I’m thinking I’m too tired to write.

Thinking it’s because I haven’t slept well in over a month.

Thinking, without jinxing it, that Rascal’s sleeping IS getting better. If I could only get him to sleep a WEE bit longer and not get his kicks out of slapping me in the face and head-butting me in the tooth….

Thinking I really needed my yoga class today.

The pocket.

I needed that pocket. That pocket in space and time where I can just be. I can stretch out beyond beside around me, upside down….

I needed that pocket. That 2 hours of nothing mattering.

I can take a shower. I can sleep (sort of). I can surf the net. Read a book. Watch The Bachelor. American Idol. The Office. Y&R. Not the same. Not the pocket. In yoga, I slip inside the pocket. Outside of space and time and things and stuff and anxieties and responsibilities. I enter the bamboo room, and I disappear from my life. It’s my invisible cloak.

Before my 21-day cleanse, Starbucks was my pocket. Even though, more and more, I’d see people I knew. Other mothers. We’d talk about the kids….

That drink. That Starbucks Soy No-Water Tazo Chai was the thing. The sweet drug that gave me (adult) escape from my hectic days. Hectic days for which I don’t have nearly enough energy. I just don’t. So hard. Even if I chugged it in 5 sweet minutes, that drink was my escape. My pocket.

My 21-day cleanse has given me the opportunity to try life without that pocket. And to find new pockets. Healthier pockets.

Yes, Without the drink, I’ve rediscovered new, healthier pockets. Herbal tea. 30 Rock. Kitties….

…And yoga class. The bamboo room, the passion about yoga, the body, the poses….

But, what happens tomorrow — now that the cleanse, THE CHALLENGE, is OVER? I haven’t had sugar or caffeine in 21 days, and I SURVIVED.

I’m thinking I’m healthier for it.

Thinking I actually have MONEY in my bank account — those Starbucks chais were costing me $35 a week!!!!!!! (extra exclamation marks WARRANTED!)

Thinking I like the way my body looks sans sugar and caffeine — sans Starbucks.

Thinking I should extend the cleanse 50 more days. And, then 50 more after that. And after that….

Can I do it, Gorgeouses? Can I stay off the chais — and off sugar and caffeine TOMORROW? Or, will I try that chai again just to see…. Just to see if I REALLY like it. Or, if I was just loving the ILLUSION of POCKET that it gave me…?

I don’t know, Gorgeouses. I need a pocket right now. And yoga this week was canceled.

Chances to win $100 toward best skincare lines in the world! Check it — at Goodies.

In all my 30+ years…. Wait.

It’s literally taken me all evening to actually sit down and write something. I get FIVE words on the page and then, excuse me? Josh-O wants to have a conversation? I DON’T THINK SO. And, now I need some apricots because today was, like, the hardest day of my 21-day cleanse, and this is the closest I’m getting to CANDY.

Just wait till I do Kathy Freston’s NEW cleanse…. Let’s hope she doesn’t send me that advanced copy anytime soon….

In the meantime, I’m going to go procrastinate some more. I need kisses…. Kittie kisses. Back in a minute…. Yawning, or hissing? Discuss:

Okay, I’ve done just about everything I can to avoid writing this post: ate an apple (better choice than an apricot), took pictures of perfect cat, loaded pictures of cat and posted picture of cat YAWNING, and, now, I should explain THAT I AM NOT AFRAID OF OVER-POSTING CAT PICTURES for those of you who are new here — and because I’m a finalist at the 2009 Bloggies (did you vote?!) there are many of you, WHICH is partly why I’m having trouble getting down to the writing of this thing because HOLY EYES ON ME! Tap tap tap! Hi. Hello everyone. I’m just a wee blogger, really. Not used to this spotlight. It’s bright. My eyes hurt. Shy. But, still, I have to just keep reminding myself that I do this for ME. Which is why I’ll post this picture….

And, this….

Because there’s nothing like an empty bucket of play-dough stuffs to brighten up another freaking freezing afternoon indoors (like, so freaking freezing that an old lady yelled at me for taking my monkeys to the store, and we all know I am not ageist).

