How ’bout this bedhead, Gorgeouses?
It doesn’t translate so well in photo. It’s way cuter in real life. Nor does it translate into actual sleeping. HE. DOES NOT. SLEEP. anymore.
He DID NOT sleep AT ALL last night when I REALLY needed him to. I had a BIG DAY today. I had to chair a meeting with some of the most incredible women on the internet. And I had to do it shaking like a leaf after chugging a CHAI (yes) to stimulate me into semi-awareness, semi-functionality.
And, am I making sense? Because, OMG AM TIRED!? Like, nauseous, heart-thumping tired.
Yes, I am completely sleepless right now. Except for the 22 minutes I stole in the latter part of Igor — our rainy-day/crazay-work-day movie.
Because, yes, I’m a crazay working mom. A WAHM. And a WOHM. A WAHM-WOHM. WOHM-WAHM. But, mostly WAHM. It’s official. I work more hours at home than I do at the office. I work with the macbook on the kitchen counter as I cook meals, with little monkeys pulling at my pants and fighting with each other and screaming.
My new routine working full time (in and out of the home) has been a huge transition not only for me, but for the monkeys. They are feeling it. They’re not sleeping. They’re clingy. They’re NOT LISTENING. They’re pushing the nanny away before I leave for the office: “I DON’T WANT YOU, RACHEL!” (can you imagine?). And, HE’s screaming bloody murder when I drop him off at it’sgrandma’s house — which used to be his FAVOURITE second home — or when I leave him with Josh-O while I scoot off to the gym for an hour. Did I mention NOT SLEEPING?
It’s insane, chaotic MADNESS, this life. Balance yet to be attained. Always out of reach. A constant physical and emotional struggle. Guilt. Prioritizing. Compartmentalizing. HARD, man.
But, I figured out an analogy that helps me manage my own confusion and vexation around all this: BEING A WORK-AT-HOME-MOM IS LIKE HAVING ANOTHER CHILD. All of a sudden, Mama’s still HERE, but she’s putting a lot of her attention elsewhere…. Ooo, Email’s crying! Blackberry’s hungry! Macbook needs a diaper change! HARD, man. For all of us.
But, I’ll get it right. Am determined to TRY to make everyone happy happy happy. And sleeping through the night again.
Okay, to bed. But, one more thing quickly: Monkey has her first crush…. Squeeeeeeeee!
Squeeee, yes. But, she’s not even FOUR YEARS OLD. I’m in trouble, I know. “Mama, I want to invite C. over for a pajama party,” she tells me ALREADY IN HER PAJAMAS…in the middle of the day.
GOOD NIGHT! May we ALL sleep deep and all night long tonight. Pray for me!
Also, pray for me tomorrow when I have my first Ayurveda treatment. Eeek! Nostrils are ready and waiting. Nothing will surprise me…right…? right…?
Love!
xo Haley-O
Renee said, June 18th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Don’t worry about the crush…they’re just friends who wanna be together forever. It will pass the first time they have a disagreement.
it’s the sleep thing that is bothersome. too bad that Rascal didn’t learn how to sleep with others any better or he could make up for lost time when you’re both asleep. hugs!
Heather said, June 18th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Nighty-night!
Heathers last blog post..Diseased Body of Historical Proportions
Lindsey said, June 19th, 2009 at 1:19 am
How cute is the crush? Wonder if the boy is smitten too. Owen is 4.5 and has a ‘friend that is a girl’ and he gets all giggly and shy/embarassed when I ask about her. Or tease hium. “You liiiiiikkkeee Taya”.
He was there yesterday for a playdate and said he wanted to have a sleepover there. WOAH NELLY!!!!!!
Lindseys last blog post..Out of the mouth of a 4-year-old
Jenny Talia said, June 19th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Let me know when you work out how to ‘balance’ it all without the crippling guilt.
So far, all I can suggest is red wine
Lots and LOTS of RED, RED WINE!
Hoping you get a nap in there somewhere mate!
JT
x
Jenny Talias last blog post..critter
SciFi Dad said, June 19th, 2009 at 5:38 am
I really hate changing Macbook diapers. HATE.
In all seriousness, though, it’s a change, a transition into the next stage of your life. Everyone takes to change differently, and young kids are the hardest to predict. I’m sure eventually we’ll read a post about how you miss when they’d climb all over you while you worked.
SciFi Dads last blog post..Blogs By Dads
Marie-Christine said, June 19th, 2009 at 8:14 am
The Rascal and the Crush habe the same crazy blond hair! Cute!
I’m sure the kiddos will adjust at some point (soon please), it’s just a very new situation for them. You just have to hang in there, poor Haley-O!
Big hug xoxo
ali said, June 19th, 2009 at 8:29 am
you need to leave the house when your nanny is there. It’s not fair to the nanny or the kids or your boss or yourself to try to work with everyone there. go to panera (free wifi!) have a drink and sit and work for a while. you’ll all be better for it.
alis last blog post..water progress
Haley-O said, June 19th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Wow, what’s with the double avatars! Ha! Must fix! Eek! Thanks 2.8 upgrade! Anyway, THANKS ALI. I was so tired yesterday, just added that they push the nanny away BEFORE I LEAVE FOR WORK. Because yes I absolutely get the hell out of here to work when she’s here!! It’s when she’s not here that’s the hardest – all day Wednesday, weekends when Josh works, and every afternoon…. So hard to work AND mom at same time. Hopefully, we’ll all adjust better quickly….
Chantal said, June 19th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
She has a crush! Cute.
.-= Chantal´s last blog ..Fitting it all in =-.
Teena in Toronto said, June 19th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I hope the kids get used to you being away.
That’s too cute that the Rascal has a crush
Toronto Mama said, June 20th, 2009 at 7:37 am
*HUGS*
Sending sleep vibes…hoping that I get some for myself too…
LAVENDULA said, June 20th, 2009 at 9:27 am
oh thats so cute monkey and her first crush….things will settle down and routine will form and children will sleep.it just takes time to adjust.hopefully for you they will settle down soon.XO
Mom On The Run said, June 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Awwww – Rascal looks just like Brookie when she wakes up – I love the feel of that hair!
I have no advice, Sierra’s first major crush moved to Australia and know we’re dealing with heartbreak
Visit me @ http://www.momontherun.net
petitegourmand said, June 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I agree with Ali- maybe you can try to go somewhere else for some uninterrupted mac time??
Good luck with your Ayurveda treatment.
Pure & Simple is my fav. place for facials btw.
C said, June 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
OMG! It’s been soooooooooo long since I last popped by the blog! Last time I left a comment, you were still pregnant! Gah! Time flies!
I’ve been such a delinquent blogger! Oh! I just had a baby too! Errrrmmm…well, she’s 7 months old now. *sigh* Time flies.
Goofball said, June 25th, 2009 at 5:51 am
oooooooh that picture of them holding hands is so totally cute.
Patrice said, June 25th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Agree. Being a work-at-home mom is not an easy job. We must know how to balance our time between our family and work in order to still have time to relax and sleep.