I try to be a good mother.

I try to be a good wife and daughter and friend and relative.

I try to be a good person.

I try to be a good student and employee and coworker.

I try to write well.

I try to entertain and delight.

I try eat well.

I try to practice yoga. Every day.

I try to exercise.

I try to breathe and meditate and be spiritual.

I try to look presentable.

I try to be compassionate.

I try not to eat or wear animal products.

I try to keep a clean house.

I try not to lie, get mad, eat too much sugar, skip meals, spend too much money.

I try to manage anxious thoughts, stave off panic and ride waves of depression without slipping back into the deep.

I try to keep my plants alive and my pets fed.

I try to support and help others.

I try to be green and heal the planet.

I try to keep my family happy and healthy.

I try to set a good example for my kids.

This holiday I stopped trying.

I took a holiday from parenting and everything else at my parents’ cottage. I ate a lot, slept a lot, relaxed, gained weight. I let my kids eat cookies for breakfast, spend the day in their pajamas and watch Star Wars.

We played a lot of Sorry! (the Rascal’s our Sorry! champ!)….

We made a (sorry) snowman….

I slid down a hill on this Spider-man sled over and over again and laughed….

We went snowshoeing….

We danced and did our thing….

And I bought a sparkly pompom hat and scarf, fell in love with Ryan Gosling, baked cookies with the Rascal, read books, coloured and went for fairy walks with the Monkey, played tons of soccer, gazed at the stars, the moon and the nearly-frozen lake….

I’ve quoted this a bunch of times here in this blog and I’ll quote it again. My wonderful former yoga teacher, Monica Voss, said this about an asana (yoga pose) during one of our classes a few years ago: Sometimes we have to collapse the structure so we can gradually rebuild. I’ve never forgotten it.

And I’ve done it again.

I’ve collapsed the structure — The Structure of Trying — in which, like a guinea pig, I try and I try and I try to attain goal after goal and I’m just running and running and time is passing, wheel is spinning, and I’m getting nowhere. And I’m still heavier than I’d like to be, getting heavier. And still anxious. And perpetually tired. Endlessly busy, and buying, and sitting, and doing, and pushing, and giving, and hungry, and full, and struggling.

I’ve collapsed the structure. And I’m very gradually building a new foundation — starting with me.

I’ve found a really gentle guide on holistic nutritionist Meghan Telpner’s website called 21 Days to Health. It’s an ebook that involves making small daily changes to your life, like drinking lemon water in the morning (Day 1), flossing every time you brush (Day 2), going to bed 15 minutes earlier (Day 3), and so on. I do a lot of these things already (like flossing!), but I’ve been feeling such a sense of accomplishment, simply because I’ve managed to drink lemon water every morning for the past 5 days — never mind the fact that I haven’t been inside a Starbucks in five days either!(!!)

That easy, daily sense of accomplishment is golden for someone like me.

At the same time, I’ve been energized enough to make all my own meals, feed my family well, eat greens, take a lunch to work, eat lunch, avoid sugar, drink more water, and stay away from Starbucks!(!!)

And, so, for my yogi readers: I haven’t been to yoga. I’ve gone from my daily, trying Ashtanga practice to effectively ZIP. But I feel good. I’ve been taking my practice into my own hands, laying down the necessary foundation of a good diet (and general self-care), on which to gradually build a proper yoga practice — and everything else. The yoga just wasn’t working: I was gaining weight, not sleeping, feeling anxious. But then again it was working. It’s now forcing me to make space for yoga in my life (as my current yoga teacher might say) by cleaning up my diet (but, as you know, he would definitely not condone not practicing to make the space…!). And cleaning up my diet, for me, has meant limiting strenuous exercise. At least for now. I will be in class tomorrow, though, and probably a few times next week. Eventually, I’ll build my practice up to where it was, but I’ll be stronger and healthier and lean enough to progress in it and, finally, to be assisted in twists without shame, crying (or laughing!). It’s worth a try.

