With the advent of twitter lists (which I doubt I’ll ever get around to making myself because I hardly have time to write to-do or shopping lists let alone SEVERAL lists dividing my friends into groups — high school much? — and unintentionally snubbing them, which is bound to happen)…what was I saying? I forget because I got distracted by Whitney and Jay’s conversation on this eve’s rerun of MTV’s The City….

That picture is so last year, like, when Jay and Whitney were still together. But I didn’t have time to find any current pics of them. But I DID have time to watch THIS WEEK’s episode just now. And I just want to say that, if Elle Magazine wants to interview bloggers — because, as Joe Zee (Elle‘s creative director) puts it, “blogs are the places where news is breaking right now” — they should come TO ME, and my SLIPPERS…. Remember these?

Still wearing ‘em! There’s nothing these two less famous bloggers have that I don’t, right? I blog in my pajamas, too, and shop with my mother…? No? Yes? Elle?

If I don’t get into Elle Magazine, can I at least get on X-WEIGHTED? I need to lose these last 15. Or maybe I’ll just curl up on my couch with my Puffins and make twitter lists, instead. It’s safer here in my comfort zone…. Except right now. Because Josh just made clam chowder, and it STINKS in here.

So, I do have a little list JUST for this blog because my poor blog gets pushed aside so often these days for other more “pressing” things, and this really shouldn’t be, really saddens me, really has to stop because I love blogging…, and if one more thing goes to sh*t because I’m working too much, then something’s got to give. Because DOGGONE IT, I’m important.

So my list, ahem.

1. I love the way Rascal says “banana” — “badanan,” as in, “MO BADANAN, MAMA! MO BADANAN.”

2. Rascal eats too many badanans.

3. The Monkey is addicted to hugging. In the middle of the Swine Flu pandemic, she’s hugging strangers (not that it really matters because Swine Flu is air born).

4. I had Kabocha squash for dinner.

5. Rascal can count to two now. It’s official: “One, Doo, ONE!”

6. Monkey is obsessed with drawing me without a body because, apparently, “it’s too hard” to draw my body….

7. WHICH I choose to take as a compliment, because why not and DOGGONE IT!

8. I’m the disembodied turbaned head on the far left of the drawing — next to me is the artiste herself, her brother, and a caterpillar.

8. I am NOT too old to love The City, OR The Hills….

9. I also love the Glee, The Office, The Tudors, So You Think You Can Dance and Survivor.

10. I did watch V, but I will never watch it again.

11. Just like I will never watch Fringe again.

12. Or the Y&R, which I quit a month ago, WHICH should be a post in itself because it’s a big f-ing deal.

13. I want Russell to win Survivor.

14. I can’t end on #13 not because it’s “bad luck” but because it’s just a weird number to end on.

15. #15 is a better number to end on than #14.

16. I always go for the odd numbers.

17. OCD.

18. But, #18 is an ideal number to end LISTS on.

19. Even though it’s an odd number.

20. I think I’m into even now.

After last week’s text-heavy blog posts, the weekend’s fairs and birthday parties and long walks with SUDDENLY-STUBBORN 2-year-old, I’m a little burnt out. And I’m going to LISTEN to my burn-out this time and HONOUR it by making YOU do the work today.

See, just like Chef Gustave says in Ratatouille — “ANYONE can COOK,” which I don’t entirely believe, by the way — ANYONE can BLOG!

So, checkit. I got to take a walk through the Monkey’s Kindergarten class today, and I nearly FELL OVER when I saw this painting she made and the caption under it….

Now for the caption she gave it:

My Brother Playing in the Garden.

Bwah! Her brother playing in the garden? How sweet of her to think of him when she’s at school. But, ummmm….

Okay, now it’s your turn. As BLOGGERS par excellence, YOU are going to make me a more fitting caption for this painting. K?

Ready, set, CAPTION ME!

I am sick as a dog. If you’re following me on Twitter, this is old news. I’ve been sick as a dawg for, like, 4 days already. This CAN’T be The Swine. It’s just a BAD (i.e., B.A.D.) head cold, complete with fevers and pains everywhere — worst of all in my jaw, making it excruciating for me to hold my mouth open just to BREATHE.

