So, you know I’ve been working hard to de-clutter my mind — through daily meditation and yoga. It’s only been a few days, really, and I’m still a basketcase. I’ll probably always be a basketcase, though. It’s in my nature. And I don’t necessarily want to lose that. But, I wouldn’t mind it if the kindergarten teacher (love her) wouldn’t laugh at me and make that pretend-shake-my-head gesture (huh? hard to explain) when I tell her things like, “What? I didn’t realize there was a PA day tomorrow, WOOPS!” What can I say, I’m a day-by-day kind of girl. I “fly by the seat of my pants,” as Julia Roberts says in Pretty Women (one of my fave lines — that, and “slippy little sucker”). Aside from what’s going on at work (ish), I don’t know what’s going on from one day to the next. I just go with it. And maybe that’s why I have anxiety issues. I need a good daytimer is what I need. A non-leather FILOFAX — are those still around?

Anyway, in the attempt to de-clutter my mind, something very unusual happened. Remember this? My so-called living room?

(It even once looked LIKE THIS.)

WELL, the MESS that was our living room really is impossible to capture with a camera. But, you get the idea. It was COVERED in toys, toys, toys and more toys. Toys on top of toys. It was AAAAARRRGGHH. So, last Thursday, Josh got home from work, and, just like that, we decided to empty out the little breakfast room we’ve been using for NOTHING except feeding MARGE between old unfinished paintings and books I want to sell….

And we filled it with the TOYS, TOYS, and more TOYS — with all of the ARRRRGHH…. Et voilà….

It’s like A ROOM now…! And, check what it looks like from the front door now…. HOUSE LOOKS SO MUCH BIGGER!

HOUSE ECHOES…. And, now…. Look at the empty ADULT(ish) living room!!!!!!!!111oneone

Ahhh! I can breathe again…. And, look at the OTHER side of the living room!!!111oneone

There’s NOTHING THERE!

Meanwhile, on the OTHER side of the living room (gasp!), I replaced these terribly horrible large ugly cushions….

…With these lovelies that we’ve had wasting away in our basement this whole time (to think!)….

NIIICE….

Don’t get me started on our washroom. We FINALLY put up a MUCH-needed cabinet (thank you, recession-friendly Home Depot), and a mirror. And, OMG, I have so much weight to lose! No, seriously, I haven’t really looked in a mirror in, I guess, since we bought this house 5 years ago! And, OMG. It’s not 10 pounds, it’s TWENTY.

(By the way, I’M A LITTLE DISTRACTED RIGHT NOW because I’m watching The Hills AND The City finales while writing — can you tell? — and everyone is just so dang GORJJJJ.)

So, that’s that. We redecorated our house. I feel like a NEW WOMAN. I can breathe. I can make ECHOES in my living room….

Bliss.

OH, and have you heard? I’m up for two Canadian blog awards: Family and Humour (possibly Personal, too, but that category’s not up yet). If you love me, or even just like me, you can vote for me here. A thousand thank yous! Ohmmmm….

Love!

xo Haley-O

T’WAS A TIME OF CHANGE. Last week, I wrote a little email…. I needed some help. I’ve been pretty mum about this, but, if you were to seriously stalk my tweets, you’d probably see that I’ve been having some anxiety lately. A lot of anxiety lately. Not “OMG OMG OMG WE’RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE!” kind of anxiety, but a very physical kind characterized by heart palpitations and obsessive thinking. It’s been rough. And, of course, I blame THE CHAI, which, no, I haven’t been able to quit.

Until last week, that is. THE TIME OF CHANGE…, when I wrote a little email to Caroline Dupont.

Caroline always comes to my rescue. She’s a total EARTH ANGEL, the best healer I know, and rife with sage, practical advice — in person, as well as in her book Enlightened Eating (my eating bible), her meditation cds, and new DVD (which I JUST ordered and am so psyched about).

I wrote a very “determined” (as she put it) email, asking for a complete “regimen.” I wanted breakfast, lunch and dinner DICTATED to me, as well as when to exercise, do yoga, sleep and meditate. I was hoping that this regimen would help me replace old habits with new ones — the right ones.

Caroline didn’t want to give me a strict regimen, though, because she didn’t think it would work for me in the long run. She wanted me simply to start with a few changes. The main one being…

MY MORNING SMOOTHIE (click the link for the recipe).

I’m supposed to drink that thing every day, come hell or high water.

I’m also supposed to walk for 30 minutes 4 days a week, and practice 30 minutes of yoga the remaining three days a week.

I’m supposed to meditate daily. (And, omg, this has been surprisingly SO enlightening and healing. More on this later in the week.)

