I try.

I try to be a good mother.

I try to be a good wife and daughter and friend and relative.

I try to be a good person.

I try to be a good student and employee and coworker.

I try to write well.

I try to entertain and delight.

I try eat well.

I try to practice yoga. Every day.

I try to exercise.

I try to breathe and meditate and be spiritual.

I try to look presentable.

I try to be compassionate.

I try not to eat or wear animal products.

I try to keep a clean house.

I try not to lie, get mad, eat too much sugar, skip meals, spend too much money.

I try to manage anxious thoughts, stave off panic and ride waves of depression without slipping back into the deep.

I try to keep my plants alive and my pets fed.

I try to support and help others.

I try to be green and heal the planet.

I try to keep my family happy and healthy.

I try to set a good example for my kids.

This holiday I stopped trying.

I took a holiday from parenting and everything else at my parents’ cottage. I ate a lot, slept a lot, relaxed, gained weight. I let my kids eat cookies for breakfast, spend the day in their pajamas and watch Star Wars.

We played a lot of Sorry! (the Rascal’s our Sorry! champ!)….

We made a (sorry) snowman….

I slid down a hill on this Spider-man sled over and over again and laughed….

We went snowshoeing….

We danced and did our thing….

And I bought a sparkly pompom hat and scarf, fell in love with Ryan Gosling, baked cookies with the Rascal, read books, coloured and went for fairy walks with the Monkey, played tons of soccer, gazed at the stars, the moon and the nearly-frozen lake….

I’ve quoted this a bunch of times here in this blog and I’ll quote it again. My wonderful former yoga teacher, Monica Voss, said this about an asana (yoga pose) during one of our classes a few years ago: Sometimes we have to collapse the structure so we can gradually rebuild. I’ve never forgotten it.

And I’ve done it again.

I’ve collapsed the structure — The Structure of Trying — in which, like a guinea pig, I try and I try and I try to attain goal after goal and I’m just running and running and time is passing, wheel is spinning, and I’m getting nowhere. And I’m still heavier than I’d like to be, getting heavier. And still anxious. And perpetually tired. Endlessly busy, and buying, and sitting, and doing, and pushing, and giving, and hungry, and full, and struggling.

I’ve collapsed the structure. And I’m very gradually building a new foundation — starting with me.

I’ve found a really gentle guide on holistic nutritionist Meghan Telpner’s website called 21 Days to Health. It’s an ebook that involves making small daily changes to your life, like drinking lemon water in the morning (Day 1), flossing every time you brush (Day 2), going to bed 15 minutes earlier (Day 3), and so on. I do a lot of these things already (like flossing!), but I’ve been feeling such a sense of accomplishment, simply because I’ve managed to drink lemon water every morning for the past 5 days — never mind the fact that I haven’t been inside a Starbucks in five days either!(!!)

That easy, daily sense of accomplishment is golden for someone like me.

At the same time, I’ve been energized enough to make all my own meals, feed my family well, eat greens, take a lunch to work, eat lunch, avoid sugar, drink more water, and stay away from Starbucks!(!!)

And, so, for my yogi readers: I haven’t been to yoga. I’ve gone from my daily, trying Ashtanga practice to effectively ZIP. But I feel good. I’ve been taking my practice into my own hands, laying down the necessary foundation of a good diet (and general self-care), on which to gradually build a proper yoga practice — and everything else. The yoga just wasn’t working: I was gaining weight, not sleeping, feeling anxious. But then again it was working. It’s now forcing me to make space for yoga in my life (as my current yoga teacher might say) by cleaning up my diet (but, as you know, he would definitely not condone not practicing to make the space…!). And cleaning up my diet, for me, has meant limiting strenuous exercise. At least for now. I will be in class tomorrow, though, and probably a few times next week. Eventually, I’ll build my practice up to where it was, but I’ll be stronger and healthier and lean enough to progress in it and, finally, to be assisted in twists without shame, crying (or laughing!). It’s worth a try.

