If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know how inconsistent I can be. You know how one day I can be all obsessive about my weight, and then the next day I’m all f*ck it. One day I’m all woo-woo with the spirituality and yoga and meditation and the next I’m hard-core working woman. One day I’m watching The Bachelor, and the next I’m blown away (over and over) by Rent….
…remembering that there’s this side of me that’s totally fascinated by La Vie Boheme (and Taye Diggs – OH YEEAAAH!), a side of me that CAN live for the day – what ever happened to that?
…remembering that there’s a side of me that’s wild and eccentric and free spirited. WINE AND BEER! A very hidden side — hidden under baby blankets, responsibility, destructive habits, anxiety and neuroses….
Right now I’m all hard-core working woman — I’ve been eating, breathing, and sleeping bTrendie — partly because I’m feeling more passionate than usual about it, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering some unbloggable stuff right now, some major transitions. Right now I’m all obsessed with what I eat and what the kids eat and what the world eats — partly because I read too much, and partly because I’m having a little trouble registering that I’m not in control of every little thing in my world and the world around me….
I should tell you…, I should tell you….
I should tell you. I should tell I threw my books out just to get back in. I’d forgotten how to smile…. I should tell you I should tell you. Here goes. Here goes….
I gave them away. All my diet books. Some of my cook books. When I was pregnant and suffering from debilitating prenatal depression, the doctors came and took all my books away for this same reason.
Information — books, google, GOOGLE. It creates the illusion that you can control things. The more you know, the more empowered you are, right? WRONG. There’s such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Knowledge isn’t power when there’s too much of it. Knowledge is power in moderation. There’s also life.
So, here goes. I’m going to live in the here and now…. Yes, little voice in my head from the other day (WOO-WOO), I’m figuring it out — I’m going to try to LIVE. Which means I MUST get off my arse right now. This life’s on loan, after all. Better make the best of it while I rent it!
Well here we go…. Here goes. Who knows. Who knows where. Who goes there. Who knows. Here goes….
If you haven’t seen the movie or play (I’ve seen both) RENT, you really must RENT IT! And you also really must know that I’ll be singing this soundtrack in the car, in the shower, as I cook, and maybe even on the streets and restaurant tables for the next few weeks, no doubt. And if you think this post is all kinds of cheesy, you gotta know, that’s okay. Because it’s all about me today….
REMEMBER THE LOOOO-O-O-O-O-VE!
xo Haley-O
UPDATE: AND, OMG, I just learned on twitter that this — my favourite show (RENT) — is playing THIS WEEK at Toronto’s Canon Theatre : http://www.mirvish.com/OurShows/. How weird (WOO-WOO) is that?!
Chantal said, January 11th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Hugs Haley!
Chantal´s last blog ..One week
harrietglynn said, January 11th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Okay – I’m sold – I’m going to Rent it
harrietglynn´s last blog ..Famous Adoptee: Steve Jobs
Heather said, January 11th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
Love you Haley!
Heather´s last blog ..Where New Year’s Resolutions Come to Die
Nadine said, January 11th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Dude, I so feel you. I really, really do. I was researching land on MLS earlier so that we could live off the grid and avoid the apocalypse. Must remember to chant: The past is history, the future is a mystery, the present is a gift — that’s why it’s called the present.
Sometimes we smart, feely girls are too smart and feely for our own good, you know? We should meet for some fair trade, organic tea in reusable carafes soon and share some neuroses.
Nadine´s last blog ..Belated Christmas Post
Laural said, January 12th, 2010 at 8:38 am
So I read a book that you would HATE (it’s about butchery) but the whole point of the book, I think, is about how when you stop controlling your life and allow it to happen things work out much better.
I’d share it with you, with the exception that really – it would kill you.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately – you know saying f*ck it, and trying to accept that there’s a lot I can’t control – and just living despite that.
It’s not easy, but I’m kind of accepting that sometimes a lack of control isn’t that bad.
You’re awesome and I’m glad this post was about you
Laural´s last blog ..Cheers to You, Anonymous!
Lesley said, January 12th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Too much Google can be a bad thing I’ve learned from my own life. I think you will find yourself more relaxed without all the pressures of the know-it-all books staring at you 24/7. It must have been so liberating!!!!
I’ll be checking out Rent for sure! Have you seen Nine yet?
Lesley´s last blog ..Girls Night Out 2010
Nenette said, January 12th, 2010 at 9:24 am
geez, girl, we could be twins.
I need to do the same as you. it’s good to be informed — it’s even better to just *be*.
xo
Nenette´s last blog ..shred day 1: jillian is trying to kill me… and I think I like it.
LAVENDULA said, January 12th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
i love you Haley we must be like cosmic sisters! and i also love cheesy musicals and for sure i will rent RENT and yes too much google information is too much!!! xoxo
Teena in Toronto said, January 12th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I read a book a couple years ago about gaining yourself more time and staying stressfree. I forget what it’s called.
Anyway, one of the tips was not to read the newspaper because it hooks you in emotionally, thus stressing you out and taking up some of your time. So as cold as it may sound, I have no idea what is going on in the world because I choose to tune it out. I do read the newspaper every day but just the fun or interesting stories.
Teena in Toronto´s last blog ..Book ~ "The Cat Who Came for Christmas" (1987) Cleveland Amory
Marie-Christine said, January 12th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Hummm never seen Rent, I guess I should rent it then! The songs you posted are great!!!
As for living in the present, I think it’s the best thing to do when you’re someone who tend to be anxious. I’m sure it’ll help you!!!!! xoxox
Mel said, January 12th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Haley, everyone I know has “to do lists” but NO… not me not anymore. My to do lists were so long and because I worked full time and 4 kids to look after (all 2 years a part) I could never strike anything off – I just kept adding and adding things like…”clean oven racks – use coke” apparently coke makes it sparkle. Finally, I trashed my to do list and I am all the better for it. Appointments I mark in the Calendar thats it. The way I look at it if it is IMPORTANT I will do it or remember to do it and if I forget, well it couldn’t have been that important! My shrink (cuz I do need one) finds that concept weird but interesting at the same time.
hugs, Mel
ali said, January 13th, 2010 at 9:34 am
I have never seen Rent…the movie or the play. But Emily is singing that Seasons of Love song 24 hours a day. KILL ME.
ali´s last blog ..Snow Day
Jenifer said, January 13th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Oh Haley, I am going through a bunch of stuff and haven’t blogged in forever and man I can just relate to this post.
Take whatever path brings you peace.
Jenifer´s last blog ..Summer lovin’ and the forgettin’ is easy
kgirl said, January 14th, 2010 at 11:48 am
Never seen Rent, but I may just uh, rent it now.
kgirl´s last blog ..Miami
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