I haven’t been around much lately, I know. All this not-sleeping at night has caught up with me. I’m sick. Again. This time it’s some sort of sinus thing that, I swear, might as well be vertigo the way I’m falling all over the place. I’m a bit of a hot mess. I’ve spent the past two days — two DAYS — in bed. And I thought, instead of eating dinner (the mere notion of which I can’t stomach), I’d attempt to write a blog post about how sick I am. FUN, I knowww!

And to think I made myself a list of new “commitments” just the other day. I decided it’s (that) time (again) to make a change. Because I made a deal with myself back in September (my birthday), and then three weeks before New Years, that I would make concrete changes, and nothing has changed. And I keep beating myself up — I do! — for not making changes. Maybe my expectations have been too high, I don’t know: quitting Starbucks — too high? I want to feel and look good, nay fabulous. I really do.

In my haze, I’ll attempt to remember my new commitments and share them with you here. They’re sitting upstairs in a brand new 100% recycled notebook. They’re not too lofty, I don’t think….

1. I commit to eating nutritious food.

2. I commit to sitting (meditating) 5 minutes a day.

3. I commit to doing my breathing exercises (or pranayama) 5 minutes a day.

4. I commit to doing yoga 5 minutes a day.

5. I commit to walking outside 20 minutes a day.

The idea is that if I commit to 5 minutes — I may just want to do MORE. Anyway, there are other commitments, too. I can only remember the diet and exercise ones with this splitting headache I’m sporting. The idea is, just, to COMMIT to switching things up, finally. I spend way too much time futzing around at Starbucks. I love getting out of the house when the kids are at school, sure, but it seems I need to spend a wee bit more time here on my yoga mat and outside. I definitely need to take better care of myself. And, let’s see, 35 minutes a day taking care of myself? Sounds reasonable to me. And from the way I’m feeling these days — sick, like, every other week? — sounds necessary to me. I could even take Rascal with me for my 20-minute walk. He’ll love that.

There you have it. As soon as I feel better, it’s on, baby. Actually, I have my yoga class tomorrow — which means at least half an hour of pranayama, ten minutes of meditation, and an hour of yoga. I adore yoga, the poses, philosophy, psychology. It’s absolutely my passion. This doesn’t mean that I act like a yogini or anything (whatever that means). I’ve been SO negative lately, what with this awful cold. It just might mean that I recognize and work with that negativity, and accept it as part of myself. Blah blah. My eyes are burning. And Brett Michaels is on Celebrity Apprentice. And Rascal’s up again……

Love!

xo Haley-O

I can do this.

I just drank a mug of vegan hot cocoa out of my “Heaven-Knows-It’s-Surely-True-That-Mothers-Need-a-Time-Out-Too” mug. Watching a little TMZ. Which may come as a surprise to some of you because, of course, I only watch CLASSY TV shows, like The Bachelor (did you see this season’s premier OMG — even *I* was embarrassed, it was so embarrassing), and my latest favourite, The Real Housewives of, well, all of them — Atlanta, Orange County, New York (in no particular order). NENE!!!

I love NeNe — partly because she hates brilliantly on a certain someone (KIM) whom I can’t stand because she smokes in her house, in her children’s faces.

I can TOTALLY understand if people can’t quit smoking — it took me YEARS to quit chai lattes (I’m still not out of the woods, but let’s pretend). But, I CAN’T understand knowingly exposing your young children to secondhand smoke. Seriously, WTF!? Who DOES that? Does anyone DO that? Anyway, don’t get me started on KIM. Where were we? Oh yes, LOVE NENE. But doesn’t EVERYONE?

I actually liked Anderson Cooper better when he was the host of The Mole — partly because I only watch classy TV, and not CNN. I prefer TMZ….

Where was I? Oh yes. I can do this.

I can write a blog post tonight, and I can get a good few hours of work done (egad) EVEN though I’m exhausted. Yes, exhausted. But, not whiny “WOE IS ME, MY KIDS DON’T SLEEP” exhausted. More like “DAY 15 OF JILLIAN MICHAELS’ HELL VIDEO,” as I like to call it. Level 2, baby. My feet are starting to hurt….

No, seriously, my feet are really hurting. Well, foot. It’s throbbing as we speak, Gorgeouses. I’m sure a good night’s sleep will help (but, ALAS, my kids still aren’t sleeping — WOE! is me). Yoga helps.