So it seems 2012 is starting quietly, calmly, privately (hence the lack of blog posts…), pensively, lightly, (somewhat) effortlessly, deliciously, healthfully, joyfully.

I brought a delicious casserole I made and an orange to work today….

Happy New Year, Gorgeouses…!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Dr. Laura Schlessinger would not like that my kids are in public school. She would not like that my son goes to a (lovely little) morning school while I’m at work. But she’d be somewhat satisfied that I finish work at 2:30pm in time to pick both my kids up from school, and that my husband works from home. She would like that I’m married, but she would not like that I’m on Twitter and Facebook. She would not like that I had a lovely part-time nanny whom I said goodbye to last week while shedding giant crocodile tears.

She would not like that I’m fat.

I listen to Dr. Laura’s show occasionally on my way home from work, bracing myself for points of view that make me shudder, but eagerly anticipating the odd pearl of wisdom. My mom used to listen to the show in the car when I was a kid, so the familiarity of Dr. Laura’s notoriously shrill voice at times renders comfort and reassurance — and at times makes me want to put myself in the corner with a giant dunce cap on my head.

After slapping working mom after divorced mom on the virtual wrist and blaming cheated-on wives for not pleasing their husbands enough in the bedroom, and chastising others for “shacking up” before marriage, she offered one forlorn fat caller some refreshingly eye-opening advice for losing weight.

The woman was calling because her husband was complaining about her weight gain, and she gave a bunch of excuses as to why she couldn’t lose the weight — hormones, no time to exercise, not motivated. Dr. Laura pooh-poohed every one of the excuses, and nearly lost it on the caller when she asked the question I, for one, really wanted an answer to: “But, Dr. Laura, how do I motivate myself to exercise and eat well?”

“MOTIVATION IS BS,” Dr. Laura exclaimed. “Do you think I want to drop and do 20 pushups during the commercial break?” she asked. “Do you think I want to get up in the morning and workout in the gym? No. Nobody does. But it’s the right thing to do, morally, for your health, for your husband. Maybe once you get to the gym, you realize, ‘Hey, this isn’t so bad.’ But it’s much easier to be LAZY.” (I’m not sure if these were her exact words, by the way — except for “motivation is BS.”)

“Motivation is BS.” How true is this, Gorgeouses? I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to lose my excess belly fat — my kids! my husband, myself, yoga, energy, my new Lululemon clothes, him….

And then I see my friends and loved ones who’ve been on the operating table numerous times for near-death heart surgeries diving into chocolate, cookies and other stuff that put them on the operating table in the first place. Motivation is BS.

And in saying “motivation is BS,” Dr. Laura motivated me to stop waiting to get motivated. And then Theresa Albert motivated me, shortly after I listened to Dr. Laura’s show, when I read her great article in The Toronto Star about how our excess of food choices makes us “choose badly,” and then Alice came back from Italy (finally!), and David said after yoga the other day, “No lattes.”

I might be a bit quiet and cranky for the next few days while I attempt to tackle a healing macrobiotics plan. It’s quite a radical shift from what I’ve been eating lately, but if I don’t do something radical, something to “jump start” some weight loss (as Dr. Laura put it before offering the caller a free month of a diet shake program she swears by), it will simply never happen. And though I’ve been averse to macrobiotics lately (only because I’m not the greatest cook…yet), I’ve been mysteriously drawn to it for years — like I am to yoga and other ancient stuff — and I think I have to honour that. As a vegan, there are so many, too many, “diets” to choose from; I’m finally choosing this one as a practice. Done. No more emotion around it, as my friend Ruth has wisely advised me on various subjects. Just do it.

This will definitely be a major challenge as I continue be a darn good, responsible mom (even if I’m not Dr. Laura’s ideal), and work my soon-to-be svelte arse off with our awesome Todaysparent.com team as we prepare for our massive site RELAUNCH later this month (so exciting)! But, apparently, I’ll be thinking more clearly in no time, have that increased energy I’ve been craving, I’ll feel lighter, and I might get some glow in my skin — just in time for the BlissDom Canada conference.