So it seems 2012 is starting quietly, calmly, privately (hence the lack of blog posts…), pensively, lightly, (somewhat) effortlessly, deliciously, healthfully, joyfully.

I brought a delicious casserole I made and an orange to work today….

Happy New Year, Gorgeouses…!

Love!

xo Haley-O

A few weeks ago, I hurried out of yoga class to get to work and stopped to say bye and thanks to my super-amazing yoga teacher David.

“My twists are terrible,” I told him as I slipped on my crocs.

“Awful!” He laughed.

“Terribly awful,” I insisted.

“How’s your diet?”

How’s my diet? At first I was excited that he asked because it meant that some good, motivating diet advice from my super-amazing health and spirituality guru was about to come. But, then I realized, gratefully, what an incredibly brave question that was for him to ask me. As my yoga buddy Jeff pointed out, it really shows the depths of a teacher’s compassion and investment in his students — that he’s willing to risk a slap in the face from overweight female straggler. Super amazing.

“It’s bad,” I told him. “Too many soy-chai lattes, sugar, bread, peanut butter. No time to cook for myself, blah blah blah.”

“That’s not good,” he told me. “You need to feed yourself.”

Feed yourself. My gosh. Once again, super-amazing yoga teacher has triggered epiphany. Feed myself. My gosh, I don’t feed myself. I eat, but I don’t feed myself. And I totally 100% eat to numb my emotions. I figured it out on my vacation over the last two weeks in cottage and farm country — i.e., miles away from STARBUCKS. A whole bunch of emotions (even happy ones!) surfaced as a result of not starting my days with a Starbucks sugar rush, and I had no idea what to do with them other than face them head-on or continue to stuff them down unsuccessfully with the sweetest cinnamony syrup I could find.

Practising yoga every day helped. Emotions arose and then vanished after a few poses. And I survived, incredibly.

I kayaked alone almost every day, and I noticed my emotions as I braved some big waves. Emotions ebbed and flowed. Seriously. It was meditation on water. And I survived, incredibly.

I tried to feed myself, as David advised. And I didn’t do that great. I ate chips (which I never eat), the kids’ vegan gummy bears, dark chocolate, peanut butter bagel sandwiches. I wasn’t feeding myself. I was eating.

And now that I’m back from vacation, I’m back on chai lattes.

So today’s the day, Gorgeouses. I’m going to start officially to feed myself. And I know it’s going to be tough, but I’m going to face my emotions head-on without food: anxieties about the kids, the stresses of feeding my family every day, responding to demands, tantrums, needs, wants (never mind my own needs and wants…). I can’t be a perfect parent because there’s just no such thing — I know that — but the stress of doing my best every day takes its toll. And sometimes at the end of the day I just want to veg — lay like broccoli, rather than eat it. I know this now.

Just breathe.

My body is supposed to be my temple. I believe that. And I want to move faster, feel lighter, look better.

I’ve been noticing lately that some women wear scarves around their necks to adorn their bodies. Others ink themselves with awesome tattoos. Others twist shiny strands into intricate ‘dos just to go to work.

I wear makeup — not to adorn my temple, ahem, but to cover up the results of not feeding myself: zits, dehydration, exhaustion, need I go on? As for my hair, I’ll always wash and go….

But I took the kids to the grocery store today. We stocked up on veggies, fruits, all good organic stuff. And when we got home, I took the time to wash and chop everything up instead of letting it all rot untouched in my fridge, as usual.

David suggested that I don’t do anything extreme to feed myself. No raw diets, low-carb diets. Definitely a vegan diet, of course. He likes the macrobiotic way of eating. But he said that if, for example, I can’t find time to make a macrobiotic breakfast (i.e., porridge and blanched greens, blergh…) after yoga practice, that I should have fruit and nuts — “just feed yourself!”

So I’m going back to basics, with the help of this book and this new book…. And then we’ll see about getting macro-fancy. I just need to feed myself, and not eat so much. Know what I mean?