I probably SHOULDN’T have gone to the Bunch Family Dance Party on Saturday — to celebrate the launch of Canada Moms Blog. By the way, have you seen my latest post there yet — where I get very close to controversy again, but tread MUCH more carefully this time, so help me GOD. We all know I don’t DO criticism, so why DARE I invite it?? MIND YOU, I was just listening to THE Erica Ehm on my favourite radio station this morning, and SHE said that if everyone loves you, you’re boring. That made me feel better…. And, by the way, and speaking of which…, did you hear the Canadian Olympic team REFUSED to wear seal fur on their uniforms (after Canadian parliamentarians proposed it) to protest the European Parliament’s ban on Canadian seal-fur products? HOLLAHHH! And, here’s a cute video with typical great Canadian humour LAUGHING at the proposition that the team wear fur and demonstrating that most of us Canadians (over 60%), in fact, do oppose the hunt…. I care. I really really really freakin’ care about this….

And, by the way, how do I get my little Rascal to stop HITTING everyone. Feeling as carpy as I do right now, the LAST thing I need is all this HITTING me in the achy head with a metal toy school bus. ARRGH.

AND, by the way, I now have 2 cats on my lap…. Here’s Meeno (aka Minden, of course)….

MWAH!

ANYWAY! Happy Mother’s Day to all the MOMS out there — including moms of pets (this is your day, too, Gorgeouses!). I spent the day in bed, freezing and then sweating and then freezing and then sweating. It was awesome.

This post is all over the place. I’m too sick to write coherently. Hopefully, I’ll be better tomorrow. So, we’re just chatting today, right? This is aiight, right?

So, as I started saying earlier…. It’s kind of exciting! I actually went to a blogger event this weekend to celebrate the Canada Moms Blog official launch! Now, I SHOULDN’T have been there with this DREADFUL cold. But, I KNEW if I didn’t show up, everyone would think I copped out — because who can REALLY tell if your sick from behind your computer screen. I NEVER go to blog events (because I sort-of made this deal with myself early on that I’d stay behind the screen), so I KNEW that if I didn’t go, they’d all think I wimped out and wasn’t committed. But, AM COMMITTED. LOOK HOW COMMITTED. I went to the event SHVITZING with fever!

Again, don’t worry, it’s not The Swine…. (Although I cannot IMAGINE being any sicker than this…!)

So, the party was well worth going to — even sick as a DAWG. (Bunch sure knows how to throw a PAR-TAY!) I hung out with some of my favourite bloggers! SWEET Katie ~ Motherbumper, the one-and-only Her Bad Mother Catherine Connors, Sandra from Mamalooper, Emma Willer from (I love this…) Where there’s a Willer…, and, last but NOT LEAST, my good ol’ friend Ali, of Cheaper Than Therapy whom I haven’t seen in MONTHS (because I am a BAD FRIEND, BAD!).

I really didn’t get enough pictures. Mostly because Rascal was clinging to me FOR DEAR LIFE for the first hour and a half of the party. After that, he warmed up and started running to the middle of the dance floor and, erm, dancing!! It was so adorable. I was so proud….

I also didn’t get enough pictures because it was just too much work for my sick self to keep digging my camera out of my bottomless purse…. It was also too much work for my sick self to say NO to Monkey getting a cotton candy — which, I (and my strong opinions!) think has to be the grossest excuse for candy ever invented….

You know you’re sick when…you let your daughter eat COTTON CANDY. Ew. I managed to steer the Rascal away from it with COOKIE….

Best of all, I think, has to be the picture Monkey drew at the party. I HAVE to share it….

Yeah, Happy Mother’s Day to ME. I’m the big POTATO in the middle of the picture. Rascal is the hilarious sad thing on the left (seriously? how funny is that?), and Josh is on the right…. Just when I was feeling SLIMMER (after a 5-pound weight loss, courtesy of being SICK AS DAWG), Monkey draws me LIKE THAT? A big fat potato. Oh man….

Okay. BACK TO BED.

Happy Mother’s Day, Gorgeouses!

Love!

xo Haley-O

If you haven’t already, go check CHEATY GOODIES for our EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS contest. Only Canadians are eligible for this one, but (again) the post and video will make everyone think.

I have TWO seconds here. Am VERY busy doing something I canNOT talk about…right now…. I’m very mysterious lately, aren’t I? In the meantime, I give you THIS drawing by my cheaty little monkey….

When I came to pick Monkey up from school, her (awesome) teachers pulled me into the classroom so they could show me the curious little “circles.” The Monkey claims they are “nipples.”

Also, apparently, this is a self-portrait.

And, yes, I put it up on my fridge.

Discuss.

HAPPY 65th BIRTHDAY, PAPA’SHERE!!!