Anyone going to the BlissDom Canada Conference in Toronto, October 13-16?

I’m excited to tell you I’m a Tribe Leader for the “Lifestyle Tribe.” So, if you’re going to the conference, be sure to join my tribe for a roundtable discussion Friday morning on blogging about LIFE. And, like all tribe leaders, I’ll be available if you have any questions, and to “help you make the most of your conference experience”!

By the way, my co-Tribe Leader is the awesome Ali Martell, who sums up Lifestyle writing (and our friendship) perfectly in her most recent post: “We’d love to talk with you about how writing about nothing is truly writing about everything.” Now you have to join us because Ali+Haley=CRAZY FUN, and you’ll want to be a part of that!

Love!

xo Haley-O

PS. Lord help me if Dr. Laura’s people find this blog post and she reads it on the air…! It is entirely possible. To make myself a little more likeable, then, I should state for the record here that I also have a dog. She’s a Maltese, and her name’s Betty White.

Anyway, in the attempt to de-clutter my mind, something very unusual happened. Remember this? My so-called living room?

(It even once looked LIKE THIS.)

WELL, the MESS that was our living room really is impossible to capture with a camera. But, you get the idea. It was COVERED in toys, toys, toys and more toys. Toys on top of toys. It was AAAAARRRGGHH. So, last Thursday, Josh got home from work, and, just like that, we decided to empty out the little breakfast room we’ve been using for NOTHING except feeding MARGE between old unfinished paintings and books I want to sell….

And we filled it with the TOYS, TOYS, and more TOYS — with all of the ARRRRGHH…. Et voilà….

It’s like A ROOM now…! And, check what it looks like from the front door now…. HOUSE LOOKS SO MUCH BIGGER!

HOUSE ECHOES…. And, now…. Look at the empty ADULT(ish) living room!!!!!!!!111oneone

Ahhh! I can breathe again…. And, look at the OTHER side of the living room!!!111oneone

There’s NOTHING THERE!

Meanwhile, on the OTHER side of the living room (gasp!), I replaced these terribly horrible large ugly cushions….

…With these lovelies that we’ve had wasting away in our basement this whole time (to think!)….

NIIICE….

Don’t get me started on our washroom. We FINALLY put up a MUCH-needed cabinet (thank you, recession-friendly Home Depot), and a mirror. And, OMG, I have so much weight to lose! No, seriously, I haven’t really looked in a mirror in, I guess, since we bought this house 5 years ago! And, OMG. It’s not 10 pounds, it’s TWENTY.

(By the way, I’M A LITTLE DISTRACTED RIGHT NOW because I’m watching The Hills AND The City finales while writing — can you tell? — and everyone is just so dang GORJJJJ.)

So, that’s that. We redecorated our house. I feel like a NEW WOMAN. I can breathe. I can make ECHOES in my living room….

Bliss.

OH, and have you heard? I’m up for two Canadian blog awards: Family and Humour (possibly Personal, too, but that category’s not up yet). If you love me, or even just like me, you can vote for me here. A thousand thank yous! Ohmmmm….

Love!

xo Haley-O

Until last week, that is. THE TIME OF CHANGE…, when I wrote a little email to Caroline Dupont.

Caroline always comes to my rescue. She’s a total EARTH ANGEL, the best healer I know, and rife with sage, practical advice — in person, as well as in her book Enlightened Eating (my eating bible), her meditation cds, and new DVD (which I JUST ordered and am so psyched about).

I wrote a very “determined” (as she put it) email, asking for a complete “regimen.” I wanted breakfast, lunch and dinner DICTATED to me, as well as when to exercise, do yoga, sleep and meditate. I was hoping that this regimen would help me replace old habits with new ones — the right ones.