By the way, David did say that I can allow myself my favourite drug drink on moon days — so, I’m looking forward to Sunday….

How about you? Do you feed yourself? How?

Love!

xo Haley-O

So, NEWSFLASH: I have high cholesterol.

My doc gave me the great news last Wednesday. Which was perfect because Josh was out of town all week so I was freaking out that I was heading for a heart attack all by myself all week. He’s home now, but I’m over it. My cholesterol’s not THAT high. And I guess I’m lucky we caught it while I’m in my mid-thirties. CRAZY that I have this in my mid-thirties. SCARY that I have this in my mid-thirties — especially since my family has seen some major heart issues this year.

I’m so lucky, though. This is a good, gentle kind of wake-up call. The Glinda of wake-up calls. Very thankful.

When I first heard the news, though, I got a little depressed. And, sadly, I found myself relieved that Josh was away so I couldn’t make it out to the Yoga shala. I just suddenly felt like I was morbidly obese, and I was embarrassed to be there and dreading those Marichyasana twists. Also, I’m a vegan. What’s a proud vegan yogi doing with high cholesterol? I felt guilty as charged — only I can’t remember the last time I ate anything to do with animals (other than the odd piece of birthday cake).

My doctor says this is most likely a weight thing or a hereditary thing, which I hope doesn’t mean that I’m destined for LIPATOR or whatever that cholesterol drug is called. Because I won’t do it. As I’ve said before, I’d rather not pee those meds into our rivers, lakes and oceans — I’m just not that important.

But I’m the most important person in the world to at least two very important people.

I need to be my absolute healthiest for my kids. So I’m going to fix this. The first thing I need to do is stop being weirdly afraid to lose weight, and, of course, I need to lose weight now. I mean REALLY lose weight — not lose it for a week and then gain it back. I need to change my lifestyle and just chill about this.

I know I’m not a sick person. I’m totally strong and capable of turning this thing around. Watch me, Gorgeouses. I’m in a better mood, and I’m making changes. My big thing is cutting out the sugar, which I hear creates cholesterol or something, and I need to eat frequent meals (the doc gave me a whole guide). Plus I’m reading Allen Carr’s Lose Weight Now, which is supposed to hypnotize you into losing weight, and no matter how I feel about myself and my diagnosis, I have to get my arse to the yoga shala and sweat it out among all those gorj, sweaty, inspiring people…. I’ll keep you posted!

Gotta go for now, my kitty wants to cuddle.

Okay, so while I’m busy cleaning up my entire act, you need to go out and pick up the June issue of Today’s Parent Magazine! (We’ll talk about that next time…. People are stopping me in the streets!) Open it up to p. 33, and you’ll see my latest print article and PHOTOS of celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak and me working out together. The issue came out at the perfect time, ahem, because the camera definitely adds 10 pounds….

Love!

xo Haley-O

Gorgeouses, I’ve been writing so much lately that the thought of writing this. next. word. is actually making me a little nauseous. But still. I’m dedicated, or something. And so I persevere and write through the nausea. Ahhhhh.

Still nauseous.

I think it might be the rain that’s making me nauseous actually. Or, more likely, my diet. My diet has gone to carp. And I think I gained five pounds back. BUT I finally did weigh myself this morning and saw that I lost a total of 8 pounds since I started my fitness challenges. Which means I’d probably lost about 18 pounds before Passover — when all that matzah flour effectively unleavened my willpower….

So we need a challenge. And we need one fast. Because David gave me another new set of yoga poses! And it was a disaster this morning.

I’m doing dropbacks now (with help, of course)! Here’s my gorj friend Miss Stan, my teacher David’s wife, demonstrating dropbacks when she was pregnant. And, in case you’re wondering, it was totally safe for her pregnancy because she was a pro at them before she became pregnant and just LOOK AT THEIR BABY (I rest my case):

Yes, I’m more obsessed with yoga than ever. It’s good that you noticed. And thanks, really, for indulging me. As a thank you, I give you a virtual mwwwwwwah and cottage pics from the long weekend!