Speaking of freezing (and AWESOME segues), did BRAD CARLTON DIE in that ice on today’s episode of The Young and the Restless? And, WTF?

…And just after he professed his undying love to Sharon and saved her son’s life at the expense of HIS OWN. Can it be? And, will he be just alive enough tomorrow to have a few, breathless, last words with which to traumatize Sharon forever?

Why? Why does he have to go? He was my favourite Jewish boy in a soap opera EVER. Which actually doesn’t say THAT much because I can’t think of any other Jewish boys in a soap opera…. Can you? I need a new one now that Don Diamont is gone. GONE! Or, almost gone. Not sure yet. They left us hanging. BUT, a metaphorical lantern went out. LANTERN. OUT. SNUFFED. Too soon. So….

He is leaving the show for sure. Here’s the scoop according to MSNBC:

For all but one of the last 24 years, Carlton — a onetime Navy Seal and a secret Nazi hunter — has been a character on “The Young & The Restless,” the daytime ratings champ for the last two decades.

But Carlton, played by Don Diamont, and three other prominent characters on the CBS show have been axed as part of the severe retrenchment seizing daytime soaps — one of TV’s oldest formats, its quintessential advertising vehicle, and the birthplace of product placement.

The other three rumoured to be leaving the show are Vail Bloom (Heather), Chris Engen (Adam) and Michael Gross (River). I won’t be sorry to see any of them go. 24 years, Gorgeouses, 24 years. 24 years and they give Don Diamont the axe. I’m so sad!

But, I’m okay. Sniff. No. No. I’m okay. Thanks. Hugs. All I need to do to get happy and laugh HYSTERICALLY again is think of Greg the Rabbit on the American Idol (*wait…saving this post now because have NO IDEA what have written so far so could never EVER rewrite this GOLD. heh.*) Salt Lake City Auditions. Unfortunately, this vid is TRÈS poor quality, but WELL worth the eye strain — especially if you haven’t seen this. Trust me. (P.S.: I love it when he “hops” into the audition and when he starts bopping behind his friend and when he hugs Simon…. You’ll see you’ll see!!)

It still makes me cry laughing. As did 30 Rock and The Office tonight. Love….

This post is dedicated to Don Diamont. Here’s to 24 YEARS! *SOB*

Love!
xo Haley-O

Apparently my memory is shot. Because I JUST went upstairs to check what day of the cleanse I’m on, and now I totally forget. It’s something like Day 5 or 6. But, you know what, Gorgeouses? This just goes to show that I’M NOT COUNTING! Because this cleanse is really not that bad! Truth is, I feel fantastic. Granted, I just cheated on an organic vegan cashew cookie…. In any case, to make up for my transgression, I only had THIS for dinner….

…A vegan (of course) protein salad with a no-sugar dressing — which I took out from the same restaurant I got the cashew cookie from but will not name here because the guy behind the takeout counter was MEAN, and because it’s the same restaurant where that other waiter was MEAN to it’sgrandma on Nutcracker night. Those strips on the top of the salad are TEMPEH (fermented soybeans), by the way. Good stuff.

ANYWAY, it’s Day 5/6 of my cleanse and I feel like a new woman. Starbucks (can you believe?) seems like a distant memory — like an opium den where you’d find the likes of Oscar Wilde (love love). Seriously, quit your Starbucks for a few days, and you’ll see it: there’s a whitish HAZE surrounding every Starbucks corner. A SMOKEY WHITISH HAZE. I saw it with mine own eyes when I was sitting in the car with the kids waiting for Josh to stoke his grande-one-splenda-latte addiction….

Josh: “Do you want anything?”
Me: “Tsk, no.”
Josh: “You sure?”
Me: “Oh, yeahhhh.”

