I’ve had WAY too much wine to be writing anything right now. I think they call this drunk blogging. Yes. They do. This would be drunk blogging. I mostly know I’m drunk because my front tooth is THROBBING. It throbs when I drink wine — even just a little. You know, when I was preggers and didn’t want anyone to know I was preggers, it didn’t matter that I didn’t drink when I went out because I just had to REMIND everyone that I have that tooth thing that happens when I drink. And, that was that — everyone would be like “oh yeah, yeah, the tooth thing.” No, like, seriously, EVERYONE believed it was because of the tooth. It’s just fact here now around these parts. Haley-O has a funky-arse tooth. When she drinks wine, it throbs. Nothing funny about that.

I asked a doctor about it the other night at this dinner I was at, and he said it’s because the acid in the wine is irritating the area. I HAVE had 10+ surgeries in that area. Yes, I gave up counting after surgery #10. Why all the surgeries? Because my brother decided to throw a rock at my sister when we were kids. His aim was a little lacking. Just a little lacking. Ahem. Anyway, we call it “the gift that keeps on giving” because my struggle with this tooth has been unending.

Throb throb throb throb.

I so did not mean to ramble on about my tooth. I MEANT to ramble on about my cheaty little adventure out here in the country. But, now, I’m TRAY tired. IN a nutshell, Josh-O had to work all day today. I didn’t want to stay in the house with the kids all day. So, I got in the car WITH the two monkeys and just DROVE! I managed to find my way to two different little towns. COULDN’T find a Starbucks — wah…. Rephrase: REALIZED there are no Starbucks here. Just like THERE IS NO SPOON (Matrix). Same sort of thing. Spiritual and everything.

By the way? WAY too much wine? Is ONE GLASS. Just F to the YI.

So, we drove a lot, and I found us a grungy cute little dive cafe to have lunch at. We enjoyed grilled cheese sandwiches and chips and ice cream. I threw the diet to the wind and just enjoyed being a kid with my kids. It was A-MA-ZING. After lunch, we ventured off to the library, which ended up being cool historical spot — the library part of which was closed.

I got lost took the scenic route home.

…knows I’m a vegetarian….

…It was a three-hour-ish return drive. I took EVERY ROUTE imaginable to try to get home. The last imaginable route possible was the one. And, on the way…, Monkey got a MAYJAH nose bleed. Like, I HAVE NEVER! I told her she was making cool nose art (that’s the second time I’ve used “cool” in this post — Monkey must be rubbing off on me). Apparently, I’m supposed to rub some vaseline in her nose now and then to combat future ones. We’ll see how it goes. It was very X-Files. But, I’m proud that I remained unexpectably unexpectedly calm, cool (THIRD) and collected. It’s soooooooo the yoga. Thank HEAVENS for little yoga.

xo Haley-O

I wasn’t going to write tonight, but I got the urge. Maybe it’s my need to connect so I can purge the ONE-HORROR-SHOW-AFTER-ANOTHER…. Or, maybe it’s just that I’m missing my Gorgeouses. AWWWWW! Love! Or, maybe I’m just trying to escape DEXTER, which is WAY too violent for me. WAY! And, which is what Josh-O and the future bro-in-law are watching right now. I’m SORT OF watching it. I got one eye on this computer screen and one on the TV — cautious, very cautious.

These shows are NOT good for the anxiety level — says the girl who went INSANE over a hole in a NUT once upon a time and WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

Anyway, here we are. It’s definitely different than as it was in the summer. It’s grey, and the clouds are heavy. But, the Fall leaves are gorj as you’d expect. Hay bales emerge out of misty acres of sienna fields…. Loverly.

‘Cept for the dead frogs.

I’ve seen numerous dead frogs on the road I’ve been walking back and forth and back and forth on to get some good exercise. I always see them — flat as a pancake, a frog-shaped pancake — JUST as I’m about to step on them, and I FLY, like, 2 feet in the air. I have to jump so high so I can CATCH MY HEART, which I feel like I’ve vomited out of my mouth. Too. Many. HORROR. Shows. NOT good.

Okay. Now, I gotta go because Dexter has officially sucked my sorry anxious arse in. Oh well.

Have a great day! And, say a prayer for me that I do NOT overeat tonight and tomorrow night. It’s the Jewish New Year — in other words MAYJAH EATING FESTS. Besides, isolated as we are in the country, food (and horror shows — True Blood, anyone? LOVE IT…Buffy fan that I am, but OMIGOD it’s RAW) are a MAYJAH source of entertainment. Although, I did go on TWO hour-long walks up and down the DEAD FROG road today. HOLLAAAAAHHHH!

xo Haley-O