Oh GOD. I’m watching GLEE now, and Matthew Morrison is singing Bust A Move. OH! He’s dancing! And now he’s singing the THONG SONG — MOVE OVAH, Justin Timberlake. I’m telling you! And I am telling you!

In conclusion, I am in love with

Matthew Morrison….

and

Harvey Levin….

“I’m a lawyer!”

By the way, I’m also exhausted because the Monkey has a new imaginary friend, “Julia,” and Julia’s sleeping over tonight. Also, the Rascal’s been saying “f*ck” all the time, over and over again. Also, according to the Rascal’s nursery school “Feeling Table,” the words he likes to use are “hard” and “soft.” He needs to build on others, like “bumpy, scratchy, etc.”

LOVE! xo Haley-O

I’m having trouble writing this post. Know why? Two reasons: 1) I’m hungry; 2) I’m tired. Well, I’m not really hungry. I’m NUDGED — which is Jewish talk for “I JUST FEEL LIKE EATING.” If I’m going to get fit and fabulous, if I’m going to make the Jillian Michael’s HELL VIDEO worth it every freaking morning when I could be cuddling in my warm bed with my Rascal, if I’m going to FINALLY break old habits I cultivated to keep paralyzing anxiety at bay during my pregnancies — OVER TWO YEARS AGO NOW — and if I’m going to look SMOKIN’ hott in my tankini in Florida (where I’ll be for NINE DAYS at the end of this month — GOD BLESS MY PARENTS), then I’m going to have to stop stop STOP eating at night, like, after dinner, like, just because I FEEL LIKE IT, like, just because I’M tired and, like, because I apparently believe that keeping my mouth busy somehow helps me concentrate at night, like, on work and stuff.

If only I wasn’t TERRIFIED of gum.

So, maybe that means I go to bed shortly after dinner JUST so I don’t eat?

But, how will I get my work done? I no longer work when I’m alone with the kids. They’re DISTRACTING, and I love hanging with them. Love love love. Which is also why I’m tired.

“Monkey,” I ask, “Who are you talking to?” “NO ONE, MAMA! I’m just talking to MYSELF!”

Yes, motherhood is GOOOOD right now (except for the constant leftover preggers anxiety that just hovers there like a cat hair dangling from my eyelash — so annoying). I’m loving the ages they’re at: 2 and 4. Oy! And life is short. They grow up so fast. And some other cliche. So, I stay up late so I can enjoy my kids AND work my arse off — so I can have my cake and eat it, too. (Mmmm…. Cake…..)

Where was I?

Which is why I’m tired. And nudged at the end of the day, when they’re finally in bed, and I have a boatload of work to plow through.

AND, now, I’ve just eaten a handful of low-sodium, gluten-free pretzels and vegan hot cocoa. Not SO bad. But, unnecessary. I wasn’t hungry. Why eat when you’re not hungry? At night? WHY? I need to get to the bottom of this.

It’s not about weight, Gorgeouses. It’s about addiction and habits and moving FORWARD after my pregnancies. Maybe some counseling is in order. Or some energy work. Lots of energy work and counseling. I’ll never be my old self. And I don’t WANT to be my old skinny pre-pregnancy self. I just want to stop hiding. I want to be free of these self-sabotaging habits! Heyyy…! Who invited Dr. Phil to this party…?

So, HELP! What can I do to STOP eating at night? Believe it or not, I’ve QUIT STARBUCKS! I haven’t had a grande soy no-water tazo chai in over a week. HOORAHHH! I’ve also been exercising HARD CORE for 11 days straight. HOORAHHH! AND, I’ve been doing major yoga daily. HOORAHHH! I’m definitely patting myself on the back for all of this. But the next big thing is conquering the night eating. THEN I’ll be happy (realistically, though, I’ll probably find something else to conquer — must. stoppit.) Anyway, help?

I’ll take any advice on stopping the night eating other than GUM. Gaaaahhhhhhh GUMMM Gaaaaahhhh!

By the way, check CHEATY GOODIES for the WINNAH of the FLIP VIDEO CAMCORDER contest — it’s another fun-filled video STARRING the Monkey, the Rascal, moi and Josh-O. Enjoy!

Ooo! And, by the way, my designer spruced up my Kids Deserve Art store! NEW HOME PAGE, and I’ve lowered prices. I know — sweeeeet! Many thanks to the ridiculously talented SARA KUGELMASS (aka the brillers force behind SKART, and much more)!