Caroline didn’t want to give me a strict regimen, though, because she didn’t think it would work for me in the long run. She wanted me simply to start with a few changes. The main one being…

MY MORNING SMOOTHIE (click the link for the recipe).

I’m supposed to drink that thing every day, come hell or high water.

I’m also supposed to walk for 30 minutes 4 days a week, and practice 30 minutes of yoga the remaining three days a week.

I’m supposed to meditate daily. (And, omg, this has been surprisingly SO enlightening and healing. More on this later in the week.)

I’m supposed to go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 every evening….COOOUUUUUGH!

So, I’ve been drinking my smoothie every morning. NO CHAI (bingo!). And I’ve been walking and meditating and practicing yoga. The only problem with the yoga is that a certain someone gets a little, ermm, creepy while I’m practicing (with my camera in hand, apparently)….

…He’s horribly sneaky and distracting while I’m practicing. But, I INTEGRATE it.

The other changes that I’ve — WE’VE (Josh and I) — made this weekend are MIRACULOUS and will have to wait ’til the next post to be revealed because, without any chai in my system, I’m a total zombie. ZOMBIE. And I can’t write anymore because it’s 9:15 — almost “bedtime” (heh, I wish).

On top of all the above advice (and so much more that I have yet to implement and share), Caroline gave me this gem of guidance that I know she’ll love for me to share:

Your principle spiritual practice right now is your kids. Soon enough they’ll be in school and you’ll have more time for uninterrupted yoga and meditation. Create activities with them…. When you take them to the park remind yourself to breathe and be…. To everything, there is a season.

I’ve really taken that advice to heart and have been LOVING the relief and peace of mind I get from getting down on the floor and really PAINTING and DRAWING again, with my children — ESPECIALLY when I’m not feeling “well”….

…one of my new favourite things…!

Many, MANY, thanks to Caroline Dupont.

Love…!

xo Haley-O

That said, I have something very exciting to share with you. Rascal has A NEW COAT.

In case you didn’t know, he was wearing THIS COATASTROPHE that Josh proudly brought home from Winners last month….

Here it is to the front with better lighting (so you get the full effect)….

Thank Gods of Fashion, my sister stepped in and loaned us THIS much more stylish GAP ski jacket….

Ahhhh, much better. Well, anything’s better, really, than brown and puke-green-and-yellow PLAID. Poor guy. That is “plaid,” right? I should know, because I’m supposed to be “trendie,” but I don’t. And I’m not — trendy, that is, as you know…. Am SUCH a schlepper.

So, this is my attempt at a blog post — and, more so, my excuse for posting a picture of Rascal’s ridiculously adorable crazy-round fluorescent-blond head, OY! — while my mind is a total WHIRLWIND, literally. Can you tell? Enough.

We’ll spend more time together later.

xo Haley-O

1. If it wasn’t Yom Kippur — ie., if I wasn’t supposed to be fasting until tomorrow evening — I’d fully be eating a peanut butter sandwich right now. Yes, I’ve gotten into the sinful habit of sinfully indulging in one of the deadliest of diet sins: The Peanut Butter sandwich at 10:30pm…. Only sometimes I ditch the bread and replace with a bowl and, erm, syrup! Aaaaack! This is embarrassing. But CLEANSING. We’re doing it right this year. The consequence of this sin, of course, is those lingering 15 pounds…. And indigestion.

2. And why, pray tell, would I be eating a peanut butter sandwich? Procrastination. I believe it’s one of the seven deadlies…. I procrastinate to avoid everything from blogging, working, working, working, putting groceries away, eating healthy, changing diapers, going to bed…ANYTHING. Tweeting is my procrastinatory (word? should be a word) activity of choice. And sometimes I write sinful tweets. But, I write the odd angelic ones, too…?

