*Yes, I’m aware there’s something going on with the title of this post…. I tried to upgrade my blog software by myself. BRILLERS. And, our whole night went down the tube because of it. Down the tube? Is that right? Sounds weird. Anyway. Working on that…. Bear with…. xoxo.

[WORKING TITLE:] TO BE DECIDED…; AND, STUFF I NEED TO DO BEFORE GOING TO NYC

UPDATE: fixed! finally! GOOD NIGHT! mwah!

***

It’s Tuesday afternoon. I’m trying to write something small today, which will probably end up being BIG because that’s how things are with me. I can be a little unpredictable. Even to myself. I’m just kind of never sure about things. Never totally sure about what I want. As I get to know myself better (with age), I notice this has been a flaw of mine for a long time.

I can’t make decisions.

Can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t.

Cereal or toast for breakfast? Chicken fingers for the monkeys tonight? Or, pizza? Starbucks soy tazo chai latte WITH or WITHOUT water? Apple or banana? The black lululemons or the brown lululemons? The black running shoes or the white ones? Post about THIS? Or, post about THAT?

I never have ANY IDEA. I just can’t DECIDE!

Part of my problem is that I usually DO KINDA know what I want. I just get caught up in the effects of my choices. How will this affect so-and-so, or so-and-so. And, as a parent, I’m CONSTANTLY making choices that affect others.

It would be easy if I had a book with all the answers about motherhood, life, what clothes to wear, or how to satisfy the vegan palate in a houseful of meat eaters and milk guzzlers….

It would be easy if I had a routine to follow — perhaps one from a book — so that the decisions would be made for me and no amount of “MAMA, c’I watch TV” could coerce me out of it.

But, no. I’m an intuitive girl. I RELY on my intuition every single day, every single decision, in parenting my children.

So, I’ve been forced to develop that intuitive muscle. And, I like it. I’m starting — STARTING — to trust myself.

I AM getting more assertive. Yes. I. Can.

So, today, when it’sgrandma asked me, “Hale, I know you’re going to say no, but can I please treat you to a manicure and pedicure tomorrow — you’ll get your feet massaged, sit in a massage chair, get pampered, you’ll be able to read a book, and you don’t HAVE to get nail polish.” I SAID YES. An unwavering, unhesitating YES. And, PLEASE. And, then, ARE YOU SURE?

I love it’sgrandma.

I also love my cousin Miles (and my fancay segues) who KICKED ARSE when he danced for his life last week. CHECK IT (and ignore the captions. Dude doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Miles is a technical KING of the pop. “Snake” MY ARSE!)

Awesome, right? His partner Lara went home, unfortunately. Not sure that was deserved. Her solo was excellent. PLUS, she was probably the most gracious eliminated dancer ever. Too bad she doesn’t get to go on the tour. She and Miles made awesome partners in the end….

Monkey’s sitting with me now. Sucking her thumb and pinching the skin of my throat. Ahh, the self-soothe…. She’s been doing this FOREVER. I’m going to have a premature throat wattle, fashizzle, thanks to this. Mine is the only throat she fondles — which, of course, makes me feel beyond special. Who needs breastfeeding when you can have the throat-fondle to feel close and connected to your three-year-old? SOMETIMES she does fondle Minden’s throat, though, if I’m not available (and THAT is hilarious)….

Okay, so tomorrow I have to run around the city preparing for our trip to New York. I might as well just do this quickly, here…. Need to figure this stuff out.

1. Pick up bridesmaid dress that I had to REMAKE in 10 days (don’t ask me how much the dressmaker made me pay or I might have to kill you);

2. Pick up Monkey’s flower-girl dress…;

3. Pick up more of Pure and Simple’s Ageless foundation (my absolute FAVE — it’s like MAC’s face powder/foundation, BUT BETTER and PURER);

4. MAYBE pick up one of their eye shadows, too…. By the way, if you’ve seen me lately, I AM AWARE that I’ve been wearing a ton of makeup (for me). I’ve been practicing with different colours and shades for the wedding…. I’m doing my own makeup and hair (eek!). You wouldn’t believe the confused looks I got at my very earthy yoga studio when I walked in at 9am with a full face of makeup…. Picture GOLD EYE SHADOW….

5. MANI-PEDI. THANK YOU, IT’SGRANDMA!

6. Vegan snacks. I need nuts and stuff to carry around. It’s one thing to be vegetarian when traveling, but a WHOLE other thing to be vegan…. No wonder I’m losing A TON OF WEIGHT lately.

7. Knee highs. I need knee highs to wear with my Spanx….

I think that’s it! Not bad. I can do all that tomorrow, right?

We leave Thursday. It’s my sister in law’s wedding, by the way. TRAY exciting. I’ll take lots of pics, of course.

And, that, my dear Gorgeouses, is what you call a DECISIVE and FOCUSED blog post. Go me. Kelly Clarkson may be Miss Independent, but I. I am MISS INDECISIVE. And, you know? I’m KINDA okay with that. Or, not.

Acceptance, my dear Gorgeouses…. Acceptance.

Love!

xo Haley-O