The lake has defrosted….

Betty White demonstrated the utter brilliance that Malteses are known for and JUMPED IN the freshly defrosted water. It was so cold that she swam right back to shore, so I couldn’t get a good pic. But oy….

Oh, and dammit we lost our ball…!

But the shells we found made up for it….

And now….

CHALLENGE IS ON. Who’s with me? No sugar, no flour, no eating after dinner, awesome vigorous Ashtanga yoga practice daily.

I’ve got rice on the stove….

Steamed cauliflower and miso soup made….

Alice’s Tahini-Lemon dressing….

I’m all set. One week. NAY! TWO WEEKS: no sugar, no flour, no eating after dinner, daily awesome vigorous Ashtanga yoga. Are you doing a challenge with me? What are your challenge “rules” (for lack of better term)? LET’S DO IT! We’re BACK! TWO WEEKS.

Challenge ends: Friday, May the 14th. You in!?

Next week, we’ll talk sauerkraut and ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. Bwah! LOOK AT THE TIME! I gotta get to bed! Tomorrow’s the Royal Wedding, and I’m getting up at 3am to live blog and tweet for Today’s Parent. So come visit me on twitter and over at my second home Celebrity Candy! The Monkey thiiiiiiiiiinks she’s waking up at 3am with me. She’ll NEVER do it. But we’ll see. I do have a pretty pink cupcake waiting for her (not me, blergh).

Love!

xo Haley-O

I have a really tight schedule. So much so that I often say my top priorities are my family, my job and my friends — in that order. Sadly, I don’t have much time for friends. I have a full-time job and part-time help with the kids. And when I’m not caring for my kids or working, I’m trying to take care of myself, you know, so I don’t break into a million tiny pieces: I go to yoga every day, and I cook now…a lot.

But tonight I made time for a friend, and it was one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. Here’s a fuzzy (alas, unflattering) photo of us….

What you don’t see is my two little Monkeys by our sides — I’d already used up my babysitting quota the night before when I went way downtown to hang out with my fabulous blogger friends.

What you don’t see is the jade “friendship” necklaces we bought shortly after taking this photo from a lonely street vendor. It was like we were kids again. Even though my own kids were there — providing the usual entertainment.

What you don’t see is her gorgeously pregnant belly. She wanted me to put a pink star on the photo (we didn’t end up getting) of it — just like I do over the Monkeys’ faces. She’s a funny one, that Erna!

Jill, or ERNA (as we like to call each other), is one of my oldest friends. She’s gorj and VERY PREGNANT with her first child. She’s a soul friend whom I don’t need to see all the time in order to stay close.

So I’m tweaking my priority list a bit and making at least a little more time for friends (and a regular date night with Josh, maybe?) — even if it seems there is no time. Because I may be exhausted from another late night, but I feel content, and like I’ve lived a little. And something tells me that’s a good thing.

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS. I lost a lot of weight writing my Fitness Blog at Today’s Parent! Here’s my “after” photo (for now)….

I’m in the process of migrating the posts to Cheaty Monkey, where the Fitness blog will now live (humungous thanks to my amazing team at Today’s Parent for gifting me with it)! Now to KEEP the weight off and lose some more. It’s harder without a blog to write! So we’ll have to talk about that here and get back on the wagon ASAP! Love!

{The Monkey taking a picture with a miniature toy ice cube.}

The fitness blog over at Todaysparent.com has been a really good thing for me personally. I’m finally reaching my long-time goal of getting fit and healthy, and losing some of the unhealthy habits I’d developed to cope with the emotional effects of my pregnancies. I’m not there yet, but it’s finally in sight. I’ve lost four pounds this week, and everything I’ve eaten on my in-between-challenges “cheat day” today, including my cherished chai latte, has tasted disgusting — I’m even feeling unpleasantly shaky and a little on the verge of crying.

Maybe it’s the cheaty chai. Or maybe it’s that blog and some of the feelings that it’s bringing up for me.