Happy 2010! It’s gonna be a GOOD ONE!

Love!

xo Haley-O

I have resolutions. As most of you know, I’m ALWAYS making resolutions, so you can’t be THAT surprised to see that my first post in ALMOST a week (I couldn’t hold out for the whole week…) is a long list of resolutions. Because, as you will see from this list, I resolve to be PERFECT in 2010. Yes, PERFECT. And, you know what, Gorgeouses? I’ve already started. See, for me, 2010 started last week. And so far so good. Except for tonight, when I splurged on some organic lollipops and, erm, a chai freaking f*ing latte, grrrrr….

A-ny-way….

Check it:

IN 2010, I RESOLVE….

1. To lose 25 pounds. And, yes, this belongs at the top of my list. Because LOOK at these videos of me — particularly the last one. I ran and reran it, like, a thousand times, NO KIDDING, trying harrrrd to deny that I looked rather large. And it DIDN’T HELP that….

MORE importantly, this resolution belongs at the top of my list because the better I feel about myself, the more I exercise and the healthier I eat, the better person I BECOME all ’round — the better, less anxious, MOTHER I become, the more PATIENT and CONFIDENT and INSPIRED and ENERGETIC I become. See this is KEY. SO, to get started on this goal, I’ve ALREADY begun my 30-Day Shred program….

I’m on DAY 7 of Level 1. I’m doing each level for 10 days (as prescribed by Shredheads). I haven’t lost a single pound this week, but I’m seeing some definition in my belly and shoulders again. So, as I tweeted the other day, I’m holding on tight to the fact that….

2. Hi, my name is Haley-O, and I’m a Shopaholic. Yes, à la Rebecca Bloomwood….

In fact, I’m watching the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic AS I WRITE this post – LOVE!  Only I don’t spend my money on fabulously quirky designer clothes and accessories like Rebecca Bloomwood does, no. I spend tons of money on designer organic FOOD that often never gets used. So, I resolved to PLAN PLAN PLAN what I’m going to cook (speaking of which, have you SEEN my latest recipe, in which I actually USE my designer foods?), and BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET what I spend. Incidentally, I can’t take my eyes off Isla Fischer’s GLORIOUS red hair in this movie. Which reminds me….

3. I will get a hair cut. It is, like, GROSS long right now. But, TIME! There’s never any TIME!

4. WHICH reminds me of my resolution to KEEP AN AGENDA! In 2010 I will keep an agenda — TO THE HOUR. Because, as I mentioned JUST the other day….

5. I will go to the office at least twice a week.

6. I will write at least 2 brillers articles for Cottage Country PER WEEK.

7. I will be as patient with myself and others as my boss at Cottage Country has been with me….

8. I will practice yoga and meditate every day (even if it’s for 5-10 minutes).

9. I will brush my cats’ teeth.

10. As a little voice in my head told me (DO do DO do DO do DO do — it’s the twilight zone theme song, okay!?!) during my savasana meditation at the end of yesterday’s yoga session….

LIVE!

In the year 2010, I WILL LIVE. I’m not really sure exactly what that means, but I THINK it has something to do with worrying less and living more, with being in the PRESENT — whether I’m working, playing with the kids, cooking, exercising, or just chilling with my kitties….

OR! Chilling with my parents’ Chinese Crested Powder Puff “Olivia”…. Did I mention, I’m babysitting her? I love taking her EVERYWHERE with me. EVERYWHERE!

I’m a regular PARIS HILTON!

Check her out at the office HERE. She did NOT get along with the boss’s dog Taco at all. BUT, she DOTH love my MEENO (Minden)! Here she is, cuddling with Minden….

OY! Olivia’s deaf, by the way. Did I mention that?

Monkey: Yulivia! Yulivia! Come here!
Me: Honey, Olivia can’t hear you. She’s deaf, remember?
Monkey: Why? Can she not hear because her ears are down?

Hee…!

Did I mention it’sgrandma and papa’shere took me and the Monkey to The National Ballet of Canada’s (LOVE!) production of The Nutcracker? Here’s it’sgrandma and the Monkey chatting excitedly ahead of me….

And, here are the Monkey and me…. Ahhh, special moments! #TOOLONGHAIR!!!

We were so ridiculously lucky to have my absolute favourite male ballet dancer, PIOTR STANCZYK (see, I wrote about him HERE), dance the role of the Nutcracker….

LOVE!!!!!!!111oneone

And, incredibly, my favourite female ballet dancer, Sonia Rodriguez, danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy….