Life without sugar or caffeine (or anything animal, as usual) has not been all bells and whistles, though. My emotions are fierce, and I have nothing to stuff them down with. So, I’ve become a bit of a (not-so-skinny-but-getting-there) bitch. But, don’t be afraid. You’d never know it. Because I am by nature super smiley and polite (thank you, it’sgrandma and papa’shere). Which is why, it took EVERYTHING in me not to yell at the top of my lungs to the MEAN guy behind the takeout counter: “WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SMILE?” Instead, I took the passive aggressive route: I took deep yogic breaths, and DID NOT SMILE — do you have any idea how hard that was for me? Remind me to pat myself on the back later, when I get Tigger, this fat cat, off my lap.

And, because I’m nice, I give you GRATUITOUS KITTY PICS….

MINDEN! (we call him Meeno — it’s really important for you to know that.)

It’s MAAARRRGGE! I’m, obviously, very proud of this photograph. The toilet in the background adds the perfect touch of class…. Don’t you think?

He looks just like his mama…. (Whattup with my Tyra-Banks forehead…? — well, I have always wanted more forehead….)

And, because I’m self-destructive, I give you the UGGERS-est picture ever taken of me…. I give you this for no reason other than because I’m supposed to be campaigning for your votes for BEST CANADIAN BLOG at the BLOGGIES! If you like me — I mean, YOU REALLY LIKE ME! — you can vote for me HERE!

Rascal’s blond eyelashes! Eeee! (He loves my ugly faces….) Vote for me! Thank you….

Here at Cheaty Monkey, we are no frills. We take all our pictures ourself. We really must remember to at least brush our hair before taking our pic, though….. It’s getting embarrassing….

Love!
xo Haley-O

First thing’s first…. HUH? I mean, what the…? Who? How? ME? Are you SERIOUS? Are they SERIOUS? I DEMAND A RECOUNT!

Gorgeouses! I am one of five finalists up for a BLOGGIE award for BEST CANADIAN BLOG! This may be the shock of the century. For everyone….

I should be acting a little more confident. Like, “Heyyy everyone, I’m nominated for a Bloggie award. no biggie. go vote, yo.” But, this is a blog. And, I do try to be as transparent as possible here and in real life. So, Gorgeouses, BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUSES, I’m totally FREAKED out by this! Amazed! Shocked. Still shaking. Is that too much? Are you getting a little turned off? Sorry. It’s just that I’m writing this AND I’m watching LOST — like, at the same time — and so I’m half freaked out about the Bloggies and I’m half freaked out about LOST and the time-traveling and Ben’s creepy eyes (LOVE) and Sawyer’s new pudge (which would be fine and cute, except that, like, when do they EAT on that island?).

Anyway, check it….

Weeee! Look at me! I am in GOOD company. These bloggers are so talented. It is BEYOND an honour to be a finalist among them. If you decide to vote for me, THANK YOU!

Thank you to all who nominated me! I really had NO IDEA!

Oh, blerg. I just lost the second half of my post. So, forgives if this next bit seems rushed. I just really have to pass out from all this excitement…. Let’s see if I can write it again…. Grrr….

I’m loving lists this week, so here’s a list of things I’m doing to stick to my caffeine- and sugar-free 21-day cleanse and maybe even enjoy it. CHECK IT:

1. ORANGE JUICE. I know, orange juice is usually a diet no-no because it’s PRACTICALLY sugar. But, PRACTICALLY is the operative word here. Since it’s not ACTUALLY sugar, I can drink it. I have a little in the morning, and it completely curbs my chai latte cravings (of course, that is even more of a miracle than me being a bloggie finalist)….

2. DESSERT SMOOTHIE. I’ve been having my smoothies in the evening now because they totally cut my nighttime cravings. I blend up some rice milk, hemp protein powder, spinach (I KNOW, yum), frozen blueberries, frozen banana, my omega 3 oil potion, and sometimes some acai berry puree. I know, it’s probably a lot of calories in the evening. But, it’s better than eating a ramekin of almond butter and vegan chocolate syrup (did I just say that? I did. I embarrass myself)….

Seriously? I think someone stole me and replaced me with a health nut…. WTF?

And, speaking of nuts….

3. NUTS. I love nuts. (Get thine head out of the gutter!) When mid-afternoon hunger hits, who really needs that Snickers bar when you can just have NUTS. Cashews are my fave…. A small handful is all you need. Maybe have a fruit with them. They’re very grounding…. Ohhhmmm.