I’m supposed to go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 every evening….COOOUUUUUGH!

So, I’ve been drinking my smoothie every morning. NO CHAI (bingo!). And I’ve been walking and meditating and practicing yoga. The only problem with the yoga is that a certain someone gets a little, ermm, creepy while I’m practicing (with my camera in hand, apparently)….

…He’s horribly sneaky and distracting while I’m practicing. But, I INTEGRATE it.

The other changes that I’ve — WE’VE (Josh and I) — made this weekend are MIRACULOUS and will have to wait ’til the next post to be revealed because, without any chai in my system, I’m a total zombie. ZOMBIE. And I can’t write anymore because it’s 9:15 — almost “bedtime” (heh, I wish).

On top of all the above advice (and so much more that I have yet to implement and share), Caroline gave me this gem of guidance that I know she’ll love for me to share:

Your principle spiritual practice right now is your kids. Soon enough they’ll be in school and you’ll have more time for uninterrupted yoga and meditation. Create activities with them…. When you take them to the park remind yourself to breathe and be…. To everything, there is a season.

I’ve really taken that advice to heart and have been LOVING the relief and peace of mind I get from getting down on the floor and really PAINTING and DRAWING again, with my children — ESPECIALLY when I’m not feeling “well”….

…one of my new favourite things…!

Many, MANY, thanks to Caroline Dupont.

Love…!

xo Haley-O

This week has been nonstop for me. In the middle of figuring out the whole H1N1 vaccine situation (my pediatrician is now recommending the vaccine, FYI), a very cold pumpkin-patch field trip, homework (homework?!), surprise sales, a newly stubborn little rascal, birthday party FAILS, and I COULD GO ON, I’m doing a cleanse from the book Radiant Health, Inner Wealth, written by my witty twitter friend Quintessence C. Challis. I’ll be sharing recipes at The Kitch when I get a chance. The cleanse itself is not that intense at all, so DON’T WORRY. So far my favourite part is waking up with a tall glass of water with freshly-squeezed lemon. VERY refreshing. BETTER than a chai latte. More on that later. At the moment, I’m too preoccupied with ALL OF THE ABOVE to write, really.

That said, I have something very exciting to share with you. Rascal has A NEW COAT.

In case you didn’t know, he was wearing THIS COATASTROPHE that Josh proudly brought home from Winners last month….

Here it is to the front with better lighting (so you get the full effect)….

Thank Gods of Fashion, my sister stepped in and loaned us THIS much more stylish GAP ski jacket….

Ahhhh, much better. Well, anything’s better, really, than brown and puke-green-and-yellow PLAID. Poor guy. That is “plaid,” right? I should know, because I’m supposed to be “trendie,” but I don’t. And I’m not — trendy, that is, as you know…. Am SUCH a schlepper.

So, this is my attempt at a blog post — and, more so, my excuse for posting a picture of Rascal’s ridiculously adorable crazy-round fluorescent-blond head, OY! — while my mind is a total WHIRLWIND, literally. Can you tell? Enough.

We’ll spend more time together later.

xo Haley-O

First and foremost I am NOT supposed to be working on this Holiest of Holy Jewish Holidays — Yom Kippur. So, if we were to define my blogging as “work,” as I often do, then I’m sinning right this holy minute. But, no. I’m not working right now. I’m not trying to entertain and delight, and no one’s paying me to be here, so I’m not working. No, I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing on this Holiest of Holy Jewish Holidays — I’m reflecting. Yes, I’m reflecting on my sins. Seriously. Come with me.

1. If it wasn’t Yom Kippur — ie., if I wasn’t supposed to be fasting until tomorrow evening — I’d fully be eating a peanut butter sandwich right now. Yes, I’ve gotten into the sinful habit of sinfully indulging in one of the deadliest of diet sins: The Peanut Butter sandwich at 10:30pm…. Only sometimes I ditch the bread and replace with a bowl and, erm, syrup! Aaaaack! This is embarrassing. But CLEANSING. We’re doing it right this year. The consequence of this sin, of course, is those lingering 15 pounds…. And indigestion.

2. And why, pray tell, would I be eating a peanut butter sandwich? Procrastination. I believe it’s one of the seven deadlies…. I procrastinate to avoid everything from blogging, working, working, working, putting groceries away, eating healthy, changing diapers, going to bed…ANYTHING. Tweeting is my procrastinatory (word? should be a word) activity of choice. And sometimes I write sinful tweets. But, I write the odd angelic ones, too…?