3. I am jealous and take things much too personally. People might call the latter “sensitive,” but I think it’s egotistical. I vow to pray hard on this in synagogue tomorrow, since it PLAGUETH me, and to get mine arse back to Yoga so I can speak head-on to this Ego of mine and tell it to STOPPIT and to SHUTIT and maybe, like, GO AWAY so I can be happy and released from the web of anxiety and fear I’ve been living in since my first pregnancy. Gah! Gah-Gah! Gah!

You see, these sins are not without their consequences. I get kicked in the arse whenever I commit even a mild sin, like letting the Monkey watch Hannah Montana only because I myself selfishly adore it — which comes back and kicks my arse when she prances around the house chanting “Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana,” in her best country twang, over and over again. Blergh.

4. I lie. I tell my daughter we’re listening to Disney Radio for her, when, really, it’s so for me….

5. I’m possessive. He’s MY CAT. Not my children’s cat.

Which is, of course, FINE with him. MINE! (And thank you for your thoughts and prayers about MARRRGE last week! She’s FINE! Test results came back brillers. And, by the way, I don’t have to be possessive about her because the kids can’t get near the sneaky little now-TOOTHLESS bugger.)

6. I’m impatient. Indecisive. Impulsive. Perfectionistic. I make up words. I think Kanye West is hilarious. I enjoy The Igor at Rascal’s innocent li’l expense. And Rascal’s beloved “MUCKAH” may or may not be RICE milk.

7. I make sinfully delicious salad dressings so my kids will EAT VEGETABLES. I’ve also been known to puree kale into EVERYTHING they eat.

8. I sing with my earphones on. When I listen to my ipod. When I don’t know the words. Any of them. Not even one. When Josh is in the room.

And now I fast.

Out with the old. In with the new. Even if it’s cliche. Because it’s not ABOUT YOU, Ego…!

Love!
xo Haley-O

Dr. Sharma is a genius. Somehow, he made something click within me so that I FINALLY understand the connection between food and my emotions. I mean, EVERYONE knows almost EVERYONE emotionally overeats at times. And a vast majority of us, especially in this day and age — the age of STARBUCKS — are compulsive emotional eaters. I mean, seriously, tell me you ONLY eat when you’re hungry. No. Not possible. We eat when we’re physically hungry and EMOTIONALLY hungry. Or, even when we’re just plain emotional. As in my case.

This morning was not a particularly good morning for me. I woke up PISSED off. Believe it or not, this is actually part my Ayurvedic Detox. I’m SUPPOSED to feel angry and sad and anxious right now — because the doc’s cleansing me of YEARS of pent-up anger, sadness and anxiety. I mean, I’m a compulsive smiler. I don’t really DO anger…. But, it’s there. Just hidden. Not lately…. WWWATCH OUT!

Anyway, I was PISSED this morning. At everything. At everyone. So, of course, I wanted Starbucks. I thought, “There’s no way I can go to the office all PISSED off and tired and angry, and the apple and pumpkin seeds I ate for breakfast (as per my diet) simply will not do. I better go get a Starbucks.” So, I went to Starbucks. I opened the heavy glass door, looked inside, and saw the huge lineup. I then felt my stomach turn at the smell of the place and had to leave sans CHAI. I KID YOU NOT.

I got to the office, said a few quick, quiet hellos, sat down, and nibbled on some pumpkin seeds. “Not bad,” I thought, “actually not bad.”

Several meetings and conference calls later, I was FLYING. I felt great. Really happy and looking forward to seeing my little Monkeys. I thought, “I feel great right now! Actually happy!” Then I thought, “STARBUCKS!”

Apparently, I couldn’t handle the HAPPY! I NEEDED a Starbucks to mask the HAPPY! Helloooo?

That’s when it hit me. Epiphany. I can understand eating when you’re stressed out. You don’t WANT the PAIN, so you try to STUFF IT DOWN with food. I’ve always understood that. But, why would I want to stuff down HAPPY?