4. NEVER GO HUNGRY. Basically, eat whenever you’re hungry. And, since there’s really nothing you can eat — I mean, what DOESN’T have sugar, caffeine, meat, eggs or dairy in it — you’ll start to find that mandarin oranges and red delicious apples taste really freaking yummy. I think they call it re-training your taste buds. I’m totally doing that right now. It rawks. Anyway, whenever you get hungry, grab a wholefood. I forget who said this, but “hunger is the best seasoning.”

5. TAKE IT EASY. I’d love to add 30 minutes of exercise a day to this cleanse, but I decided it was too much. I need to focus on one thing at a time. And, for now, it’s the diet. It’s figuring out how to eat healthy, and how to manage my emotions without food…. Besides, I’m afraid I’m going to get too hungry if I exercise. So, it can wait. I do have so much more energy now, though — so I’m automatically more active. And, of course, yoga is a must….

I know I said there were two things. But, I just thought of a third. And, it’s très important. It’s Rascal trying to feed the cat (Tigger) her kibble…!

I can’t handle the cuteness…. He’s still up every 2 hours at night (LORD HELP ME I AM TIRED). But, look at him. He can get away with anything…. And, he knows it….

Thanks again for the nominations, Gorgeouses. Really, I am blown away….

Love!
xo Haley-O

This is a short one because we’re all OVER HERE today! That’s right — I was interviewed by the BlissChick par excellence, Christine Reed. What are you waiting for, Gorgeous? Go on! MINDEN’s there!

As for the cleanse…. I got through another day, I did! I have a serious withdrawal headache — which makes me believe even more that there is, indeed, crack cocaine in Starbucks’ soy chai-tea latte. I mean, I only USE TO have ONE A DAY, and I have this much headache? Are you kidding me? CRACK.

Even though I have a crack headache, I’m doing great. I feel so in control and so good about my li’l self. It’s amazing what a difference cutting stimulants out of your diet makes. My cravings have been cut in HALF — already! I’ll share the tricks of the trade tomorrow because, for now, I really want you to check THE INTERVIEW!

Speaking of bliss…. Special thanks to Jen Lawrence of the nationally acclaimed e-newsletter Blissnotes. You MUST sign up for this stylin’ and inspiring newsletter — seriously, check it. Jen’s the one who reminded me about this cleanse. She did the full 21 days and has CONTINUED to enjoy a vegan, sugar- and caffeine-free diet. See? It can be done! Jen found me again after, ahem, googling Michelle Trachtenberg…. (In all fairness to her, though, she and her daughter had been watching Ice Princess.) I happen to think a little Angel sent her my way because, OMG, feel like new woman! Thank you, Jen!

Update: You can read a post about Jen’s 21-day cleanse on her blog HERE.

And…, the news you’ve all been waiting for…. Day 1 of the cleanse: SUCCESS. Now, before we get all excited — I know I know! You can sit down now! Thank you, OH, thank you! LOVE! — it’s not really a “cleanse,” per se. I’m simply eliminating sugar and caffeine from my (vegan) diet for 21 days. Nothing fancy, nothing more restrictive.

I’m trying to teach myself to manage my feelings SANS addictive substances. In 21 days, I’m going to have broken some MAJOR habits: sugar, caffeine, and using food to stuff down my feelings, to stimulate my exhausted mother-self, and to stifle my dreams (I know, that last one was precious…).

You see, I had a little epiphany the other day. I realized that I’ve been refusing to care for myself. Why? Because I have so many mouths to feed already: a monkey, a rascal, a husband, THREE cats. I’m one more mouth to feed. And, I couldn’t bear to feed one more mouth — if I didn’t have to. So, I’d feed everyone as best I could, and then, when everyone’d go to bed, I’d sit by my computer and eat my usual almond butter on toast for dinner.

