse…. It was also too much work for my sick self to say NO to Monkey getting a cotton candy — which, I (and my strong opinions!) think has to be the grossest excuse for candy ever invented….

You know you’re sick when…you let your daughter eat COTTON CANDY. Ew. I managed to steer the Rascal away from it with COOKIE….

Best of all, I think, has to be the picture Monkey drew at the party. I HAVE to share it….

Yeah, Happy Mother’s Day to ME. I’m the big POTATO in the middle of the picture. Rascal is the hilarious sad thing on the left (seriously? how funny is that?), and Josh is on the right…. Just when I was feeling SLIMMER (after a 5-pound weight loss, courtesy of being SICK AS DAWG), Monkey draws me LIKE THAT? A big fat potato. Oh man….

Okay. BACK TO BED.

Happy Mother’s Day, Gorgeouses!

Love!

xo Haley-O

If you haven’t already, go check CHEATY GOODIES for our EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS contest. Only Canadians are eligible for this one, but (again) the post and video will make everyone think.

He was up last night. 1am. 3am. 5am. We did the let-him-cry thing. Because we’ll try anything at this point. But, then Monkey woke up. And, I couldn’t take it. So, yes, as Josh-O puts it, I’m “letting my son walk all over me.” From 5am to 7am I lay stiff as a board in the precise position Rascal requires to fall asleep. I waited ’till he started snoring — ARM WAS NUMB — before I switched to a comfortable position. And, of course, he woke up, grabbed my arm, and lay back down on it, in the position. In the position. My shoulder, neck, and upper back ache. I is tired. I is very, very tired.

But, as promised yesterday, I have Family Day adventure to tell….AND HAIRCUTS. SWEET haircuts. Monkey…GOT A BOB!!!

Right, we still have our Hanukkah decorations up. Hmm…, maybe there IS a little redneck in me?

I can’t stop mushing her cheeks now and telling her how ADORABLE HER NEW HAIR IS! Josh-O insisted “NO BOB,” but I whispered “DO IT” to the hairstylist, et VOILA!

And, then there’s her brother, too…. I can’t take it. BUZZ CUT!!!

Two words: OY OY!

Now, before I collapse right here on the keyboard, check where we went on Family Day….

THE TORONTO BEACHES!

Bet you non-Canadian Gorgeouses didn’t know Toronto had a beach, had sand, had water, had lakeside boardwalk….

Isn’t it GORJ…?

And cute beach-y houses….

And CUTE beach-y stores….

And new beach-y shades….

And, by the way, you know what that means? It means she’s no longer just “CAPTAIN TO THE RESCUE.” No, she’s “CAPTAIN MOVIE STAR TO THE RESCUE.” And, she wore them ALL MORNING today at school, of course, and throughout dinner….

In typical Rascal fashion, Rascal cried most of the day. But, the buzz-cut cuteness factor (and the walking cuteness factor) made up for it….

In all fairness to him, though, it was cold. Dang cold. As soon as we got back in the warm car, he cheered up (after, that is, we forced his wailing writhing self into his car seat), and he sang and yelled “TICKA TICKA TICKA.” Ticka — it was his first word. First Rascalism. It means “tickle.” TICKA TICKA TICKA!!!

It was a great Family Day. Something different. Beautiful. I just love being a tourist in my own city…. ‘Cept now I totally want to live there.

Love!

xo Haley-O

Last night, I neglected my blog in favour of SLEEP. I had to. Besides, it was a holiday in Ontario today: Family Day. Yes, it’s days like today that make me really love my province…. I’ll tell you all about our special Family Day tomorrow. Because, apparently, we still have the Valentine’s Day recap to get to. And, I know you’re all on the edge of your couches WAITING to hear what movie Josh-O and I ended up seeing. Was it the one YOU recommended?

I can safely, categorically, say NO. No. No. No.