I’ve chosen a very different lifestyle than most people I know. So I’m assuming most people who read Todaysparent.com haven’t, or wouldn’t, choose it for themselves. I’ve always searched and struggled to find the “perfect” lifestyle, and I’ve never been able to find anything that feels right for me. I used to ask everyone what they ate, what they did to stay slim, and I’d read every diet book and magazine. Searching. Everything I read said something different: eat 5 meals a day; eat breakfast; don’t eat carbs; work out for 90 minutes a day; spin until you can’t feel your legs; jog; walk fast; lift weights; drink water. None of it has really spoken to me in the last few years. So none of it has worked for me (I’ve tried everything).

What speaks to me is my own body and, well…, ANCIENT STUFF.

This is why I’ve chosen daily yoga as a path. Practising my yoga, whether in the studio or at home, is one thing I know that is TRUE in my day. It’s just me, my body and my breath — and occasionally Betty White (the dog) or the Monkey, the Rascal or Minden (who loves to lick my yoga mat with his raspy tongue), or a hard kick in the head from the lithe woman in front of me who “jumps back” a little too close to my mat. And this is why I’ve chosen to eat the way I do.

I’m a very sensitive person. I get anxious if I overhear a news story or if I do the tiniest thing wrong. An anxious thought can throw me into tears or panic — especially since becoming a mother.

These days we’re just bombarded with information and interaction (online and off), and some of us can’t handle it without serious therapy. I learned that during my pregnancies, and I learn that now when I slip up and stop taking care of myself.

When Today’s Parent asked me to write a blog about my journey to weight loss I had no idea I’d really be writing about my life. MY LIFE and what exactly makes me tick.

My lifestyle choices are not mainstream. So I feel a little vulnerable talking about sauerkraut and kombu…. I almost want to cry that I’m telling a world that might not yet be open to it about sauerkraut and kombu, brown rice and shoyu. Will they shun me? Will they scoff? Will they think I’m loony?

Because I’m not. Or at least I don’t think I am. (And I know that’s not saying anything, but still.) Sure, I’m definitely definitely quirky and even a bit eccentric — I’ll give you that. But, like everyone, I’m just trying to feel good and be happy. I’m not telling anyone how to live their lives. I’m just trying to survive and be strong for my kids and to live the best way I can in a world that might otherwise knock me over.

So I don’t know how much to say right now. And I don’t know if I want to say anything anymore — just because this is all so intensely personal and different. Although I guess feeling vulnerable is a good exercise for a writer…. But I don’t know.

Maybe it’s the chai or the Rice Dream chocolate-mint-swirl frozen dessert that I just devoured to cap off “cheat day.” (Don’t worry, I’ve got brown rice and lentil miso soup bubbling on the stove….) Because I feel myself on the verge of tears again. Or maybe I need to be quiet for a bit and collect all my pieces.

I’ll figure it out. In the meantime — just — thank you for being here, for sticking around all these years and accepting me the way I am. You truly are gorgeous.

Love!
xo Haley-O

I’ve been working like a dog. It’s generally what happens this time every month — just before “production.” Last night alone, I finished two articles and wrote two blogs. And I’d already written three blogs, etc., etc., earlier in the day (and took the Rascal to the park, hosted the Monkey’s playdate, cooked dinner, etc., etc.). Gasp!

Not that I’m complaining. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do — WRITE! And I’m working with amazing people — the nicest, most supportive and cohesive group I’ve ever worked with. Go Today’s Parent! Seriously? RAH!

In addition to their awesomeness, I’m enamoured with Today’s Parent because I’m personally feeling better than I have in a long time. Despite suffering from post-bridge tooth pain, and despite being exhausted from not sleeping enough hours and being woken up within those few precious hours by a little RASCAL — “Mama, can I syeep with you?” — (and a hungry cat), I’ve never felt better.

They LOVE their mama….