And, that’s not the worst of it. The Starbucks soy chai latte. It’s just another almond butter on toast — only loaded with stimulating sugar and caffeine (and, for sure, crack cocaine). It’s yummy, yes, but far from nutritious. I’ve been feeding my emotions, Gorgeouses, and not my body. And, inevitably, the emotions suffer if the body isn’t properly nourished.

Ultimately, everyone suffers if Mama isn’t properly nourished emotionally and physically.

So, today is my inauguration. I do solemnly vow to make taking care of myself a top priority. Scrapping the caffeine and sugar for 21 days is the perfect start….

And, speaking of perfect starts (and segues)….

What a great day to INAUGURATE a new, healthier, self-respecting lifestyle…. INAUGURATION DAY for President Barack Hussein Obama.

I was blown away by the inauguration ceremony. My GOD! Chills ran up and down my spine when he took the oath and spoke so beautifully about everything that matters. Just seeing ALL THOSE PEOPLE celebrating this momentous day, so hopeful…. It was incredible.

My monkeys LOVED watching the ceremony over lunch…. I, personally, enjoyed reflecting on how important this day is for them even though they are oblivious. That little blond head…watching Obama speak…. Faklempt…!

Like so many AMERICANS, this Canadian is very excited about the new President….

Photo credit: Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images; via Animalrights.org.

Love….
xo Haley-O

This Mercury Retrograde is ALL OVER me. First, my sidebar, then…MY CAR (don’t ask), then some other stuff I can’t think of, and now my whole website. It’s been down all night, and I planned to have another early night. So, this is it. Going to bed. But, I am thinking about a few things lately….

1. Is it more important to eat to live or live to eat. Like, is going on a 21-day cleanse à la Kathy Freston WASTING 21 days of potentially eating REALLY AWESOME FOOD (*cough* CHAI LATTE *cough*), or will it, indeed, change my life like it did an old friend of mine who just contacted me and told me about her newfound vegan, caffeine- and sugar-free bliss?

2. I’m obsessed with improving myself. Why can’t I just accept the way I am? Is everybody like this? Is everyone totally incapable of accepting themselves as they are?

3. Can’t I just wake up tomorrow — after HOPEFULLY a good night’s sleep (grrr…, Rascal SCREAMING in the night) — and doggone it accept myself and all my flaws?

4. Don’t you get sick of coming here and listening to me kvetch sometimes? (DON’T ANSWER THAT!)

5. But, then, if I didn’t kvetch, would you come here? (DON’T ANSWER THAT!)

6. If some people have better or more popular blogs than me and my Cheaty Monkey, it does NOT mean they’re more important or better moms or significant-er people than me. It does not mean that I’m somehow less intelligent or less of a writer. I was done with popularity contests in high school.

7. Not sure why I blog lately. It’s an outlet. It’s an out-reach. Not a competition….

8. I’m going to do the cleanse….

9. 21 days….

10. 21 days to a better, healthier, NOT HOOKED, sugarless me…. I’d just give anything to NOT be HOOKED on something. It’s not the drink — the GRANDE SOY NO-WATER TAZO CHAI. It’s the HOOKAGE. It troubles me. I’m done with hooking. That ship has SAILED.

11. Ticker….

12. I can’t get this to work. Help? Anyone know a good ticker site for this?

13. Not a bad luck number. Okay to end here. Time to take risks.

What are YOU thinking about?

Love! xo Haley-O

Putting on The Young and the Restless so that I can CALM DOWN while Josh-O bathes the monkeys. Ugh, but Gloria and Jeffrey Bardwell are HORRIBLE.

So, here we go. I’ve had a long day. It started off great with a FABULOUS yoga class where we must have done an HOUR of pranayama, or breathing exercises. You wouldn’t believe the effects of these exercises; they’re both stress busting and…MY ABS! Awesome. Totally exhilarating. Energizing. MUCH needed.

I felt great for a long time after the class. Until about 6pm, when I dumped HALF of tonight’s fresh-cooked dinner all over the oven — into the oven drawer and onto the floor. Rascal taste-tested the boiling-hot remnants as they oozed onto the floor, and he seemed impressed and, thankfully, not burned. But, of course, when we sat down to eat the precious dinner that remained, he wouldn’t touch it, which left me PISSED OFF — mostly because the Monkey had to PEE five minutes into this blessed half-feast, and when Monkey has to pee, we ALL have to trudge upstairs. (Josh-O wasn’t home yet….)