Because…. Have you forgotten that Josh-O and I have the WORST LUCK when it comes to movies? We are ALWAYS late — even when we leave extra early — and we always end up seeing something other than what we planned, usually a kid’s movie. Like the time we ended up seeing Open Season. In the theatre. IN THE THEATRE.

IN THE THEATRE.

Anyway, our bad movie luck continued on Valentine’s Eve — our first date in a LO-HO-HONG TI-HI-HIME (a really REALLY long time).

The evening started off great. We dropped the monkeys off at it’sgrandma and papa’shere’s house and headed out to a new Indian restaurant in our area. We took a couple pictures of our dining selves with our blackberries. But, Josh-O looks terrible in all of them (ahem), so here’s the one picture we got where neither of us looks like we have a double chin….

I did my makeup and, as you CAN’T tell…, my hair. I wore my favourite new hoodie (which, as I found out the next day, still had the price tag hanging off it…). I felt good. And, the food was good. It’s always hard to get the waitstaff to understand what it means when I say “I’m vegan.” Our waiter couldn’t quite figure it out because he was so obsessed with telling the chef I had a “dairy allergy” — only to put a plate of chicken thingies in front of me. “She’s vegan,” Josh tried to explain. “I JUST LOVE THE BIRDS,” I added.

It was delicious and romantic. Josh and I began to remember why we got married in the first place…. Aww….

THEN. We decided we were not going to do the “Indian theme” and see Slumdog Millionaire after Indian dining. No. We were going to take advantage of our night at the BIG SCREEN, and see Coraline 3-D style. I was so excited. I’d never seen a 3D movie in the theatres before (not since Epcot Centre, anyway)! This was going to be GREAT! Wait ’til all my readers hear about this, I thought….

So, we get to the theatre. I’m pulling my hair behind my ears in anticipation of the 3D glasses. We go to the machine to pay, and, LO AND BEHOLD, there’s no 3D Coraline, AND the time is different than what it said in the papers. If we were going to see a 2D movie, it was NOT going to be Coraline because, NOW, I only want to see it in 3D. So, we BOLTED to a nearby theatre to see Slumdog.

…Only to get there…. Too late. We were too late. So, we ended up seeing the only movie we could make it to (without keeping it’sgrandma and papa’shere up all night with the monkeys)….

The International. With CLIVE. I was so depressed at first — because I really didn’t want to see this movie in theatres. But, then, pretty-much right when the movie started and CLIVE OWEN APPEARED ON THE BIG SCREEN, I relaxed. I MELTED.

It was a pretty good movie. Way too violent for me, which I expected, since I posted this very photo on my old gossip site months ago….

But, GARSH, Naomi Watts is gorgeous — and totally not a young thing….

I loved her! But, I was TRÈS disappointed that there was absolutely NO SEX in the movie. Not even a peck on the cheek. Naomi Watts’s character was even married to some other hot dude. Seriously, TRÈS disappointing. But, it was okay, because I filled that gap by imagining myself nibbling on Clive’s neck during the parts of the movie that I didn’t understand (which were many).

All in all (who says that anymore?), it was a great night. I cannot WAIT to go to another movie. Maybe with a girlfriend this week? Shopoholic anyone?

In other news…. I got lovely flowers for Valentine’s Day, which I’ve placed high up on the fireplace mantle — like a dangling carrot for poor Minden….

And…, Monkey got the best Valentine’s gift ever, from her perfect mother Build-A-Bear. I didn’t expect it to be THIS cute and big and SOFT….

Build-A-Bear also has a gift for one of YOU. I’ll tell you more about it after our current contest is over — check that before it’s dunzo!

What? You still here? You want MORE? Wasn’t this post LONG ENOUGH? I mean, MY GOODNESS! I mean, this whole thing could have been written in TWO SENTENCES: Coraline was 2D and we were late for Slumdog. Saw The International.

Just wait till tomorrow, when I tell you all about what we did TODAY! Are you on the edge of your couch? Stay tuned….