EPIPHANY: I cannot deal with my emotions AT ALL. The second they show up, good or bad, I freak out and run to food.

I didn’t have that chai, no. After realizing how I’ve been USING the chai, I knew I didn’t need it. I WANTED to start facing my emotions head on and to ride them out. It was definitely an AH-HAH moment!

I challenged myself to ride out the HAPPY. And it felt good.

It felt WAY better than the indigestion and heaviness I feel AFTER I drink away my joys and sorrows.

It’s ON, Emotions. I’m ready to face you head on. And, yeah. I’m ready to like you. All of you. Bring it on, Baby, Bring. It. ON!

Love!

xo Haley-O

ANYWAY, once you go through something like I did — major, irrational, debilitating pregnancy-hormone-induced anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) — it doesn’t just go away. It comes back every now and then. Most troubling for me is that I still experience the PHYSICAL symptoms of the anxiety/OCD, and I’m finally accepting that certain things trigger these symptoms — like, for example, erm, hem, haw, CAFFEINE AND SUGAR, aka the STARBUCKS GRANDE SOY-NO-WATER-CHAI-TEA-LATTE to which I am majorly, irrationally, debilitatingly addicted.

So, when I kvetch DAY IN and DAY OUT here about how I CAN’T STOP drinking this ELIXIR OF LOOOOVE and ALL THAT IS GOOD FOR MOTHERS OF VERY YOUNG CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD crack — CRACK, I tell you (again) — it’s not a small deal. My psychiatrist actually wants me off this stuff. Why? Because it makes me shake for the better part of the day. It brings on the physical symptoms of my anxiety. I literally feel the anxiety coursing through my veins, even if there’s no obsessive thought connected to it.

HENCE, as per my psychiatrist, I need to GET OFF THE CHAI. Also, as per my psychiatrist, and I need to GET OFF MY BUTT. Yes. My Rascal is 19 months now, so a) we’re no longer talking about “pregnancy weight” here, b) or nursing weight, and c) that pain in my tailbone that’s SO BAD that my NEW BOSS had to switch seats with me during MY INTERVIEW because I COULDN’T TAKE THE PAIN that I get from sitting on hard surfaces for more than ten minutes or from sitting AT ALL for a prolonged period of time (speaking of which…, ouch!) HAS TO GO. Yes, I need to fix all this. I need to FEEL better. I need to HEAL from the physical and emotional pains of my pregnancies already. It’s time to move forward.

So, I’m at the gym again in the effort to move forward — to move more. And it’s amazing. AMAZING (a word I am known to overuse but that’s perfectly appropriate here). I sweat. I huffed. I puffed. I need new shoes. Anyone know a good vegan running shoe?

Yes, I’m back at the gym. But, I’m still drinking chais. BUT, as my GORJ online buddy Lindsey reminded me on Twitter yesterday, baby steps. Baby steps, baby steps, BABY STEPS!!! Anyone see that movie: What About Bob? With Bill Murray? Richard Dreyfuss? BABY STEPS!!!

LOVE! Anyway, I’ll start with the gym, and then I will definitely, finally, ditch that chai. Again.

And then, maybe, as the book I’m reading explains, I’ll figure out what’s REALLY behind that self-destructive addiction. Maybe I won’t need the chai anymore now that I’m starting to take care of my body? Maybe I won’t want it?

Basically, I’ve had an epiphany. Yes. I’m finally ready to set up some new boundaries. All my years of dieting and eating issues were filled with STRICT BOUNDARIES. When I became pregnant, and crazy, ALL those boundaries collapsed. And I’ve been living on chai tea crack, sugar, breads, peanut butter, ever since. So, it’s ALMOST time, Gorgeouses. It’s almost time time to start GRADUALLY rebuilding the boundaries. Correction: to gradually rebuild HEALTHY boundaries — working out, eating RIGHT, taking care of myself, and moderation. Moderation, baby. And baby steps.

Tomorrow — SAMBA CLASS at the gym! Weeee!