ANYWAY, speaking of food…. Everyone’s talking about Alanis Morrissette’s DRAMATIC 20-pound weight loss in three months. Check the before and after:

Photos, with thanks, c/o OK Magazine and Ohnotheydidn’t.

Yes, the leggings, the leggings! Everyone’s talking about the leggings. I actually like the leggings because I love cats — and they’re, like, Cat Woman leggings. Anyway, how did she do it? THIS BOOK:

It’s Dr. Fuhrman’s well-known diet book, Eat to Live. It targets people with heart disease and/or diabetes primarily, and people who want to lose weight aggressively. But, it’s SERIOUS. I know. Because it’s been sitting on my nightstand for weeks now. Every night, I SWEAR I will abide by the 6-week menu plan TO THE TEE. But, I can NEVER follow through. Not even for a day. Errrmmm…. WaytogoWILLPOWER!

See, here’s the thing. I’m a vegan. So, my diet’s restrictive enough — especially since dissing my beloved Starbucks chai-tea latte. But, to pretty-much eliminate my GRAINS, my STARCHY vegetables, my OILS? It’s too much. Fat-free, low-carb vegan diet? Sounds NOT doable. Maybe for a bride-to-be who wants to be SKINNY-LIKE-ALANIS for her wedding day. But, watch her BALLOON out as soon as she’s off this (four-letter-word) DIET. And, kudos to the stay-at-home mom who could live on salads and beans with fat-free dressings. Blech. Yawn.

Then, again, they say this diet CHANGES YOUR LIFE and gives you RENEWED energy. They say that once you get past the withdrawal phase (withdrawal from sugar, caffeine, animal products, etc.), you begin to enjoy this way of eating. But, who can get past the withdrawal phase? What stay-at-home mom of two kids — 1 and 3 — can get past the withdrawal phase…with all her hair in tact? I ASK YOU?

So, what I’ve done (just now) is made a compromise with Dr. Fuhrman. I’m already vegan. Now, I’m going to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables — more salads, more soups — BUT, I’m still going to eat whole grains, and healthy fats in moderation. Everything in moderation. THAT, is doable. Everything else in the diet is too obsessive and unrealistic…, at least for me.

Look! Prepared lettuce. READY TO GRAB!

Who says Dr. Fuhrman’s the BE-ALL anyway? Oh…. Oh yeah…. Oprah’s world-famous cardiologist Dr. Mehmet Oz has been pushing it…wrote the forward to this diet. It’s definitely healthy. But, it’s borderline anorexic if you ask me…. And, MAMA knows best! Heh.

Ugh. But, none of this matters because my dad says there’s a new weight loss pill that’s on the brink of being released. It’s going to SAVE US ALL! Except that I’d never touch such a thing with a 10-foot pole. Not even TOUCH it with a 10-foot pole.

He loves his kitties….

Love…!
xo Haley-O

I had a post in mind for this evening. Something about my “detox” plan? But, then I got sidetracked by all the fabulous responses to Tuesday’s Oprah show, which inevitably led me to MORE information that my already-vegan-sensibilities just CANNOT HANDLE. So, I’m just going to say a few things today….

FIRST THING’S FIRST: LEGS CROSSED….

He ALWAYS crosses his li’l ankles when he eats. OY!

Next, let us address the whole detox thing. Let me start by saying DETOX IS A NASTY FOUR-LETTER WORD. I know, it’s five, but it may as well be these four letters: D-I-E-T. It’s become a fancy way of going on a diet for a short period of time, when WHAT I REALLY NEED right now (because I’m a severely overtired MOM OF TWO cheaty little monkeys) is a lifestyle adjustment. So, here’s what I’ve come up with — a plan for the next 20 pounds (to be relaxed a bit after that):

1. FRUIT FOR BREAKFAST. I am now eating a breakfast, WHEN HUNGRY, of fruit, fruit, and more fruit. I started today out with a pear (which was, amazingly, the best pear I’ve ever tasted, if you catch my drift), then I had an apple when I got hungry again about an hour later. Would you believe I had NO cravings for THE DEVIL my Starbucks Soy No-Water Chai Tea Latte.