Oh, and, want to know what melts my heart (other than CLIVE!)? The thought of Tanis, of The Redneck Mommy fame, and her NEW 5-year-old son with special needs. She was FINALLY able to adopt her dream child. Congratulations, Tanis, on your beautiful new SON! See, Gorgeouses, there is much GOOD in this world.

Love!
xo Haley-O

Still on holiday, but there are things to share. I WAS going to talk about my New Year’s resolutions, but I’m still pondering them.

One of them, however, I’ve already started. FAREWELL to Starbucks grande soy no-water tazo chai. YES. I’ve officially quit that dreaded drink. Well, it’s been two days. And, Gorgeouses, I feel like ARRRRRRRRRRSE! Not only am I in MAJOR caffeine withdrawal, but I’m also in MAJOR sugar withdrawal. In a word: EXHAUSTED. YOU try to give up your daily sugar-caffeine-fix-in-a-GRANDE-cup, and see how YOU feel. It’s brutal. BRUTAL. I’m exhausted and headachy and a little depressed because that thing had serious pick-me-up powers. POWERS. It’s totally like quitting cigarettes — a lifestyle! It’s like sitting at a bar the day you quit cigarettes (in university): sitting across from this guy, one hand holding a beer and the other hand empty, and you’re all, like, WHAT are we going to talk about…and suddenly bars aren’t so fun anymore….

I WAS able to go to Starbucks today without caving and buying a chai. A good sign. When I got home, though, I was exhausted and weary and NEEDING STIMULATION. So, I grabbed a cookie. And another. And another.

Well, one thing at a time. I won’t be hard on myself. In place of the chai, I’ve been enjoying my morning smoothie in a Starbucks mug….

In other news, I got an awesome haircut from THE MAN Henry at Calia….

I look TIRED. And, of course, that’s Uniqua from The Backyardigans in the background. The Monkey’s obsessed. There are no words. At least not right now. Too tired. Need caffeine. And sugar. Just….

Wings!

Here’s Cat in the Cupboard — Tigger being mischievous….

Oh wait, I know what I need. More water. WATER will help me get through the WITHDRAWAL. Lasts longer than COOKIE and makes hair and eyes SHINE. Going to get some right now.

If I don’t blog before Thursday (still technically taking bloggy holiday), HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Love!

xo Haley-O

I’ve been busy on my bloggy holiday. Check CHEATY RECOMMENDS for deets on how you can give to charity fast and easy (before December 31) through CanadaHelps.org. There’s also a chance to win a $25 gift certificate to a charity of your choice. Love!

Happy Holidays, Gorgeouses! We’ve been enjoying Hanukkah here at the O House, and at it’sgrandma and papa’shere’s house, and at friends’ houses. It’s been non-stop. In fact, our house may as well be a toy store now. Toys EVERYWHERE. It’s insanity.

Party at it’sgrandma’s. Can you count how many dogs there are in this picture?

The monkeys did REALLY well with their gifts — which is why I’m EXHAUSTED right now. Who knew a 3-year-old’s toys could be so COMPLICATED.

I’m also exhausted because Rascal has a cold. It’s been months since my kids have been sick and THE DAY WE GO TO THE DOCTOR to get Rascal his 15-month shots, he gets sick. Go figure. I’m not sure if he’s sick FROM the shots. He’s all congested and barking and just a wee bit feverish. Anyway, he has this new thing where, every chance he gets, he plants a gooey (SNOTTY) kiss on MY MOUTH. (First Minden now RASCAL!?) It’s really cute, I know. But, TOTALLY GROSS.

So, I probably swallowed, oh, a half a pound of snot through the course of the day. And, I’m feeling it now. Must get to bed early….

But, first, check our decorations! It’s not a Christmas tree or anything, as Monkey hoped, but it’s something….

Blue tinsel with silver dreidels and Jewish Stars hanging from it….