Please remember to VOTE FOR MILES in tonight’s FINALE of So You Think You Can Dance. He’s my cousin. And, he’s as awesome a person as he is a dancer! Phone lines open at 10pm. MWAH! Love…. xo Haley-O

BEFORE:

Look how resourceful? The lego box: perfect for BOATING in.

The SHAG hairdo. And, a lesson in pear mastication by the MASTER himself.

AFTER:

Are you ready? I don’t think you can handle this….
Here goes….

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee! And, EYE LASHESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee!

He cried the whole time. Probably because another little boy was crying. People tell me I’m overpaying for my kids’ haircuts. But, for the Thomas The Train car he gets to sit in? I’ll pay the extra $10 any day. And, to see my little guy with this shorty-short hair cut? Eeeeeeeee! I’d pay the world. SO ADORABLE. And, he FEELS great.

Ready for the Monkey????

BEFORE:

It looks great, I know. But, it’s ALL knots. No matter how often I brush it. The hairstylist was sure to tell me there were “so many knots.” I KNOW. I’m a BAD, BAD mother. THANK YOU for pointing that out to me.

AFTER:

Don’t worry, Gorgeouses. It’ll grow back. FAST. And, I don’t care. ‘Cuz I LOVE IT! Eeeeeeeeee!!!

I soooo think I’m Mary Murphy right now with all the EEEEEEeeeees. So, you know what? EEEEEEeeeee! BOTH my monkeys get a FIRST CLASS TICKET to CHEATY’S CHOO CHOO TRAIN……..!?

I was supposed to draw myself a steaming hot bubble bath this evening to recuperate from a weekend with the kids and no Josh-O.

Josh-O got home early enough to MAKE DINNER for the kids while I GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE to buy the bubble bath (I had NONE — isn’t that sad?). When I got back, kids were fed, and it was time for their baths and Monkey’s token preschool HOMEWORK. In true Cheaty style, we waited ’til the last possible moment to do it (it’s due tomorrow). She was supposed to decorate a cut-out snowman….

It was worth missing my bubble bath for, because LAUGHTER is the best medicine for a worn-out mom. Gorgeouses? Ready? Here’s what she did…:

NEW HAIRCUT….

Okay, finished product:
Ready? I don’t think you’re ready for this….

Maybe you have to be HER MOTHER to find this HILARIOUS. I get that. But. OMIGARSH. Do I think it’s hilarious. The green circle on the top right, by the way? It’s supposed to be a flower (in case you were wondering). And, yes, that’s a doily….

Bedtime. For me. Hallelujah!

Love!

xo Haley-O

Toronto Gorgeouses: Are you planning on going to Disney on Ice this holiday? This year’s show’s supposed to be A-MAY-ZING. Check Cheaty Goodies to get YOUR SPECIAL DISCOUNT on ticket prices!!!!! Go go go!

It’s been going on two days now. So, I think it’s official: the monkey has an imaginary friend! Here’s what I know about him (I’ve been asking TONS of questions):

*He’s male.

*He’s a “monster.”

*More, specifically, he’s a “dinosaur shadow.”

*He lives in a purple and green castle.

*He goes on a “trip” at night and comes back when it’s “up time” — which is a good thing because Monkey does NOT want to sleep with him.

*He’s “a sweet guy.”

*He likes Monkey’s closet.

*He likes Monkey’s mama and dadda (phew!).

*He has a brother and a sister.

*He’s green and gold (but sometimes he’s purple and red), and he looks something like THIS:

That little squiggle there is the letter S, by the way! You can imagine how excited I was when she told me that….

…which, now that you mention it, looks curiously a lot like this:

It’s GORDO. The GREEN AND GOLD DINOSAUR we saw at the MUSEUM on Sunday! AHA! Eureka!

He looks a little different to the front, though:

In any case…. Where the heck did she get his name?

Are you ready for it?

I don’t think you can handle it….

She says his name is….

KYLO.

KYLO!

KYLO! WTF!?

She’s constantly talking about KYLO.

Kylo’s brother’s name (are you ready?) is Avillia. This changes all the time. But, KYLO is always KYLO.

So, we have a KYLO among us.

Isn’t it AWESOME!? I LOVE it.

Meanwhile…. When Monkey finished drawing Kylo for me, Rascal (waited till I was safely busy in the kitchen and) decided to draw a monster of his own…ON THE FA-REAKING TABLE….

Hrumph! Cheaty little rascal…. The KING of all MESSES.