And I have my Today’s Parent team to thank. If they hadn’t asked me to write a blog about my weight-loss journey, and talked to me about it and listened to me talk about it, I’d be sitting on the couch eating right now — instead of feeling light, energetic and a wee bit hungry and headachy from the Starbucks Soy No-Water CHAI WITHDRAWAL, FTW!

Anyway, I’m on Day 3 of my OWN weight loss challenge, which I developed in the course of writing THIS POST. And so far so good.

NOW, I’m going take a break from writing and this computer. And I’ll blog again in a couple of days when things settle down a bit and I get through some of these withdrawal and detox symptoms. I just didn’t want to let a week go by without checking in and sharing some revelations. There are more revelations, but — remember that chai-withdrawal headache I mentioned? — well, the brightness of this Macbook screen is unapologetically hurting my eyeballs and penetrating my throbbing head….

Back soon! I just had to say hi to my Gorgeouses! And…

…Love!

(Also I had a dream I was dating Charlie Sheen last night. FYI.)

xo Haley-O

Frown Lines, by The Monkey, February 2011.

There is a very. curious. picture of me in the pages of this month’s issue of Today’s Parent Magazine. I mean, Harley Pasternak looks chiseled! But I look, well, what’s a good word for the opposite of chiseled? That would be me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, the art team at Today’s Parent is the BEST. I mean LOVE! (And they even showed me the rest of the final photo layout when they saw how DISTRESSED I was about how I looked in this one — and it was very reassuring! The photos are beautiful!) It’s all me in this one. And, okay, it’s Harley’s fault too for putting me in a très unflattering position! No one looks good in an ab twist that’s facing the camera, head in profile. OKAY JUST SEE FOR YOURSELF HERE. It’s arful. And if you want to know what “arful” means, click on the link.

So…? What’d you think? ALL THAT SAID, it is a teeny photo — a preview of the cool three-photo layout of Harley and me in the June issue of the magazine. Anyway, we’ll just pretend this wee photo never happened and wait for JUNE (well, May, when it comes out).

NOW, I’m going to bed. And I may or may not blog tomorrow about this little thing called non-attachment that I’ve been thinking about lately…. Also, I’ve been vilely ill for the past few days and it’s a wonder I’m able to put fingertips to keyboard and make any sense right now — having just come back (on this edge here of vile illness) from the National Ballet of Canada’s quite excellent production of Don Quixote.

And guess what, Gorgeouses!? Tomorrow I get my NEW TOOTH! A shining, beautiful, PERMANENT new front tooth. It’s going to be a grueling appointment, fo’shizzle, but beyond worth it after a WHOLE YEAR OF WAITING! Maybe it’s just what I need to get really motivated to kick it up a nartch for my “After” shoot — aka REDEMPTION shoot — in the December issue of Today’s Parent….

I’ll try to get some photos of the new teeth tomorrow if I don’t look too “wretched.” (Apparently I looked wretched today — but still way better than I look in my wee photo! EEEK!)

Love!

xo Haley-O

Aside from feeling “nudged” (which is a Jewish term for wanting to eat even though you’re not hungry), I feel great. And it all started last Thursday.

I’d been meaning to prepare you for the event. But I didn’t get around to it, and I didn’t want to think about it. Which is also why I didn’t crash diet for it — and I totally meant to and I totally should have. Instead I think I ate more, and chugged at least a chai a day to numb myself to what was to come….

Yeah, you know those layouts in magazines where they have a girl in tight clothes demonstrating workout moves? You know the ones. Usually the girl is really svelte with nary a nugget of flab. Well, Today’s Parent Magazine selected moi for such a role.  And I agreed.

The thing is, not only did I agree to do a layout, but I also agreed to do the VIDEO for TodaysParent.com. And, apparently, there is no airbrushing a video. And that “slimming lense” that Andrew Dunlop, our web editor and video master, told me he’d use for the shoot? Doesn’t in fact exist. Aaaaaandrew!

That’s Andrew. I snapped that shot when we got to The Shopping Channel headquarters, which was where the photo and video shoots took place. Why there, you ask? Because that was where the guy who was going to show me the MOVES was advertising his new products: Harley Pasternak.