2. I AM trying to buy as much organic, WHOLE produce as possible. This means that I have to buy things WHOLE — because they are less expensive, and SOMETIMES less expensive than their conventional, chopped alternatives. So, today, instead of buying a bag of frozen chopped broccoli, I bought a head of organic broccoli and chopped it when I got home. I also hulled and washed organic strawberries (they’re GONZO now). I stayed away from the blueberries because their price was OBSCENE. I actually enjoyed doing all this. We all say we don’t have time for these things, but it really doesn’t take long, and it’s time well spent — time dedicated to your health, the health of your family, and ultimately the environment. Gorgeouses, I also, erm, got REALLY AMBITIOUS and bought a BIG BUTTERNUT SQUASH. I REALLY hope it doesn’t REMAIN a centerpiece on our dining-room table….

…Josh-O CRACKED ME RIGHT UP when he called it a GOURD! Ha! I think that’s my new favourite word. GOURD! GOURD GOURD GOURD GOURD GOURD. Did you know there’s actually a SOCIETY for GOURDS in Canada???

3. I’m definitely trying to eat clean, and eat whole. Lunch was vegetarian brown-rice sushi. Not an every-day thing, but definitely a vegan option that ANYONE can enjoy. And, dinner was BIG SALAD, and a brown-rice-pasta and tofu dish, which I’ll share at the kitch sometime this weekend. The monkeys and I snacked on fruit while preparing dinner, by the way (fruit should be eaten at least 20 before and 2 hours after other foods; melons should be eaten alone — it’s a food combining thing).

4. I skipped dessert tonight. There’s no dessert on this plan. Instead, I enjoyed a tazo chai tea (my fave chai brand) with rice milk, and sweetened with agave nectar. Not bad, not bad….

That’s basically the diet plan, in a nutshell. Ooo! Almost forgot….

5. A handful of nuts mid afternoon. Us vegans gots to get our good fats in there, and nuts are a great source for that. I also make sure to have flax oil in my salad dressing at dinner for it’s wonderful omega 3s. I’ll give you the recipe for that, as well, at the kitch this weekend.

6. Of course, there’s a multivitamin involved to ensure I’m getting enough calcium, B12 and vitamin D.

It all sounds a bit extreme, I think. But, it’s a way of life. And, I felt GREAT today. I can’t tell you how much better I feel having FINALLY given up dairy and eggs. After all, I’M not here to EAT. I’m here to LIVE. And, I need to feel good about what I’m eating. I’m also a very spiritual person. Eating clean like this feels right, feels authentic…. It’s my yoga. Just living my yoga.

FINALLY, I TOTALLY need more sleep. This has to be a HUGE part of my new lifestyle because it’s an integral part of being healthy. DREAMS are so important, and REM sleep, for the brain’s production of that coveted pleasure hormone serotonin. It’s the next piece of my wellness puzzle: first — diet (and at least thirty minutes of walking every day); second — sleep; third — meditation every day…. We’ll start with these goals and go from there.

It’s all a process. Nothing is set in stone. I’m just finally realizing that simplicity is where it’s at for me. Simplicity, less-is-more, and the beauty of life SANS ALL THE STIMULANTS. To think?!?

I am who I am…. Peace. Love.

xo Haley-O

Today was one of those you-don’t-want-to-hear-about-it, get-me-out-of-here days. Yes, I wanted OUT. I wanted cucumber slices on the eyes and a spa chair in the middle of somewhere QUIET and WARM and maybe a little BREEZY. No children allowed. Especially children who HATE THEIR STROLLERS.

Like, WTF? You should see me try to strap Rascal in his stroller. It’s quite a sight…. I lift him out of the carseat and, right away, he stiffens straight as a board. When I FINALLY get him in there, I look up, sweating, and we’re half way across the parking lot….

