Today I had the pleasure of talking to a LIFE COACH. I never even ENTERTAINED the idea of a life coach until I saw Carly Cooper give a talk at a mommy-baby program Rascal and I were enrolled in. I never even thought I — i.e., ME — would ever need a life coach. I can balance my life myself, thankyouverymuch. Ahem, VIRGO. But, she really struck a cord with me…. Here’s what she’s about (this comes straight from her website, Listen In Coaching, with some cheaty modifications in red):

Attention Working Moms!

Carly Cooper

Do you want it all but struggle to find a work/life balance? YES!

Wouldn’t it be great to have some “me” time without feeling guilty? YES!

Have you dreamt about making more money in a career that you love? YES! YES!

Are you sometimes frustrated because your spouse just doesn’t get what you’re going through? YES! YES! YES! Even though HE GETS IT (sort of).

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice BEEETLEJUUUUICE!!!!!!!!!

By the way, don’t hate Carly ‘cuz she’s GORJ! She’s really nice, and extremely professional (and she happens to be hilarious). I felt like I was talking to a seasoned psychologist when we addressed issues like anger and guilt — I never knew I had that much GUILT, until Carly asked me questions that really got me thinking….

I’ll talk about her service a little more on Cheaty Recommends (this weekend). I’m just amazed at how much I got out of one phone conversation with her.

The main issue I have is dealing with anger. I HATE being angry. And, it’s mostly because I never dealt well with anger growing up. I was WAY too sensitive to my teachers’, my family’s, friends’ anger. And, it’s as if I signed some sort of unconscious contract with myself NEVER to get angry at my children. Children should have days filled with flowers and cherubs and bouncy balls and butterflies, fairies, princesses, Backyardigans, rainbows, balloons, puppies, ponies and kitty cats…and JOY. NOT ANGRY PARENTS. So, when I get angry, I just go on and HATE MYSELF. And, that’s one of the worst things a mother can do. As Carly and I discussed, never mind the anger, which is totally normal and warranted among mothers!!!, what kind of example is self-hatred and -sacrifice setting for my children?

The things that make me MAD are so petty, too. Like Rascal — at least SIX TIMES A DAY — crawls over to the cat food bowls (looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame the way he crawls), LAUGHING LIKE A PSYCHO, and smacking the food and water everywhere. This, Gorgeouses, makes my blood BOIL!


MAAAAAAAARRRRRRGE!!!!

As Carly reminded me…, as much as Rascal’s cat food shenanigans make me MAD, it’s ALL GOOD. Rascal’s asserting his li’l individuality. And, that is AWESOME. I DO LOVE how naughty he is, even though it’s a pain in the arse cleaning up all his messes. He’s a little NUTBALL. A character in his own right — not overshadowed by his strong, charismatic older sister…. Yes, it’s a good thing. It’s my REACTION to the shenanigans that needs work. (Also, I could, maybe, put the cat food in a place he can’t reach…. Still, you get what I mean.)

And, how ’bout when I make a sweet dinner for the Monkey and Rascal. It’s a Saturday night. I set them up with a hot home-cooked meal in front of a movie — Stuart Little 2. DINNER-AND-A-MOVIE NIGHT!!!


Can you believe that’s HUGH LAURIE on the TV screen? He plays Stuart’s nerdy father…. LOVE!

It’s all great, but THE CHEATY LITTLE MONKEY REFUSES TO EAT HER DINNER. GRRRR!! And, he flings HIS dinner all over the living room! HISSS!!

Then, the kids are finally quiet and I go to MAYBE TRY to practice some yoga, and, of course….

…they’re all over it. I wasn’t angry about this, though. It was totally hilarious. This is more an example of how little personal space and time I have….

The conclusion that Carly and I came to was, definitely, to BRING ON THE STRUCTURE — but not for the monkeys’ sake. They’re doing fine. FOR MY SAKE. Bring on more structure in the day to accommodate ME! I have to carve time out in the day for at least forty-five minutes — when Rascal naps — for myself. And, “for myself” does not mean cleaning or cooking or working on the business. It means doing something that I truly enjoy and that EXCITES and RECHARGES ME. To think!

Carly encouraged me to make a list of things I could do during that me-time to feed my soul or, in other words, to recharge…. Here are a few that I’ve come up with:

Yoga Practice
Reading Fiction
Reading Nonfiction
Reading Blogs
Listening to Podcasts
Drinking Tea in front of the TV
Painting (this one should be higher up there!)
Cuddling with kitties

(What would YOUR list look like?)

That list probably looks SO BORING to most of you. So, imagine how desperate I am for THESE. LITTLE. LUXURIES.

The trick will be occupying the monkey during this me-time…. Hmmm, any ideas? The kid has the attention span of a, ummm, THREE-YEAR-OLD.

It’s all about feeding my soul with good, self-affirming things and working through the guilt, resentment and my deep-seated issues with anger. It’s a process that’s now in motion — thanks to a professional, objective coach who “listens in” with compassion, understanding and intelligent questions and answers to get moms HAPPY and WHOLE again. I LOVED IT! THANK YOU, CARLY!

And, by the way, the kids and I had another really GREAT day today. I am officially out of my funk. Love!

xo Haley-O

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