You may have read about him in the gossip mags, when the stars talk about their diet and exercise regimes, because he’s worked with most of them. His insane list of his star clients includes the likes of Halle Berry, Natalie Portman, Orlando Bloom, Megan Fox, Jason Segel, Kate Beckinsale, Robert Downy Jr., Jennifer Hudson, Paul Rudd (my new crush), Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson….

…and now me!

Here’s Harley and me posing for my blog….

I really shouldn’t smile in pictures. Not only does my fake front tooth look horrid (I’m getting the bridge in just a few weeks woohoo!), but my cheeks balloon out like my 5-year-old’s….

See, here’s a picture of me not smiling (granted a little distorted, but you can still see the difference)….

Got my hair and makeup did by the gorj Michelle Rosen and sweet outfit styled by the gorj Vanessa Taylor.

And please don’t get all “Haley, you look AMAZING” on me because even I can say I look slimmish in this photo. But there’s a sizable leftover-pregnancy pot that you can’t really see in that photo for some reason. You’ll see it in the video (trust me — it’s going to be SO embarrassing), and possibly even in the photos.

Anyway, that photo was shot in my GREEN ROOM. I had my very own green room right next to Harley Pasternak’s green room. Which turned out to be a bit of a problem because — look at my green room door….

“Haley” looks a lot like “Harley.” So I may or may not have — okay I did! I did! — walked into Harley Pasternak’s green room instead of mine. And that’s how he and I met for the first time. Awkward. Very. Very awkward: “Hi, H-H-H-Harley! I’m H-H-H-Haley. Oops. Heh. I’m actually interviewing you later and doing that whole workout thing with you. See I walked in here because my name’s ‘Haley’? Kind of looks like ‘Harley,’ you know? Don’t you think? Okay thanx bai.”

I returned to his green room a little later to interview him about fitness and celebs and why I can’t seem to lose weight — he’s not into my yoga or my veganism — and it was cool and relaxed. I got lots of goods.

And so now here’s the thing. When I left, I promised Harley that I’d get on this and do his program: I’d do his 25 minute workout DVD with the “Harley Bar” (both of which I received care of The Shopping Channel) 5 times a week, and I’d eat 5 times a day — as per his 5-factor program — and, finally, that I’d lose 25 pounds, to which he replied, “Don’t put a number on it.” Okay no number.

But, see, here’s the thing: not only did I make this promise to Harley Pasternak, but I’ve made it BIG TIME to Today’s Parent Magazine. In the November Issue of Today’s Parent, you will see a finally FIT and HEALTHY me…. It’s set in stone in the editorial calendar. And we’re shooting my “AFTER” PHOTO in April.

So it’s officially ON. For years now, you’ve been hearing about my dieting trials and tribulations. And enough is enough. I mean, when I got a new boss a few months ago, I felt compelled to tell her I wasn’t pregnant so she wouldn’t wonder about it. And that’s just not okay. Not okay. I’m tired of looking pregnant. Yes, my pregnancies were emotionally and physically traumatizing. But it’s time to shed it all and move on.

The training has begun. I’m still doing my daily Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga (it is NOT EASY, Harley) and eating vegan. But I’ve added a few more healthy meals in there — which is doing wonders for my apparent hyperglycemia — and Harley’s 25-minute 5-factor workout DVDs. Apparently, even Lady Gaga (another one of Harley’s star clients) works out for 25 minutes, 5 days a week (unless she happens to have extra time on her hands). You’d think these celebs worked out for hours. But Harley says no.

I think that’s all for now because, man, I’m writing a book here. But I will say this: Jennifer Hudson has Weight Watchers (and Harley Pasternak) behind her, and look at her! And now, very thankfully, I have Today’s Parent behind me. And maybe that’s what it’ll take to DO THIS THING. An “after” picture in a magazine: now that’s motivation! *Shivers.* I think it’s ON, Gorgeouses! Yes, it’s ON!