Anyway…. On our way home from the barn trip this weekend, Josh and I decided to take a detour through Hamilton, Ontario, where I went to school for FOUR YEARS….

McMaster University…. Laaaa!

I don’t remember a lot from those years (university years)…. But, I DO remember going HERE for my weekly treat — every Friday after class….

It was ALL about the caramel sauce…. Excuse me for a sec. Must. Gag. … … Okay, back.

And, THIS is where I lived for THREE years (I lived in residence my first year)….

I KNOWWW! Isn’t it GORJ!? And, didn’t, like, the word “GORJ” come to mind, like, right, like, when you first saw it!?

EW! I lived, studied, slept, pulled all-nighters writing English Lit and Art History essays in THAT TEEENY TINY room in the front of that UGGERS house (that looks the EXACT same as it did THIRTEEN YEARS AGO — ‘cept for the satellite dish — same blinds and everything!). See that window right beside the front door? white blinds? on the left? behind the pole? MY room. That was my room. Overlooking the busiest street in Hamilton. Ew. The next year, I lived on the other side of the house, in a BIG room on the top floor (where bedrooms SHOULD be). That top right window was mine. It was nice…. Ish. It was…ish. Just ish.

Speaking of ISH. CHECK MY DANCING COUSIN, MILES, on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE CANADA!!! There is nothing “ISH” about him. He was PERFECTION tonight, of course. I couldn’t be prouder…. This vid is of last week’s performance (not tonight’s)….

What did you think? Is he not ADORABLE??? Do we look alike? He’s it’sgrandma’s brother’s son, so there should be a LITTLE resemblance. I actually look more like his older brother Henry, everyone says. Anyway, LOVE! Tonight he did the VIENNESE WALTZ proud. Yay Miles!!!

So, I’m still working on my detox plan. Doing some research. See, the thing about Hamilton was, it triggered something for me. It made me realize that I’ve lived a lot of my life inside my head. Sort of like this famous quote by Mark Twain:

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

I think of those years at McMaster University as happening mostly IN MY HEAD. This is partly because I was studying English Literature INTENSELY. But, I also had a LOT of anxiety during those years. And, that anxiety made my existence there pretty dark and hopelessly overwhelming at times.

I’m writing this now because today had GREAT possibilities — like every day. But, I was in THE WORST MOOD! I was tired, and lethargic, and just BLAH. I felt like I was at the end of my rope. And, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get Rascal in his stroller (because that happens every day). No, it was purely in my head.

Cheaty was so tired she just SAT THERE and WATCHED as Rascal threw his organic alligator crackers all over the living room….

I thought about it, and I realized very quickly that THERE IS SOMETHING gnawing at me.

It’s my diet situation, AGAIN. Yeah, the little diet fairy always comes knocking when I get off track — with a hefty dose of anxiety, lethargy and THE GRUMPS.

I haven’t been eating that well, and I’m just SO TIRED of all this extra weight on me STILL. I have twenty more preggers/nursing pounds to lose. Not impossible. I’ve already lost 50 — by simply chasing after the little monkeys. But, progress has been stalled for a while now.

So, DETOX IS IN ORDER.

I’ve been researching to find the best, safest detox plan for me, and for you if you want to join me, Gorgeouses (but check it with your doc first, of course, because I am NO expert). From all my research, the most common and doable detox rule is FRUIT in the morning. I’ll get into more detail about THE CHEATY DETOX AND DIET PLAN tomorrow — because I’m still figuring it out. But, first thing’s first: TODAY (Thursday), I will have a breakfast of FRUIT. When I’m hungry. And, I will try to eat clean the rest of the day. Lunch: salad (with flaxseed oil salad dressing — will CONCOCT tasty one and post it in the KITCH latah), legumes on top. Dinner: quinoa with chickpeas, salad. EIGHT GLASSES OF WATER. There. DUNZO. Detox.

I should have a plan in place by tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted both here and in the KITCH. Wish me luck!

xo Haley-O