Now, go check CHEATY GOODIES for our EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS contest. Only Canadian’s are eligible for this one, but the post and video will make everyone think.

As for me…, I totally sucked on this cleanse. I cheated every day. Every day, that is, UNTIL Cheat Day — which is tomorrow. In other words, I had a Starbucks soy chai latte EVERY FREAKING DAY.

Ick.

Tomorrow I start over again on THIS no-sugar, no-caffeine, no animal products (hollahhh!) Skinny Bitch diet….

Only I’m going to skip the no-caffeine part. Because, DAMMIT, if last night is any indication, my son is NOT in fact STTN. I knew it. You knew it…. Oy! I knew I was jinxing myself yesterday when I said he was “sleepingthroughthenight.” Sheesh. Gorgeouses, he was up ALL NIGHT last night. What IS that? Dang jinx AND dang time change is what it is, dangit dangit.

Sigh, anyway, I think a little chai tea BAG (not chai tea CRACKÉ) is perfectly, as Monkey would say, “acceppable.”

I still have to “bone up” (heh, that expression kills me every time) on my Skinny Bitch rules and regulations. It’s been so long since I read it, after all…. In addition to keeping a tiny bit of “healthy” caffeine in my diet — green tea only, if possible — other changes I’d make to the diet is keeping it whole-food oriented. I’ve been a vegan long enough not to need fake meats to keep my taste buds interested….

I also need to drink TONS of water. My lips are a GIANT BILLBOARD of an indicator that I’m dehydrated. They’ve never been this chapped. They throb sometimes, they’re so chapped! I know, ew!

Yes, it’s time (AGAIN) to get healthy, energized, FIT, and the hell OFF the SUGAR ROLLER COASTER. Honestly, you should see me after I drink that chai CRACK latte. I’m fine for the first 10 minutes and then BANG — I’m shaking like a leaf and swearing up and down that I will NEVER drink it again. Just ask my friend Leah who saw it with her own eyes this morning.

Yes, instead of going to yoga this morning, I stopped at Starbucks to buy my LAST CHAI TEA CRACKÉ ever only to bump into one of the mothers at Monkey’s preschool. Leah. Feeling more social than usual, I asked her if she wanted to sit for a bit, and we chatted intensely for two hours! So, yes, I need a little Starbucks in my life or I will end up going to yoga class. Oh. That’s not a very good lesson. Must work on EVERYTHING in life…. So far from perfect am….

In addition to cleaning up my diet the Skinny Bitch way, I’ll be doing my fitness videos daily — alternating between two of my faves: Skinny Bitch Fitness: Boot Camp…

…which is GOOD because it reminds me I’m not the only vegan in the world, but BAD because they say “bitch” and “ass” a lot and I can’t cover Monkey’s ears while exercising (or anytime, for that matter); and, of course, Turbo Jam…

…which is the FUNNEST workout ever (thanks to MC for the recommendation! LOVE!).

Monkey will be in the room when I work out, and Rascal will be napping (he’s anawesomenapper now). Because he can’t handle it. If he’s in the room when I’m working out, he’s fine for the first 10 minutes and then starts screaming at me and pulling my pant leg — sort of like he does WHENEVER I COOK. Here’s hoping Monkey doesn’t pick up the colourful Skinny Bitch language, though.

By the way, look what Monkey’s been wearing all the time now (so much that I forget what her hair looks like underneath)….

It’s the Thomas the Train conductor’s hat…. And look what she’s brought with her to school today….

…not good. Good news is, as you can see, she has new interests. Although, thankfully, Pablo is still her favourite doll (I may cry when that sweet phase is over), The Backyardigans TV show addiction is A THING OF THE PAST. Our favourite shows are now Thomas the Train and In the Night Garden. Oh carp, tell me I didn’t just jinx that — if I have to watch one more Backyardigans episode I’ll cry big bulbous Rascal tears….