So, your turn. Want to join me? I WILL post your before and after photo right here if you want it…. Do it do it!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Photo source

I think I just wasted 20 minutes of my life (which I’ll never get back) adding two new words to the Urban Dictionary.

GORJ (= gorgeous)

AGORJABLE (= both gorgeous and adorable)

We’ve been using GORJ around here for years now. But AGORJABLE’s definitely a new one. It emerged on twitter (as so much does) when I was direct-messaging my AGORJABLE friend, Ms. @Lindseyjay, who also happens to be GORJ. There — I just used both words in a sentence, in one sentence.

The Urban Dictionary’s not quite the OED, but I’ll get there. I also invented the word LAPPAH, if you recall….

Where was I? I had to leave…. Just lost another 10 minutes of my life (which I’ll never get back) adding LAPPAH to the Urban Dictionary. Please tell me this isn’t as addictive as twitter, or chai lattes….

By the way, don’t search for any of my new words yet. The Urban Dictionary editors have to approve them. But I’m thinking if they approved Sh–––g– and F–––@*&%$, then they’ll probably approve GORJ, AGORJABLE and LAPPAH.

Shh…. Betty White is sleeping, so we have to be quiet….

And I know what you’re thinking. She looks JUST like the dog “Kyle” in Despicable Me with that halucious underbite (and no you’re not having a déjà vu — I’ve definitely mentioned this before, but I like these pictures better!)….

Oh gosh! HALUCIOUS isn’t a real word either, is it? Gotta go.

Addictive.

My Urban Dictionary addiction is healthier than Starbucks, I guess. I suppose I should see if UGGERS and BRILLERS are in there, too…. Ugh. Tired! Hold on.

I’m back.

So, Gorgeouses, in addition to all these super-exciting new words, I’ve made two significant changes in my life. (And no, this isn’t a déjà vu either.) I officially-officially quit Starbucks-soy-no-water-tazo-chai lattes AND I’ve been going to the Ashtanga yoga “shala” every. single. day. Except Saturdays and moon days (it’s traditional not to practice yoga on the days of the new and full moon because the body has less energy and is more prone to injury).

Somehow, it was always okay to go to the gym every day. Why not yoga, until now?

It just so happens I’m not the only crazy “Ashtangi” around these parts. Have you seen Eden Kennedy’s brillers Yogabeans! blog? I’m doing what those action figures are doing every. single. day.

I never thought I’d love sweating in a hot shala every day doing intense yoga that has my heart pumping, face beet red. Yoga was always about bliss before, and breathing into your toes…. Now it’s about tradition, strength, focus, presence and, more than ever (and unexpectedly), community. I have the support I need to get strong and fit and calm(er) and healthy. That, and I get to be with other crazy Ashtangis every day. And they are a cool people. I’m telling you. Cool. (Although I’m a little irate with some of them for being in MEXICO right now on a dream retreat. Grrrr….)

After my yoga practice today, Alice left a “reward” for me at the front desk. And I’ve been verklempt about it ever since. It was the most delicious thing I’d tasted in a long time because it was a homemade, macrobiotic, nourishing nourishing treat. Look how pretty….

Alice says it’s my reward for going baked-goods FREE until January. Mmmm-mmm! Be part of the challenge, get the recipe, and potentially earn your very own “rice triangle sandwich” at ALICE’S NEW Macrobiotic food blog — you’ll see my pretty sandwich and I are featured in her post!

I’m telling you Gorgeouses! I have a new lease on life. Finally, I’m taking care of BOTH my family AND myself. At 3 and 5 years old, my kids are thoroughly entertained and excited by their mama’s curious passion. And I see how good it is for them to see me taking care of myself and doing something, to think!, for me (who?) — which, really, is ultimately for them…. Because practicing my yoga and eating right make me a happier, healthier and more present mom (and person all around).

Now, sit back, and watch me melt off 20 pounds with joy….

Love! xoxo Haley-O