I was in HEAVEN. Didn’t want it to end. Papa’shere didn’t even fall asleep during the performance! Seriously, the show was so good I was fantasizing about it the next day. Loooooove. As I always like to say, the National Ballet of Canada is a Canadian GEM that is so worth our support. SWAN LAKE is coming in March! Toronto Gorgeouses, book your tix! (And, no, nobody pays me to say this!)

Did I mention it’sgrandma and papa’shere bought the Monkey a little porcelain ballerina at the Ballet Boutique, just before the show? Did I mention she dropped it during the intermission and the hand fell off and papa’shere was going to glue it but the Monkey wanted to take it home, so I said I’d glue it, but then, did I mention, the Rascal got hold of it and threw it on the ground and smashed it to pieces. So, did I mention, I went back to the The Nutcracker the following day, raved to the usher about Piotr Stanczyk, and bought her a new porcelain ballerina? DEEP BREATH. Did I mention that?

How many days do you think this porcelain ballerina is going to last before it’s smashed to pieces again?

Yes, in 2010, I’m going to live and LAUGH and LOVE more….

How about you, Gorgeouses?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Love!
xo Haley-O

P.S.: Did I mention there’s a wee contest going on over at Cheaty Goodies? If you haven’t seen it, get the FLIP over there because I’m giving away a FLIP CAMCORDER, and the contest closes DECEMBER 31st!

T’WAS A TIME OF CHANGE. Last week, I wrote a little email…. I needed some help. I’ve been pretty mum about this, but, if you were to seriously stalk my tweets, you’d probably see that I’ve been having some anxiety lately. A lot of anxiety lately. Not “OMG OMG OMG WE’RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE!” kind of anxiety, but a very physical kind characterized by heart palpitations and obsessive thinking. It’s been rough. And, of course, I blame THE CHAI, which, no, I haven’t been able to quit.

Until last week, that is. THE TIME OF CHANGE…, when I wrote a little email to Caroline Dupont.

Caroline always comes to my rescue. She’s a total EARTH ANGEL, the best healer I know, and rife with sage, practical advice — in person, as well as in her book Enlightened Eating (my eating bible), her meditation cds, and new DVD (which I JUST ordered and am so psyched about).

I wrote a very “determined” (as she put it) email, asking for a complete “regimen.” I wanted breakfast, lunch and dinner DICTATED to me, as well as when to exercise, do yoga, sleep and meditate. I was hoping that this regimen would help me replace old habits with new ones — the right ones.

Caroline didn’t want to give me a strict regimen, though, because she didn’t think it would work for me in the long run. She wanted me simply to start with a few changes. The main one being…

MY MORNING SMOOTHIE (click the link for the recipe).

I’m supposed to drink that thing every day, come hell or high water.

I’m also supposed to walk for 30 minutes 4 days a week, and practice 30 minutes of yoga the remaining three days a week.

I’m supposed to meditate daily. (And, omg, this has been surprisingly SO enlightening and healing. More on this later in the week.)

I’m supposed to go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 every evening….COOOUUUUUGH!

So, I’ve been drinking my smoothie every morning. NO CHAI (bingo!). And I’ve been walking and meditating and practicing yoga. The only problem with the yoga is that a certain someone gets a little, ermm, creepy while I’m practicing (with my camera in hand, apparently)….

…He’s horribly sneaky and distracting while I’m practicing. But, I INTEGRATE it.

The other changes that I’ve — WE’VE (Josh and I) — made this weekend are MIRACULOUS and will have to wait ’til the next post to be revealed because, without any chai in my system, I’m a total zombie. ZOMBIE. And I can’t write anymore because it’s 9:15 — almost “bedtime” (heh, I wish).

On top of all the above advice (and so much more that I have yet to implement and share), Caroline gave me this gem of guidance that I know she’ll love for me to share:

Your principle spiritual practice right now is your kids. Soon enough they’ll be in school and you’ll have more time for uninterrupted yoga and meditation. Create activities with them…. When you take them to the park remind yourself to breathe and be…. To everything, there is a season.

I’ve really taken that advice to heart and have been LOVING the relief and peace of mind I get from getting down on the floor and really PAINTING and DRAWING again, with my children — ESPECIALLY when I’m not feeling “well”….

…one of my new favourite things…!

Many, MANY, thanks to Caroline Dupont.

Love…!

xo Haley-O