HUGE Congrats to the Cheat Day Gorgeouses! Now, who’s joining me in NO SUGAR and EXERCISING EVERY DAY until I go to BERMUDA…ALONE, HOLLAHHHH!!!???

Love!
xo Haley-O

Yes. You’re looking at me. Drinking my DRUG OF CHOICE. It’s a Starbucks Grande Soy No-Water Chai Tea Latte. 21 days without this STUPID drink, and I had to go and get one.

REWIND.

As many of you know, my 21-day cleanse, in which I gave up caffeine and sugar, ended yesterday (Tuesday, February 9, 2009, to be exact). So, today was my first official day as a FREE WOMAN again. I did GREAT this morning. I put on the kettle. Made myself a lovely tazo chai, since I decided I could handle a little caffeine in the form of TEA BAG, with some rice milk and agave nectar (i.e., not sugar! NOT CHAI LATTE). I even bragged about it on twitter….

Are you aware, by the way, that I still have two baby teeth? I have two baby molars. They’re still here because no adult teeth ever developed. I should SO be on FRINGE…. FREAK!

ANYWAY, as you might be able to tell, I’m a little cracked out from that SMACK of caffeine and sugar I just chugged, after (I repeat) 21-days of NO stimulating food or drink whatsoever, and from that gluten-free vegan chocolate brownie the peeps at the neighbourhood health food store (they know me there, of course) snuck into my shopping bag…. Mmm….

BUT, DON’T BE ALARMED. I’m not back on the wagon. No. I’m BACK ON THE CLEANSE.

FEAST YOUR EYES on that clock ticker thing on my sidebar, under the heading “COUNTDOWN TO CHEAT DAY.” Until I reach my goal post-preggers weight (I still have to figure out what that is — I’m thinking 18 more pounds), I’m staying on this cleanse with ONE CHEAT DAY a month. I’ll reset that ticker on the 10th of every month.

Doing a “cleanse” (i.e., simply EATING CLEAN) is the only way to keep myself on track. To keep myself healthy and strong and feeling good and not stressing about food — especially since I have so much on my plate. (Eeee! Pun. So not intended!)

Because, the truth is, I can see it. I see how MUCH BETTER I felt yesterday than I do right now. After one drink and brownie, I’m back in the haze. And, if I’m not on the cleanse, I simply have no control. I can’t control my eating unless I make a concerted commitment. Right here. You all are my witnesses.

OMG, this is turning into a long ramble. I’m outta control. OUTTA.

Anyone else in on a MONTH of no caffeine no shug??? You can commit RIGHT HERE. I can even put your name in the sidebar, so we can all be your witness. Just say the word.

In other news, Gorgeouses…. GRATUITOUS KITTY PICS TIME!

The cat’s out of the basket. The teeny weeny basket….

Here he sat at 1pm. Found him there before left to teach yoga….

Back from yoga at 4 pm…FOUR PM. Still in basket….

Doesn’t he look comfy!?!?!?

OY! So, who’s joining me on another 21 days?

Some exciting, HISTORIC, news on the animal front…. My fellow animal advocates and I are very excited that PETA’s investigation inside Aviagen Turkeys, Inc., led to 19 indictments for cruelty to animals filed against former employees. This is the first time in U.S. history that factory farm employees have faced felony cruelty-to-animals charges for abusing birds. That’s HUGE. As Monkey would say, “HOORAY”! There’s more to be done, letters to be written — contact me if you want to help.

Thank you for letting me share. I’m passionate about animals, as you know, and it’s gotten to the point where I cry most nights for them. I was born with this cause (my given Hebrew name “Chayah” MEANS “animal” [among other things]). And, you help me serve my purpose — and, thus, cry a little less — by simply listening to me here now and then. Thank you so much for that.

Contest over at Goodies. You could win JURLIQUE and Dr. HAUSCHKA and PURE+SIMPLE skincare. It’s a NO-BRAINER!