`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe….

–Lewis Carroll, “Jabberwocky,” 1872

I always imagined the reader of Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” having a lisp. But I never imagined I would ever have one…. After yesterday’s meeting with the dentist — the fifth one in the past month — it seems I may, indeed, be sporting a lisp in addition to the likely-imperfect temporary denture I’ll pop in immediately after they extract my top front tooth NEXT THURSDAY.

We had a long talk yesterday, the dentist and I. He had a whole speech prepared for me — for me, who is what he called “sensitive.” He wanted to prepare me for the reality of what’s to come this year. For it will, indeed, be a year before I have a permanent tooth in place and, we hope, a celebrity-perfect smile.

Thank God, I remind myself: not an eye, a leg, a breast. Just a tooth. Just a tooth. Just a top front tooth. There’s humour in that. There’s humour in that. Hahahahaha! So FUNNY!!!

And he put that speech in writing for me to take home and pin on my wall when things…ARE BAD. Like the lisp. (I may have a LISP for a few months.) Like a “concavity” I may develop just above the gum line. (I may have a gory smile for a few months.) Like the raised gum line on four front teeth that I’ll have for six weeks. (I may have a GORY smile for a six weeks.) Plastic surgery, baby. That’s what this is, and how very Real Housewives of Orange County of me.

I am thoooo trendy. Brillig.

It all goes down next Thursday. A test of vanity, ’tis.

BRING. IT. ON.

I may even do a party trick or two at Blogher….

Don’t let me drink.

The good news is I’ll have something to wear at night — INVISALIGN *cough* — so I won’t actually have to go to sleep toothless. Phew…..

The good news is, too, that I’m not the only GORJ CELEBRITY (heh, self-esteem in progress) who’s missing a front tooth (well, will be as of Thursday…). DEMI MOORE LOST HER FRONT TOOTH LAST YEAR AND POSTED PHOTOS ON TWITTER! Here’s the thread (via Celebitchy):

Haha @charwils65 I personally thought this look went out after you were 8 didn’t know I would be rocking it again!

Thanks @sugarhigh77 was happy to share and always appreciate the opportunity to find humilty!!! Or at least be able to laugh at myself!

Haha @questionoflife are you a dentist? No implant but thank god for modern dentistry!

That means alot coming from you thx for the love HS! RT @hotstewart Gurrrrrl!!! Own that gap in your teeth! OWN IT GURRRRL!! HOT!

lol RT @panina: @mrskutcher i bet that u’ll be the guest star in the new sequel of “LOST ” (MY TOOTH) ))

Needless to say, I’m her new biggest fan. And I may just tape these pictures on my bathroom mirror, for those dark times this coming year, when I’m cleaning my denture….

Now all I need is a pair of those sunglasses…. And a good thpeech therapitht.

LOVE!

xo Haley-O