Awww, look how cute they are. MONSTERS! They are MONSTERS! EVIL! HORRIBLY TERRIBLE ARRRRRGHHH! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRR!

Inhale. Into the belly. Exhale. Feel the belly press into the spine. That’s right….

I taught yoga today. I should be swimming in goodness and PRANA — THE LIFE FORCE. Magical glorious MOONBEAM life force should be flowing through me so I’m, like, glowing RAINBOW COLOURS and shooting SPARKLES from my pores (like I usually do after yoga…….).

Inhale into the belly. Exhale and let the belly meet the spine. That’s right…. That’s how you energize yourself without chai lattes. Now, curl your toes under and press up into dog pose. Beautiful….

I should be floating on air with no negative thoughts whatsoever. If my children don’t say thank you when I give them a PRESENT, it’s okay because I just taught yoga and know better than to take things personally.

Silence the ego…. That’s right…, hush little ego….

Dont. You. Cry. I cook dinner. I’m a little exhausted, so I resort to organic chicken fingers (never mind MY dinner because MAMA doesn’t need to eat because she’s a robot and feelingless — i.e., not WALL-E), but I spend a good half hour peeling and slicing sweet potatoes to make baked wedges from scratch. I steam up some broccoli, grind up some almonds to sprinkle on top, and I slice up the ole red pepper that they never refuse. I set Rascal down to a high-chair table with a little bit of everything, and he starts THROWING. EVERYTHING is on the floor. My blood begins to boil….

Breathe into the belly. Deep, hollow ujjayi breaths through the nostrils…. Cool on the way in. Warm on the way out….

Timely as always, Monkey blurts out: “I NEEDA PEE I NEEDA PEE I NEEDA PEE I NEEDA PEE I NEEDA PEE I NEEDA PEEEEEEEE!!!”

U-JAAAA-Y-IIIIIII…..AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Josh-O comes home, runs up to change so we can all “relax” and finish up dinner together. Monkey climbs out of her seat, and Rascal continues to make any mess he can.

Huff puff huff puff. Starting to hyperventilate now. Head on verge of exploding. Turning into female version of incredible hulk. It isn’t pretty.

Okay, THAT’S IT. Dinner’s over. I take Rascal up the stairs and tell Josh it’s BATH TIME and I AM DONE!

Ahhhhh…. Bliss. Turn TV on. Turn computer on. Summon kitty cat. Heart rate comes down. Breath moving down to the belly again. Purring kitty spreading calmmmmm….

And the first Terrible Tuesday of 2009 comes to a close….

Oh, but how cute is THAT? He got on the car behind her BY HIMSELF…. AND, he took some more steps today. AND, he pooped in the toilet. YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT — THE TOILET!

They may be cheaty. But, they’re MY cheaty little MONSTERS. And, I’m CRAZY about them. CRAZY. Nutty. Insane. Commit me. Sendhelpnow…!

Oh! And, I figured out why I love Starbucks Soy Chai Latte. Because I love maple syrup. This drink? Is syrup in a cup. SYRUP IN A CUP! (Clearly, am still in withdrawal….)

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