Apparently my memory is shot. Because I JUST went upstairs to check what day of the cleanse I’m on, and now I totally forget. It’s something like Day 5 or 6. But, you know what, Gorgeouses? This just goes to show that I’M NOT COUNTING! Because this cleanse is really not that bad! Truth is, I feel fantastic. Granted, I just cheated on an organic vegan cashew cookie…. In any case, to make up for my transgression, I only had THIS for dinner….

…A vegan (of course) protein salad with a no-sugar dressing — which I took out from the same restaurant I got the cashew cookie from but will not name here because the guy behind the takeout counter was MEAN, and because it’s the same restaurant where that other waiter was MEAN to it’sgrandma on Nutcracker night. Those strips on the top of the salad are TEMPEH (fermented soybeans), by the way. Good stuff.

ANYWAY, it’s Day 5/6 of my cleanse and I feel like a new woman. Starbucks (can you believe?) seems like a distant memory — like an opium den where you’d find the likes of Oscar Wilde (love love). Seriously, quit your Starbucks for a few days, and you’ll see it: there’s a whitish HAZE surrounding every Starbucks corner. A SMOKEY WHITISH HAZE. I saw it with mine own eyes when I was sitting in the car with the kids waiting for Josh to stoke his grande-one-splenda-latte addiction….

Josh: “Do you want anything?”
Me: “Tsk, no.”
Josh: “You sure?”
Me: “Oh, yeahhhh.”

Life without sugar or caffeine (or anything animal, as usual) has not been all bells and whistles, though. My emotions are fierce, and I have nothing to stuff them down with. So, I’ve become a bit of a (not-so-skinny-but-getting-there) bitch. But, don’t be afraid. You’d never know it. Because I am by nature super smiley and polite (thank you, it’sgrandma and papa’shere). Which is why, it took EVERYTHING in me not to yell at the top of my lungs to the MEAN guy behind the takeout counter: “WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SMILE?” Instead, I took the passive aggressive route: I took deep yogic breaths, and DID NOT SMILE — do you have any idea how hard that was for me? Remind me to pat myself on the back later, when I get Tigger, this fat cat, off my lap.

And, because I’m nice, I give you GRATUITOUS KITTY PICS….


MINDEN! (we call him Meeno — it’s really important for you to know that.)


It’s MAAARRRGGE! I’m, obviously, very proud of this photograph. The toilet in the background adds the perfect touch of class…. Don’t you think?


He looks just like his mama…. (Whattup with my Tyra-Banks forehead…? — well, I have always wanted more forehead….)

And, because I’m self-destructive, I give you the UGGERS-est picture ever taken of me…. I give you this for no reason other than because I’m supposed to be campaigning for your votes for BEST CANADIAN BLOG at the BLOGGIES! If you like me — I mean, YOU REALLY LIKE ME! — you can vote for me HERE!

Rascal’s blond eyelashes! Eeee! (He loves my ugly faces….) Vote for me! Thank you….

Here at Cheaty Monkey, we are no frills. We take all our pictures ourself. We really must remember to at least brush our hair before taking our pic, though….. It’s getting embarrassing….

Love!
xo Haley-O

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