And, yes, I’m aware that I’m the ONLY blogger NOT talking about politics. It helps that I’m Canadian. But, Josh-O and I HAVE been watching the election coverage all evening. It’s obvious who the new president will be, and I am BEYOND excited. So, I think I can go to bed now! But, I’m also very interested in seeing what happens with Proposition 2 on the California ballot…. Looks like Californians are saying a resounding YES. We do need MORE than Proposition 2. But, it’s a start. The AWARENESS this Proposition has evoked is huge.

Admittedly, we did take one break from the election coverage to watch The Tudors (much to Josh’s chagrin) — WHICH was AMAZING.

Jeremy Northam! Jeremy Northam Jeremy Northam Jeremy Northam. LOVE LOVE LOVE! We’ve been having a love affair since Emma…. He did a REMARKABLE job of playing the role of Thomas More in The Tudors. No doubt, he deserves major awards and accolades. He’s now officially one of my favourite actors. Wow…. What an incredible tribute to Sir Thomas More….

I will miss you, Jeremy…. Hopefully, you’ll come back in next week’s episode as a ghost…(just like they do in The Young and the Restless…).

xo Haley-O

I am SO sick right now, Gorgeouses. Again, like yesterday, I was OKAY for most of the day, but then, like, 3pm hit (i.e., after I taught an hour-and-a-half long yoga class), and my nose and chest plugged up, and utter exhaustion hit, chills, burning eyes, the works. And, NO, it’s not my iron levels: not all vegans are anemic, yo. It’s most definitely a COLD. Not a particularly bad one because I get on fine during the day…. But, mornings and late afternoons, nights? BRUTAL.

Enough about that! I’m going to TRY to do something constructive here. And, then I’m going to bed. Early. Just after I watch The Tudors and my recording of The Hills Aftershow because I NEED TO KNOW HOW THE HILLS ENDED LAST NIGHT! Not that it was edge-of-your seat action or anything. I’m just hooked like that. S’all.

So, the Monkey’s CRAZY about Mister Maker….

You’d probably like him, actually — he makes the CRAZIEST things, and he makes it look SO EASY, and NO-MESS. It’s a DREEEEAM!

I actually love it, too. It’s so relaxing to watch….

Anyway, we watched it this afternoon, and the Monkey was mesmerized and INSPIRED, as usual. As soon as the show was over, she got out her materials and began pretending SHE was Mister Maker. She brought as many materials as she could hold onto the couch…. Greeeeaaaat….

I don’t think so, Monkey! I managed to move her and her materials (which included invisible markers, ahem) to her little table, where she started the show….

“Thirst thing’s thirst, everybody,” announced the Monkey, “we needa cut da shapes.” The Monkey has a bit of a situation with her “F”‘s, you see. It seems they’ve taken a vacation and have been, temporarily we hope, replaced by “TH.” So, check how she sings one of her favourite songs, everyone’s favourite…, “Monkey’s on the Bed”:

“Two little monkey’s jumping on the bed. One thell oth and bumped his head!”

It’s classic. I love it. OY!

Wanna know the Monkey’s middle name? It’s “Thaith.” It’s Monkey Thaith O_____.

Ahem, AS we were saying….

“Thirst’s thing’s thirst. We needa cut da shapes, everybody!”

I’ll fill in the rest…. Next, we glue a stick….

And we’re done! An AMAZING craft in MINUTES!

AMAZING! Mister Maker couldn’t have done it better himself. RIGHT, Gorgeouses!!! Right.

On the other side of the camera, someone else is learning to draw….

Only he insists on holding the pen upside down. Poor little rascal. He’ll get it one day….

Speaking of art…, have you noticed the NEW ART at Kids Deserve Art? In addition to the fabulous and affordable genuine paintings (I’M SHAMELESS) done NOT BY ME but by a hugely talented and prolific artist in BC Canada, I am now representing Jennifer Elliot and her beautiful whoobie | fine art for kids…. Check it….

Isn’t it GORRRJ!? I’m really excited to expand the gallery to incorporate another talented artist — both to give her the exposure and to grow the business! TRAY exciting. Check out my store and see if you like the stuff! They make GREAT gifties! Thanks so much….

And, now, because I WUV you SO MUCH, I give YOU a GIFTIE…!!!

It’s….

Are you ready??….

MINDEN IN A BOWL!!!!!!!

OY! Can you STAND it?

Also, popcorn over at the KITCH….
Also, also Halloween contest over at GOODIES….

Tomorrow, I’ll feel better, right?

LOVE! xo Haley-O