I’m having trouble writing this post. Know why? Two reasons: 1) I’m hungry; 2) I’m tired. Well, I’m not really hungry. I’m NUDGED — which is Jewish talk for “I JUST FEEL LIKE EATING.” If I’m going to get fit and fabulous, if I’m going to make the Jillian Michael’s HELL VIDEO worth it every freaking morning when I could be cuddling in my warm bed with my Rascal, if I’m going to FINALLY break old habits I cultivated to keep paralyzing anxiety at bay during my pregnancies — OVER TWO YEARS AGO NOW — and if I’m going to look SMOKIN’ hott in my tankini in Florida (where I’ll be for NINE DAYS at the end of this month — GOD BLESS MY PARENTS), then I’m going to have to stop stop STOP eating at night, like, after dinner, like, just because I FEEL LIKE IT, like, just because I’M tired and, like, because I apparently believe that keeping my mouth busy somehow helps me concentrate at night, like, on work and stuff.

If only I wasn’t TERRIFIED of gum.

So, maybe that means I go to bed shortly after dinner JUST so I don’t eat?

But, how will I get my work done? I no longer work when I’m alone with the kids. They’re DISTRACTING, and I love hanging with them. Love love love. Which is also why I’m tired.

“Monkey,” I ask, “Who are you talking to?” “NO ONE, MAMA! I’m just talking to MYSELF!”

Yes, motherhood is GOOOOD right now (except for the constant leftover preggers anxiety that just hovers there like a cat hair dangling from my eyelash — so annoying). I’m loving the ages they’re at: 2 and 4. Oy! And life is short. They grow up so fast. And some other cliche. So, I stay up late so I can enjoy my kids AND work my arse off — so I can have my cake and eat it, too. (Mmmm…. Cake…..)

Where was I?

Which is why I’m tired. And nudged at the end of the day, when they’re finally in bed, and I have a boatload of work to plow through.

AND, now, I’ve just eaten a handful of low-sodium, gluten-free pretzels and vegan hot cocoa. Not SO bad. But, unnecessary. I wasn’t hungry. Why eat when you’re not hungry? At night? WHY? I need to get to the bottom of this.

It’s not about weight, Gorgeouses. It’s about addiction and habits and moving FORWARD after my pregnancies. Maybe some counseling is in order. Or some energy work. Lots of energy work and counseling. I’ll never be my old self. And I don’t WANT to be my old skinny pre-pregnancy self. I just want to stop hiding. I want to be free of these self-sabotaging habits! Heyyy…! Who invited Dr. Phil to this party…?

So, HELP! What can I do to STOP eating at night? Believe it or not, I’ve QUIT STARBUCKS! I haven’t had a grande soy no-water tazo chai in over a week. HOORAHHH! I’ve also been exercising HARD CORE for 11 days straight. HOORAHHH! AND, I’ve been doing major yoga daily. HOORAHHH! I’m definitely patting myself on the back for all of this. But the next big thing is conquering the night eating. THEN I’ll be happy (realistically, though, I’ll probably find something else to conquer — must. stoppit.) Anyway, help?

I’ll take any advice on stopping the night eating other than GUM. Gaaaahhhhhhh GUMMM Gaaaaahhhh!

By the way, check CHEATY GOODIES for the WINNAH of the FLIP VIDEO CAMCORDER contest — it’s another fun-filled video STARRING the Monkey, the Rascal, moi and Josh-O. Enjoy!

Ooo! And, by the way, my designer spruced up my Kids Deserve Art store! NEW HOME PAGE, and I’ve lowered prices. I know — sweeeeet! Many thanks to the ridiculously talented SARA KUGELMASS (aka the brillers force behind SKART, and much more)!

Happy 2010! It’s gonna be a GOOD ONE!

Love!

xo Haley-O

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