A friend of mine said something to me on the phone yesterday that made me pause…, because it made me question my parenting. She’s very preggers, so I take it with a grain of salt. But, still.

She said that I’m the ONLY person she knows who didn’t rigidly schedule her babies. “You had NO routine,” she said, “you just followed your babies’ own rhythms and cues.” “That’s not true,” I retorted, “I was vague about the routine, but they always napped twice a day and went to bed around the same time, after dinner, bath and books….” “No,” she insisted. Blergh.

Again, if she weren’t, like, 8 months preggers, I MAY have pursued this further. But, I just got off the phone as quickly as I could because my skin was boiling, and I knew I was being oversensitive (one of my flaws, in case you haven’t noticed). But, if I am INDEED the ONLY person who didn’t rigidly schedule her babies, did I do something wrong? And, more importantly, what about now? I’m not one of those mothers who DOTES and ANALYZES and ROUTINIZES. I honestly don’t think about how I parent all that much, and I do tend to get lazy and self-absorbed. I’ve been lazy and self-absorbed my whole life — how was I expected to change that when I popped two kids out at 30+ years old?

I dunno. I do what I can every day. And, my kids are happy, loved, clean, clothed, fed, encouraged and supported. Part of me wants to make more of an effort to be more present with them. But, the other part KNOWS that I’m terribly hard on myself. I’m a Virgo after all. And any SNIFF of an insult to my parenting throws me into a fit of anxiety and self-doubt. Not good. Must work on that.

SO, probably because of that phone call, I got up bright and early this morning (Sunday) and planned a farm trip for the family. Off we went to Whittamore’s Farm. And I was determined to dote HARD on my kids and show them an amazing time. Of course, I forgot my camera at home; but, I had my GREENberry on me (yes, my beloved blackberry <<CRACK>> is sporting a green silicone cover now, like ma website — LAAAH!) — fogives the quality.

Nothing like wide-open spaces to get some perspective….

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And sweet tractor rides…. OY! Little BOYS!

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And FRESH CORN…. “MORE BUTTER, DADA!” “NO!”

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And a puppet show…. (Look how loved…!)

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And, Rascal’s LEGS! I just want to BITE THEM! I mean, no wonder some animals eat their young. OY!

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At around 1pm, just before Rascal’s nap (A-HEM), Josh-O said, “Let’s go. I’m done.” “Well, I think the kids are done,” I said, “Does it really matter if WE’RE done?” “Um, yeah, I’m done.” And, um, yeah. It matters. It definitely matters to me. We ALL have to count here. Or, we’ll just EXPLODE. Or, I will, anyway. I have. I do on a daily basis….

You know…? Sometimes I get judgy comments on this blog about my parenting, too. They’re usually cases of me being oversensitive (Virgo). But, I think I can take it now — like, as of today (please don’t test me). And I can take judgy comments from friends and family and the salesperson at Jacob. Because I know I’m a DAMN good mother. Because I do it MY WAY, and I remain true to myself. I know my flaws. I’m realistic about my expectations of myself. And, I KNOW — NOW that I think of it and analyze — that all I can do is keep loving and supporting and FEEDING, and, perhaps, be a little less selfish every day. Just a little.

Phew. I feel better now. Will call my preggers friend tomorrow and see WHAZZZZUUUP!

Love!

xo Haley-O

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