“Too much film festival.” That’s what my yoga teacher said to me as I carried my mat to my spot in the hot room, alas, still wearing my gaudy rhinestone-encrusted Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on my head. One of the funny teaching assistants quipped, “I think you should leave them on.”

Yes, a little too much Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF): I’ve been sick with a cold/flu — Heather Graham’s cold — and exhausted from interviews with gorj stars on the red carpet, interviews with awesome filmmakers in the heart of downtown Toronto, transcribing all of these interviews, and I’m still recovering from my peek at James Franco and my Clive Owen birthday encounter. *Swoon!*

Now, many of you have known me for years, right? So you know that, of all the celebs in the world, Clive Owen’s my number-one celebrity boyfriend, right? RIGHT? Even if you haven’t known me for long, just look at my Twitter bio. Clive Owen is part of WHO I AM. This is serious business, Gorgeouses. And, although I write about celebrities around the clock, trust me when I say I’m not obsessed with celebrities — not one bit — except for Clive just a little bit….

So when I saw the real Clive Owen standing before me, thanks some sweet VIP tix at the Killer Elite TIFF gala, I was beside myself — waving subtly, arm extended stick straight in the air, mouth uttering I-don’t-know-what, “I love you”?

But, because I love you, Gorgeouses, I’ll share the first photo with you, which no one’s seen yet because I was saving it for you. It’s added proof that (no matter what a certain dinner-party jealous-person-who-shall-not-be-named-you-know-who-you-are might say) Clive was STARING AT ME. Ready? CHECKIT!

Exhibit 1….

Bald guy on the right is Jason Statham, by the way. And pardon the fuzziness. It’s hard to wave and take photos at the same time…. Note that there is not a crowd of people around me. I had ample space on either side of me…!

Exhibit 2….

STARE, right? Doth mine eyes deceiveth me Gorgeouses? No. There it is. Gosh, now I think I may have underplayed the stare a little bit on Celebrity Candy. Now that you see the two exhibits together, you see — RIGHT? — that there was, indeed, a stare.

What the stare was about, I have no idea. Maybe he was thinking there’s that cheaty girl from the Internet, who’s been calling me her boyfriend all these years bwah…!

Anyway. For me it was a surreal experience, like staring at a shark — mysterious, awesome, sublime. Clive.

One more thing before I leave feeling (as my favourite radio host Taylor Strecker likes to say) happy of myself. I may have had a little “too much festival,” but I’ve also been thinking about other more serious stuff lately — like the provincial election here in Ontario, Canada. Gorgeouses, those of you who’ve known me for years know that I stay away from politics because, unlike Clive, it’s so totally not my forte. But I did take to the keyboard the other day to write about an unsettling situation that involved an electoral candidate.

Sighh, I suppose, in the worst case, there’s always Jon Hamm…. But I’ll always have my stare.


xo Haley-O

PS: I’ll be posting more TIFF pics up on my Cheaty Monkey Facebook page, asap!

Photos: Haley Overland/Cheatymonkey.com