3. I am jealous and take things much too personally. People might call the latter “sensitive,” but I think it’s egotistical. I vow to pray hard on this in synagogue tomorrow, since it PLAGUETH me, and to get mine arse back to Yoga so I can speak head-on to this Ego of mine and tell it to STOPPIT and to SHUTIT and maybe, like, GO AWAY so I can be happy and released from the web of anxiety and fear I’ve been living in since my first pregnancy. Gah! Gah-Gah! Gah!

You see, these sins are not without their consequences. I get kicked in the arse whenever I commit even a mild sin, like letting the Monkey watch Hannah Montana only because I myself selfishly adore it — which comes back and kicks my arse when she prances around the house chanting “Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana,” in her best country twang, over and over again. Blergh.

4. I lie. I tell my daughter we’re listening to Disney Radio for her, when, really, it’s so for me….

5. I’m possessive. He’s MY CAT. Not my children’s cat.

Which is, of course, FINE with him. MINE! (And thank you for your thoughts and prayers about MARRRGE last week! She’s FINE! Test results came back brillers. And, by the way, I don’t have to be possessive about her because the kids can’t get near the sneaky little now-TOOTHLESS bugger.)

6. I’m impatient. Indecisive. Impulsive. Perfectionistic. I make up words. I think Kanye West is hilarious. I enjoy The Igor at Rascal’s innocent li’l expense. And Rascal’s beloved “MUCKAH” may or may not be RICE milk.

7. I make sinfully delicious salad dressings so my kids will EAT VEGETABLES. I’ve also been known to puree kale into EVERYTHING they eat.

8. I sing with my earphones on. When I listen to my ipod. When I don’t know the words. Any of them. Not even one. When Josh is in the room.

And now I fast.

Out with the old. In with the new. Even if it’s cliche. Because it’s not ABOUT YOU, Ego…!

Love!
xo Haley-O

Dr. Sharma is a genius. Somehow, he made something click within me so that I FINALLY understand the connection between food and my emotions. I mean, EVERYONE knows almost EVERYONE emotionally overeats at times. And a vast majority of us, especially in this day and age — the age of STARBUCKS — are compulsive emotional eaters. I mean, seriously, tell me you ONLY eat when you’re hungry. No. Not possible. We eat when we’re physically hungry and EMOTIONALLY hungry. Or, even when we’re just plain emotional. As in my case.

This morning was not a particularly good morning for me. I woke up PISSED off. Believe it or not, this is actually part my Ayurvedic Detox. I’m SUPPOSED to feel angry and sad and anxious right now — because the doc’s cleansing me of YEARS of pent-up anger, sadness and anxiety. I mean, I’m a compulsive smiler. I don’t really DO anger…. But, it’s there. Just hidden. Not lately…. WWWATCH OUT!

Anyway, I was PISSED this morning. At everything. At everyone. So, of course, I wanted Starbucks. I thought, “There’s no way I can go to the office all PISSED off and tired and angry, and the apple and pumpkin seeds I ate for breakfast (as per my diet) simply will not do. I better go get a Starbucks.” So, I went to Starbucks. I opened the heavy glass door, looked inside, and saw the huge lineup. I then felt my stomach turn at the smell of the place and had to leave sans CHAI. I KID YOU NOT.

I got to the office, said a few quick, quiet hellos, sat down, and nibbled on some pumpkin seeds. “Not bad,” I thought, “actually not bad.”

Several meetings and conference calls later, I was FLYING. I felt great. Really happy and looking forward to seeing my little Monkeys. I thought, “I feel great right now! Actually happy!” Then I thought, “STARBUCKS!”

Apparently, I couldn’t handle the HAPPY! I NEEDED a Starbucks to mask the HAPPY! Helloooo?

That’s when it hit me. Epiphany. I can understand eating when you’re stressed out. You don’t WANT the PAIN, so you try to STUFF IT DOWN with food. I’ve always understood that. But, why would I want to stuff down HAPPY?

EPIPHANY: I cannot deal with my emotions AT ALL. The second they show up, good or bad, I freak out and run to food.

I didn’t have that chai, no. After realizing how I’ve been USING the chai, I knew I didn’t need it. I WANTED to start facing my emotions head on and to ride them out. It was definitely an AH-HAH moment!

I challenged myself to ride out the HAPPY. And it felt good.

It felt WAY better than the indigestion and heaviness I feel AFTER I drink away my joys and sorrows.

It’s ON, Emotions. I’m ready to face you head on. And, yeah. I’m ready to like you. All of you. Bring it on, Baby, Bring. It. ON!

Love!

xo Haley-O