Sigh…, the banner that was supposed to last forever…, but ALAS….

“I broke da ledder, Mama! I broke da ledder!”

Oh well….

These holiday days are long — no morning preschool! So, again, I’m beyond tired. Playing playing playing from dawn till dusk. BUT, I rediscovered afternoon bath time. Look how busy they are…, AND CONTAINED….

And, Gorgeouses…. It’s the Monkey. She named ONE of her many bath toys. Well, they all have gibberish names like Sippa and Shippa and Kippa, or descriptive names like Lion or Elephant or Pinky Bear. Except for one of them. One of them has an, erm, fancy name. This one….

Meet…FRANCY:

Francy? FRANCY?

Not only does, erm, FRANCY get a fancy name. But, she also gets special treatment. A luxury shower….

And, a tub-side BED….

Ahhh! That’s the life!

And, speaking of bed…. Goodnight, Gorgeouses!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Peace, Love, Compassion….

Namaste…,
xo Haley-O

P.S.: I’m taking a WEE break from blogging over the holidays. I’ll be blogging, sure, but not as regularly for the next week or so. I need the time to just chill. Stay tuned, though, for Cheaty’s Annual New Year’s Resolutions!!!

Red is the colour of a Valenti-ine;
Purple is the colour of grapes on a vine;
Green is the colour of a green string be-ean;
Blue is the colour of my blue jeans;
Yellow is the colour of a sunflower ta-all;
Orange is the colour of a pumpkin in the Fall;
Brown is the colour of a chocolate ca-ake;
White is the colour of a snowflake.

Should I do it again?

How do you like that, Gorgeouses? Monkey must have sung it at least 15 times over dinner. No kidding. Josh-O and I were hysterical laughing. Apparently, it’s one of the songs in Monkey’s holiday concert Friday. It’s supposed to be a surprise, as is the, erm, holiday present the kids made us — and, of course, I know what THAT is, too, but I won’t say because some of the other parents read this blog (HEY GUYS!!) and there’s a CHANCE their kids didn’t tell them. Monkey’s an open book JUST like her mama.

I’ll try to get the song on video. It’ll be my mission this week…. You HAVE to hear her singing it.

So, today was, of course, another TERRIBLE TUESDAY. Thankfully, it was the last Terrible Tuesday I’ll have in 2008 because I’m not teaching my Tuesday yoga class again until January. And, do I ever need a break.

Just because it was the last Terrible Tuesday of 2008 doesn’t mean it wasn’t TERRIBLE, though. In fact, it was even MORE TERRIBLE than last Tuesday. And, here’s why:

He was up last night…ALL NIGHT. So, I had to endure TERRIBLE TUESDAY on NO SLEEP. Why was he up all night? Because I made a little sound when I came upstairs to go to bed; the floor creaked or something. The kid’s the LIGHTEST sleeper. God forbid you should BREATHE anywhere near his sleeping self, he’ll wake up. And, it’s all over.

So, the floor creaked and Rascal started screaming and I CAVED and took him to bed with me because I didn’t want wake the monkey and have TWO wired kids on my tired back to deal with when all I wanted was sleep and my own space. (Nothing like a run-on sentence to bring out the REBEL in me!) Anyway, he stopped crying when I took him to my bed, of course. And, I thought I might get some sleep. Only…. He…. Insisted…. On sleeping with his nose and mouth pressed to MY nose and mouth!!! Not only was it stinky — because baby breath isn’t always pretty — but I COULDN’T BREATHE. So, I’d move him over, and he’d turn over, sit up, and dive his face into mine.

Hmph. Cheaty little CUDDLER!

Finally, I gave up trying to BREATHE, and Josh-O took him back to his crib, where he cried…and cried. And, I couldn’t stand it. Finally, we got him to sleep.

An hour later, Monkey screams: “DADA! I NEEDA PEE! I NEEDA PEE!” And, Rascal woke up. Again. The end.

No sleep. So I’m going to bed, like, now. And Wednesday is going to be Wonderful.

Love!
xo Haley-O

CANADIAN GORGEOUSES: Win a $25 iTunes gift card at GOODIES!

I know. We’re Jewish. But that doesn’t mean we can’t share in the Christmas spirit! In fact, the monkey is BEGGING me for a Christmas tree, and, I’m telling you, I’m almost tempted…. Can you imagine? No. The monkey needs to learn to love Hanukkah. So, instead of caving and running out to buy a Christmas tree, I went crazy on the Hanukkah decorations. Haven’t put them up yet. But, when I do, I’ll share pictures, fashizzle.

I’m telling you, though. Try telling your 3-year-old daughter she doesn’t get a Christmas tree! It’s SO HARD. Christmas is, like, a little girl’s DREAM. The SPARKLES! The MAGIC! The lovable old man with the HO HO HO! The RUDOLF! The FROSTY! The MOVIES! The NUTCRACKER….

She was probably the youngest little girl Saturday night at the Nutcracker Ballet. And, she looked like a LITTLE DOLL….

Josh-O bought her this outfit and it was RIDICULOUSLY adorable.

It’sgrandma and Papa’shere took us out for dinner and then to the show. Dinner was not without its glitches. The waiter was a piece of work. Long story short: she withheld our meals because we accidentally spilled water on her “good-quality leather shoes.” Can you believe? We had a 3-YEAR-OLD with us! Can you imagine making a 3-year-old wait FORTY MINUTES for her meal because your shoes got wet? And, can you imagine leaving your customer (it’sgrandma) STANDING in the middle of the restaurant WAITING for you to return with paper towels AND YOU NEVER DO? Unbelievable. We DEFINITELY complained to management. Because I have NEVER! I was really upset about this. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and this waiter let me down. She was definitively NOT a nice person (to put it mildly).

Sigh, anyway….

It’s funny how you think your little girl is SO BIG, and then you take her to the ballet, and she becomes such a wee little thing. She was so tiny! Like a little BABY!

She was my little baby again. And, she was so good. She sat through the entire Nutcracker ballet and loved it liked it very much. Sure, she had some loud voice issues…. Like when the Sugar Plum Fairy came out, and it was all quiet as she tippy-toed about to the famous Tchaikovsky melody: “SHE’S GOT JEWELS ON HER!” the monkey yelled, “I LOVE JEWELS!” Heh.

Unfortunately, Monkey had to go to the washroom in the middle of the second act, and it’sgrandma had to FIGHT with the ushers to get back in (can you imagine? not letting a 3-year-old and her it’sgrandma back in to THE NUTCRACKER?!? It’sgrandma will be writing a scathing letter to the management, which will most-definitely include a reminder that we are SEASON’S TICKET HOLDERS. Ahem). Luckily, they made it back in in time for the little lambs, whom monkey befriended during intermission….

Of course, It’sgrandma and Papa’shere HAD to get Monkey a souvenir from her VERY FIRST BALLET….

A nutcracker snow globe…. When she took it out of the box and shook it, of course, it slipped out of her little hands and smashed all over the marble floor beside the boutique. The guy behind the booth was so nice, though! And, he gave us a brand new one…. My faith in humanity RESTORED!

Even so…, there’s always MEENO….

* Photos of the Ballet, with thanks, c/o the National Ballet of Canada’s Nutcracker website. I wasn’t even allowed to take pictures before the show started. USHER FROM HELL even tried to make me delete the photos I took of papa’shere and the Monkey IN THEIR SEATS. OY! What was up with people last night!

Guess what, Gorgeouses? I was interviewed over at BlissChick! I hope I did okay. It was really challenging! But, I got a lot out of it — it really made me think! (UPDATE: I thought the interview was going up today, but it’s not ready yet. I’ll let you know when it’s up!)

CANADIAN GORGEOUSES: check GOODIES for your contest. Love to ALL!